


Kernel Panic

by ghost_like



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Hacking, Light Angst, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Past Showki, Strangers to Lovers, Texting, because you need the angst to appreciate the fluff, hyungWON and hyungWOON are two different characters please read carefully 🙏, side Joohyuk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 90,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghost_like/pseuds/ghost_like
Summary: Hacking the laptop of the smartest guy in his class was supposed to solve Changkyun's every problem, and maybe it would have... if he hadn't hacked the wrong person.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon/Im Changkyun | I.M
Comments: 284
Kudos: 251





	1. Sunday Blues and the Curse of Monday

**Author's Note:**

> ao3 user ghost_like writing something non-spooky, straightforward, and with no threat of loss of life? it's more likely than you think.
> 
> i just wanted to write something simple and lighthearted to get back on the swing of things, pls understand 😔👊 this was supposed to be an sns au, but that's a lot of work and i'm a lazy piece of trash, so. have this. thing. whatever this is. i'm very self-conscious about it jashdjasdhak i might delete it later tbh, idk, we'll see
> 
> special thank you to sci for whining about thermodynamics at me and letting me use her big brain as reference 🥺💕
> 
> enjoy!💕

⊷⋄⊶

“You know what? I give up!”

Changkyun dropped his pen atop his notebook as dramatically as possible. Neither Jooheon or Kihyun raised their heads.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve said that in the last…” Kihyun checked the time on his phone and concluded, “twenty minutes.”

Changkyun pouted even though his friends weren’t even looking at him. “But I mean it this time.”

“Sure you do, Kkung,” Jooheon said dismissively, not even blinking as he stared at his laptop screen. “Maybe work on your music comp project instead.”

“I finished it last week,” Changkyun said, then glared at the impossible equations in front of him. “This is the only assignment I can’t get done and it’s due on Tuesday. Why is Thermodynamics a ‘thing’?”

“I don’t know, you’re the one taking Physics courses, you tell us,” Kihyun tossed back in a deadpan.

“Because it dictates the behavior of chemical reactions and processes that convert heat energy into other forms of energy,” Changkyun grumbled, then said in a louder voice, “and it’s stupid! And impossible! And the equations make no sense!”

“They don’t make sense because you don’t understand them yet,” Kihyun said, and finally looked up from his laptop to face Changkyun. “You have a big brain. I’m sure you’ll understand the equations if you have someone else explain it to you. How about your teacher?”

“The scariest person in the world? No, thank you,” Changkyun replied with a scoff. His Thermodynamics professor had made a guy burst into tears during a lecture a couple of weeks ago, and Changkyun definitely didn’t want to be the next student to run out crying from class.

“I don’t know then.” Kihyun gave him a shrug and returned his attention to his own project. “Maybe look up classes on YouTube?”

“I’ve tried that, it just won’t sink into my dumb brain.”

“Your brain isn’t dumb,” said Jooheon, sending a sympathetic glance his way. “This thermo-whatever just isn’t your thing, don’t beat yourself up.”

Changkyun huffed. “It’s not ‘my thing’ but I still need to pass this class to finish the course, and if I get a bad grade on this assignment then I’m, like, royally screwed because my grades are already pretty low.”

“Then maybe you should stop wasting time complaining about it and study instead,” Kihyun said in that way that made it clear the conversation was over. Jooheon shot him another look of pity and returned his attention to his own laptop screen.

Changkyun sighed, defeated, and pushed himself up from the floor. They were in Kihyun’s apartment, sitting around the coffee table in the living room. It was rare for them to gather at Kihyun’s place, since Minhyuk, his very loud roommate, was usually around - the same loud roommate who happened to have a complicated, on-again-off-again relationship with Jooheon. Currently, it was off. Changkyun doubted it would remain so for long - the moment Minhyuk was back in town, he was certain those two would be all over each other faster than one can say ‘codependency’. 

They did it often, though, getting together to work on their assignments even though they were in different courses. Kihyun was majoring in Visual Arts, focusing in Photography, while Jooheon was studying music production. Changkyun, too, was studying music production, but he had been stupid enough to make the ridiculous decision of minoring in Physics at the same time. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he was an absolute idiot.

Alas, kicking himself over his knee-jerk decision to study a subject he didn’t even like as a safety net if he failed as a music producer would not make his problems disappear - it would just make his headache worse.

“I’m gonna get another Coke, anyone want one?” he asked as he began moving to the kitchen.

“Nah, but can you grab another bag of chips?” Jooheon asked. Changkyun gave him a thumbs up and went on his way.

As he rummaged the fridge for another can of Coke, he pondered over his dilemma. He _could_ scour the deepest, dankest corners on the internet for someone who could help him make sense of those equations, but it was Sunday evening and the assignment was due on Tuesday - he could _not_ solve five pages of impossible equations in two days even if Nikola Tesla himself rose from the grave to give him private lessons.

He could try to convince someone from his class to let him copy the answers, but he doubted that would fly; he wasn’t exactly friends with anyone there, and the couple of people he usually talked to were struggling just as much as he was.

The only person he could think of that knew the subject well and would be worth copying from was the little darling of the Physics department, Chae Hyungwoon. Ugh, Changkyun hated his guts on principle. Everyone said he would be the next Elon Musk. Or that he would be a rocket scientist for NASA. He doubted that, personally.

Chae Hyungwoon was a tiny, mousy-looking guy with short legs, beady eyes, and a perpetual slouch, and he was— a genius. He knew _everything_ , but especially Thermodynamics. If there was someone he could copy from and ace that assignment, it was Chae Hyungwoon.

But Chae Hyungwoon was one of _those_ people who feel no sympathy for their poor struggling classmates. He would never, not in a million years, let Changkyun copy his work. He would give him the stink eye and tell Changkyun to never glance in his general direction ever again. No, if he wanted to copy his work, then it would have to be in secret.

Changkyun paused and chewed on his lips thoughtfully. He _could_ … but he shouldn’t. He was already in the administration’s radar, getting into trouble again would likely lead to him being expelled from the university, or, if he was being positive, a very long suspension.

And he couldn’t stop thinking of his mother’s face when she learned he was studying Physics. She had looked so proud of him, she was beaming. _My son, so intelligent_. He also remembered very vividly how disappointed she had looked the last time he got in trouble, and he never, _ever_ wanted to see that look on his mother’s face again. 

He was desperate, though.

Then again, he would only get in trouble if he got caught, and his mother would be just as disappointed if he downright failed the course. Cheating might not be— well, _ideal_ , but at least it meant he cared enough to not give up, right? Right.

He glanced over his shoulder to Jooheon and Kihyun. If he mentioned this idea to them, they would most definitely try to talk him out of it. And they would probably succeed.

So he grabbed his can of Coke, took a bag of chips from the cabinet, returned to the living room, and kept his mouth firmly shut.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon stretched his arms over his head and let out a long, tired sigh. He’d been staring at his laptop screen for so long there were little black dots flying around in front of his eyes - that usually meant it was time for him to take a break.

He frowned at the text in front of him. Hours of work and he wasn’t even halfway done with his Classic Literature essay. It was something that had always bothered him about himself - Hyungwon considered himself quite eloquent, but his thought process couldn’t be rushed. His ideas trickled in slowly, like an old rusty tap trying to pump out whatever mud was left at the bottom of a dry well. Or, perhaps, the ideas weren’t the problem but instead his overthinking about said ideas, the flipping them around like thought pancakes until he decided they were good enough to be served. 

Next time, he told himself, he would start working on his assignment early, and not a few days before it was due. He was a turtle, and turtles need time to work their academic magic. He made a mental note of that and put it on the ever-growing pile of identical mental notes he’d left for himself in the past.

The time on the bottom of the screen told him it was half-past ten in the evening already; if he wanted to drag himself out of bed in time for his morning classes then he should go to sleep soon. At least the knowledge it would be Monday again in a couple of hours had him exhausted enough that falling asleep wouldn’t be too hard.

He checked his phone to see if his friends had messaged him and found that, no, there was no text from either Hoseok or Minhyuk. Not that he had expected any - Minhyuk was still out at his art retreat or whatever kind of retreat he was at, and Hoseok was busy with homework of his own. He had a missed call from his mother and there was one mass-email from a professor sitting on his inbox, reminding of the due date for the very assignment Hyungwon had been working on. He decided to get back to his mother right before bed, and ignored the email - he was aware of his deadline, thank you very much.

Tragedy struck, as the laws of the universe dictate, once he dropped his phone back on the desk and reached over to save his progress. Later, he would blame his exhaustion for his distraction, despite knowing he had simply been careless. Again.

In fact, he’d completely forgotten about the cup of coffee he’d poured himself before he sat down to work on his paper. He drank about half of it, but not all - and that was his downfall.

His movement was too abrupt, too harsh, and, in his carelessness, he knocked over the half-full mug of coffee with such violence the keyboard of his poor laptop had no chance of escape. Hyungwon froze, staring at the coffee-soaked mess he’d made of the keyboard, shocked by his own clumsiness and taking a moment to believe this was actually happening.

The only reason he snapped out of it was because the coffee spilled over the edge of the table and began dripping on his lap - it had been sitting there for so long that, thank goodness, it was room temperature and not scalding hot. Small mercies.

Good thing he’d learned what to do in situations like that long ago; he had managed to salvage his laptop from water damage before, maybe he would get lucky this time yet again. Doubtful, but still.

A litany of curses tumbled out of his mouth as he tried, a little too late, to save his laptop. It was already a lost cause - the screen had gone out just before he jumped into action - but he wanted to be able to say he had _at least_ tried. He turned the laptop around to pour out the excess liquid and took away the battery to avoid a much bigger problem, before rushing out of the bedroom to find a towel and a mop to clean up the mess.

All the while, though, his main concern was not the laptop itself, but the damn essay he had to finish in less than a week. The laptop was done for, that he already knew; he could have it fixed, but that would take some time and probably a lot of money. He could work at one of the computers they had available for students on campus, but he dismissed that idea almost right away - he was never good at focusing in public, and if he was already slow when on his own, he would make no progress at all if surrounded by people. Thinking he would have to start from scratch made him stop his task of wiping coffee off his desk to groan out loud with despair.

The easiest, fastest option, was to buy a new laptop. Nothing fancy, of course - he couldn’t afford it even if he wanted to. Something cheap, just good enough to run Microsoft Word. He could do that. There was this one model that had been quite popular lately for the good price and functionality. That would do.

Once he was done cleaning up, he took his phone - which had, miraculously, escaped the coffee - and typed a message to Hoseok.

> ➤ _Hyung, are you free any time tomorrow?  
> _

As always, it didn’t take long for Hoseok to reply.

> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __i have a free period around lunch!!_ 🤗  
>  _do you need me for something?_
> 
> ➤ _Yeah…_ _  
> _➤ _I need to get a new laptop_ _  
> _➤ _Can you come with me?_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __of course!!_ _  
> __what happened to your old one?_
> 
> ➤ _I spilled coffee all over it_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> _😂 _again????  
>   
> _ ➤ 🙄 _  
> _➤ _Yes, again_ _  
> _➤ _I think the keyboard is a goner, but I’m still hoping I’ll be able to save my files_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __i’m sure you will, be positive!!_
> 
> ➤ _I’m trying to be… but I have an essay to write, I don’t have time to be positive_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __don’t worry, we’ll get you a new laptop tomorrow_ _  
> __everything will be fine, you’ll see_
> 
> ➤ 😣 _Thanks, hyung_ _  
> _➤ _I don’t know what I’d do without you_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __don’t mention it!!_ _  
> __meet me around noon tomorrow by the fountain, ok??_
> 
> ➤ _Alright, see you then_ 😥 _  
> _➤ _Goodnight, hyung_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __goodnight wonnie!!_ 💕
> 
> ➤ 💕

Hyungwon left his phone on the nightstand and reached for the small planner he kept there, where he wrote down all his tasks, all his schedules, all his assignments and deadlines. Technology wasn’t his friend and he’d learned that, to fight his clumsiness, keeping an old school planner was the best choice. No hard drive to fry. Plenty of ink to smudge, though, but at least it was less expensive.

He flipped the pages until he found his schedule for the next day and immediately frowned. He would have the time to go get a new laptop, but it would be rushed - he had a group assignment at one-thirty. _Oh well_ , he thought as he wrote down ‘ _buy new laptop’_ on his to-do list. Being a little late to his group meeting was the least of his problems. 

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun took the USB from the port with a proud smile. It had taken a couple of hours, but he’d managed to modify his trusty old application into something good enough to get him what he needed. It was a simple remote connection app, something that would allow him access to Physics Prodigy Chae Hyungwoon’s files. He would be able to see (and copy) all his Thermodynamics notes and equations, which would be much faster than trying to learn it all in 48 hours.

He would have to install the program manually, however - that was the only downside of his plan, but not one he was too concerned about. It shouldn’t be too difficult, not when he was familiar enough with his target’s routine to gain access to his laptop without being noticed.

All he had to do was wait for Chae Hyungwoon to put down his bag and leave or become distracted with something - maybe at a restaurant, or at the library. Geniuses tend to like libraries, right? Right. From there, Changkyun would slip his laptop out of his bag, install his application, make the connection between Hyungwoon’s laptop and his own, then slip it back inside its owner’s bag without anyone being the wiser.

His modifications would make sure the app would not be traced back to him, and not immediately obvious to Hyungwoon - Changkyun figured a guy smart as Hyungwoon would be able to locate and remove his app at the blink of an eye, so keeping it hidden for as long as he could would give him enough time to find and clone all the files he needed.

After he had what he needed, Changkyun didn’t care what Chae Hyungwoon did with the application. He would sever the link himself, and then the program installed on Hyungwoon’s laptop would be useless and untraceable, something he would easily mistake for one of those programs that sometimes are installed alongside another software.

The riskier part of his little stunt was really the manual installation. All he needed was five minutes. He didn’t want to ask anyone for help, because the only two people he could trust were Kihyun and Jooheon and they would _never_ , not in a million years, allow Changkyun to go through with his plan. He could do this without a lookout— no, _had_ to do this without a lookout. It was either this or fail, and his odds were better playing dirty than a flimsy attempt at learning something impossible in two days.

Grinning to himself, Changkyun put the USB away inside his backpack. He was feeling lucky.

Nothing would go wrong.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon was running late. His morning had been a mess of classes and last-minute assignments, and his trip to the store had taken much longer than he had hoped for - the curse of Monday had fallen upon him and it had fallen upon him mercilessly.

Late or not, he still made a point of dropping Hoseok off in front of the building where his next class would take place before driving over to the largest library on campus, where Hyungwon had planned to meet with his group. He had sent about five texts letting them know he was running late and apologizing already; their replies had sounded understanding, but he thought it was best not to test their patience.

His new laptop was safely tucked inside his bag, still unused - he’d only had the time to take it out of the box and turn it on to make sure it was working as it should, and then turn it off again. The thought that he would have to set it up to his liking later already made him lazy, but it served him well; maybe all the work spilling his coffee put him through would teach him a lesson about being more careful.

After checking to make sure that he had everything he would need in his bag - which made no difference because, even if something was missing, he would _not_ go back home to get it - he hopped off of his car and hurried over to the library, willing his long legs to carry him forward as fast as they could without actually running. He nearly crashed into a group of boys who had been walking in front of him in his haste, muttering apologies as he went on his way.

The library was relatively empty at that time, other than a couple of girls giggling by the fiction aisle, a boy using a computer, and the group of boys that had entered right after him. Hyungwon allowed himself a moment to rejoice on the one thing that had gone right that day. At least his group wouldn’t have to fight for one of the tables - that happened more often than anyone liked to admit.

Hyunjung, one of the people in his group, was standing next to the table they appeared to have claimed, different bags of an assortment of colors thrown haphazardly all over it. She looked up from her phone and waved Hyungwon over - unnecessary, since he was already going her way.

“There you are!” she said. “I was just about to send you another text.”

“Yeah, sorry,” he replied, leaving his own bag next to the others. “Today’s one of _those_ days, everything is going wrong.”

“Tell me about it,” Hyunjung replied and gave him a look that spoke a thousand words. “At least you don’t have your period right now, look on the bright side.”

Hyungwon snorted. “TMI much?”

“It’s a natural, perfectly normal bodily occurrence, don’t be squeamish.” She pushed her phone back in her pocket and motioned with her head towards one of the back aisles of the library. “Come on, everyone is already back there looking for something we can use.”

Hyungwon didn’t think twice before leaving his belongings on the table and following Hyunjung deeper into the library. The library was safe. Besides, why would anyone want to go through his stuff? His bag was the most boring-looking one, plain black with the university’s logo, surely a thief would choose a flashier bag as their loot. And he wouldn’t be gone for too long - five, maybe ten minutes.

He had more pressing matters to see to, anyway - his group was probably gearing up to chew him out for being late, the least he could do to appease them was work hard on their assignment. Ugh, Mondays. Mondays and group projects, and new laptops, and lost essays he had to rewrite.

 _Fuck today_ , he thought to himself. _Fuck it sideways with a buzzsaw_.

It couldn’t get any worse. At least he _hoped_ it wouldn’t get any worse.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun felt much like a spy in a movie as he tracked Chae Hyungwoon’s movements, waiting for his chance to strike. Sure, it was a lot less glamourous to follow someone in real life and, admittedly, very boring. Also creepy. Good thing this was not something he planned to do ever again.

He had been chasing Chae Hyungwoon around for almost two hours, ever since they left their shared Theoretical Physics class. So far, all Chae had done was stop at the campus cafeteria to grab something to eat, then have his lunch at snail pace, and then stop to talk to a girl for much longer than Changkyun felt comfortable watching - Chae was obviously into her and it was clear he had no flirting skills, poor guy. It felt like an eternity had passed him by when at last, Chae Hyungwoon moved on towards the library, the largest one by the Administration building. He saw him meet with a group of guys on his way there; it made Changkyun slightly nervous to know there would be more people around his intended target, but he didn’t let this new obstacle stop him. He needed those notes.

After nearly being run over by a tall guy who seemed to have been in a hurry, Chae Hyungwoon entered the library with his friends and Changkyun thought it was best not to go after them right away, lest his target realized he was being followed. He idled outside for a good five minutes, gazing down at his phone and occasionally looking around as if waiting for someone. Once he decided enough time had passed, he slid his phone into the pocket of his black hoodie and went inside the library.

Telling himself to act natural, Changkyun strolled in, peering around to make it look like he was searching for an acquaintance. He gave the lady on checkout duty a smile and a polite nod as he walked by, making his way deeper into the library. It was nearly empty, which worked in his favor - he could spot a boy using one of the computers on the far right of the room, a couple of girls talking in hushed tones as they searched for a book in the fiction section, and nobody else.

Panic spiked inside him for a moment. Where was Chae? Had he left already without him noticing?

Just as he was starting to question reality, he heard muffled laughter and, looking towards the sound, he caught a glimpse of Chae Hyungwoon entering a faraway aisle with his friends - and he didn’t have his bag with him.

This is it, he thought, this is his chance. He scanned the room and in seconds he spotted a table with several bags - one of them, he recognized as Chae Hyungwoon’s. Plain black with the university logo, the same one all students had received as a gift when they were admitted, but that few used for being so— well, dull. Changkyun used his bag to carry his clothes back and forth when he had to do laundry, in fact.

Singing the ‘don’t be suspicious’ song inside his head, he walked casually over to the table and checked the name tag on the front - the bag was crumpled and he couldn’t read the tag in its entirety, but he could definitely see the characters for “chae” and “hyung”. Good enough.

Glancing around one last time to make sure nobody was watching, Changkyun quickly opened the bag and slid out the laptop that had been resting inside. The color and model matched the laptop he’d seen Hyungwoon use in class, and with it in his hands, Changkyun walked away towards a nearby aisle, away from any prying eyes.

He wasted no time and found himself an out-of-the-way corner, plopping down on the floor and already opening the laptop and turning it on. From the loading screen, Changkyun was taken directly to the desktop.

“No password? What an idiot,” Changkyun muttered to himself, reconsidering his assumption about Chae Hyungwoon’s genius status. Eh, genius or not, he was still better at Thermodynamics than Changkyun.

The fact that the desktop was nearly empty didn’t concern him much - he figured Chae’s files were there somewhere, maybe in hidden folders, maybe encrypted. He’d find them.

He took the USB from his own bag and shoved it without much care in one of the ports, leaving the program inside installing while he took out and turned on his own laptop to finish establishing the connection.

Every little noise he heard made him flinch, his heart pounding so hard his inner ears were throbbing with each pulse. By his mother’s honor, he would _never_ do this again, not unless it was a matter of life and death, and even then he would think twice.

Hands shaking, Changkyun typed out the commands to link the two computers, nervously muttering _come on come on come on_ under his breath and looking around every five seconds to make sure nobody was coming. He really, truly could not get caught - he was on thin ice already and for a much similar reason. If he got caught hacking again—

A popup window announcing that the link had been established broke him from his concerns and he focused on making sure the program was hidden properly on Chae’s laptop before he turned it off again, shoved his own laptop back in his bag, and hurried back to the table where Chae’s bag had been. He peeked around a shelf to see if the coast was clear, and when he saw the table was still empty, he scurried over and shoved the laptop back inside the bag unceremoniously, not even bothering to close the zipper.

And after that, he turned on his heels and left hurriedly before anyone was the wiser. Now he just had to wait for Chae Hyungwoon to start up his laptop so Changkyun could clone his hard drive. Piece of cake.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon returned to the table with an armful of books and a nagging headache, ready for that day to end. If only; they had found the books they needed, now they had to actually work on the project.

The place was still close to empty, and emptying even further if the guy in the black hoodie walking briskly towards the exit was of any indication. The other group that had entered around the same time as he did were all sitting on the other side of the library, the two girls who had been looking for fiction books were at the checkout counter, and the guy on the computer was still sitting there, doing his thing.

His group took their seats on the table they had claimed, all dropping the books they had been holding on it and sighing with the relief to be free of their burden. Hyungwon was so tired that even the hard wooden chairs of the library felt comfortable when he sat down, and he would have gladly taken a nap right then and there if he didn’t have - _ugh_ \- responsibilities.

As he reached for his bag, he paused. Had he forgotten to close it earlier? The zipper was open all the way. Mildly alarmed, he checked its contents. His new laptop was there, as were the rest of his belongings. Nothing had been stolen, then - he must have left it open without noticing.

Sighing and telling himself in thoughts to keep his head out of the clouds more often, Hyungwon forced himself to focus on the task at hand. The sooner he was done with this project, the sooner he would be free to go home, take a painkiller for his headache, and eat something because he hadn’t had the time to even eat lunch. Maybe that’s why he was so cranky.

 _Really_ , he thought to himself, _fuck today._

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could you tell i was bullshitting my way through it, because i most definitely was
> 
> the plan is to update it weekly, but i make no promises
> 
> thanks for reading!💕
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/ghostlike91) | [tumblr](https://ghostlike91.tumblr.com/) | [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/ghostlike)


	2. The Curse of Monday, part II: Electric Boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to everyone who misread 'hyungwoon' as 'hyungwon', you fell into the exact same trap changkyun did 😔👊
> 
> and thank you again to sci for telling me about her hamster equation 🥺💕
> 
> enjoy!💕

⊷⋄⊶

Changkyun tried to focus on the rest of his classes for the day, he truly did. He even tried working on his impossible Thermodynamics assignment, despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to do it. His attention was scattered, though.

All he could think about was his little hacking stunt while constantly stealing glances at the time on his phone; he wanted to go back to his dorm and wait for Chae Hyungwoon to turn on his damn laptop so he could get his stupid plan over with. The longer he took to get the notes, the higher the chances Chae would notice he’d been hacked, and if he did… it would all have been for nothing. All the planning, all the sneaking, all the secondhand embarrassment of watching Chae Hyungwoon trying to flirt with a girl, it would all have been a waste of time and energy. 

Keeping his expression neutral around his friends was not too hard, but Jooheon still kept looking his way and asking if he was alright whenever Changkyun began drumming his fingers on the nearest flat surface or shaking his leg. The nervous energy had to go _somewhere_ , after all.

At least he wouldn’t see Kihyun for the rest of the day; Kihyun would see right through him the moment he laid eyes on him. He had a radar for bullshit unlike anything Changkyun had ever witnessed.

So when he finally arrived at his dorm room, he didn’t wait a second before turning on his laptop to put his plan into motion - only to be disappointed to discover that Chae had yet to turn on his own computer. He hadn’t removed the application, though. Changkyun would have known.

He _could_ sit there and stare at his laptop for an undetermined amount of time waiting for Chae to turn on his computer, but he decided to take a deep breath and act like the rational, intelligent person he was. As the old saying goes: if you stare at the water on the stove, it’s never going to boil.

Very calmly - very intelligently and rationally - he went downstairs to the communal kitchen to grab himself something to eat instead. Sure, he did so as fast as he could and returned to his room in record time, carrying a plastic cup of piping hot instant noodles and a can of soda. Not healthy, but surely nobody expects an exhausted, broke college student to eat healthy.

And then he waited. He ate his noodles. He waited. He drank his soda. He waited. He tweaked bits and pieces of his music comp project. He waited some more. He played a puzzle game on his phone and did some more waiting, until finally, after what felt like a century - but that was just over an hour or so - his laptop pinged to notify that the application had successfully connected to Chae Hyungwoon’s computer.

He nearly tumbled to the ground in his haste to get to his laptop on the other side of the bed from where he’d been sitting. His heart was pounding with the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he did his best to type out the commands he needed in order to clone Chae’s hard drive. He messed up several times, which slowed him down and pissed him off to the moon and back, but at last, he did it. 

Seeing the popup box with the progress bar on his screen filled him with such relief that he let himself fall back on his bed and go limp, his energy entirely spent after a whole day of pure anxiety. It was over, though. He just had to wait for the download to finish and he could put this entire ordeal behind him and pretend it never happened.

It would probably take a while to download all of Chae Hyungwoon’s secrets. Maybe he should take a nap. Or take a shower, then he wouldn’t have to take one in the morning, which meant he could sleep a little longer. Or maybe he could—

The computer pinged. Changkyun frowned at the ceiling. It hadn’t even been five minutes, the download couldn’t be done already. Had something gone wrong?

He sat up and scooted closer to his laptop, becoming even more confused when he read ‘Download complete!’ on his screen.

“No way,” he murmured to himself, checking to see if there had been some sort of error or a glitch, but he couldn’t see any signs that the download had gone wrong at any point. Maybe Chae’s files were simply that light, if they were all text files. Right? Right. Yes. Probably.

He didn’t quite believe his assumption, but he forced himself to calm down and ignore that little voice at the back of his head that kept saying he had fucked up. He didn’t know _what_ , exactly, he’d fucked up, but it was becoming clearer and clearer as he looked around the files he’d downloaded that he had, indeed, fucked up.

There was _nothing_. No text files, no notes, and other than the programs and folders that were the default for the model of the laptop and pre-installed, the computer was a ghost town.

“This can’t be right,” Changkyun told himself, as if saying it out loud would change the fact that he had fucked up.

He tried searching for hidden folders, encrypted data, he even went over the browsing history and the saved information in case everything he needed was tucked inside Chae’s email inbox. Nothing.

Already starting to panic, Changkyun went over his steps. He had followed Chae Hyungwoon into the library. He had found his bag, with his nametag on it. He had found the laptop, which he knew to be the same model and color as the one Chae used in class.

So what in the ever-loving fuck did he do wrong?

He started up the application he’d installed in Chae’s laptop to take a look at what he was doing - he could see everything in real-time, which was another thing he loved about his little program. Maybe Chae kept his files in an external HD. He could copy those too if he had to. No problem. No reason to panic. Everything was fine, he could still turn this around.

It didn’t look as if Chae was doing anything for a long time, the desktop of his laptop just… sitting there. With its generic blue Windows wallpaper. Changkyun tried not to think about how much of a red flag it was that the wallpaper was the default, too. _Nobody_ in their right mind kept the default Windows wallpaper.

Not even the cursor was moving. Had Chae turned on the laptop and just… left? Possible, as it was something Changkyun himself did sometimes.

Then, finally, there was movement. The cursor moved left and right for a moment, as if Chae was trying to decide what to do next. Then the Start menu opened up, and Changkyun watched as Chae scrolled down the list of applications until he stopped on Microsoft Word and opened it.

He waited a few moments longer, hoping he would see the little icon indicating an external hard drive on the tray, but again, to his disappointment and increased anxiety, nothing happened.

He weighed his options. To give up on this stupid plan that was going nowhere and fail his course, which would make his mother sad. Or…

The Word document was still open. Chae was typing the word ‘The’ at the top. There was an opportunity there, which was risky and reckless, but also the only choice Changkyun could see. He was already stuck between a rock and a hard place anyway, might as well go out swinging.

So he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and began typing. 

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon was exhausted. Yes, sure, ‘exhausted’ was his general state of being, but today it reached its peak. He was not equipped for extended periods of social interactions, especially when the people he had to socialize with were little better than strangers. Fuck group projects. And fuck whoever thought group projects were a good idea.

His first action when he got home was to order something to eat, something hearty. He felt like he deserved some comfort food after the shitshow the past couple of days had been. That done, he went to his bedroom to see how his old laptop had fared, now that the coffee he’d spilled had the time to dry.

He put the battery back and turned it over, grimacing at the sticky feeling of the power button. The keyboard was a mess - he had to clean it as soon as he had some time to spare. To his surprise and absolute relief, the laptop actually turned on. He had the briefest moment of hope, that maybe his computer could be salvaged after all, but that hope dwindled pretty fast when he tried to type his password; the keyboard wasn’t working.

Well then. Good thing he had the new laptop.

_Ugh_ , the amount of time it would take to backup all his files from the cloud to the new laptop. He wasn’t in the mood for that, and neither was he in the mood to adjust the settings of the laptop to his liking. He didn’t have time anyway, he had an essay to write.

He took the new laptop from his bag, set it down on his desk next to the old one, and turned it on. The sight of the wallpaper made him grimace - he would have to set a new wallpaper too. And come up with a password hard enough that not even Minhyuk would be able to guess; he was tired of Minhyuk going through his photos and downloading weird shit when he wasn’t looking.

Instead of jumping straight into essay-writing mode, Hyungwon turned his attention back to his old computer and began pressing every single key on the keyboard to make sure it was really all busted. He found that most rows were goners, but a couple of keys, the ones who had miraculously escaped the coffee tsunami, still worked. The touchpad, too, worked just fine after he wiped away the layer of dried coffee that had been coating it. _Yes_ , he thought. He finally managed to catch a break.

He used the virtual keyboard to type his password, and found that his files were all still there, just as he’d left them. He tried opening a few to see if they had been corrupted, but thankfully the hard drive had survived unscathed. The wifi, though… it refused to work.

No wifi, no keyboard. He could buy a keyboard, and he figured there was a way to fix the wifi issue as well, but he didn’t have the time at the moment. He looked around the folders for his essay to see if he had saved any of it, and found that about a third of it was still there. He could use a USB to move the file to the new laptop, but— what if the ports were ruined? What if they had coffee all over them and it damaged his poor USB stick too? Better not to risk it. He could type it out on the new laptop, it wouldn’t take too long. He could type fast - it was the thinking part that slowed him down, which wasn’t a problem if he just had to copy what was already written out.

Before he could get started on that new plan, his food arrived and he decided to rest and eat in peace before anything else. He hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and he was fairly sure Hoseok’s spidey senses would start going off at any moment.

Sure enough, Hyungwon had just taken his first bite of food when his phone chimed with a message from Hoseok asking if he had eaten yet. Hyungwon replied saying he was eating right now and a picture of his dinner to placate him. He often wondered what he would do if he didn’t have Hoseok in his life - probably eat a lot less without the constant reminders, and he didn’t eat much to begin with.

He ate his fill, put away the leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow, and just then returned to his room to work on his essay. It felt so strange to use a new laptop, so… uncomfortable. It was disorienting not to see his usual desktop layout, with his usual programs and files waiting for him and his old wallpaper featuring Kermit the frog.

Staring at it would not magically change the desktop, though. With a resigned sigh, he opened up the start menu and looked for Microsoft Word. Might as well get his essay out of the way so he had the time to tweak his new laptop to his liking later.

Even Microsoft Word looked foreign to him, despite the UI being exactly the same as it was on his old computer. Damn new laptops. Hopefully his old one could still be saved, so this would just be a temporary change.

He had just typed the word ‘The’ on the blank document when a new text appeared on the screen, which he had most definitely _not_ typed himself.

> hi (:

Hyungwon frowned. Was this some sort of built-in help or guide for new users? Like a newer, creepier version of Clippy? He wasn’t exactly a new user, though - he had used Microsoft Word before, he knew his way around it. He would look around for how to turn this guide off later.

He deleted the mysterious text and went about his business, continuing to type out the title of his essay as if nothing had happened, until more mysterious texts appeared and interrupted him again.

> hey  
> answer me  
> i know you’re there

_Creepy_ , he thought. He didn’t believe in ghosts, so he doubted his laptop was possessed by a poltergeist. Could he have opened a messaging program by accident…? It looked like Microsoft Word, though.

It didn’t seem as if he had any other choice to be rid of whatever this was besides answering it, so he typed a reply to the mysterious text.

> Hi?  
> Who the hell are you?
> 
> where are your thermodynamics files

Hyungwon blinked. What the fuck even _are_ Thermodynamics?

> My what?
> 
> you know  
> your essays  
> your notes  
> the good stuff

This was getting weirder and weirder, and Hyungwon was tired and absolutely not in the mood to deal with weird text looking for Thermodynamics notes. Fuck Mondays. Weird shit always seemed to happen on Mondays.

> I have no idea what you're talking about  
> Seriously, who are you?  
> How are you using my computer, I LITERALLY bought it today.
> 
> wait  
> are you fucking with me rn
> 
> Shouldn't I be the one asking that?  
> YOU are the one invading my privacy.
> 
> privacy???????  
> THERE'S NOTHING ANYWHERE IN YOUR COMPUTER FAM
> 
> I just said I bought it today, are you not paying attention?
> 
> hang on  
> you're not studying physics at all??
> 
> LOL absolutely not  
> I'm majoring in Literature
> 
> but the nametag on your backpack said chae hyungwoon
> 
> Chae Hyungwoon?  
> I'm Chae HyungWON  
> W O N  
> Like our currency
> 
> FUCK  
> DID I HACK THE WRONG CHAE???????//  
> AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN REMOTELY IN THE SAME STUDY FIELD AS ME WHAT THE HELL
> 
> You hacked my laptop!?  
> I'm so reporting you, nerd.
> 
> YOU'RE THE LITERATURE GEEK, YOU'RE THE NERD
> 
> You study Thermodynamics and hack people to steal their essays  
> It's not even a sex thing  
> That sounds like a big nerd to me
> 
> SHUT UP
> 
> Alright, nerd, spill  
> What's your name?
> 
> like i would tell you, you're just gonna report me
> 
> Fuck yeah I will, you hacked my computer  
> You deserve to be reported
> 
> pls don't i'm already on thin ice with administration
> 
> And yet here you are  
> Hacking your way into a computer that doesn't belong to you  
> That's invasion of privacy, which is illegal  
> So.  
> Name?
> 
> i won't tell you
> 
> Then fucking get out of my pc  
> I have an essay to write and you're disrupting everything
> 
> there's not even anything here for me to see, why you so pressed
> 
> Are you really asking me that?
> 
> just sayin  
> i'd understand the hurry in getting me out of your hair if you had some personal files... like you know... nudes... a porn stash…  
> but you have NOTHING
> 
> And because I'm not a pervert then that means I don't have a right to privacy?  
> Are you listening to yourself?
> 
> i'm typing, so i can't actually listen to myself
> 
> ...  
> Cute.
> 
> ;)
> 
> You can take that winky face and shove it.  
> Get out of my pc.
> 
> or what  
> you gonna kick my ass with your literature student muscles?
> 
> First of all, that's a stereotype and harmful af.  
> Second, no. I'll just have to go find someone who can track you down.
> 
> lol good luck
> 
> It shouldn't be hard.  
> I already know you study Thermodynamics, that already narrows down the scope of the search a lot.
> 
> ...ok fine that's true  
> but you still won't find out who i am, there's a lot of people in the same course as me
> 
> Probably not as many who frequent the same classes as Chae Hyungwoon
> 
> fuck  
> i can't believe i fucking hacked the wrong person  
> i'm so sorry man
> 
> For some reason, I don't believe your apology  
> Changed your tune really fast there
> 
> come onnnnnnn  
> i didn't mean to invade your privacy or whatever  
> but i'm about to fail this course  
> i'm desperate
> 
> Have you considered  
> I don't know  
> actually studying?
> 
> haha very funny  
> i can't understand the equations  
> and i don't really know anyone who can explain it to me
> 
> What about your professor?
> 
> he's MEAN  
> like  
> fucking scary  
> i ain't going anywhere near that guy
> 
> I don't know what to tell you, then  
> Other than "get tf out of my computer"
> 
> you're mean too...
> 
> You hacked my laptop and now you want me to be nice?
> 
> ok fine you have a point  
> i'm just freaking out rn  
> there's this assignment due tomorrow and i have no idea how to even begin  
> i don't have time to hack the right chae before it's due
> 
> Again, I don't know what to tell you
> 
> ugh  
> i'm really sorry  
> this never happened before
> 
> K  
> Now get out
> 
> :(  
> what is the essay you have to write about?
> 
> Nunya
> 
> ugh you're a tough cookie to crack
> 
> What do you want from me?  
> You already know I don't have what you need, so what are you still doing here?
> 
> idk
> 
> You don’t know?
> 
> just feel like staying here
> 
> After I spent the last half an hour basically scolding you?
> 
> it was a fun scolding
> 
> You're weird
> 
> not the first time someone says that to me
> 
> I'm not surprised
> 
> so  
> literature student chae hyungwon  
> how are you liking your new laptop?
> 
> It was fine until it got hacked by a nerd
> 
> :(  
> i'm not a nerd
> 
> Give me something else to call you, then  
> Like maybe your name
> 
> nice try, cookie  
> you can call me i.m
> 
> What the fuck kind of name is that?  
> Like Will.I.Am?
> 
> damn i wish, guy's a fucking talented musician
> 
> True  
> Alright, "I.M"  
> I still prefer nerd
> 
> >:(
> 
> Can I write my essay now or do you have something else to say?
> 
> so mean...  
> i'll let you work on your essay  
> i'm not unhacking you tho
> 
> Why not?
> 
> just because
> 
> ...the store better give me a refund  
> I'm taking this laptop back tomorrow
> 
> come on  
> the more we talk the more you'll find out about me  
> aren't you tempted
> 
> Not really
> 
> damn  
> really a tough cookie
> 
> I'd rather just write my essay
> 
> ugh you know what fine  
> write your essay  
> i'll be here all alone freaking out with nobody to comfort me
> 
> Maybe you should use that time to study Thermodynamics (:
> 
> HOLD UP JUST A SECOND
> 
> Bye, nerd.
> 
> :( bye

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun closed the application and pouted at his laptop screen. He’d really gone and done it. He really hacked the wrong person.

His panic had given way to a sense of danger. This Chae Hyungwon - _won_ , like the currency - could be a potential threat to him, if he really decided to find out his identity. He could unhack Hyungwon, which would _maybe_ appease him, but don’t people say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer? If he kept talking to him, maybe he could build some rapport between them, if only just enough to garner himself some sympathy. Certainly Chae Hyungwon was capable of mercy.

...Right?

Right. Sure. Absolutely.

But he could deal with Chae Hyungwon later. He knew his name, he knew he was studying Literature, so he could find out more about him and how inclined to be merciful he was some other time. Let him work on his essay - it was probably boring anyway.

At the moment, he was more concerned with how he was going to fail his Thermodynamics class. There was no time to hack the right Chae, he wouldn’t be able to learn the equations in less than twelve hours, and he was fairly certain he would not get very far by calculating how many hamsters would be necessary to generate enough energy to power up a Boeing 747 - about 160 million, if his calculations were correct - instead of solving the problems laid out on the assignment.

There was no other way around it - he was about to flunk Thermodynamics, and epically so. His grades were already terrible, and this assignment was his last chance to reach the bare minimum required to pass the class.

Better to start preparing for his mother’s disappointment when she learned her son was a failure.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Writing his essay was an incredibly uncomfortable experience now that Hyungwon knew this ‘I.M’ person could see everything he was doing. Were they watching him write? Well. They were probably bored out of their mind by now, which served them right. They deserved to be bored.

Pissed as he was, though, Hyungwon was a bit of a bleeding heart. He understood the feeling of being desperate to finish an assignment and get a good grade, and he could sympathize with the weirdo who hacked his computer. And, after everything was said and done, I.M hadn’t really hurt anyone with their little trick. They just wanted to pass their class and not do anything more harmful, like leaking personal information or gaining access to bank accounts. Like I.M had said themself, they were just desperate - _if_ they were telling the truth, that is.

He didn’t regret threatening to report them, though - he wasn’t going to, not really. He had more important things to waste energy on instead of a desperate college student who turned to hacking as a last resort to pass their course. Still, it was in Hyungwon’s best interest to keep the upper hand, just in case I.M decided to do anything funny.

And, if he was being honest with himself… he didn’t care. He was taking a completely different course than I.M, so he was in no danger of having his work plagiarized, and knowing this would encourage I.M to fuck off and leave him alone. If they weren’t bored already, they would be bored soon - everyone got bored with him eventually, with this I.M would be no different.

He doubted he would get a refund at the store, or even to have his laptop exchanged for one that hadn’t been hacked. It was still worth the try, and getting the laptop exchanged would save him from the discomfort of having to work without knowing if there was someone watching his every move.

If that didn’t work then… eh. He’d cross that bridge when he got to it. He wasn’t worried at all.

Somehow, he managed to write a good chunk of his essay before deciding to take a break. He made sure to save his file this time around, just so he wouldn’t have to start from scratch _again_ , before he took his phone to write a message to Hoseok.

> ➤  _Hyung, can you come with me to the store again tomorrow?_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __sure but why?? something wrong with your laptop????_ 😮
> 
> ➤  _Yeah_   
>  ➤  _Turns out it’s haunted_
> 
> **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> _😱

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still don't have an update schedule for this fic, but it'll probably be a weekly thing from here on - i wanted to post this chapter early because i feel like the first chapter was too short jkadshkhdakhjka 
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading!💕


	3. And he looks like that

⊷⋄⊶

“Uhm… what are you doing?”

Hyungwon gave Hoseok a look that was meant to say ‘what does it look like I’m doing’ as he motioned to the layers of tape he was putting over the built-in webcam of his new laptop. His expression probably looked a little unhinged, judging from how Hoseok backed away from him.

“I’m protecting myself,” Hyungwon said, at last, and put another layer of tape over the cam.

Hoseok didn’t look any less concerned, a needle in one hand and the shirt he’d been altering on the other. Hyungwon was aware that Hoseok was a very talented Fashion Design student and knew his way around a needle, but it always made him feel nervous to see him holding one. Maybe for how tiny the needle looked in his hand, in comparison to his massive body. Hyungwon leaned away from the needle, just in case.

“Protecting yourself from what?” asked Hoseok.

“You know,” Hyungwon said, motioning dismissively with one hand. He hadn’t told Hoseok he’d been hacked - not yet, at any rate - and he didn’t stick to the ‘my laptop is haunted’ narrative in order not to scare him too bad. Hoseok had a tendency to take this type of thing too seriously. “The government.”

Hoseok’s eyebrows rose slowly with confusion. “The government.”

“Yes.”

“And you need to cover your webcam to protect yourself from the government?”

“I don’t want them to see me dancing to Lee Hyori in my underwear.”

“You dance to Lee Hyori in your underwear?”

“No, but the government doesn’t know that,” Hyungwon said with a smug smile and tapped his temple with his index finger. “I’m one step ahead.”

“Right,” Hoseok said, still looking at him as if he had sprouted a second head. “You’re acting weird since last night, is everything okay?”

At the clear concern in Hoseok’s voice, Hyungwon couldn’t keep up the act and sighed, shoulders slumping. “I’m fine, hyung.” Knowing that Hoseok wouldn’t just leave it at that, he added, “I just watched this video on YouTube about people who hack into strangers’ webcams and I got a little paranoid.”

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either. It was... a compromise. A _temporary_ compromise.

As Hyungwon had expected, he was not able to get a refund or exchange his laptop - apparently, the guarantee doesn't cover hacking, which was some bullshit in his humble opinion. He didn't have enough energy to waste butting heads with the staff at the store, though. Instead, he turned to Plan B: preemptive measures.

He would not share his personal information anywhere on the new laptop, would not fill out any forms, or use his emails and social media accounts. He wouldn’t turn on his location, wouldn't upload the pictures he had on his phone - in fact, he would not connect his phone to the laptop at all. He would not transfer the files from the old laptop to the new one, and he would only use an empty USB if he needed to move his files. I.M might have hacked his laptop, but he refused to make it easy for them to gather more information than what Hyungwon was willing to share.

And, of course, covering the webcam with tape. He didn't lie to Hoseok when he said he'd seen videos of people who had their cams hijacked, and he didn't want to be one of them. What if I.M was lying about being a desperate college student? They might be some old dude who gets off on watching handsome young men go about their lives. He shuddered just thinking about it.

He was pretty sure there was a built-in microphone in the laptop somewhere. He would do something about that too, once he figured out where it was. Maybe stuff it with play-doh?

"I don't think anyone would hack your webcam, Wonnie," Hoseok said. Oh, if only he knew. "And I mean, it's not like you do anything weird? You just stare blankly at the screen like a zombie and yawn sometimes."

Hyungwon barely contained a snort at the accuracy of Hoseok's description. "I guess hacking your cam would be more interesting, they'd see you watching puppy videos without a shirt on and giggling to yourself."

"Hey!" Hoseok protested through his laughter. "I wear shirts!"

"Hyung, come on. You're, like, allergic to shirts."

"I'm wearing one right now!"

"You only wear them when you have to."

"I— Okay, you know what, you have a point."

Hyungwon gave him a victorious grin and ripped out another piece of tape for his webcam. Hoseok stopped him before he could add it to the layers already covering the camera.

"Hang on." Hoseok pulled up the backpack he'd left on the floor next to the couch, the shirt he'd been adjusting bunched up on his lap. He rummaged through it for a few seconds before pulling out a colorful journal. "If you're going to cover your cam, at least do it in a way that looks cute."

"I don't need it to look cute, I need it to help me protect my privacy."

"You can have both!" Hoseok protested just as he pulled a small sheet of stickers from the plastic folder inside the journal. "Here, choose one."

A short laughter escaped Hyungwon’s lips when he saw the assorted Keroppi stickers Hoseok was offering him. “When did you get this?”

“I saw it at a store a few days ago and it reminded me of you,” Hoseok replied with a bright smile. “I got it to use in my bullet journal.”

“Aw, you’re so cute,” Hyungwon cooed and pinched Hoseok’s cheek before taking the stickers to look for the best one to block his webcam.

“I also got these, they reminded me of Minhyuk.” Hoseok pulled out another sheet of stickers, these ones of an adorable corgi with big eyes and a tongue perpetually hanging out.

Hyungwon didn’t hold back from snorting this time. “Yeah, I can see how it reminded you of him. The one with the butt up especially.”

“That’s what I thought too!”

Still laughing, Hyungwon carefully took out one of the stickers from the sheet, this one depicting only Keroppi’s face - it was the exact size he needed to cover the whole camera without any of it getting on the screen. He peeled the layers of tape off and replaced them with the sticker. After staring at it for a moment, he nodded to himself.

“Yeah, it does look better.”

“Told you!” Hoseok said and took back his stickers to put them away. “Anything you do, you can always make it cute.”

“Words to live by,” Hyungwon agreed. Turning to Hoseok, he asked, “How’s that shirt going? I have class soon.”

“Oh, right, sorry!” Hoseok hurried to put his stickers and journal away so he could focus on the shirt again. “Thanks for helping me out with this project, by the way.”

“Anything for you, hyung,” Hyungwon said. “And you know I don’t mind, I mean, it’s what I do.”

“I swear you got out of the womb like you were strutting on a catwalk,” Hoseok murmured as he stitched away at the shirt. “I’ll ask your mom next time.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “You’re exaggerating.”

Hoseok stopped everything again to sigh and look over at him. He didn’t like it when Hoseok looked at him like that. “Wonnie…”

“Can we not do this again?” he interrupted Hoseok before his lecture could begin.

“Just saying,” Hoseok said, turning his attention back to the shirt. “You’re an amazing model and not just for your face. You have the _thing_ _,_ you know? You’re talented. You seem to forget that you’re more than just pretty.”

“Said my average-ass GPA and inability to maintain someone’s interest,” Hyungwon muttered to himself, but Hoseok was close enough to hear him - which he did. The moment he saw Hoseok open his mouth to say something about it, Hyungwon cut him off, “Don’t, I already know what you’re going to say.”

“Hyungwon—”

“Can’t hear you, I’m busy protecting myself from the government. Where’s the microphone on this thing?”

He heard Hoseok groan next to him with frustration but kept his eyes on the laptop, pretending to search for the microphone. He didn’t need one of Hoseok’s ‘love yourself’ speeches right now; he had enough on his plate already, his brain was overcapacity, his stress levels were through the roof. Or, well, not really, but they would be if they didn’t change the subject.

It was not something he liked to think about, about how there appeared to be something fundamentally wrong with him. How there _must_ be something wrong with him. More often than not, he felt like a Barbie doll - pretty, but doesn’t do much else than just stand there.

He didn’t consider himself empty in the head, of course - he knew, rationally, that he was smart and had a sharp mind, that he was capable of anything if he tried hard enough. He wasn’t a hollow shell. He knew that. He _knew_ _._ The problem was that he wasn’t that good with people, didn’t know how to express himself in a way that the inner workings of his mind shone through.

What the world saw was a guy with model-like proportions and a handsome face, and… that was all.

Hyungwon was a turtle - he was slow. He took his sweet time to consider things and he would rather watch things unfold instead of participating, mostly because he had the tendency to embarrass himself if he tried joining in. He didn’t like to speak thoughtlessly, because he knew he could never unsay something he said. These traits came across wrong, most of the time; people often mistook his quietness for disinterest or disdain, arrogance, or even lack of intelligence sometimes. They found him intimidating for his looks and his height, and those who decided to try their chances didn’t stick around for long.

Once upon a time, he believed he would somehow grow into someone with this amazing personality, that the James Bond in him was just waiting to bloom and spread his wings like a beautiful social butterfly, but he had long accepted that this is who is and there wasn’t much he could do to change that; lying to himself _about_ himself only hurt him, in the end.

And he knew that the right people would stick around. Hoseok and Minhyuk stuck around, and _they_ didn’t think Hyungwon was boring or that he lacked something. Well, maybe some self-esteem, but nothing other than that.

Which brought him back to this “I.M” person - if they were a person and not a very human-like bot, that is - and his certainty that they, too, would eventually get bored and leave him alone. Bottom line was, he had spent his hard-earned money on this stupid laptop and he would not let a lame-ass hacker ruin it for him. He would wait it out, and if it took too long, he figured he could go to someone who knew more about computers and ask them for help.

“All done,” Hoseok said as he cut off the thread and handed Hyungwon the shirt. “Try it on now.”

Hyungwon, glad for the distraction, got up from the couch right away to try on the shirt Hoseok had made. It would do him no good to keep thinking about these stressful things; better to focus on helping Hoseok finish his project and be on his way to his next class.

Everything would sort itself out soon enough and it would all be back to normal. He just had to be patient.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun flopped down facefirst on his bed the moment he entered his room. His hair was still wet from the shower he’d just taken, but he was so tired he didn’t have the wherewithal to get up and deal with it. His hair would stay wet.

A whole morning feeling like an absolute failure after he turned in his Thermodynamics assignment, followed by a whole afternoon working at the ramyun shop, Changkyun arrived back at his dorm smelling of smoke and broth and feeling like chewed gum. While the shower had fixed the smell, he still felt like chewed gum. Chewed gum and a failure.

He had bullshitted his way through the entire assignment and had actually used his hamster equation as a last-ditch attempt at getting a decent grade for making his professor chuckle. It wouldn’t work, he knew - he wasn’t sure his professor was even capable of smiling. He would probably have points taken away for daring to be so cheeky on a serious college assignment. 

Unfortunately, lying there wallowing wouldn’t help him feel any better - quite the opposite, in fact. What he needed was a distraction.

He lifted his head and scanned the room until his eyes fell on his laptop. Right. Chae Hyungwon. The potential threat. Build rapport. Yes, that would do just fine to distract him.

Willing his body to move took more effort than he had predicted but he somehow managed to get up and retrieve his laptop from the desk, turning right around and returning to bed once he did. This would probably be another, brand-new shade of hell - he was not good at making friends on a regular basis, he would _definitely_ not do a good job at being friendly with his mood being as shitty as it currently was. It was either that or risk being reported, though, and that risk would be significantly diminished if he got on Hyungwon’s good graces.

Besides, he could be charming. People often told him he was charming. He just had to find the switch to turn that charm On.

The notification that his computer was successfully connected to Hyungwon’s appeared the moment Changkyun powered up his laptop. So he hadn’t exchanged or returned the laptop after all. Changkyun couldn’t hold back a little scoff; it appeared that Chae Hyungwon was all bark and no bite.

Opening up the application, he was greeted by what appeared to be Hyungwon’s essay, which he was in the process of writing. He typed pretty fast, but it seemed that each time he finished a sentence, it would take forever for the next one to appear.

Ah, yes. The Essay Process. Changkyun was familiar with it. Type something, get distracted by something, type a little more, spend several minutes thinking of the next argument, get distracted, type a sentence, delete sentence, rewrite sentence, take a bathroom break, write a little more, and so on. He knew the delicate dance of writing essays. He could relate.

It seemed Hyungwon wasn’t writing anything, so Changkyun decided to jump right in and open a new Word document to message him.

> hey cookie  
> still not finished with that essay yet?
> 
> Why are you still here?
> 
> just cuz
> 
> No, I haven't finished my essay yet
> 
> damn you're slow
> 
> At least I don't hack into other people's laptops to steal theirs for not being able to write my own
> 
> ouch  
> right where it hurts huh
> 
> Just the truth  
> Don't talk shit if you're not ready to get hit
> 
> pff  
> you sound like this hyung of mine  
> he's tiny and full of hate  
> that's how i picture you  
> small and angry  
> like a chihuahua
> 
> Sorry to disappoint  
> I'm tall and don't have enough energy to be angry
> 
> oh??  
> how tall?
> 
> Tall  
> Why do you care anyway?
> 
> just curious
> 
> Uh huh
> 
> come onnnn give me something
> 
> The only thing I'll give you are the wise words:  
> "Get the fuck out of my laptop"
> 
> :( i'm not even doing anything...
> 
> You're distracting me
> 
> you should be nicer to me  
> cuz like  
> i have the ability to delete your essay at any time
> 
> You're blackmailing me into being nice to you now?
> 
> nah, just giving you a reminder that all your files are at my mercy
> 
> I'm so reporting you, just wait until I find out who you are
> 
> you'll never find me
> 
> Keep telling yourself that
> 
> i mean, you didn't return the laptop  
> so you must like my company at least a little
> 
> I tried, actually  
> They don't do returns/refunds over hacking  
> Which in my opinion is some bullshit
> 
> oh  
> ok
> 
> What, did that hurt your hacker feelings?
> 
> lil bit, yeah
> 
> Well good, about time you feel bad
> 
> i already said i was sorry.......
> 
> And yet you're still here
> 
> you're fun  
> you know  
> to talk to
> 
> I stand by what I said yesterday  
> You're weird
> 
> yep  
> but so are you
> 
> No argument here
> 
> it's a good thing  
> like  
> most people wouldn't just have casual conversations with the guy who hacked their laptop
> 
> So you confirm you're a dude
> 
> stop trying to figure out who i am!!!!!
> 
> Never
> 
> come on, i'm really not a bad person  
> i'm a desperate person  
> and i admit i made a mistake by hacking you
> 
> And how do I know that you're not trying to get chummy with me so I don't report you?
> 
> i just said i'm not a bad person!!  
> i have a conscience...
> 
> And yet  
> YOU  
> ARE  
> STILL  
> HERE
> 
> think of this as a cool story to tell  
> like "haha i met this guy when he hacked my pc by mistake!"
> 
> I don’t know what’s cool about it
> 
> fine, maybe it’s not cool  
> but i'm curious about you  
> you seem like an interesting person
> 
> LOL I can see right through your act, you know  
> Buttering me up won't help your case
> 
> i can just look for your social media  
> i know your name, chae "cookie" hyungwon
> 
> Bold of you to assume I put my full name on social media  
> But sure, go off
> 
> wait  
> you didn't login on anything online yet  
> is it because of lil ol me?
> 
> Take a guess
> 
> fine  
> i can just turn on your webcam
> 
> Go for it
> 
> what really
> 
> Yep  
> I already covered the cam with a sticker this morning (:
> 
> dammit
> 
> As if I would risk you seeing me change my clothes
> 
> if there's anything to see, that is
> 
> If you find me attractive or not doesn't matter  
> You're invading my privacy
> 
> you're just making me more curious
> 
> Fine  
> If I give you a fact about myself then you have to give me a fact about you
> 
> ugh  
> fine  
> just one
> 
> Alright  
> I'm 6ft tall
> 
> oh shit
> 
> Told you I was tall  
> Your turn
> 
> i'm... not as tall...
> 
> You'll have to do better than that
> 
> ugh  
> i have tattoos
> 
> Oh?  
> Where?
> 
> i'm not going to tell you that  
> you'll just look for people with tattoos on the places i say
> 
> So they're in visible places  
> Noted (:
> 
> fuck  
> you're a sneaky little cookie
> 
> I try
> 
> do you have tattoos?
> 
> No
> 
> why not, afraid of needles?
> 
> I just don't want any tattoos  
> And it would probably make getting work difficult
> 
> are literature jobs that strict?
> 
> I don't mean Literature  
> I work as a model to pay through college
> 
> you're shitting me  
> you're a model?????
> 
> Yeah  
> And that's another fact about myself, so your turn
> 
> wait no  
> now i HAVE to see what you look like
> 
> No
> 
> COME ON PLEASE I'LL DO ANYTHING
> 
> Even get out of my laptop?
> 
> uuh
> 
> Or give me your name?
> 
> maybe not anything  
> nevermind
> 
> Thought so
> 
> fine  
> i'm not majoring in physics  
> physics is my minor
> 
> That... actually makes me curious  
> Is your major something harder than Physics?
> 
> no... it's actually not even close
> 
> So why minor in Physics?
> 
> you know  
> backup plan  
> in case my major doesn't help me get any jobs
> 
> Hm  
> Are you an Art student?  
> That's a concern artists usually have
> 
> maybe i am maybe i'm not
> 
> Sounds to me like you are  
> You're at least in an artistic course
> 
> alright, smart cookie  
> you're not wrong  
> but i won't tell you which course it is
> 
> Fine by me
> 
> you're not curious?
> 
> I am  
> But I know you won't tell me
> 
> how are you so chill?
> 
> Lack of sleep, probably
> 
> up too late modeling?
> 
> No, writing essays
> 
> pff touché  
> but come on, show me a picture  
> i want to see if you're serious
> 
> No
> 
> i already know your name, i can just ask around on campus
> 
> Cool, do that  
> And when you find me, come and say hi
> 
> lol nice try, cookie  
> it shouldn't be hard to find you  
> if you're a model then you're prob really popular  
> at least in your department
> 
> I guess
> 
> HAH you are
> 
> I'm tall and a model  
> Of course people notice
> 
> if i find you and show you a picture will you confirm if it's you?
> 
> Sure, why not  
> No point in denying it
> 
> alright  
> give me until tomorrow  
> i'll find you
> 
> Creep
> 
> i'm not a creep!!  
> i'm just curious and like challenges
> 
> That's stalker behavior
> 
> i'm not a stalker omg
> 
> Just a smartass hacker then  
> Got it
> 
> shut up!!!!!!!!  
> i'll let you focus on your neverending essay  
> i have some detective work to do
> 
> Cool, bye
> 
> good luck with the essay, cookie
> 
> Good luck finding me, nerd
> 
> ;)

Changkyun closed the application to give Hyungwon space to write his essay and leaned back on his pillow. He had _not_ been expecting this development. Chae Hyungwon, Literature student, 6ft tall, and a model. A model. He had hacked a model.

He couldn’t decide if this was a great thing or a terrible one - pretty people tend to be scary and not very empathetic. He didn’t get the scary vibes from Hyungwon, though, not yet at least.

Fair, he was not on Hyungwon’s good graces yet, but as long as he didn’t give him any new reasons to be angry at him - besides the whole ‘I hacked you’ thing - he was fairly certain Hyungwon would come around. Maybe they could even actually become friends, and wouldn’t _that_ be something.

Changkyun probably could find Hyungwon’s social media if he tried hard enough, whether or not he was telling the truth about not using his real name - he was tired, though. He wanted to sleep right now, not go on a crusade in search of the model he’d accidentally hacked.

He already had a plan to find him, and all he needed was to speak to one person.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

“Ugh, what did that guy have on his hands, grease?” Kihyun grumbled to himself as he continued to furiously wipe the lens of his camera. “Why did he have to shove his damn finger right on the lens, next time I’ll cut off his hand and make him eat it.”

Sitting across the cafeteria table from him, Changkyun silently sipped on his coffee as he waited for the right moment to strike. Kihyun was in a grumpy mood, if his constant grumbling was any clue, so he would have to go about it with a certain finesse. Blurting out Hyungwon’s name would not fly over well. This required baby steps.

“Hyung?” Changkyun called, getting a grunt from Kihyun as acknowledgment. “You have to work with models for class sometimes, right?”

Kihyun stopped wiping his camera lens and raised his eyes to Changkyun - just his eyes. It always made Changkyun think of Hannibal Lecter when Kihyun did that. “No offense, Kkung, but even if I needed models for a project, you wouldn’t be an option - you’re cute, but you have shit attitude.”

Changkyun rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I was going to ask, but deadass, fuck you.”

“What did you want to ask, then?” Kihyun returned his attention to his camera. “Want me to set you up with a model? Most of them are taken already, just so you know.”

Changkyun took a deep breath and reassessed his earlier conclusion. Kihyun was in an _impatient_ mood, so his tiptoeing around the subject would get him nowhere. Better to cut to the chase.

“Do you know a Chae Hyungwon?”

“Chae Hyungwon?” Kihyun echoed, and for a split second Changkyun thought he would say ‘no, never heard of him’. “You mean noodleman?”

Changkyun felt hope rising in his chest again, heart quickening the slightest bit. “Noodleman?”

“Yeah, he’s long and skinny like a noodle,” Kihyun explained and raised his head to lock his gaze with Changkyun’s again. He didn’t look like Hannibal Lecter anymore, thank goodness. “Why do you ask? Does he owe you money? No, _you_ probably owe him money. He’s cheap as fuck, he would want his money back.”

“Nobody owes anyone any money.”

“Sounds fake, but okay.”

“Do you have any pictures of him?”

Kihyun’s eyes narrowed. “Changkyun…”

“It’s not anything weird!” Changkyun was quick to say, raising his hands in a display of genuine innocence. “I just need a picture of him.”

“For what?”

Changkyun opened and closed his mouth several times, and each time he did, Kihyun’s eyes became narrower and narrower, until they were only thin little slits of pure suspicion. He had dug his own grave, apparently, and the only way to get out of it was to tell him the whole story. Or… well, maybe not the _whole_ story. The edited version of the story. The abridged version.

“I may or may not have hacked him by mistake.”

Kihyun took a long, deep breath through his nose, nostrils expanding, and let the air go slowly through his mouth. Changkyun gulped, suddenly thankful he had decided to do this in a public place - if they were somewhere private with no witnesses around, Kihyun would have killed him.

“Im Changkyun, please tell me you’re joking,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun could hear how hard it was for Kihyun to keep himself from pouncing across the table to strangle him. “You know what will happen if administration finds out about this, are you out of your fucking mind?”

“It’s fine! He doesn’t know who I am!”

A muscle on Kihyun’s jaw twitched. Oh, boy. “And how do you know that?”

“U-uh… I, uh… might have talked to him.”

“Changkyun.”

“I thought he was someone else!”

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

“It’s fine! I have it under control,” he lied to Kihyun _and_ himself. “But I talked to him and found out he’s a model and I was just, you know, curious to see what he looks like. No big deal.”

“No big— you’re an idiot sometimes, you know that?”

“Yeah, I’m aware.”

Kihyun took another deep breath, a much longer one this time, and put down his camera. “You really have to stop talking to him,” he said, taking out his phone and looking for something in it. “Better yet, you have to unhack him and never even think about his name ever again, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you have to keep testing luck like this?”

Changkyun pouted at the top of the table, squeezing his shoulders and hiding his hands between his thighs much like a child would while getting scolded. “I’m sorry! I know I fucked up!”

“You sure did fuck up, and royally,” Kihyun agreed and passed his phone to Changkyun. “Here, this is Hyungwon.”

Changkyun perked up and took the phone, and he was not ready for the image that greeted him. He was expecting a handsome guy, but— oh wow. Almond-shaped eyes, full lips, perky nose. Hyungwon was gorgeous in an unusual way, his features unique and striking, and Changkyun felt as if he’d just been slapped in the face by this new awareness that he’d been talking to someone who looked so otherwordly he might as well be an alien from the planet ‘Fuck Your Genes’.

“No way,” Changkyun said, slightly hysterical and a little bit in denial. “ _This_ is who I hacked?”

“You said Chae Hyungwon, that’s Chae Hyungwon,” Kihyun said with a simplistic shrug. As if there was anything simple about the entire situation.

“Did you take this picture?”

“Yep. He’s great to work with. Quiet, polite, takes direction well, and he looks like that.”

“Are you friends or something? Like, do you hang out with him?”

Kihyun pondered for a moment, taking a sip of his own iced coffee, which had been sitting there forgotten for so long the ice had completely melted. “We get along well, but we’re not exactly friends. Who he _is_ friends with, best friends, even, is Minhyuk.”

Changkyun blinked. “Your roommate.”

“That’s him.”

“He’s best friends with your roommate.”

“Yes.”

“Your roommate, who is also Jooheon’s sort-of-boyfriend.”

“Mhm.”

He had to pause and take a deep breath himself. “How the hell does he know you, Jooheon and Minhyuk, but never crossed paths with me before? Or, like, was ever even mentioned?”

“How am I supposed to know? He’s not exactly my friend and Jooheon only knows him in passing, it’s not like we have any reason to namedrop him.”

“But look at him!” Changkyun said, shoving the phone at Kihyun’s face. “How did I not know about him!?”

“Chill out already,” Kihyun snapped, pushing the phone away from his face. “You saw what he looks like, can that be the end of it? Just unhack him and move on with your life before you get in trouble.”

“Hyung, I must reiterate: have you seen him?” Changkyun pointed at the phone screen. “I hacked someone who looks like this. And while, sure, he’s been pissed at me for it, he’s actually really nice. How the fuck is someone who looks like this,” he pointed at the phone again, “so nice?”

“My guess is that he’s dead inside.”

Changkyun sighed. “Aren’t we all.” He slid the phone back to Kihyun. “Do you have any other pictures of him? Maybe pictures you didn’t take yourself?”

Kihyun's expression turned cloudy. “Something wrong with my photos?”

“You know there’s nothing wrong with your photos, they’re amazing. I just don’t want to give away that I know you if he sees the picture.”

“Right,” Kihyun drawled out, not quite believing him, and took his phone from the table. “He has a contract with a small online clothing store, you can probably find pictures of him there without making it obvious who’s your source. I’ll text you the link.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“But you _have_ to stop talking to him, Changkyun, I mean it.”

“I know, I know,” Changkyun said dismissively. “Can you send me that picture you showed me, by the way?”

Kihyun rolled his eyes. “No, I don’t know what you want to do with it.”

That made him pout again. “You’re making me sound like a creep.”

“Stop acting like one, then.”

His pout grew even poutier. “Fine. And… maybe don’t tell anyone about this?”

Kihyun gave him a Look. “I wasn’t going to say anything either way, I’m not stupid. The more people who know, the more chances you’ll get in trouble. You’re dumb, but I love you and I want to keep you safe, so for all that is sacred to you, _stop talking to Hyungwon_.”

“Yeah, I will,” he lied yet again. His phone soon pinged with a new message from Kihyun, containing only the link to the store he’d mentioned. “Thanks, hyung.”

“Don’t thank me, I shouldn’t have sent you the link,” Kihyun said, shaking his head. Before he could continue on with his scolding, his phone began ringing and his expression went from cloudy to sunny in the blink of an eye.

Changkyun didn’t even have to ask who it was. Only one person made Kihyun look like that. “Your not-so-ex-boyfriend calling?”

“Just ‘ex-boyfriend’ is fine,” Kihyun replied before accepting the call. “Hyunwoo, hey.”

Changkyun hummed noncommittally and tuned out Kihyun’s conversation. He was more interested in hunting down Hyungwon’s pictures on the clothing store and saving them all. Damn him, one was more gorgeous than the other. Damn it. Knowing he was attractive would make everything more complicated. Damn it all. He shouldn’t have been so intent on finding out what Hyungwon looks like. Now he married the face to the bits of Hyungwon’s personality he’d seen and— 

Mistakes were made. Many mistakes.

...Unless.

No, it was definitely a mistake. Yes. Mistake.

Changkyun stared at the picture he currently had open and tried to will his eyes not to linger on Hyungwon’s lips. The shape of them was— yes. Very yes. Kihyun was right, though - he had to stop talking to Hyungwon, unhack his laptop, and forget this ever happened.

He _should_ do all of these things, but… did he want to? While he had been buttering Hyungwon up a little bit, he hadn’t lied when he said Hyungwon was fun to talk to. Fair, Hyungwon treated him like the sneaky hacker he was, which was not out of place, but he was also so _chill_ about it. He talked to him. He answered (most of) his questions and asked some questions in turn. They were cautious around each other, but Changkyun could sense no malice from Hyungwon’s side.

And talking to Hyungwon made him feel a certain way - he couldn’t quite put his finger on it, didn’t know how to categorize the feeling, but it wasn’t bad. Talking to Hyungwon had actually made him forget, at least for a while, how much of a failure he was. It made him feel a little better.

He wanted to ask Kihyun more about him; the question was at the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back and swallowed it. Kihyun wouldn’t answer and Changkyun didn’t want him to know he planned on talking to Hyungwon for a little longer. Maybe he would stop, eventually, but for now… what harm could it do?

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

> is this you   
> 

Hyungwon was taken aback for a moment when he saw a picture of himself pop up on the Word document he’d used to talk to I.M the night before - he’d saved the file, for whatever reason, and simply named it ‘I.M’. Easier than opening a new document every time, right? It made sense in his mind. It seemed I.M had a similar idea, if he opened the same file to continue their conversation. 

He sighed. Well. He’d been hoping I.M wouldn’t find any photos of him, but alas, it was wishful thinking. _Of course_ he would find pictures of him.

It’d been nice having his looks be a secret for once. There was no putting this particular cat back inside the bag, so he decided to just face it head-on and confirm without a fuss.

> Color me impressed, nerd  
> You found me
> 
> HASGDAHJSDGSAHJDGAJ  
> WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT
> 
> ???
> 
> TO LOOK THIS GOOD
> 
> Uhm  
> Thank you  
> I think
> 
> wait, are you flustered
> 
> No
> 
> omg i flustered you  
> finally a win for me
> 
> I'm not flustered  
> Just surprised
> 
> you're flustered  
> i just know it

Hyungwon rolled his eyes and shook his head. He doubted anyone could fluster him for complimenting his looks - it was the only thing anyone ever complimented him for and he was over it. He wasn’t in the mood to argue with I.M, though. Best to change the subject.

> If you say so  
> How did you find me?
> 
> just asked around  
> i know people who know people
> 
> I see  
> Good job
> 
> omg you're praising me  
> i'm winning you over
> 
> Let's not go that far
> 
> let a man dream, cookie  
> anyways  
> finish your essay?
> 
> I did, yeah  
> Already turned it in and everything
> 
> nice  
> so now you have time to befriend your favorite hacker (:
> 
> I'd rather catch up on sleep
> 
> come onnnnn  
> talk to me a bit
> 
> Are you that lonely?
> 
> no  
> i keep telling you, you're fun
> 
> I really don't believe you
> 
> i mean it  
> i like how sassy you are  
> i like your salt, cookie
> 
> Please  
> If I'm that salty, doesn't that make me a saltine instead of a cookie?
> 
> omg  
> see  
> that's what i'm talking about
> 
> I still firmly believe you're trying to butter me up so I won't report you  
> Once I find out who you are, that is
> 
> i'm really not  
> promise
> 
> What's a hacker's promise worth, though?
> 
> ...fair  
> i'll prove it to you, just you wait
> 
> Whatever you say

Thinking that would be it for the conversation, Hyungwon turned his attention back to what he’d been doing before I.M began talking to him, which was finishing up another end-of-trimester assignment. He had a book open on his lap, his old computer turned on next to the new one, and his eyes kept moving from one to the other and the other, copying notes he’d taken previously on the old laptop to the new one and adding new notes as he read the book. It was a boring process, but one he should probably focus on. I.M had certainly got tired of talking to him already anyway and— 

He caught movement in his peripheral and raised his eyes to see that I.M had sent him another message.

> so  
> are you going to tell me what your essay was about?

Hyungwon raised an eyebrow. Well. I.M sure was persistent. And not very subtle.

He should stop indulging him with his replies, even more now that the hacker knew what he looked like. It would be harder to pin down his intentions now, his reasons for talking to him when it was probably in his best interest to disappear and leave Hyungwon alone, but… he hated to admit it, he was sort of enjoying their back-and-forth.

It was a bit tarnished now, but a part of him wanted to enjoy the interest while it lasted.

Pushing his book away and kicking himself in thoughts, Hyungwon typed out a reply.

> You really want to know?
> 
> i do, yeah
> 
> Why?  
> To make fun of me or something?
> 
> why tf would i do that
> 
> I don’t know, you tell me
> 
> i can’t really think of a reason i’d make fun of you for an essay
> 
> Uh huh
> 
> come on, tell me  
> i promise i won't make fun of you
> 
> Fine  
> It was an analysis of Romanticism and its societal impact during early 19th century
> 
> oh  
> i actually know what romanticism is  
> and that sounds interesting af

It was confirmed: I.M was a fucking liar and he was _definitely_ sucking up to him.

Hyungwon scoffed and considered again just ignoring him, but before he could stop himself, he was already responding.

> It is, actually  
> And I think my essay turned out well, despite all the trouble I went through to write it
> 
> like getting hacked?
> 
> Like getting hacked  
> But before that I messed up my old laptop, which is why I had to rush to buy this one
> 
> how did you do that?
> 
> Spilled coffee on the keyboard...
> 
> ah  
> can relate
> 
> I wish I could say this kind of stuff never happens to me but I've been known to spill coffee on everything
> 
> that's kinda cute
> 
> Pff right
> 
> i'm serious  
> it's endearing
> 
> You don't have to suck it up to me
> 
> i'm just being honest  
> i think clumsy is cute
> 
> Ok...?  
> I'm not sure what to do with that information
> 
> do with it what you will  
> i'm just making conversation

Yep, that sounded exactly like what someone who’s seen a picture of him would say. Calling his clumsiness ‘cute’ and ‘endearing’, so fucking transparent. I.M wouldn’t have said anything of the sort if he’d thought Hyungwon looked like a troll in person.

He decided not to respond and instead turned to his book. Not five seconds later, another message arrived.

> i guess it would be dumb to ask if you like coffee

_He really is persistent_ , Hyungwon thought to himself as he typed a response.

> LOL yeah, I like coffee  
> Why?  
> Are you going to buy me coffee to make it up for hacking my brand new laptop?
> 
> uhm  
> no?
> 
> Thought so
> 
> i mean, i could  
> if you really want it

Oh? Now this is interesting.

Bitter as he was about it, he was absolutely not below using his looks to get coffee from the guy who hacked his laptop. 

> I never say no to free coffee
> 
> i can order for you and you can just go in and get it, i think
> 
> Cool  
> Iced latte
> 
> lol you jumped on that chance real fast  
> alright, i'll put in the order at the coffee shop right across the admin building
> 
> The one next to the convenience store?
> 
> that's the one  
> what time do you need it
> 
> My first lecture tomorrow is at 9:30
> 
> it'll be ordered by 9
> 
> If it's not there I'll track you down and report you just out of spite
> 
> it'll be there  
> just don't get used to it  
> i'm a broke college student, i can't pay for coffee every day
> 
> Noted  
> If you give me your name I'll buy you a coffee maker (:
> 
> nice try, cookie

Hyungwon chuckled to himself and focused on his assignment again. He doubted there would be any coffee waiting for him the next morning, but if there was… well.

Better not to read too much into it, at any rate. I.M was just trying to win his favor so he wouldn’t report him. Truly, buying him coffee was the _least_ I.M could do after hacking him by mistake.

He couldn’t start thinking of I.M as a potential friend. He would accept the latte - if there was a latte at all - and he would thank him, and he would not make a big deal out of it; not of the latte and not of the sudden compliments. I.M had plenty of reasons to fake friendliness and give him gifts, and Hyungwon just couldn’t see how any of it was for genuinely liking him as a person. Why would it be?

He focused on the text in the book and tried to ignore how much that knowledge stung.

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! ♡


	4. Alice and Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope nobody here feels very strongly about romeo and juliet, but in case you do, i'm sorry in advance ✌️

⊷⋄⊶

Hyungwon entered the coffee shop and stopped for a moment, scanning the store with his eyes with a healthy amount of suspicion. If - and that was a _big_ ‘if’ - I.M had followed through with his promise of buying him coffee, that meant he’d been at the store to order it. Moreover, he could still be there somewhere, watching, waiting to see Hyungwon’s reaction.

Any person in there could be I.M. The guy in line in front of him could be I.M. The girl sitting at a nearby table with the big pink headphones could be I.M. The barista herself could be I.M, and the guy with glasses who entered the store right after him could be I.M. It was making him paranoid.

Nobody seemed to be paying attention to him, though that didn’t mean I.M wasn’t there. Maybe he just hadn’t noticed he had arrived or was very good at pretending to be looking at something else. Staring down every single person at the store would likely get him kicked out, though, so Hyungwon did his best to remain calm and not let paranoia take over.

He patiently waited in line, glancing around him from time to time just in case, until his turn to order came. The barista seemed a little flustered, something that Hyungwon assumed to be a consequence of the morning rush at the shop, when everyone was in a hurry to get to class but couldn’t be without caffeine. Hyungwon couldn’t judge them - he was one of the people who couldn’t function without coffee. The girl smiled up at him, that old customer-service smile he’d seen a thousand times before, and Hyungwon gave her a polite, closed-lipped smile back.

“Good morning!” she chirped. “What can I get for you?”

“Uhm, this might be a little strange, but someone ordered for me earlier? I’m Chae Hyungwon.”

“Oh! Yes,” she said, and Hyungwon hoped his expression didn’t give away how surprised he was that I.M had _actually_ bought him coffee. “Iced latte, right? It’s already paid for, just a moment.” She searched for something behind the counter and handed it to him - an order slip. “Here you go, you can wait at the register, it should take a minute.”

“Alright, thank you,” Hyungwon said, and moved on so the next person in line could order. He wanted to ask the girl if she remembered what the person who ordered his coffee looked like, but she seemed busy and he wasn’t rude enough to disrupt her work and delay service to the other patrons.

Hyungwon saw the girl relay the order to her coworker, and as he waited, he looked down at the slip she had given him. The order was made at 8:57 AM. It was currently 9:17. Twenty minutes. I.M had been there exactly twenty minutes before. If Hyungwon had gotten there faster, would he have bumped into him? Would he had seen him leave the store, or would I.M have seen him and decided to come clean about his identity?

He doubted it; I.M seemed intent on not being found out, and from what Hyungwon had understood, he had gotten in trouble with the university’s administration before and a second offense could be very bad for him. He wouldn’t reveal himself, not unless he knew for a fact Hyungwon wouldn’t report him.

At the same time, Hyungwon wasn’t sure if he could trust I.M either - he had mentioned he could erase his college assignments, and that sounded like a threat if he’d ever heard any. While something Hyungwon would be able to deal with if it happened, it was a hassle he absolutely didn’t want or need. He couldn’t just sit back and let I.M have the upper hand; Hyungwon would not be swayed by an iced latte. If I.M needed proof Hyungwon could be trusted, Hyungwon, too, needed concrete evidence I.M was trustworthy - until then, he would hold the threat of reporting him over his head as a safety measure.

It didn’t take long for his order to be ready, a large iced latte being delivered to him by yet another flustered-looking barista, and he turned around to leave after thanking her. He didn’t make it far.

“Wait!” the first barista called, and Hyungwon approached her to see what was wrong. Had I.M not paid for the latte after all? “Here, I was supposed to give you this as well.”

She passed him a folded, bright yellow post-it note. Hyungwon accepted it, confused, but still thanked her, wished her a good day, and left the crowded store, iced latte in one hand, post-it note in the other.

He walked a few paces down the street, towards the building where his next class would take place, but stopped for a moment to see what the note said. With one hand, since the other was busy holding his drink, he unfolded the paper to see five words written in black ink.

_‘Have a nice day, cookie.’_

Hyungwon had to bite his lips to keep himself from smiling. Well then. So that’s how I.M was going to play. Alright.

He still stood by his decision - he would not be swayed by coffee, and he would not be swayed by cutesy little notes wishing him a nice day. I.M had many reasons to be nice, even flirty, with him, and none of those reasons were the right ones. I.M didn’t really care about him as a person, he didn’t even know him beyond their few conversations. Hyungwon was under no illusion that this was anything but exactly what it seemed to be - a dogged attempt at gaining his sympathy.

With that firmly in mind, Hyungwon slid the note into his back pocket, and went on his merry way to class pretending he didn’t feel a little fuzzy in the heart area.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

If Changkyun had to listen to Jooheon sigh wistfully one more time he would start throwing hands. He was thankful that it wasn’t always like this - Jooheon could, for the most part, not express his feelings for Minhyuk outwardly, but some days… some days.

For all that Changkyun wished he could have stayed at the coffee shop to wait for Hyungwon - both to witness his reaction and verify if he really looked that good in person - he had things to do and places to be. His morning was a flurry of classes and lectures and turning in end-of-trimester assignments, and he just… couldn’t stay. Next time, though; he promised himself that, next time he bought Hyungwon coffee, if there was a next time at all, he would stick around. Seeing Hyungwon in person would give him a better notion of where Hyungwon stood on the Mercy Meter. Talking to him through Microsoft Word was one thing, but there is a lot of context that can be lost through a text conversation - expressions, voice tone, mood. Actually seeing Hyungwon react to the coffee and the note would erase any doubts he could have regarding Hyungwon’s intentions. Lying is much easier when nobody can see you sweat, after all. Next time.

Next time.

And now there he was, at Kihyun’s apartment, sitting next to Jooheon on the couch and listening to him sigh. Ugh, people in love are so annoying. Was Changkyun that annoying when he liked someone? He hoped not, he would punch himself in the face if he was. 

“Why don’t you just text him?” Changkyun asked when Jooheon sighed yet again. He just wanted it to stop.

“I can’t,” Jooheon said, a pout the size of a continent on his face. “I mean, I suppose I can, but he’s at this retreat and phones aren’t allowed.”

Kihyun, who had been throwing away the empty containers of take-out they had for lunch, poked his head around the kitchen’s doorframe. “You know he’ll be back the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Jooheon said with yet another sigh. “That’s the thing. Should I even talk to him?”

“Do you want to?” Kihyun asked.

“I… don’t know. Yes?”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Changkyun commented and plucked Jooheon’s phone from his hand before he could sigh longingly at a picture of Minhyuk again. Jooheon tried to grab his phone back, but only for a second before slumping on the couch again.

“Because _he_ broke up with me,” Jooheon said. “Something about this retreat he went on, he didn’t want me to feel trapped or whatever. Feels a little flimsy in my opinion, like, if he doesn’t want to be with me, he could just tell me so, you know? No need to come up with an excuse that sounds like he’s doing me a favor.”

“Considering this retreat of his only took about two weeks, I see where you’re coming from,” Changkyun agreed, trying to keep his expression completely neutral when he realized Jooheon had been scrolling through Minhyuk’s Instagram.

Minhyuk, who is friends with Hyungwon.

He was planning on tracking down Hyungwon’s social media anyway - this was as good a chance as any. He kept scrolling through the photos until he finally found a picture of Minhyuk and Hyungwon, alongside a third man Changkyun didn’t know. Immediately, he wanted to claw at his face. The three of them were _gorgeous_. Did models just befriend other models? Because he knew Minhyuk did some modeling on the side. This third guy, too, was model material - and a total beefcake. He wouldn’t mind sinking his teeth into those arms, but this was not about his thirst, it was about finding out more about Hyungwon.

Clicking on the picture, Changkyun found that, while beefcake was tagged, Hyungwon wasn’t. It took some effort not to curse out loud.

“Look, I live with him,” Kihyun was saying, continuing the conversation with Jooheon as Changkyun continued to dig around Minhyuk’s old Instagram posts. “Minhyuk’s brain operates in mysterious ways, but if he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t make up excuses to explain himself. He’d just tell you.”

Kihyun came out of the kitchen, pulling down his sleeves from where they had been bunched up around his elbows and plopping down next to Changkyun on the couch. Changkyun tensed up, but tried to cover it up by scooting away under the pretext of opening up more space for Kihyun to sit comfortably. Kihyun didn’t seem to have noticed anything odd, his attention still on Jooheon. Changkyun scrolled a little faster.

“I don’t know… If he really doesn’t want to be with me, should I keep chasing after him?” Jooheon asked. Changkyun opened another picture of Minhyuk with Hyungwon. Again, Hyungwon wasn’t tagged, which supported his theory that Hyungwon didn’t own an Instagram account. Dammit. “I don’t want him to think I’ll always come running back to him.”

“You want my honest opinion?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun closed Instagram and opened Twitter instead, making sure to angle the phone in a way Kihyun wouldn’t be able to see the screen. “I think that, when he gets home on Friday, the first thing he’ll do is try to contact you.”

Jooheon sighed. Again. If he wasn’t so intent on finding Hyungwon’s Twitter, Changkyun would have shoved the phone down his friend’s throat. He opened Jooheon’s ‘following’ page and began scrolling in search of Minhyuk. “Even if he contacts me,” Jooheon continued, “should I give him another chance?”

“That’s for you to decide,” Kihyun said with a shrug. Changkyun found Minhyuk’s Twitter profile, opened it, and went straight to his ‘followers’ page. “You obviously like him - for reasons I can’t really understand, but you do. You’re good for him. Not sure he’s good enough for you, but that’s none of my business.”

Changkyun scrolled slowly, reading the display names one by one and taking a good look at the icons. Hyungwon didn't use his full name online, so this would take some attention.

“Come on, he’s not _that_ bad,” Jooheon argued, laughter in his voice. “He just has a— _colorful_ personality.”

“You’re so whipped,” Kihyun tossed back, also laughing. “But really, Honey, you two like each other and you’re both adults, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out.”

Changkyun was hardly paying attention anymore. Faster than he’d ever expected, his eyes landed on a picture of Hyungwon - one he had to do a double-take to make sure it was him, because, in this picture, he was wearing large, thick-framed glasses that covered a good amount of his face, and not looking at all like the fairytale prince he’d seen in the clothing store’s photos. He looked… so fucking _cute_ . He was expecting drop-dead gorgeous, he hadn’t been prepared for _cute_. Damn him. It’s like there was a brand new trap waiting for him at every turn.

He clicked on the picture, which took him to a profile with the username ‘h_one’. The display name consisted of three turtle emojis. The header was a picture of that one Kermit the Frog meme with the tea, and the bio simply said ‘but that’s none of my business’ in allusion to the same prehistoric meme. He clicked on the picture again to enlarge it, and yes, it was definitely cute, and it was definitely Hyungwon.

Moving on to Hyungwon’s tweets, Changkyun discovered that, while Hyungwon didn’t seem to use his Twitter much, whenever he decided to tweet something, it was snarky and witty and hilarious. Most of it consisted of commentary about how exhausted he was, which, yes, relatable. He had to bite his lips not to burst out laughing at one tweet that read ‘I’m so tired that if I lift my arms God will pull me up’.

There was no tweet alluding to him, Changkyun noticed - no commentary about hackers or lattes or post-it notes, which was both relieving and a tiny bit disappointing. He moved on to the media Hyungwon had shared, expecting - _hoping_ \- to find some selcas or even videos of Hyungwon, but it didn’t look as if he was big on posting pictures of himself. In fact, all Changkyun saw on the media page were memes. While, sure, those were some high quality memes which he had every intention of saving later, it struck him as odd to find no pictures of the man himself. Beautiful people usually like taking photos of themselves, right? And Hyungwon was a model, he made a living by having his pictures taken, so… what gives?

“You’re awfully quiet.”

Changkyun flinched and quickly closed all the applications he’d opened before Kihyun could see what he was doing. It seemed it was a bit too late for that, though.

Kihyun was staring at him with a knowing look in his eyes when Changkyun finally looked up. He tried to look as innocent as he possibly could, even knowing it would be for nothing. “I was distracted looking at something on Honey’s phone.”

“Oh,” Jooheon said warily. “Hopefully not Minhyuk’s nudes.”

Changkyun yelped with disgust and tossed Jooheon’s phone back to him. Kihyun continued to stare him down.

“What made you so distracted?”

“Just— you know. Minhyuk has some interesting pictures on Instagram.”

“Uh-huh.”

Kihyun was staring at him in a way that clearly said ‘I know what you’re doing’, while Jooheon had gone back to looking through Minhyuk’s pictures on his phone, oblivious to their exchange.

“He does!” Changkyun insisted. “His paintings are pretty, I was just looking at them.” 

“His paintings really are pretty,” Jooheon agreed wistfully. Kihyun rolled his eyes.

“See? Honey gets it.” Changkyun pushed himself up from the couch and straightened up his clothes, getting ready to make his escape. “And I have class soon, so I’ll be on my way.”

“Changkyun…”

“I have class too, I’ll come with,” Jooheon said, and Changkyun shot Kihyun a cheeky grin trying to communicate a loud and clear ‘hah, you can’t scold me right now, I win’. Kihyun didn’t look impressed. “Thanks for having us over, hyung,” Jooheon said, still unaware of the silent argument happening between them. 

Kihyun sighed, resigned to throwing the towel this time around, and Changkyun barely held back a breath of relief. “Anytime, Honey. You two be careful on your way to campus.”

“We always are,” Changkyun said, and sidled up to Kihyun to give him a painful smooch on the cheek. Kihyun tried to escape, but the moment he was free of Changkyun, Jooheon was already on the other side of him smooching his other cheek.

Not wanting to give Kihyun a chance to pull him aside, Changkyun hurried to the door to put on his shoes. Kihyun wouldn’t bring up Hyungwon in front of Jooheon, which was a comfort, but still. Better to be gone.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

> ➤ _Help, I need an adult_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __You’re in luck, I’m still on my break._ _  
> __I have a few minutes._ _  
> __What’s wrong, Ki?_
> 
> ➤ _Jooheon and Changkyun, as always_ _  
> _➤ _It feels like I’m babysitting two idiots_ _  
> _➤ _One is a lovesick idiot and the other is just an idiot_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __Hahaha_ 🤣 _What makes you say that?_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Jooheon is pining over Minhyuk again, and Changkyun did something stupid_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __What did he do?_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _I’d rather not say through text, just know that it’s bad and potentially dangerous for him_ _  
> _➤ _I tried giving him advice, but do you think he listened? No. He’s STILL being an idiot._ _  
> _➤ _I’m sorry for being vague about everything, Nunu_ _  
> _➤ _I just had to vent_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __I know, Ki._ _  
> __I’m familiar with how your uptight brain works by now._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Very funny_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _😜 _  
> __  
> _➤ _Anyways, sorry for bugging you with this_ _  
> _➤ _Sometimes I just need to talk to you, I guess_ _  
> _➤ _Or AT you, in this case_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __You don’t have to apologize, you know that._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _I know_ _  
> _➤ _I just don’t want to put you in this position of having to listen to me all the time_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __It’s hardly all the time._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Still…_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __And I like listening to you._ _  
> __I’ve got to get back to work now but are you free tonight?_ _  
> __You can come over to my place, I’ll make us dinner and you can vent properly._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _That would be great, yeah_ _  
> _➤ _Thank you_ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __You don’t have to thank me, we haven’t hung out in ages._ _  
> __I want to see you too._ _  
> __Around 8?_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Sounds good_ ☺️ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __I’ll see you then._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Have a good day at work_ ♥️ _  
> __  
> _**Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> __You too._ ❤️

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Lounging on his bed with his laptop in front of him, Changkyun continued to explore Hyungwon’s Twitter account. It had been another long day filled with anxious energy and that itch to keep exploring the mystery that was the person he hacked by mistake.

How funny things can turn out to be - had he hacked the correct Chae, Changkyun would now have a shot at passing his Thermodynamics course and would be probably taking a nap. Instead, he was _definitely_ failing the course, but, on the flipside, had been introduced to a stranger who was turning out to be quite the intriguing subject matter. Hyungwon was this big tangle of contradiction he wanted to unravel, because he somehow kept missing the bigger picture.

He would not be this invested had he hacked Chae Hyungwoon, not in a million years.

And there he was, falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of Hyungwon’s tweets, him Alice and Hyungwon the Wonderland, and a Literature student would certainly appreciate the analogy. Maybe he’d share it with him someday.

Alas, they were not at that stage of acquaintanceship yet. They were at the ‘testing the waters’ stage, and who fucking knows if they will ever move forward, all things considered. Hyungwon was still technically the enemy - all it would take for Changkyun to be royally screwed was a single slip up that led Hyungwon to find out his identity. Kihyun was right when he told him to stop talking to Hyungwon, and he should follow that advice without a second thought.

And yet Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to close the tab of Hyungwon’s Twitter. The more he read, the more the tangle unraveled - Hyungwon didn’t make very personal tweets, which was… actually quite refreshing. He didn’t overshare like most are wont to do. However, at the same time Changkyun considered this a good thing, it was also maddening since it meant there was no deeper insight to be had. Hyungwon remained a mystery, no matter how many tweets of his Changkyun read.

That was not to say he found nothing of note, of course - while Hyungwon’s tweets weren’t insightful, some of his retweets were. Most of them came from accounts focused on literature, and one that had stood out to Changkyun was a quote by Tolstoy: _“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”_

That Hyungwon, someone who was objectively beautiful and aware of such to the point he worked as a model, had retweeted this quote could be interpreted a number of ways. He could be trying to be fake-humble; he could be making a commentary on society’s perception of beauty; he could be expressing bitterness regarding his own experience as someone beautiful; he could be dropping indirect tweets at someone who needed to be taken down a peg; or he could just like the quote. The possibilities were many and they were all over the place, and without the real context, Changkyun would likely never know.

He was also incredibly amused by how incensed Hyungwon got over ‘Romeo and Juliet’, something that began as a single tweet but that slowly devolved into an entire thread of him ranting about how very stupid the characters are and how pissed he got anytime someone called it ‘the greatest love story of all time’. The salt was very pointed in those tweets, and Changkyun was living for it.

_‘Juliet was 13 and Romeo had the mental age of 5, COME ON’_ , said Hyungwon in one of the tweets, as well as _‘someone who drinks poison because their partner of four days is (fake) dead does Not deserve rights at all’_ , and also _‘just because you see a pretty girl and get a boner does not mean you’re in love and is Not a good basis for marriage’._ And yes, Changkyun agreed, Hyungwon was right in all of his arguments.

‘ _The greatest love story of all time should be centered around character growth and how they develop with each other, and not only around the hurdles they have to cross to be together. It should leave a better example instead of ‘if you love someone, you should be willing to die to be with them without a second thought (which, in this case, might have been enough time for the sleep drug to wear off).’_

This quote of his was better at giving Changkyun an inkling of Hyungwon’s inner workings. He wasn’t a romantic - he was a realist. He was pragmatic, and that was a good contrast to Changkyun’s heart-over-matter way of thinking. Not that he should be drawing parallels between them, but— eh. They were right there.

Changkyun wore his heart on his sleeve, and while he’d gotten better at keeping his emotions in check, he often used them as a guiding compass instead of logic. If he listened to logic, for example, he wouldn’t have hacked anyone, because it was obviously a stupid idea - yet there he was. Totally fucked.

He was doing a rather good job at remaining impartial to Hyungwon’s tweets, at seeing him as the subject of a study and nothing more, until he landed on another retweet from a Literature account. This time, it was an Oscar Wilde quote.

_“Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.”_

So Hyungwon _is_ a romantic - in his own way. Very interesting.

That quote made him feel some type of way. He wanted to decipher the hidden meaning behind why would Hyungwon retweet it, and a part of him wished Hyungwon to be this misunderstood Greek god type of character who secretly just wants to be loved and cared for, but he hides the softer parts of him in order to protect himself from a harsh world. Unlikely - he probably just liked the quote and there was no depth to it.

But that quote shifted his perception of Hyungwon, at least a little. It felt… oddly vulnerable. He’d been trying to learn more of Hyungwon’s character out of the selfish desire to save his own ass from being reported, but now— _now_ he was curious about Hyungwon as a person.

Changkyun finally closed the tab that displayed Hyungwon’s Twitter profile and let out a long exhale. That had been something.

The clock on his laptop told him it was a little past ten in the evening and he let out a surprised squeak - he’d been going through Hyungwon’s Twitter for almost two hours.

Well, shit. There goes his argument that he wasn’t a creep - spending two hours deep-diving into someone’s old tweets definitely qualified as creepy, which was not his intention but… did it really matter at this point? Ugh, he would never tell anyone about this, especially not Kihyun. He would ride that high horse to his grave, whether he deserved to ride it or not.

He should close the laptop and go to sleep already. Better yet, he should unhack Hyungwon, and _then_ close the laptop and go to sleep.

Instead, he opened the application and, just like that, his computer was connected to Hyungwon’s.

Hyungwon seemed to be working on another assignment, again going through The Essay Process™. What a hardworking boy.

Time for Changkyun to disrupt him.

He opened the file where their previous conversations had taken place, something that had surprised him at first - he didn’t think Hyungwon would care enough to save their conversations, but there it was. Then again, it could be less about saving it for sentiment sake and more about keeping a log of every incriminating thing Changkyun said, which… yeah, it made a lot more sense.

What a smart cookie Hyungwon was.

> how did you like your iced latte, cookie? ;)
> 
> You actually did it  
> I didn't think you would
> 
> i said i would
> 
> Thank you  
> For the note too

Changkyun bit the inside of his cheek to contain a smile. The note had been a spur of the moment idea, one he had no clue if would land well with Hyungwon or not. It seemed it was not a dumb choice, otherwise Hyungwon wouldn’t be thanking him for it - he would be saying something closer to ‘how fucking dare you’ which, in retrospect, wouldn’t be out of place.

> ah they remembered to give you that?
> 
> They did  
> It was really sweet

He choked on his own spit when he read Hyungwon’s latest message and had to take a moment to recover. Hyungwon thought the note was sweet. _Sweet_. Changkyun wasn’t even aiming for anything when he wrote that note, but this— this was so much better than he’d hoped.

Chae Hyungwon thought his note was sweet. Chae Hyungwon, model, Literature student, hater of Romeo and Juliet - he thought his note was sweet. Was it a stretch to assume Hyungwon thought Changkyun was sweet by association since he was the one who wrote the note? Probably. Did he care? Not really.

Chae Hyungwon thought he was sweet and Kihyun would swallow his words (if Changkyun told him, which he wouldn’t).

After recovering and clearing his throat, trying to regain his composure and come off as if he hadn’t had a fit over it, he finally typed a reply.

> no problem
> 
> I still don't forgive you for hacking my laptop, though
> 
> lol i know  
> i didn't think it would be that easy
> 
> As long as you know
> 
> don't worry, i do  
> you wanted coffee, so i got you coffee  
> simple as that
> 
>   
> Oh, is that how this works?  
> I want something, you give it to me?
> 
> i mean  
> if it’s within the realm of possibility, i can make it happen
> 
>   
> I’m guessing that means no diamonds  
> Or no private jet  
> Or no yacht
> 
> lol yeah none of those
> 
>   
> Then how about you give me your name?  
> It’s free (:
> 
> sneaky cookie  
> i knew this is where it was going
> 
> You still walked right into it
> 
> i was trying to stay positive  
> i thought you’d give me a plot twist  
> you’re studying literature, you could probably come up with a juicy plot twist
> 
>   
> Eh, probably not  
> Studying Literature doesn’t make anyone a good writer  
> I mean, sometimes even publishing a book doesn’t make someone a good writer  
> I’ll have to disappoint you on the plot twist department
> 
> idk you’ve been giving me pretty solid plot twists  
> i would never have guessed you’re a model, for one  
>   
> 
> 
> Ah  
> Right

Changkyun felt the change in Hyungwon’s tone right away. He scowled at his screen, trying to understand. Had he said something wrong? He figured he didn’t have to wonder; might as well ask.

> what’s wrong?
> 
>   
> Nothing, why?
> 
>   
> you’re giving off some weird vibes  
> was it something i said?  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m not giving off weird vibes
> 
> cookie  
> come on
> 
> It’s all good  
> I should focus on this assignment though
> 
> ok…?  
> whatever i said wrong, i’m sorry
> 
>   
> You didn’t say anything wrong, it’s really fine  
> I’m just tired  
> Anyways, thanks again for the coffee

Well. It seemed he would get no answers from Hyungwon - not yet anyway. Changkyung sighed; he thought they were on to something. It only made him more curious.

If Hyungwon didn’t want to talk, though, he wouldn’t force him.

Maybe he would find out someday.

> you’re welcome, cookie  
> was it good?
> 
> I mean, it’s pretty hard to fuck up an iced latte  
> But yeah, it was really good  
> And I appreciate that you got me the large cup, by the way
> 
> lol i figured a coffee addict would prefer the largest option
> 
> Thanks for enabling my caffeine addiction
> 
> my pleasure, cookie  
> i would have bought you a pastry or some cake or something but i wasn’t sure what you like
> 
> Pff it’s alright  
> Just the coffee was enough

His fingers hovered over the keyboard. He wanted to mention he’d found Hyungwon’s Twitter - he didn’t want it to be a secret, didn’t want to go behind his back when the very point of what he was doing was gaining Hyungwon’s trust. At the same time, casually saying he had found it seemed a little… eh. It wouldn’t fly over well. It would accomplish the opposite of what he wanted.

The ‘don’t be suspicious’ song came to mind, and yes, the song was right. He had to act natural. Casual. _Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious..._

> if you say so  
> i’ll let you work on your essay but since i’m bored i think i’ll go hunting for your social media
> 
> You’re still going on about that?  
> It’s not like I can stop you  
> As long as you promise not to hack my account, knock yourself out
> 
> what, that easy???
> 
> Like I said, it’s not like I can stop you  
> There’s not much to see there anyway, so I don’t care
> 
> wow ok then  
> i promise not to hack your accounts, scout’s honor
> 
> Are you even a scout?
> 
> no  
> but i hear they’re honorable
> 
>   
> Pff alright  
> Better yet  
> Hold on a sec
> 
> ???
> 
> Done  
> My twitter handle is @h_one
> 
> ????? you just gave it to me??????
> 
>   
> Yep  
> I really don’t care  
> Just don’t fuck me over, if you hack me I’ll find you and report you faster than you can blink
> 
> i’m not going to hack you, i’m just curious about you………
> 
> Eh, that won’t last  
>   
> 
> 
> we’ll see about that  
> you didn’t set your account to private when you asked me to wait, did you?
> 
> Nope  
> I tweeted something especially for you

The message caused Changkyun’s heart to do a strange lurching thing inside his chest, and he made a point of ignoring it as he opened the tab of Hyungwon’s Twitter again. He didn’t think it would be that easy. He didn’t even ask for his username and Hyungwon just gave it to him without a second thought. And yes, sure, Changkyun already knew it beforehand, but this was— it was either a display of tentative trust or Hyungwon truly didn’t care. While the latter was the more likely answer, there was a tiny blip of hope gaining momentum at the back of his mind that it could be the former.

He would do his absolute best not to betray that budding trust.

And now he felt a little bad about going behind his back to find his social media, too. He made a promise to himself: no more going behind Hyungwon’s back for information. Next time he wanted to know something, he would ask.

It felt as if it had taken forever for the page to load, when it could not have been over ten seconds; Changkyun could hardly keep still, tapping his fingers on the empty space next to the touchpad of his laptop as he waited.

And there it was, a new tweet, posted a couple of minutes ago.

_‘01101000 01101001 00101100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100 00100000 00101000 00111010’_

Changkyun stared at it for a moment, not really processing what he was seeing, until his brain finally decided to resume its functionality. He jumped into action, searching on Google for a binary code converter, then copying Hyungwon’s tweet into the input box of the website.

‘ _Hi, nerd (:’_

An inhuman noise that was half a squeak, half a snort bubbled out of him and he had to push his face into his pillow to muffle it when it just kept coming out. It felt so stupid to react like that over something so simple, but he couldn’t stop himself from squeak-snorting at Hyungwon’s tweet. It made him… happy. For whatever reason. A cheeky tweet in binary code saying hello to him made him happy.

Stupid.

> omg  
> you say hi to me in binary code and *I* am the nerd????
> 
> I was just trying to speak your language
> 
> thanks cookie you’re so thoughtful
> 
> LOL I try
> 
> your display picture looks cute af btw
> 
> Thanks? I think?
> 
> it’s a compliment cookie  
> take it
> 
> K
> 
> gotta say tho, i was expecting to see more selcas
> 
> Just say you want more pictures of me and go
> 
> it’s not about that  
> beautiful people tend to like looking at themselves is all
> 
> That’s called ‘narcissism’ and is not exclusive to what you consider ‘beautiful people’  
> In fact, other people like looking at me far more than I like looking at myself
> 
> and you don’t want to give them the satisfaction or something?
> 
> Or something
> 
> and yet you work as a model
> 
> If people like looking at me so much, I might as well make money out of it
> 
> damn cookie you savage
> 
> We live in a capitalist society, if you haven’t noticed
> 
> trust me, i know  
> so what you’re saying is  
> no selcas
> 
> No selcas  
> I take terrible selcas anyway, you’re not missing out
> 
> then i guess you don’t have insta
> 
> Nope, just Twitter
> 
> not even tumblr?
> 
> Nah
> 
> btw  
> cookie wtf  
> you’ve had this acc for years and you only have like 2k tweets??
> 
> Told you there’s nothing there  
> I don’t use it much
> 
> also  
> you’re right about romeo and juliet
> 
> Oh?
> 
> what? you are
> 
> Several people got angry with me for that rant  
> Good to know you’re not one of them
> 
> getting angry at people for their opinions on fictional work and media in general is such a waste of energy tbh  
> sorry you had to deal with it
> 
> Thanks  
> I think it’s important to able to critique the things you like, because I actually really like Shakespeare and I appreciate Romeo and Juliet as a play  
> I just really don’t believe their relationship is something anyone should consider goals because… they’re both dead
> 
> hsgajsgdahjgdsaj dead by headassness
> 
> LOL exactly  
> And there’s also the thing about Romeo’s age, it’s not really specified how old he is in the original play, but he’s said to be older than Juliet and some people think he was 18  
> The relationship of an 18yo dude with a 13yo girl is fucked up and people still think of it as this amazing love story
> 
> oh yikes  
> big yikes  
> i didn’t know that
> 
> Then you’re welcome
> 
> and have you heard about that one theory  
> eh  
> nvm  
> you’ll probably laugh
> 
> I won’t, promise
> 
> there’s this conspiracy theory about shakespeare  
> some people think he never actually existed
> 
> I think I heard about that  
> Something about him being a hired actor, right?
> 
> YES!!!!!!  
> his works are actually by this other dude who worked with the government and was trying to unify the country through knowledge cuz everyone talked a different dialect or something  
> so he came up with this persona because who tf would trust someone in the government right?? if someone in power says ‘yo you gotta learn to read good’ everybody would get pissed but if you give them some cool stories to read by a guy nobody ever heard about, they’ll do it without knowing there’s a higher purpose for them learning how to read  
> it’s like, genius
> 
> You’re right  
> And I can see how that theory could be true  
> And for the record, it’s cute how excited you got talking about it  
> Somehow it makes sense that you’re into conspiracy theories
> 
> hgsdfsgfha cookie omg  
> you gonna make me blush
> 
> Are you that easy?
> 
> not usually, no
> 
> What’s that supposed to mean?  
> No, you know what  
> As much as I’d like to stick around to discuss conspiracy theories about Shakespeare with you, I really have to work on this assignment now
> 
> oh shit  
> sorry  
> i forgot
> 
> It’s fine  
> I get distracted too easy, it’s not your fault  
> Once I’m done with this thing we can talk more about it, but I really have to finish it  
> It’s due on Friday, so
> 
> you don’t have to explain it  
> go do your thing, i should go to bed already  
> morning classes and all
> 
> Alright  
> Goodnight, I.M
> 
> goodnight cookie

Changkyun watched the cursor moving, Hyungwon saving and closing the file with their conversation, and for some reason seeing Hyungwon going out of his way to save it filled him with a fizzy sort of warmth. Hyungwon… he didn’t dislike Changkyun as much as he thought. At least, he hoped he didn’t.

He shouldn’t be celebrating that small victory, though. He should remain impartial and not get attached, he should listen to Kihyun for once and get out of this situation while it was still safe (and easy) to do so, but— he wanted to keep exploring Wonderland. He wanted to talk to Hyungwon some more, wanted to get to know him, learn about him.

Besides, even Alice got out at some point, right? 

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!💕


	5. You're not that bad

⊷⋄⊶

Thursday went by in a blur for Changkyun, his morning filled with classes and assignments, then afternoon and early evening spent at work. The entire day he tried to ignore that little eagerness to talk to Hyungwon again, and he was mostly successful - something due less to his ability to ignore that urge, and more to how busy he was.

Eager as he may have been, he didn’t talk to Hyungwon - not much, anyway. He wanted to, he wanted to very badly, but once he saw that Hyungwon was still working on his assignment, Changkyun had simply sent him a quick ‘hey cookie, just dropping in to wish you luck on your essay’ and then closed the application to give Hyungwon his privacy. He didn’t even wait for a reply, he sent it and left in order not to be tempted to stay and talk to him some more.

And then he was left alone with his thoughts and the feeling of oncoming doom, tossing and turning in his failed attempts at falling asleep. He kept trying to rationalize it, tell himself that it was fine he failed his course - Physics was just his minor, it was fine to fail, right? Right. He was doing well in Music Production, and that’s what he should focus on.

Yet he couldn’t shake that feeling. He felt like— like a huge disappointment on legs. He’d wasted time and energy, he put so much effort into that course, only to crash and burn. He’d wanted to succeed so badly, for his sake and for his parents’ sakes too - his father worked in the scientific field, and he’d been proud to hear of Changkyun’s decision to study Physics. His father’s pride, however, was nothing compared to how overjoyed his mother had been. It was a prestigious career, according to her. Respectable, fitting for how high she had assumed Changkyun’s IQ to be. What would she even tell her? ‘ _Hey mom, sorry to break it to you, but your only son is not as smart as you wish he was!’_

They had been supportive of his decision to major in Music Production, but he could tell they weren’t exactly excited about it. They didn’t take it seriously - they thought of it as a hobby, and not something he could make a living out of. They saw Physics as his _real_ course, the one that was actually worth something, and not as the safety net it was supposed to be.

And he failed.

When Friday rolled in, Changkyun felt like a zombie - he’d barely slept all night and his brain might as well have been made of cotton. He felt detached from reality, compartmentalizing the anxiety inside his mind to deal with in private later; he was on auto-pilot.

It didn’t make it any easier to see the graded assignment - out of thirty questions, he’d gotten only two right.

The shame was only made worse by the pitiful look Chae Hyungwoon shot him when he caught sight of his grade. Changkyun glared at him until his Thermodynamics Archnemesis got scared and looked away.

How could he have ever mistaken one Chae for the other? Other than the black backpack and the brand of their laptops, they were different in every single way - the main difference being that Changkyun actually liked Hyungwon. Hyungwoon could just go fuck himself, really.

Hyungwon. He wanted to talk to him. He wished he could just whip out his phone and send him a text, but— too risky to give him any of his contact information. He would have to wait until he got back to his dorm later on.

Then again, would Hyungwon even be sympathetic to his woes? Whenever the topic came up, Hyungwon would just tell him to study. Maybe he would make fun of him, which, yes, he probably deserved after hacking the wrong person to steal notes for a subject he didn’t understand, yet still— he wanted to talk to him. He wanted to hear Hyungwon’s opinion on the matter.

It was a dangerous thing to wish for. He’d wished to build rapport between them for the sake of keeping himself safe, but now that plan was starting to turn on him. He was getting attached. It hadn’t even been a week and already he felt as if his routine was incomplete if he didn’t talk to Hyungwon.

He shouldn’t have hacked anyone. He shouldn’t have talked to Hyungwon. He should have listened to Kihyun.

...ugh, Kihyun. Kihyun would probably give him hell when he told him about his grades. And Jooheon would give him _that_ pitying look.

It was still early, but he had no hope that today would be anything other than a shitshow.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

**_The Disney Prince Rejects™_ **   
_[You, Hoseokie 🐰, Minhyukie 🐶]_

> **Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __I’M BACK BICHES_ _  
> __BITHES*_ _  
> __BITCHES*******  
>   
> _ **Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __MINHYUKIE!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __when did you get back??  
>   
> _ **Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __Just now!  
> _ _Literally just dropped my bags  
> _ _Yoo kihyun is already yellig at me  
> _ _yelling*  
> _ _It’s good to be home_ 😭  
>   
> ➤ _Welcome back!_  
>  ➤ _How was the trip?  
>   
> _ **Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __It was p good_ _  
> __Sucks that thwy didnt let me use my phone tho_ _  
> __No wifi for 2 weeks_ _  
> __I felt like a caveman_ _  
> __And i missed my two bestest friends!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __I wish you two were there!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __So muxh cool stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __I learned so many new techniqes u guys_ _  
> __Like holy shit_ _  
> __My art is gonna be BOMB_ _  
> __It would have been so much better with my best boys but it was still fun_ _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __aaw i wish i could have been there_ 😭  
>   
> ➤ _It sounds like you had a really good time_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __I did!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __Are you two free today??????_ _  
> __Lets do lunch!!!!!!!!!_ 😍 _  
> __  
> _➤ _I’m game_ _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __yes!!!!_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __I have so many pics to show u guys_ _  
> __It was this rly cute inn in the mountains_ _  
> __You would have LOVED IT_ _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __maybe the three of us can go up there someday_ 😊 _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __Idk_ _  
> __That’s likr_ _  
> __like*_ _  
> __Couple destination_ _  
> __It’s romantic af_ _  
> __There’s actually this hot spring_ _  
> __I didn’t go in cuz too hot_ _  
> __But D A M N_ _  
> __You could get some in there_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Implying you didn’t?_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> _😤 _  
> __I was there to learn!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __wonnie has a point…_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __Stop!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __I know i’m a ho but i’m not a ho!!!!!!!!_ 😤😤😤 _  
> __My heart’s taken anyway_ _  
> __Speaking of which_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _And here we go again_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __Have you heard from honey????_ 🥺 _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __Minhyukie…_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __What????_ _  
> __I MISS HIM_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Weren’t you the one who broke up with him?_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __DETAILS_ _  
> __Just cuz i broke up with him don’t mean i dont love him!!!!!!!_ _  
> __  
> _**Hoseokie 🐰** _  
> __I haven’t heard from him…_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Why don’t you ask your roommate? They’re best friends_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> __I don’t want to give yoo kihyun the satisfaction_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _…_ _  
> __  
> _**Minhyukie 🐶** _  
> _😤😤😤  
>  _Anyways_ _  
> __Where should we go for lunch??????_

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun kept his head down, avoiding eye contact as he pushed around the food in his bowl with the tip of his chopsticks. He should be making an effort to eat, but he didn’t feel hungry; he would take a small bite of food here and there, more out of a sense of obligation than for thinking it tasted good. In fact, he could hardly tell. It all tasted and smelled bland to him, and he hated that he was so upset that it was even affecting his palate.

“See, you should have listened to me and studied when you still could,” Kihyun was saying. Changkyun swallowed back a tired sigh, not wanting to give his friend more reason to nag him. “If you had tried harder then—”

“I tried hard enough, hyung,” Changkyun cut him off, just loud enough that Kihyun could hear him over the din in the cafeteria, people talking and laughing, the sounds of cutlery and the humming of the industrial stoves in the kitchen not far from where they were sitting. “It doesn’t matter now anyway, it’s done. I flunked the course, there’s no changing that, so drop it.”

Kihyun huffed through his nose, a sound that Changkyun had learned to interpret as ‘this isn't over’, before he brought some of his own food to his mouth. Changkyun would have been relieved that Kihyun had his mouth full and couldn’t keep scolding him if only Jooheon wasn’t sitting next to him, giving him the _look_.

“Can’t you do anything about it?” Jooheon asked. Changkyun wanted to shove his face in his bowl and scream into his rice. “Talk to your teacher, or do an extra assignment?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Changkyun repeated. “I think I’ll just drop this course.”

Kihyun gave him a hard look. “You’re not dropping anything, you’re more than capable of turning this around next semester. You’ll just have to retake the classes you failed in, it’s not the end of the world.”

“But I don’t _want_ to retake the classes.”

“Changkyun, come on. You’re not one to give up so easily.”

“I’m not giving up.” _I’m just not happy_ , he added in thoughts. He wouldn’t say it out loud, not in public, not when it was clear that Kihyun and Jooheon would take it the wrong way. “Can you change the subject now? It’s not that deep.”

“You say that but you’ve been playing with your food for the past ten minutes.”

“Not hungry.”

“Hyung, Kkungie is upset,” Jooheon said, rubbing Changkyun’s back to comfort him. It only made him feel worse. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Don’t coddle him, he’s not a baby.”

“He’s our baby,” Jooheon said, rubbing his cheek against Changkyun’s. While, yes, it felt nice, it also felt a bit— a little patronizing. He wasn’t a child and he didn’t appreciate being treated as such.

“I’m like, just a couple of years younger than both of you,” Changkyun grumbled, shaking Jooheon off of him. Jooheon didn’t let go.

“Cheer up, Kkungie,” Jooheon insisted. “How about we go out somewhere tomorrow? There’s this movie coming out today that we could go watch, it’s about aliens or something.”

“I don’t know, I think I’d rather just stay at the dorm and work on some tracks,” said Changkyun, trying to smile at his friend. From the looks he received in response, he knew the smile hadn’t worked out the way he hoped.

“Changkyun—” Kihyun began, and Changkyun was quick to interrupt.

“What? I’m majoring in Music, so I’m going to make music.” Since Kihyun still looked ready to argue, he added, “You keep telling me to try harder, I’d rather try harder on something that actually matters instead of wasting time on something that isn’t working out and is not my primary focus.”

“So everything you’ve done, it was all for nothing?” Kihyun asked, point-blank, and Changkyun knew exactly what he was referring to.

Hyungwon.

He hadn’t felt like crying so far, but this— this had his eyes prickling and his chest tightening. He swallowed the urge to cry before it could fully manifest, shoved the guilt away inside the same place in his brain he’d been hiding all his feelings that morning, and said, “Yeah. It was all for nothing.”

“Then are you going to keep doing it?” Kihyun said, and it was a challenge. Jooheon frowned and looked between the two of them, confused.

“Hyung, I love you, but that’s none of your business,” Changkyun said and, unable and unwilling to sit there for a second longer, got up from his bench and picked up his bag from the floor. “I have class soon, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Not waiting for his friends to say anything else, Changkyun turned around and walked away as fast as he possibly could without outright running.

While he could admit that the way he met Hyungwon was not ideal and that things between them were still bumpy, he could also not deny it to himself that Hyungwon was— he was actually a good influence on him. Maybe it was too early to think that way - they had been talking for less than a week and were still in a very fragile stage of what Changkyun hoped would grow into an actual friendship, and things could take a turn when he least expected it. So far, though, Hyungwon had been nothing but kind towards him, even when he didn’t trust him. He indulged him when Changkyun wanted to talk, he kept the conversation going when he didn’t have to, and he had this steady (virtual) presence that helped him get his bearings when his brain was too loud.

Meeting Hyungwon was good for him, talking to Hyungwon was good for him, and while he knew the danger was there and that there was always a possibility that Hyungwon was trying to manipulate him into revealing his identity, he didn’t want to stop. Yes, it was probably stupid of him, but whenever he thought of not talking to Hyungwon anymore, something in him would recoil.

He wasn’t sure what it was, how to classify that emotion - a gut feeling, perhaps. There was risk in talking to Hyungwon, but something kept telling him that the risk was worth it. That Hyungwon was worth it. They had connected, in a way, and Changkyun, at least, wanted to explore that connection a bit further before writing it off. He wasn’t sure Hyungwon felt the same way, but he figured he would have either stopped responding to his messages or found a way to get rid of the laptop or even taken it somewhere to have the hard drive wiped clean. Hyungwon wasn’t stupid; he might not be computer savvy, but certainly he knew he could have his laptop formatted.

And if a real, genuine friendship came of his mistake, then wasn’t it worth fighting for? Changkyun might not think of the consequences of his actions and he might not make the smartest decisions, but he valued the few relationships he had and the few people with whom he felt comfortable being himself with, and Hyungwon… he was one of those people. If there wasn’t a reason for him to fear saying too much, he would be fine with Hyungwon knowing every little thing about him.

So, while Kihyun had a good argument for why Changkyun should break off contact with Hyungwon, he could go ahead and shove his opinion; Changkyun would continue to talk to Hyungwon up until the point he saw a good enough reason to stop - and it didn’t look as if that would happen any time soon.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon had started tuning out Minhyuk about five minutes into their ‘conversation’ - what it really was, was a monologue. Minhyuk kept going on and on about all the painting techniques he’d learned while on his retreat, and before that he was talking about something related to color theory Hyungwon wasn’t inclined to learn about but that Hoseok was invested in discussing.

He was more than happy to just sit there, listen, make innocuous comments here and there, and eat the meat Hoseok was dutifully grilling for them. Maybe if the topic of conversation was something he had an opinion on, he might have participated a bit more. As it was, he truly didn’t care if red and pink went together or not.

Instead, he chewed his food, sipped his beer, and went over his schedule for the day. He had to help Hoseok out with his assignment again after lunch, basically just take a couple of photos with the outfit his friend had made. Then he had a two-hour-long class on Nonfiction Writing, which he was not looking forward to in the slightest, and then he could go back to his apartment and become one with his bed - he was looking forward to the latter.

And alright, maybe he wanted to talk to I.M, just a little bit. He’d only sent him a good luck wish the night before, and Hyungwon hated to admit to himself that it had been— a tad bit disappointing. He found it refreshing to talk to I.M, despite the occasional comment about his looks, which, at that point in his life, he already knew was something he couldn’t escape from. Still, whether or not I.M tried to covertly flirt with him - as if anyone would miss the various compliments - and suck up to him to get on his good side, he still enjoyed the topics of their conversation. That I.M had brought up conspiracy theories was both surprising and fascinating to him. He’d never cared much about it, never gave it a second thought, but he’d liked the hacker’s enthusiasm while talking about it.

He had no reason to turn on his new laptop tonight, as he’d finished all of his assignments and had nothing pending to finish through the weekend, but he might turn it on once he got home. Just because.

“What do you think, Wonnie?”

The question made him raise his head and looked at Minhyuk, who was staring at him expectantly. Hyungwon blinked, trying not to look as confused as he felt, and finished swallowing the food he had in his mouth.

“What do I think about what?”

Minhyuk pouted at him. “I knew it, you weren’t listening!”

“Sorry,” he said, not really feeling that apologetic. “I spaced out.”

“Clearly,” Minhyuk said with a sniffle.

“We were talking about having a movie night at my place,” Hoseok explained, ever the peacemaker. “I can order us food and we can marathon a series, or watch our favorite movies, and just, you know, catch up.”

“Oh,” Hyungwon said smartly. “Tonight?”

“Yes!” Minhyuk chirped. “Or do you have other plans?”

“No, tonight is fine,” he said, giving nothing away regarding his original plan of going to bed early after talking to I.M a little bit. If he said no, his friends would get suspicious - he might be a couch potato, but he had never been against potato-ing on his friends’ couches.

He hadn’t told Hoseok about I.M yet, and while he had toyed with the idea of telling him, he most definitely did _not_ want to tell Minhyuk - Minhyuk would immediately jump into the detective role to try and unmask I.M, and Hyungwon… he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. I.M was fine being just text on his laptop for now - discovering his identity would make things far too complicated and he was not a fan of ‘complicated’.

Besides, things were going well - he didn’t trust I.M but, so far, he seemed to have at _least_ decent intentions. Hunting for his identity could make him angry and undo that tentative peace they had achieved, where Hyungwon had even given him a vow of trust and shared his Twitter profile. If I.M felt threatened, Hyungwon had no doubt in his mind that his Twitter would get hacked, and from there, I.M would probably get access to his every account through his email, plus his phone number, and whatever other personal information he wanted to get, really.

No, better to keep things as they are, for now, take baby steps, and not add unnecessary drama.

And Minhyuk would add unnecessary drama. _Lots_ of it.

“Great! I need a chill night with my best boys, the people in my course are fine but they only talk about art cause that’s pretty much all we have in common, it’s so annoying,” Minhyuk said with a roll of his eyes. “Can we watch ‘Mean Girls’?”

“Sure, we can watch ‘Mean Girls’,” Hyungwon agreed half-heartedly. He would pass out halfway through any movie they chose, so he didn’t particularly care.

“We could also play video games,” Hoseok suggested. “Just Dance competition?”

“You are _so_ on, I’m going to crush you,” Minhyuk said. Hyungwon just hummed - he didn’t do well on Just Dance. Or video games in general. As long as Minhyuk didn’t make fun of him, he could see himself having a good time. “You know who likes Just Dance, though?”

“Oh, no,” Hoseok murmured.

“Here it comes,” Hyungwon added.

“Honey,” Minhyuk concluded with a wistful sigh and a pout. “I miss him. Should we invite him?”

“Minhyuk, you broke up with him,” Hyungwon reminded, not unkindly. “I don’t think he’d be keen on you inviting him to hang out with us.”

“Wonnie is right, Minhyukie,” Hoseok agreed. “We’re not going to stop you if you want to talk to him, but… think it through before you act. You’re sending all kinds of mixed signals to him.”

“Yeah, you really need to sort yourself out before you try to get him back,” Hyungwon said, trying to sound wise and not over it - Minhyuk and Jooheon had broken up so many times that this felt like he was stuck in a time loop giving out the same advice over and over. “As long as you don’t know what you want for yourself, getting Jooheon back is pointless because you’ll just break up again.”

Minhyuk’s shoulders slumped. “I know that! But I’ve been away for two weeks with nothing but my own mind for company, I’ve given it a lot of thought! I— I think I love him. Like, actually love him.”

Hyungwon grimaced. “TMI.”

“Aw, come on, it’s cute!” Hoseok said, voice sounding almost like a squeal. “And it’s better than getting details of their sex life.”

“Okay, point.”

“You two suck,” Minhyuk declared and ate another piece of meat. Hyungwon and Hoseok exchanged amused glances while he wasn’t paying attention. Once he’d properly swallowed his food, Minhyuk turned to Hoseok. “So, what time should we be at your place?”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon got home around halfway past six in the evening, longing for his goal to plop down on his bed and only get up again the next morning - that plan was out the window now that he had to go to Hoseok’s. He dropped his bag on his bed and turned to the new laptop sitting on his desk, next to the old one. He had to get the old one fixed soon; he’d get around to it sometime during the weekend.

There was nothing for him to do on the new laptop at the moment, no essays to write, no long assignments that involved dissecting the plot and hidden meanings of a book, yet still he turned it on, telling himself he was just doing it for the hell of it and not because he wanted to talk to I.M.

He shouldn’t have bothered - the reply he’d sent the night before to I.M’s good luck text remained unanswered, no new messages in sight. Hyungwon ignored the tiny sting of disappointment and forced himself to move on to other tasks instead of sitting there waiting for magic text to appear on the document. He pulled out a change of clothes from his dresser and padded to the bathroom to take a shower.

By the time he came out again, there was a new message waiting for him on the Word document. His heart leaped in his chest, which was strange considering he had absolutely _not_ been looking forward to talking to I.M - he ignored his strange reaction and sat down on his desk to reply to I.M’s unsure-sounding message.

> cookie?
> 
> Hi, nerd  
> Have you been there long? I was in the shower, sorry for making you wait
> 
> no, it’s ok  
> it’s not even been five minutes
> 
> That’s good then
> 
>   
> i see you’re not writing any essays tonight
> 
> Pff, very observant  
> No essays to write, I’ve finished all my assignments
> 
> nice, good job
> 
> Thanks  
> I actually have to go out soon
> 
> oh  
> going out where if i may ask?
> 
> Just to a friend’s place  
> Why, thought I was going to a party?
> 
> actually, yeah  
> or a date  
> you know, it’s friday night, you’re hot  
> it would make sense

Subtle as a stampede of mammoths. Hyungwon rolled his eyes and sighed, deciding not to acknowledge that blatant commentary on his looks.

> Nah  
> I’ll just hang out with friends and watch some movies or something
> 
> sounds fun  
> how was your day?
> 
> It was alright  
> Yours?
> 
> it was… eventful

Hyungwon frowned. He noticed I.M wasn’t being as cheery or talkative as he usually was, and while he figured there was a reason for it, he was not expecting I.M to acknowledge it. It didn’t sound like something you’d casually talk about with someone who’s still little more than a stranger. _‘Haha yeah, I had a bad day, let me open up about it to you, person I hacked by mistake!’_

Still, Hyungwon was slightly concerned.

> Did something happen?
> 
> you can say that  
> you know the assignment i couldn't finish  
> the reason why i hacked your laptop by mistake?  
> it was worth half my grade
> 
> Oh  
> That bad?
> 
> that bad  
> and my grades were already bad before  
> so it's confirmed: i'm a failure
> 
> You're not a failure  
> Just because you found something you can't do, that doesn't mean you're a failure
> 
> thanks  
> but i still failed
> 
> Can't you do anything for extra credit?
> 
> i guess  
> i'm not sure i want to
> 
> Don't you like Physics?
> 
> i just thought it was something i was good at  
> in high school i was always top of my class  
> i kept getting praised  
> so i thought this would be something that would be easy for me  
> it turns out it's not and high school physics is nothing compared to college-level physics

Oh. Alright. Going into relatable territory now, he could roll with it.

> I get what you mean  
> I thought I was good at so many things growing up  
> Turns out I was just average but my parents and teachers kept hyping me up
> 
> exactly!!!!!!  
> it's like  
> they tell you you're great at something  
> and you grow up believing you're the shit  
> and then one day that support is gone and you realize that you're not special  
> and the same people who told you were great just think you're a disappointment when they're the ones who built up expectations about your skills when you didn't even know how to wipe your own ass
> 
> Couldn't agree more  
> You work hard to meet their expectations so they'll be proud again and find out that you can't because you were never as good as they made it out to be, and it spirals into this blackhole of wasted potential because no matter what you do you just can't get that back, and it's too late to be good at something you actually care about and are interested in because they encouraged a skill but not a passion
> 
> yes!! you get me  
> i just feel like i'm wasting my time in this course  
> i don't like physics, it makes me miserable  
> but i've been trying to convince myself it'll get better  
> but it never does  
> now i feel like i'm stuck
> 
> If you failed, I guess you’re unstuck whether you like it or not
> 
> lol you’re right
> 
> What are you going to do now that you failed the course?
> 
> just  
> drop it  
> i've been avoiding it because i don't want my parents to be disappointed  
> but i can't do this anymore  
> maybe if i were chae fucking hyungwoon with his big brain
> 
> Oh, I thought you meant me for a second and got confused
> 
> lol see how it's easy to get confused?? your names are similar!!  
> it was an honest mistake
> 
> I get that  
> You still hacked my laptop, though.
> 
> and here i thought we were bonding, cookie
> 
> Think again  
> But I digress  
> If you think it's what's best for you, you should drop Physics  
> Your parents might get upset, but it's your life in the end  
> You should do what makes you happy
> 
> thanks, i think i needed to hear that  
> do you like literature?  
> if you don't mind me asking
> 
> I do like it  
> I've always liked reading, so choosing Literature felt like a no-brainer  
> I'm not great at it, though  
> Just average
> 
> that's not necessarily a bad thing
> 
> I know  
> I'm not complaining  
> I just constantly feel like I'm one step behind everyone else
> 
> ah  
> i get that  
> you see everyone around you and they seem to have their shit together
> 
> Yeah  
> Everyone seems to be able to balance their studies, their work, and their social life and it doesn't feel like it's an effort for them.  
> Me, I'm tired all the time  
> I can barely make my deadlines  
> And I have no social life other than my very tiny group of friends
> 
> same here
> 
> It's like there aren't enough hours in one day to do everything
> 
> at least it’s the weekend
> 
> Yes, finally  
> I'll sleep for 48 hours straight
> 
> lol very ambitious of you
> 
> Thanks, I aim high
> 
> and hey  
> thanks for listening
> 
> It's no trouble  
> I'm sure you'll figure out what to do next  
> You're a smart guy
> 
> thanks, cookie  
> i still have my major to worry about  
> maybe i'll pick up more electives
> 
> Maybe  
> Or maybe use your newfound free time to think it through  
> You don't have to be in a hurry
> 
> you're right  
> i really needed someone to tell me that  
> now i need to figure out how to break the news to my parents  
> or should i just keep quiet and pretend everything’s fine?
> 
> I don’t know  
> Hiding it now might make it harder later, especially if they hear about it from someone other than you  
> If you’re already sure you failed and you don’t want to continue the course, then I think you should just tell them  
> They’ll be disappointed either way, but if you come clean you’ll gain points for honesty
> 
> you know what  
> you’re right
> 
> Just tell them the truth  
> They’re your parents, I’m sure they’ll understand if you talk to them  
> And if they don’t, then you shouldn’t let it affect your choices  
> They might want the best for you, but parents don’t always _know_ what’s best, you know?  
> They see things from their perspective and what they consider success, and those aren’t always aligned with what you think is best for yourself  
> You know yourself better than anyone does, and like I said, it’s your life and your happiness in the end
> 
> are you  
> real?
> 
> ?? Last time I checked, yeah, I’m real
> 
> you’re so like  
> insightful
> 
> Thanks…?
> 
> i mean, i had noticed this before  
> but it always hits me in the face how insightful you are  
> you’re a really good listener and you give really good advice
> 
> That's what I'm here for  
> Offer free life advice to sleazy hackers
> 
> SLEAZY????  
> I'M NOT SLEAZY
> 
> You flirt with me every two breaths  
> Or do you think I didn’t notice it?
> 
> that doesn't make me sleazy wtf
> 
> What does it make you then?
> 
> makes me someone with good taste
> 
> See? Sleazy.
> 
> >:(  
> i'll let you you do your thing now  
> i think i bugged you enough for tonight  
> but like  
> can i keep talking to you? in the future, i mean
> 
> You're actually asking my permission to talk to me?  
> After hacking my laptop and starting a conversation out of the blue and talking to me through Microsoft Word for the duration of the whole week?
> 
> yeah, yeah, the irony is not lost on me
> 
> I honestly thought you were a poltergeist possessing my laptop at first
> 
> jshgfhjdskjh i wish, being incorporeal would be awesome rn  
> i'm really sorry tho
> 
> I forgive you for not being a poltergeist
> 
> thanks, cookie, you're too kind  
> but i mean it  
> can i?
> 
> While I'm still not entirely sure why you would want that  
> Yes, you can talk to me
> 
> for real?????  
> thank you  
> i know it's weird but you're the only one i feel like i can talk to lately
> 
> Why is that?
> 
> my friends are... a little overbearing  
> i don't want to worry them, and i don't want them to lecture me  
> you, and i mean this in the best way, don't give a shit about me  
> which makes you the perfect person to talk to
> 
> Because I "don't give a shit"?
> 
> yeah  
> you're at that perfect stage where you can empathize but you're still not close enough to me to worry
> 
> That's a little depressing, though
> 
> i guess  
> it's still the truth  
> you don't give two flying fucks about me and that's a good thing
> 
> I mean  
> I may give half a flying fuck
> 
> omg cookie  
> you mean that
> 
> I do  
> You're not that bad, I.M
> 
> hgasfdgahsafdah f uck  
> my heart fluttered a bit oh shit  
> chae cookie hyungwon thinks i'm not that bad
> 
> You really need to stop sucking up to me
> 
> i'm not sucking up to you  
> you're just  
> you know  
> heart-flutter-inducing
> 
> Pff, and you say you're not sucking up to me
> 
> what can i say  
> handsome? check  
> tall? check  
> smart? check  
> funny? check  
> kind? check
> 
> I only admit to being tall  
> The rest only sounds like you’re sucking up to me
> 
> i don't suck up to people, cookie  
> besides, we just met  
> the sucking comes later ;)
> 
> ...did you really just say that to me?
> 
> i did  
> i stand by it
> 
> Is that the best you can do?  
> Poorly-timed sexual innuendos?  
> Fetch me the fainting chair, I'm about to swoon.
> 
> that sounds like a challenge, cookie  
> you know i like challenges
> 
> Please, don't  
> I prefer to avoid second-hand embarrassment.
> 
> wow  
> ok  
> now i feel compelled to prove you wrong
> 
> Again: please, don't
> 
> i'll have you swooning for real soon  
> you won't even know what hit you
> 
> If you want to catch me by surprise, isn't it counterproductive to warn me?
> 
> i'm doing you a courtesy
> 
> Oh, sorry  
> Thank you so much, you are so kind  
> My hero  
> Who also hacked my brand-new laptop
> 
> stop bringing it up!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> :)  
> I should get going, my friends are probably waiting for me
> 
> ah right  
> have fun with your friends  
> and thanks again for hearing me out  
> i really needed it
> 
> It was no trouble  
> I know how it feels to not be good at something you thought you were good at  
> Besides, you’d probably do the same for me
> 
> i would, yeah
> 
> See? You’re not that bad
> 
> gahjsgdajhsdagj
> 
> Goodnight, I.M
> 
>   
> bye cookie

He saved the conversation and closed the document as soon as the last message arrived, before he could cave to the temptation of sticking around and chatting with I.M some more. It had been an unexpected conversation, but… it’d been nice to see that more vulnerable side of I.M. It gave him hope that there was a part of I.M that wasn’t still talking to him due to a hidden agenda, but because he genuinely liked their conversations. And if he liked their conversations then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t grow to find Hyungwon boring.

Then again, Hyungwon was more confident talking through text than in person, since through text it’s expected of people to take a while to reply. He couldn’t just think of an answer for five minutes during a face-to-face conversation, which meant that, if they ever met in person, I.M would be bored of his company after ten seconds - and that was him being optimistic.

What are the chances of I.M enjoying his company face-to-face? Low. Very low. An online friendship, though, now _that_ could work.

And maybe it would be enough.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon’s computer had been turned off for over an hour, but Changkyun kept their Word document open. He must have re-read their conversation about a hundred times already.

Of all the possibilities that crossed his mind, Hyungwon giving him actual advice without making a single comment that came off as mean or mocking had actually caught him off-guard; he should have expected that, in retrospect. Hyungwon was— he was kind. He wasn’t cruel, he didn’t say things with the purpose to wound on purpose. He could snap at him from time to time, but Changkyun didn’t think it was ever from a place of malice.

Hyungwon had been right. The more he thought about it, the more certain he was of this. It’s his life and his happiness, and while making his parents proud was important, how sustainable would living for his parents be? If he continued to pursue Physics, something that made him feel inadequate and stupid and out of place, and he got a job in that field, then that would just make him miserable in the long run, and, on top of it all, resent his parents. He didn’t want that for himself, that was not the life he wanted.

He didn’t know if he would be successful as a music producer. He didn’t know if he would fail spectacularly in his career of choice or if all his dreams would come true, but the same could be said about Physics - he might actually get it together if he kept trying and maybe make something out of it, but he also might never learn and fail anyway. Whatever his future may be, the least he wanted out of it was to be content with his choices, if not happy. 

Physics didn’t make him happy. It would not make him happy even if he happened to be good at it. Music made him happy, and he considered himself pretty decent at it. It was a passion for him, something that brought him joy. He still wanted a safety net, just in case, but music is what he truly wanted.

The safety net, however, did not need to be Physics. He could choose another subject to minor in, something his parents could still take pride in, and that also did not make him feel like clawing his eyes off.

The future would be scary and uncertain either way - might as well chase happiness.

Changkyun took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. It was a little past nine in the evening - his parents would still be awake. He took one last look at his conversation with Hyungwon for a quick boost of confidence and dialed the familiar number. It rang once, twice, three times, until his mother’s voice said ‘hello’ on the other side.

He was so nervous he could vomit the little food he had to eat all day, but it was better like this, to do it quick, like ripping off a band-aid. It would be alright either way - he would not be alone even if his parents got mad. He had his friends; he had Kihyun and Jooheon, and... he had Hyungwon, too.

He would be alright. Everything would be alright. 

Finally, before he could chicken out, he said in a meek voice, “Hi, mom.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

> ➤ _Honey?_ 🥺 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __hey minhyuk…_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Hi…_ 👉👈 _  
> _➤ _How are you?_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __im ok_ _  
> __u?_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _I’m good_ _  
> _➤ _I arrived from that trip earlier this morning_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __yea kihyun told me abt it_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Oh_ _  
> _➤ _So…_ _  
> _➤ _I missed you_ 👉👈 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __i missed u too..._ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Really????_ 🥺🥺🥺  
> ➤ _Omg can we like grab coffee tomorrow or something??????_  
>   
>  **(My) Honey 🍯😊💕**  
>  _minhyuk_ _  
> __u broke up with me_ _  
> __y u wanna grab coffee_  
>   
>  ➤ 🥺 _because!!_ _  
> _➤ _I had a lot of time to think_ _  
> _➤ _Like_ _  
> _➤ _LOTS of time_ _  
> _➤ _And i’ve realized some things_ _  
> _➤ _And i was wrong to break up with you_ 🥺 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __but u did_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _I know!!_ 😭😭😭 _And i regret it!!!!_ 😭😭😭😭😭  
> ➤ _Like there was no phones or anything there_ _  
> _➤ _So i had waaaay too much time alone with my thoughts_ _  
> _➤ _And i kept thinking about you and how much i love you_ _  
> _➤ _And i want you back honey_ 🥺 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __so if u had something to distract u, u wouldnt have missed me?_ _  
> __wtf minhyuk_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _It’s not like that at all!!!!!!!!_ 😭😭😭😭😭 _  
> _➤ _If i had my phone with me i would have called you the first day i was gone_ _  
> _➤ _But i couldn’t call you so i kept thinking about you_ _  
> _➤ _And i know that i was wrong to break up with you_ _  
> _➤ _But i got scared you know??_ _  
> _➤ _Because i like you so much_ _  
> _➤ _And we were getting really serious_ _  
> _➤ _And i was about to travel and i thought maybe you wouldn’t want to wait for me_ _  
> _➤ _And i freaked out because you could decide you didn’t like me after all_ _  
> _➤ _I couldn’t deal with that!!_ 😭 _  
> _➤ _Can i have another chance??_ _  
> _➤ _Please????_ 🥺🥺🥺 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __idk… u rly hurt me…_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Im sorry!!!!!!!_ 😭😭😭😭😭 _  
> _➤ _I didn’t mean to!!!! I really thought i was doing the best for you!!_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __but how do i know u wont do it again?_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _I won’t!!_ _  
> _➤ _I learned my lesson!!!!!!!_ 🙏 _  
> _➤ _I love you honey_ 🥺💖 _  
> _➤ _I don’t want us to break up ever again so please?_ _  
> _➤ _Last chance????_ 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 _  
> _➤ _If i fuck up again you can dump my ass and never give me another chance_ _  
> _➤ _Thats how serious i am this time_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __idk…_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Please?_ 🥺 _  
> _➤ _At least meet me somewhere so we can talk in person??_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __i guess i can do that…_ _  
> __u dont deserve another chance tho_ _  
> __but i rly like u too_ _  
> __i guess we can talk abt it_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _REALLY???????_ _  
> _➤ _THANK YOU SO MUCH HONEY I PROMISE I WONT FUCK UP THIS TIME_ _  
> _➤ _I would call you but i’m at bunny’s and he and wonnie are asleep_ _  
> _➤ _I dont wanna wake them up_ 🥺 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> _😅 _thats ok_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _So can we get coffee tomorrow?_ _  
> _➤ _Or lunch?_ _  
> _➤ _Maybe dinner??_ _  
> _➤ _Anything you want honey, it’s on me_ 🤑 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> _😂😂😂 _coffees fine_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Coffee it is!!_ _  
> _➤ _I can’t wait to see you_ 🥺 _  
> _➤ _I missed you so much!!!!!_ 😭😭😭😭😭 _  
> _➤ _I don’t know how i survived so long without talking to you!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __it was just 2 weeks…_ 😳 _  
> __  
> _➤ _The longest 2 weeks of my LIFE_ _  
> _➤ _How have you been honey??_ _  
> _➤ _Tell me everything_ 😍 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __minhyukie its 3 in the morning_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _So?_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __so i was asleep…_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Oh shit_ _  
> _➤ _Sorry_ _  
> _➤ _Did i wake you???_ _  
> _➤ _I didn’t mean to, i’m sorry honey!!!_ 😭 _  
> _➤ _Go back to sleep_ _  
> _➤ _Text me where you want to meet tomorrow ok!!_ _  
> _➤ _Wherever you want, whatever time you want, i’ll be there_ _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __ok…_ _  
> __go to sleep minhyukie_ _  
> __we can talk more tmrw_ _  
> __  
> _➤ _Alright_ _  
> _➤ _Goodnight honey_ 🥰 _  
> _➤ _I love you!!_ 💖💖💖 _  
> __  
> _**(My) Honey 🍯😊💕** _  
> __love u too_ 🖤 _  
> __  
> _➤ ❤️💕💝💟💘🧡💙❣️💚💚💛💟💕💙  
>  💞💘💝💓💗💖💓💗💖💞💋💟❤️💙💚❣️  
> 💝💘❣️💓❤️💝🖤💞💋💖💗💝💘💛💕

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!💕


	6. Fueled by ramyun

⊷⋄⊶

Back when Changkyun first started talking to Hyungwon, a part of him firmly believed it would not take long for their conversation to fizzle out and for them to go their separate ways - mostly because he didn’t think someone like Hyungwon would take the time out of his busy day to indulge Changkyun’s whims and odd topics of discussion. He couldn’t have been more wrong - it had been over a month already.

A whole month, talking to Hyungwon every day. If Changkyun hadn’t experienced those conversations, if he didn’t have the Word document where all their messages were saved as proof, he would have trouble believing it.

The past couple of weeks, though, they hadn’t been talking as much - still every day, but often just for a few minutes. Hyungwon had been busy working on a project he seemed very passionate about, thus, his time for Changkyun’s nonsense had lessened tremendously, and Changkyun was fine. He was alright with it. It’s not like he missed Hyungwon or anything.

...except he did and he felt much like a puppy would when his owner leaves for work in the morning.

It was not ideal. He was deep in Wonderland now, and honestly? He didn’t want to leave. What had started as simple curiosity had escalated into an attachment he hadn’t foreseen, and now if he didn’t talk to Hyungwon his day just felt empty. And, fair, Changkyun was notorious for developing crushes on people very easily, but with Hyungwon— it felt different. It wasn’t difficult for him to become starry-eyed when he met someone he found interesting, and maybe he had been just starry-eyed at Hyungwon, at first. Now, all this time later, starry-eyed had given way to what  _ felt _ like an actual crush. He hoped he was wrong. He didn’t want to have a real crush on Hyungwon, because that’s a level of danger he didn’t want to bring unto himself.

But Hyungwon was—  _ ugh, _ it made him angry sometimes how great Hyungwon was. It wasn’t even about his appearance - it was rare for Changkyun to see pictures of him, beyond the few ones he’d found previously, and he’d never been so shallow as to crush on someone based only on looks. No, it was who Hyungwon was a person that captivated him. Hyungwon was hilarious in a strange, offbeat way that was almost awkward at times, and it was the cutest thing ever. And he was clever and witty, and he had an opinion about nearly every topic Changkyun brought up. He was sweet and caring and so very observant; Hyungwon could pick up on his mood changes at the drop of a hat - not that it was hard since Changkyun had trouble concealing his emotions, but still, it worked in Hyungwon’s favor.

He’d been learning so much about him, little bits of his life Hyungwon allowed him to discover. He liked shrimp and had trouble eating spicy food. His taste in music ranged from EDM to Bubblegum Pop to moody Lana Del Rey songs, which pleased Changkyun greatly as a music student. He could sleep anywhere, no matter how loud the world was around him or whether he was standing up or sitting down. He used to like dancing but had grown distant from that hobby, and he missed it. He’d never owned a pet, but he really liked dogs and thought it was hilarious the way Changkyun had sent him a message that simply said ‘woof’ in response. 

While Changkyun enjoyed learning all of these tidbits, Hyungwon hadn’t truly opened up to him yet, not beyond the surface-level stuff. Changkyun wasn’t privy to the inner workings of Hyungwon’s mind, his motivations to think the way he did, or to do the things he did. He had his suspicions and his assumptions, of course, but nothing that had been confirmed by Hyungwon himself. They were getting closer, but Hyungwon still didn’t trust him, and Changkyun, admittedly, also didn’t trust Hyungwon.

Who knows, someone smart like Hyungwon would have probably considered the path of manipulation and false friendship to get Changkyun to reveal himself, only so he could run off to report him. It was a small chance, but a small chance is still a chance, one that Changkyun couldn’t risk.

It was incredibly exhausting to walk that fine line between wanting to know Hyungwon and let Hyungwon know him, while at the same time being wary of his motivations. He was sick and tired of it already, but he couldn’t force Hyungwon to share his thoughts with him if Hyungwon didn’t want to or wasn’t ready, so there he sat, in limbo, with two hearts in his chest pulling him different directions.

The smart thing to do was to jump ship before what he suspected was a crush developed into something more, something he couldn’t come back from. Changkyun considered himself a smart person but, when it came to Hyungwon, his brain might as well be made of rainbow-colored slime. With glitter. The tiny, dusty type glitter that got everywhere and you could never wash away.

Luckily for him, Jooheon had gotten back together with Minhyuk and wasn’t paying attention to his woes, much more interested in sucking face with his boyfriend (which they both swore up and down would be a long-term thing, this time).

Kihyun, on the other hand—

“Pick your face up off the ground before someone trips on it,” Kihyun said without raising his eyes from his laptop, where he’d been editing some of his photos.

Changkyun gave him a half-hearted glare from the corner of his eyes and went back to looking down at his phone. His mother had sent him another text asking if he had reconsidered his decision of dropping his Physics course, which she did every few days since he told her of his choice. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be, but the passive-aggressive pressuring was starting to get to his nerves.

The coffee shop they were in wasn’t too full at this time, a few people chattering in the scattered tables and the baristas taking the orders of the few patrons who wandered in - Changkyun kept hoping to see Hyungwon enter the store to tend to his caffeine addiction, but anytime he heard the bell announcing a newcomer, he saw only a stranger and felt only disappointment. Not that he would do anything about it if he saw Hyungwon, but still. Seeing him in person would be nice. Probably.

“What has you sulking today?” Kihyun asked, leaning back on his chair to give his eyes a break and taking a sip of his coffee. “The usual suspects?”

Changkyun let out a tired breath and slid over his phone towards Kihyun so he could read the message himself. While he waited for a reaction, Changkyun drank some of his own coffee and glanced over at a large clock that hung from one of the walls in the shop - it was still early, so he still had some time to kill before he had to leave for work. It occurred to him that maybe he should pick up more shifts at the ramyun shop now that he dropped his minor. Wouldn’t hurt to make some extra cash.

“She sure didn’t take this well,” Kihyun commented, eyes still on the screen of Changkyun’s phone. “How did your father react?”

“He was disappointed, but he was a lot more understanding,” said Changkyun. “All he wants is for me to choose something else to minor in, which stings but is better than my mother trying to convince me to give Physics another go.”

Kihyun sighed and shook his head. “Parents,” he said under his breath. “And I assume none of your pouting has to do with Noodleman?”

Changkyun nearly choked on his drink but managed to cover it up by clearing his throat. “Uh, no, why would it be about him?”

Kihyun simply turned the phone towards Changkyun to show him the open folder full of Hyungwon’s pictures titled ‘cookie<3’ as he stared at Changkyun looking like a cat who had just cornered a mouse. Changkyun felt heat rushing up his face.

“Cookie?” Kihyun asked.

“It’s— it’s just an inside joke, it doesn’t mean anything,” Changkyun lied and snatched his phone back from Kihyun’s evil clutches. “And why are you looking around my phone like some creep, at least ask for permission first.”

“You save a dozen pictures of Hyungwon on your phone, probably without his knowledge, and you’re calling  _ me _ a creep?”

“He knows I have pictures of him.”

“Does he know how many?”

Changkyun crossed his arms and pouted. “It’s not like I’m doing anything bad with them, why does it matter?”

Kihyun took a deep breath and exhaled slowly through his nose. “Kkung… why do you have pictures of him on your phone at all? I know you’ve been talking to him, but to have an entire album with pictures of him doesn’t exactly scream ‘friendship’ to me.”

“It’s not like that,” he said, despite knowing it was  _ exactly _ like that. “He’s— I like his face. And his personality. And I like talking to him. It doesn’t mean it’s not just friendship.”

“Changkyun… what are you doing?”

“I don’t know!” Changkyun finally admitted, slumping forward and crossing his arms on the table, only so he could rest his head on his arms and pout at Kihyun like a kicked puppy. “We talk every day, and I know you told me to stop but I don’t really want to stop because he’s just so nice to talk to, and lately he’s been busy doesn’t have time to talk to me and I miss him and I have no idea what to do about it and I hate it.”

Kihyun stared at him for a moment, and Changkyun was both surprised and relieved to see no frustration or anger in his eyes. Kihyun looked almost sad, a melancholic glow in his eyes. He didn’t say anything for a while, only looking at Changkyun with a pensive expression, as if Kihyun himself wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. Not very encouraging.

Changkyun straightened himself up from his slouch, sitting properly on his chair again as he chewed on his lips, debating on whether or not to ask something he’d always been curious about but never had the nerve to ask. It felt like an appropriate time to finally do so.

“Hyung,” Changkyun began, careful as if walking on eggshells. “How did you get over Hyunwoo-hyung?”

Kihyun gave a wistful smile and a shrug before simply saying, “I didn’t.”

Changkyun stared at Kihyun for a long moment, mouth agape, as his brain tried to process the words. He blinked once, twice, and before he could hold himself back, he snapped, “Then why aren’t you together!? He clearly still has feelings for you too, so why—”

Kihyun sighed. “There’s a lot more to our break-up than you think, Changkyun.”

“Please elaborate, because I can’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to, you’re too much of a hopeless romantic,” Kihyun said and shot him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I never planned on telling you the whole story since it’s none of your business, but you’re obviously going through it, so I’ll give you the rundown.” He shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable as if his shirt was itchy or too tight or if he was sitting on an anthill. Changkyun felt bad for asking, but not enough to tell Kihyun he didn’t want to hear the story after all. “Hyunwoo and I started dating in high school. He was one grade ahead of me, and he was always so—”

“Dreamy?”

Kihyun chuckled through his nose and nodded. “Yes, dreamy. We were head over heels for each other, and we thought our relationship would be fine once he had to leave for college, because I still had one year of high school to get through - tale as old as time.” Kihyun waved his hand dismissively and took a quick sip of coffee before continuing. “The first couple of months were mostly fine, we Skyped and talked on the phone every day, he came over to see me on weekends, but… it started to take its toll on us. His courses began taking up all his time and energy, and I started feeling neglected and unwanted, which I know was not true at all. At the time, though, it was heartbreaking for me to believe my boyfriend was slowly slipping away from me and there was nothing I could do, and I guess I never stopped to think that it was hard for Hyunwoo too, to have no time to be with his loved ones - not just myself, but his family.”

Changkyun listened to every word that came out of Kihyun’s mouth with rapt attention, trying to imagine what a lovesick high-schooler Kihyun had looked like and coming up empty. He wouldn’t go as far as to call Kihyun bitter, but it was difficult to imagine a genuinely happy Kihyun, too; he laughed, he played around, he seemed content most of the time, but there was always an air of sadness about him. Changkyun had always attributed it to Hyunwoo - now he was certain of it. 

“We somehow got through on the hope that it would be better once I was in college too,” Kihyun continued. “We had it all figured out. We would get an apartment together, see each other every day, do this and do that, and we firmly believed this would solve everything. Again, it didn’t turn out as we hoped - we couldn’t afford any of the apartments that were available at the time, his courses were becoming harder and more time-consuming, I was busy with my own studies, and we had both started working to support ourselves, which left us with even less time than before. We couldn’t find the balance between our time together and our responsibilities.” Kihyun paused to take a deep breath before concluding, “So we had a long talk and decided that it was best for both of us to end it.”

For a few seconds, all Changkyun could do was stare at Kihyun as if he’d just told his entire story in an ancient forgotten tongue. When it finally clicked, all Changkyun could do was stammer out a confused, “But— hyung!”

“We’re both career-oriented people,” Kihyun said, and it sounded like an excuse - even if a pragmatic, rational one. “We don’t regret our choice.”

Changkyun huffed and slumped in his seat. “That’s the most unromantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

Kihyun gave him a soft smile that was in equal parts sad and fond. “Romance is not the end-all-be-all in life, Kkung. We’re at a stage in our lives where pursuing our education and our passions is more important than having a relationship.”

“But what if Hyunwoo-hyung meets someone new?”

“It’ll hurt, I’m not going to lie to you,” said Kihyun, a breath leaving his lips as he shifted in his seat again, his eyes now lowered to the table. “It’ll hurt, but I’ll be happy for him, the same way I know he’ll be happy for me if I find someone. And who knows, maybe some five years from now, when we’re done with our studies and reach a more stable phase of our lives, we’ll give it another go - assuming we don’t lose touch until then.”

“Even if there’s a chance you’ll lose him forever?”

Kihyun shot him a tired look and Changkyun knew that he should just drop the subject, stop asking so many questions that Kihyun obviously didn’t want to answer, but he’d gotten this far. After a warning glare from Kihyun that clearly said ‘you need to stop’, he finally answered.

“Hyunwoo will always be the one that got away. Finding our way back to each other or not won’t change that - if we get back together, then it’ll be my second chance to make it right. Either way, my relationship with Hyunwoo is what shaped me into who I am today and gave me the standard to which I’ll compare my every single relationship in the future. Hyunwoo is… he’s my first love. My first real love. No matter what happens, he’ll always be that. And he’s still my best friend, something I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.”

Changkyun shook his head and, before drinking the last bits of his coffee, said, “This is too bittersweet for me, hyung.”

“Yeah, well. It is what it is.” Kihyun gave him a shrug. “Have you ever felt like that, though?”

Changkyun frowned, not understanding the question right away. “Like that how?”

“Have you ever had a relationship you thought would last forever or someone you believe was the one?”

“I… no?” Changkyun paused and pondered for a moment before elaborating. “I mean, I had a couple of girlfriends in high school and a boyfriend, but none of them lasted too long and I was never really heartbroken about it? I was bummed out when we broke up, of course, but I always got over it pretty fast. It’s easy for me to crush on people and think it’s something more. It rarely ever is.”

“Like what you feel for Hyungwon.”

“Yes! Wait, I mean, no, I—”

Kihyun gave him a flat look. “Changkyun.”

The fight drained out of him as fast as it had built up. “Okay, fine, maybe I have a big baby crush on him, but I’m sure I’d be fine if he told me to piss off.”

One of Kihyun’s eyebrows rose in challenge. “Like you’re fine right now because you haven’t spoken to him much in a couple of days.”

“...Touché.”

Kihyun’s expression softened again and he leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “Kkung, look, I’m not going to tell you this is stupid - mostly because it won’t make a difference. What I will say, though, is that first you need to be honest with yourself, and then be honest with him. If you want to have even a smidge of a chance, you’ll have to tell him who you are.”

“I know,” he replied, and he meant it - he did know. Knowing didn’t make it any easier, though. “What if he doesn’t like me back? What if he’s still talking to me just to find out who I am and report me?”

“It’s a risk you’ll have to take if you really like him,” Kihyun said, in that kind tone of him that always sounded parental.

“I’m not sure if I do.”

“You better figure it out soon, because you can’t keep doing this forever.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“At some point, you’ll have to decide what’s more important to you - Hyungwon, or your education. If he reports you, or if somehow administration gets wind of this, I’m not sure how hard it’ll be for you to get accepted into another university.”

“You don’t have to remind me,” Changkyun said, running a hand through his messy black hair in frustration. “I just need to be sure he’s not playing me.”

“Does he even see you the same way you see him?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I think he might like me, sometimes I think he just finds me amusing. He’s really hard to read.”

“Hm, that’s true in person, too. If you were wondering,” Kihyun said, his eyes now glinting not with sadness, but mischief. “He’s very good at keeping his thoughts and emotions to himself and only showing what he wants others to see, as the great model he is.”

“Lucky me,” Changkyun grumbled, his spirits deflating alongside his confidence. “Of all the people I could have hacked by mistake.”

“I don’t believe in fate, but I don’t believe in coincidences either,” Kihyun said, closing his laptop that had sat ignored until now. “You hacked Hyungwon and there’s no changing that - what you have to do is roll with it and make the best out of the situation you created for yourself.”

“Why is your advice always backhanded?”

“I feel the need to remind you of your own stupidity.”

“That’s fair.” Changkyun paused and stared for Kihyun for a moment, a cheeky smile slowly spreading over his face. “Say, you and Hyunwoo-hyung are broken up but you still hang out a lot. Are you two dicking down or what?”

Kihyun gave him a death glare, cheeks slightly rosy, and got up, putting his laptop in his bag as he went. “Come on, lover boy, I’ll drive you to work.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon dropped his pen and rolled his cramping wrist, wincing. He’d been taking reference notes for his project for a long time - he didn’t know exactly how long, so focused he was. Hoseok, sitting in across from him and working on some sketches for his own classes, was staring at him with concern.

“Wonnie… maybe it’s time to take a break.”

Hyungwon blinked up at Hoseok, his tired brain having trouble processing the words. “What?”

“You look like you’re about to pass out,” Hoseok said, more firmly this time. “It’s time to take a break.”

“I’m fine,” Hyungwon said dismissively, already focusing on his notes again. “I’m almost done, I just have to finish going through his book.”

“You can just check out the book and finish at home!”

“Oh. Right.” Hyungwon looked around, blinking as if just awakened from a dream. He’d completely forgotten he was in a  _ library _ , where you can  _ borrow _ books from. “Hadn’t thought of that.”

“Clearly,” Hoseok said, one eyebrow raised.

Hyungwon could only look down in shame. It wasn’t the first time he’d spaced out so tremendously in the last couple of weeks, and to be called out on that made him feel strange. It wasn’t rare for him to get distracted, but forgetting where he was? That normally didn’t happen.

And fair, working so hard on a project for class also didn’t usually happen, not for him. His assignments were made by obligation and nothing else, but  _ this _ project had to do with a subject he was actually interested in, passionate enough to be confident every step of the way, while at the same time second-guessing himself at every turn because no project had ever taken so much out of him. He wanted to do well; for  _ once _ he wanted to excel and not just do the bare minimum to get by.

Minhyuk was too focused on his rekindled relationship with Jooheon to pay attention, but Hoseok had been worried about him since he began working on this assignment, and Hyungwon understood why; he was working too hard, and caring for himself too little. He would forget to eat, go to sleep at odd hours, not take breaks whenever he was on a roll - which was most of the time.

And I.M, too, seemed a bit worried about him. They hadn’t been talking much the past few days, something Hyungwon felt was necessary if he wanted to do well on his project. It was far too easy to get wrapped up talking to I.M and forget he was supposed to be working on his project. I.M was very understanding, though, and would always accept it whenever Hyungwon told him he had to work on his assignment without a peep; all he would say was ‘make sure to take breaks and eat something’ or anything sweet and caring like that before leaving him alone to do his thing.

It made him feel so confused anytime I.M sent him those types of messages - most of all because he believed them. He believed I.M was being honest, that he wanted him to take care of himself and his health and not overwork himself, and he couldn’t figure out why he would even care. Sure, I.M didn’t seem like a bad person, but at the same time Hyungwon couldn’t shake off that feeling that he was just trying to get on his good side - and also because I.M knew Hyungwon was ‘pretty’, and he had experienced this multiple times, people treating him better for being pretty. Sure, he didn’t hate having an attractive face - the problem came when the pretty face was all others would see.

It was probably all I.M saw in him. Why else would he be so nice? Or so flirty? Certainly not because of his dry humor and reluctance to talk about himself.

And yet, it had been over a month and I.M was still talking to him every day. Was he so intent on ensuring Hyungwon wouldn’t rat him out that he willingly endured the boredom of talking to Hyungwon? The alternative seemed ridiculous, and while he knew this was his low self-esteem talking, he couldn’t see how it was possible that I.M actually enjoyed his (virtual) company.

He didn’t know why he hadn’t cut off contact with I.M yet, though. His old laptop had been fixed weeks ago and was working fine, yet he still used the new one to write his essays, something he told himself was to keep his college stuff and his personal stuff separate when he knew it had nothing to do with that. Besides, Hyungwon had decided long ago he would not report I.M, even though he had to use that card whenever he felt I.M was getting a little  _ too _ comfortable with him.

Technically, if he told I.M this, I.M would have no reason to talk to him anymore. Maybe he should just say ‘hey, you know what, you’re cool, I won’t report you, it’s all good’ and set I.M free from what was probably a perceived-obligation to keep trying to convince Hyungwon he wasn’t that bad.

But he was selfish. He enjoyed talking to I.M, and he enjoyed the interest even if it wasn’t real. It made him feel like such a loser to think like that, but it was the truth. It was easier to talk to I.M, especially now that they had reached this place where their dynamics came naturally. It was always so hard for him to wow people in person - he was quiet and shy, and while he was still rather easy-going, it took time for him to feel comfortable enough to really be himself and joke and laugh around someone new. The time it took him to open up, however, was usually more time than most people were willing to wait. I.M was still there after a whole month, almost double the time people tended to last - it  _ had _ to mean something. A least a little itty bitty teeny tiny something.

“Wonnie? Are you listening to me?”

“Hm?” Hyungwon looked up at Hoseok as if he’d just noticed he was sitting there. Hoseok sighed.

“That’s it, we’re going,” Hoseok declared, already getting up and gathering his things.

“Going where?” Hyungwon asked, dazed and wondering how long he had spaced out for.

“Lunch!” Hoseok announced with a bright smile. “I want ramyun and you need food.”

“I’m not hungry, though,” said Hyungwon, and looked down at his book again. “I’ll get something to eat once I—”

“Hyungwon,” Hoseok said, and it was no longer the nice, understanding Hoseok - it was the Hoseok that didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. It was always startling when that side of him came out. “You’re going out for lunch with me, and I’m not asking, I’m telling you.”

“Sheesh, fine, no need to get all Angry Parent on me.” Hyungwon huffed and placed a bookmark on the page he’d been reading before closing the book and getting up.

“Huff and puff all you want, you  _ need _ to take a break and eat something, Wonnie.”

“Fine, whatever,” Hyungwon said, gathering the book he’d been reading, as well as the books he’d chosen earlier but had yet to open. “Can I read while we eat, though?”

“That’s rude.”

“You’re really ruining my groove here, hyung.”

“Good!” Hoseok said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Now let’s get those books checked out and go eat, I need my ramyun fuel.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Working at a ramyun shop was not something Changkyun ever thought he would do, but when you need money to pay your bills, afford basic necessities, and need a job that can accommodate your schedule, he found that he couldn’t be picky. The pay was decent and the work itself wasn’t too hard - all he had to do was smile, take the customers’ orders, relay them to the kitchen staff, and later handle the payments. If he had to actually  _ cook _ the food, he would be all kinds of fucked - he couldn’t cook if his life depended on it.

He only worked Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, the days he didn’t have any classes, but now that he’d dropped Physics he might be able to squeeze in an extra shift on Fridays. He’d talk to his boss later.

There weren’t many customers around at the time, other than a couple of patrons peppered around the few available tables, the sound of their chatter a background noise Changkyun had grown so used to that he hardly even noticed anymore. The lunchtime rush had died down a little while ago, and now, almost three in the afternoon, Changkyun was sitting on his chair behind the counter, working on a few lyrics for a track he and Jooheon were in the midst of composing. His boss didn’t mind if he worked on his college assignments during work hours as long as he did so during the slow hours and didn’t slack off. So far, he’d never had any problems - he was a responsible, hardworking young man and, in his humble opinion, he deserved a raise.

Changkyun looked down at the lyrics he’d written and grimaced. His lyrics were becoming sappier and sappier as of late, which wasn’t exactly normal for him - even Jooheon had asked if he was alright, and all Changkyun could think of to tell him was that he’d been listening to love songs and watching dramas a lot. Jooheon hadn’t seemed to believe him, but he also didn’t question it. Thank heavens for small mercies.

Still, the cheesy lyrics were starting to peeve him. With the small eraser on the opposite tip of his pencil, he quickly erased the last few verses he’d written, decided to pretend they never happened. People often say to ‘fake it until you make it’ and he would follow their advice and pretend he didn’t have a crush on Hyungwon until he didn’t for real. That would solve everything. He would soon be able to say goodbye to the sappy, cheesy lyrics that kept coming out of him.

He’d just finished erasing the last line when the little bell that sat atop the store’s door jingled to announce a new customer, a voice reaching his ears almost at the same time.

“I come here every Friday, it’s really good,” a male voice was saying. “You’re going to like it, Wonnie.”

Changkyun closed his notebook and got up to greet the customers that had just walked in, and he looked up to see a familiar face he couldn’t quite place. And then he noticed the man’s arms, and it clicked.

Beefcake-hyung. The guy who had been in the picture he’d seen on Minhyuk’s Instagram between Minhyuk and Hyungwon.

And behind Beefcake-hyung—

Changkyun felt the blood drain from his body, heart dropping and mind coming to a screeching halt. It was almost as if he was watching the scene unfold in slow motion. Beefcake-hyung entered the shop and stepped aside, holding the door open so that ‘Wonnie’ could pass -  _ Wonnie _ . Beefcake-hyung called Hyungwon  _ Wonnie _ . It hadn’t even occurred to him when he first heard the nickname that this could be Hyungwon, and there he was, entering his workplace looking like he’d just stepped out of an otome game.

Hyungwon’s dark hair was a mess, falling in front of his eyes and covering some of his face, which didn’t seem to bother him at all; the black backpack he had hanging on one shoulder seemed heavy with books; he was wearing an oversized gray hoodie and skinny jeans, and, alright, he could see the jeans clinging to Hyungwon’s thighs and that was something Changkyun wished he hadn’t noticed.

Redirecting his gaze to his face, Changkyun could tell Hyungwon looked— tired. He looked like a sleepy child, most of all, and Changkyun wanted to go over and pick him up, find a nice quiet corner for him to take a nap, tuck him in, and sing him a lullaby.

...alright, this was getting strange, he had to snap out of it.

And then Hyungwon brought a hand up and ran it through his hair to brush it away from his face and Changkyun could do nothing but stand and stare.

Okay, this was a problem, and a big one, because if he didn’t have a crush on Hyungwon before, he certainly did now.

“I’ll order for us, you can get us a table,” Beefcake-hyung said over his shoulder to Hyungwon as he approached Changkyun’s counter.

He was immediately yanked out of his trance and back into reality - he was working, he had to be professional, no matter that the guy he’d hacked by mistake and had been lowkey crushing on was standing right there. And fuck, Changkyun was wearing his uniform and a silly little hat,  _ fuck _ , of all the situations for him to run into Hyungwon did it have to be when he was looking like a dweeb!?

“Alright,” Hyungwon replied to Beefcake-hyung, and woah, that was a very nice voice. Sure, it was only one word, but it was a very well-pronounced word, very eloquent, ten out of ten.

Hyungwon walked away without even glancing at Changkyun, as he’d been looking down most of the time, and that filled him with an immense sense of relief but also of disappointment. If only he could have locked eyes with Hyungwon just for a little bit—

“Hi!” Beefcake-hyung greeted, and Changkyun blinked out of his Hyungwon-induced-reverie and turned to him, plastering a smile on his face. Beefcake-hyung noticed he’d been ogling Hyungwon though, and gave him an amused little grin.

“Hello!” Changkyun said, his voice failing at some points. He cleared his throat and continued. “What can I get for you?”

“Can I have one bowl of beef ramyun and one bowl of seafood ramyun, please?” Beefcake-hyung said. He looked so nice, like a genuinely nice person - nobody that smiles with his eyes twinkling like that can be a bad person. Changkyun wrote down the orders on a paper slip. “The seafood one has shrimp in it, right?”

Changkyun held back from smiling just in time before looking up at Beefcake-hyung to answer, “Yes, it does have shrimp in it.”

That was  _ definitely _ for Hyungwon.

Beefcake-hyung finished ordering side dishes and drinks, all of which Changkyun dutifully wrote down, trying to guess which of those was for Hyungwon, which he would like best. It was very hard not to let his eyes wander over to where Hyungwon had sat, a table not that far away from where he was standing and, blessedly, he’d chosen a seat with his back turned - less chance he’d catch him staring.

The problem: Beefcake-hyung had  _ definitely _ noticed Changkyun’s staring. And he would be sitting right across from him, within his line of sight. This could get very awkward, very fast.

“Anything else?” Changkyun asked.

“No, I think this is everything.”

“Alright, you just have to wait until your number is called,” Changkyun said, a line he’d delivered many times, as he took one of the plastic tokens available and handed it to Beefcake-hyung; number 07. Good number. “If you need anything, I’m happy to help.”

“Thank you!” Beefcake-hyung said while Changkyun wrote down the number on the same slip as the order. “By the way, are you new here?”

Changkyun looked up with a small hitch of confusion between his brows. “No, I’ve worked here for about six months now.”

“Right, sorry, I just come here every week and I’ve never seen you around.”

“No, it’s okay,” Changkyun said, unable to keep from smiling. Beefcake-hyung was so  _ cute _ . “I only work here three days a week, you have probably come on one of the days I don’t work.”

“Yes, I usually come on Fridays.”

“Ah, yeah, then that’s probably it.”

“Yeah, probably,” said Beefcake-hyung, as he started backing away. “I’ll let you get back to work, sorry for taking up so much of your time.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it,” Changkyun answered with a smile, and with a smile of his own Beefcake-hyung left to return to Hyungwon’s side. He watched Beefcake stroke the back of Hyungwon’s head fondly once he reached him, Hyungwon lifting his head and giving him a soft smile to welcome him back.

Oh, how he envied Beefcake-hyung.

For getting to be around Hyungwon  _ and _ for his muscles.

Changkyun passed the order along to the kitchen staff, making sure to add a note asking for an extra portion of shrimp (which he would pay for himself), and, after that, he had nothing to do except return to his station to wait for the next customers.

He tried to keep his head down, focus on his lyrics, but Hyungwon’s presence was as difficult to fight as gravity. His traitorous eyes kept turning towards him, and every little sound he heard coming from that general direction had his entire being on alert. A burst of laughter, the sound of glasses clinking, a voice slightly louder than the others, anything was enough reason for him to look and check if the sound had come from Hyungwon. None of it had; Hyungwon and his—  _ friend _ had chosen a table that wasn’t far from him, but that was also not near enough for him to hear their conversation. And they were very quiet - Beefcake-hyung’s laughter sometimes wafted over, but it was quiet, polite laughter, they both aware of their surroundings and trying not to bother the people around them. Or, at least, that’s what Changkyun assumed was the reason.

But Hyungwon had looked pretty tired when he first arrived, so that could be a plausible explanation as well. He hoped the shrimp would cheer him up, at least a little.

Changkyun didn’t even notice he’d been staring at Hyungwon’s pretty hair and broad shoulders until he realized Beefcake-hyung was looking his way with an eyebrow slightly quirked. Changkyun, flustered, looked down at his notebook and refused to look up for a while, just in case.  _ Busted _ .

He heard someone call out the number of their table, and raised his eyes briefly just to see if it would be Hyungwon who would come get the food - it was, again, Beefcake-hyung. Beefcake-hyung noticed the extra portion of shrimp right away and glanced over at Changkyun. He half-expected to be told off, but Beefcake-hyung only shot him an appreciative smile and returned to his table with the tray of food.

After that, it was impossible  _ not _ to look over. Changkyun kept fidgeting in his seat, glancing over at Hyungwon over and over, trying to see if he’d noticed the extra portion of shrimp, if he’d liked it, if it had at least made him smile, all the while being torn between wanting Hyungwon to turn around and look at him, and wanting Hyungwon to pretend he wasn’t there at all. He would end up disappointed either way - if Hyungwon didn’t look at him, he would be frustrated wishing he did; if he  _ did _ look at him, he wouldn’t know who Changkyun was. He’d be just the clerk at the ramyun shop, and not the person he’d been talking to every night for the past month. There would be no victory for him.

And there was the  _ other _ thing, just the cherry on top of that angst-flavored cake - the way Beefcake-hyung looked at Hyungwon, the way he treated him. Changkyun caught movement from the corner of his eye and looked over just in time to see Beefcake-hyung reaching across the table to hold Hyungwon’s hand, a sweet little smile on his lips and stars in his eyes. Changkyun swallowed down the jealousy and lowered his eyes back to the notebook, to the lyrics he hadn’t erased. It would definitely not be a sappy love song  _ now _ .

Hyungwon never mentioned he has a boyfriend, which, in retrospect, made sense - Hyungwon rarely spoke of his personal life other than the little scraps of generic information. In fact, Changkyun didn’t even know which area of Literature he was even studying, or which he liked best, or even why he wanted to major in Literature. Did he want to teach? Be an author? A book critic? Publishing? Editing? He had no clue. Of course he wouldn’t mention a boyfriend.

It was silly of him to be upset about it, he knew. Hyungwon had never shown any romantic interest in him or ever responded to his flirting in a way that could be misinterpreted, and Changkyun had never made a clear move on Hyungwon, his flirty outbursts always masked as humor instead of something to be truly considered. Hyungwon didn’t owe him anything, and Changkyun wasn’t selfish enough to feel entitled to that kind of private information. And it made sense, really - of course someone as amazing as Hyungwon would be taken. He’d been stupid to assume otherwise. Stupid.

He didn’t have any right to feel bitter about it. The best he could do was— let go. Get over his dumb crush and move on, stop talking to him, and pretend it was all a really nice dream.

Yes. That sounded like a smart move.

Luck was on his side for once, because soon the little bell jingled to announce the arrival of a group of giggling girls that would at least keep him occupied for a couple of minutes - there were five of them, that meant he would have to keep his head low to write down their large order. He could do this. He could  _ not _ look at Hyungwon for five minutes. It was fine. It was all good. He was totally, completely fine.

And then the order was finished, the girls went over to find themselves a table, and there was nothing else for Changkyun to do after passing over the order to the kitchen staff than to just sit there in silence and pine over Hyungwon. Again.

Risking another glance over, he saw that the girls had chosen a sit directly behind Hyungwon and Beefcake, and were obviously staring at the both of them, giggling and whispering to each other; they were all wearing the uniform of a nearby High School, which only magnified the fact that they were far too young and had absolutely no chance with college students (considering the college students in question had any decency, which he knew Hyungwon, at least, had). They all looked very young, too - if Changkyun had to guess, he’d say they were probably in their first year of high school. Maybe second, but that felt like a stretch.

In the brief second he’d looked over, however, Changkyun noticed Hyungwon eating a shrimp from the side dish he’d added to their order. His heart soared, spirits lifting high up in the air. He ate the shrimp, he liked the shrimp, that’s all he’d hoped for. Even if Hyungwon never knew the shrimp was sent by him, just making Hyungwon happy was enough for Changkyun.

To his added satisfaction, Changkyun saw Beefcake-hyung reach over to try and get a shrimp for himself, only to have Hyungwon hit his hand with the chopsticks to defend his territory.

Alright,  _ now _ Changkyun was happy.

He bowed his head again, looking down at his notebook - mostly because he noticed the high school girls looking his own way and whispering to each other - and tried to focus. He wrote a few more lines, none of them very inspired, and erased most of them after deciding it was still too sappy. He kept bouncing his leg, making a Herculean effort not to look up towards Hyungwon again, and at this point, all he wanted was for them to leave already to give his poor heart a moment to rest; he was tired of the rapid pounding. His blood pressure was probably high enough for him to start shooting steam out of his ears.

What if he walked over and told Hyungwon the truth? Reveal himself as I.M, apologize in person for everything, and ask him out like a normal person? His insides turned just thinking about it.

He couldn’t do that - Beefcake was likely Hyungwon’s boyfriend, so asking him out was out of the question. He might even get beaten to a pulp if his sudden confession made them angry, and he didn’t want to find out if the muscles of Beefcake-hyung’s arms were just for show.

And he was also scared shitless. That was an important factor in his decision of keeping his mouth shut, too.

He took a deep breath, drank slow gulps of water from the bottle he kept behind the counter, and tried to will himself to relax. He was still working, he couldn’t let his brain collapse into itself. What if Hyungwon was the one to come over and pay for the food? What then? Would he just make dying elephant noises at him? No, he had to calm down.

The minutes dragged on as Changkyun waited for that brand-new form of torture to end, unable to write any lyrics, feeling his heart being pierced by tiny little razors every time he dared look towards Hyungwon. He and Beefcake looked so—  _ cozy _ with each other. They looked so good together. And he couldn’t even bring himself to be mad about it because Beefcake-hyung was so damn nice he could not see how anyone could ever be mad at him.

And then finally he saw Beefcake-hyung get up, saying something to Hyungwon with the softest expression on his face before making his way over to Changkyun. He got up, making sure to keep his back straight and smiling as genuinely as he possibly could. It seemed Beefcake was paying for the meal, judging from how he was pulling his wallet from the pocket of his jeans. Damn him, he was good-looking, friendly,  _ and _ he paid for the meals. Hyungwon really hit the jackpot.

“Hello again,” Beefcake said with a gummy grin. “May I have the bill, please?”

“Of course, here,” Changkyun said, looking around for the slip with the total cost of their meal. Beefcake pulled out a credit card from his wallet and Changkyun gave him the slip, waiting until he’d passed the card through the device to conclude his payment before he brought up the receipt. He could do this, this was easy. He’d done a million times, this was just another day at the job, he had no reason to freak out.

“Thanks for the shrimp, by the way.”

Changkyun’s movements stuttered, as did his confidence. “A-ah, it’s no problem. Did you enjoy your meal?”

“Yes, it was great! I just couldn’t have any of the shrimp, my friend hoarded it all for himself. I let him have it since it’s his favorite but he didn’t let me have even one.”

Changkyun blinked, confused for a moment. Had Beefcake assumed Changkyun had sent the extra shrimp for him and not Hyungwon…?

Well. It made sense - Beefcake-hyung had no reason to think Changkyun knew Hyungwon, much less that he liked shrimp, and he had been the one to order, the one who made an inquiry about the seafood ramyun. Changkyun couldn’t correct him and say the offer was meant for Hyungwon, otherwise he would raise too much suspicion and he couldn’t have that.

“A-ah, that’s— a shame,” he said with a tight smile and handed the receipt to Beefcake. “Here you go.”

“Thanks!” Beefcake chirped, then turned over his shoulder to check if Hyungwon was coming; he was just picking up his things to leave after gathering their dishes on the tray. How thoughtful of him. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, sure,” Changkyun said half-heartedly. “Have a nice day.”

“You too!”

Beefcake-hyung began moving slowly towards the door, waiting for Hyungwon to catch up. Hyungwon bowed his head politely at the kitchen staff as he walked by them, and then turned to do the same towards Changkyun. Oh. He looked his way. He looked— he had hair all over his eyes again, but  _ he looked at him _ .

Close to fainting, Changkyun bowed his head back at Hyungwon, and just like that, they were gone.

If Changkyun opened his mouth, he was certain his heart would leap right out.

He tried to regain his composure, even out his breathing, before he went over to collect the tray and wipe down the table. If the high school girls caught sight of his shaking hands he would be too much of an easy target, and they looked rather upset that Hyungwon and Beefcake had left; better not to call attention to himself, keep his head down, and do his job.

That was more than enough excitement for just one day.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun sat before his laptop, staring at the application icon and debating what he should say to Hyungwon. He didn’t want to keep it a secret that he’d seen him, but he wasn’t sure how well or how poorly Hyungwon would take the information.

Although… maybe that could be the defining factor in his decision to continue talking to Hyungwon, or to cut all ties and never think about him again. He already knew Hyungwong wouldn’t like knowing that Changkyun had wasted an opportunity to reveal himself, whether Hyungwon had good intentions or not, but the way he handled it could tip the scales for Changkyun.

Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Changkyun opened the application, already feeling the anxiety rise when the notification popped up saying the connection between his laptop and Hyungwon’s had been established. Judging from what he saw on Hyungwon’s screen, he appeared to be revising the text he’d been working on, the screen slowly scrolling down and few words being changed here and there. Changkyun rolled his shoulders and his neck as if preparing to do battle, and opened their Word document.

He didn’t waste any time with greetings - better to just dive right in and get it over with.  
  


> so   
>  funny story
> 
> Why do I have a bad feeling about this?
> 
> it's nothing bad   
>  i just think i've seen you out today
> 
> Excuse me?   
>  Are you following me now?
> 
> no!!!!!   
>  i can't help it that we were at the same place at the same time   
>  it's not like i planned it
> 
> This feels so creepy though   
>  Knowing you saw me but I didn't see you

Alright, so far so good.

He couldn’t tell him he’d been at the ramyun store, though - that would make it too obvious. There had only been a handful of patrons there at the time, and Changkyun was the only one there who’d been college-age; certainly Hyungwon wouldn’t think the high schoolers or the two middle-aged men sitting at a far table were him.

Or would he?

Didn’t matter, he wouldn’t say it.  
  


> i'm sorry!!!!!!!  
>  like i said, couldn't help it  
>  you walked by me and i recognized you  
>  but of course i couldn't just go like  
>  "yo it's me! the guy who hacked you by accident!"
> 
> You're probably right   
>  It's still so weird
> 
> i'm sorry  
>  if it makes you feel any better  
>  you look even better in person
> 
> Pfft   
>  That just makes it creepier
> 
> lol sorry   
>  i mean it tho
> 
> Where did you even see me?
> 
> i saw you going to this ramyun shop
> 
> Oh, right   
>  Yeah, that was probably me

Changkyun exhaled slowly through his lips. Hyungwon wasn’t angry with him. Maybe a little creeped out and slightly upset, but not angry. He could work with that. It seemed he would keep talking to him after all.

Now for the second issue he had to address. The one that had been truly bothering him.  
  


> gotta say, you have good taste
> 
> In ramyun shops?
> 
> no  
>  your boyfriend looks good
> 
> My boyfriend?   
>  You mean Hoseok-hyung?
> 
> if that's the guy who was with you, with the muscles  
>  yes
> 
> LOL he's not my boyfriend   
>  He's practically my older brother

Changkyun heard the little Windows error popup sound in his head - brain.exe had just stopped responding.

Hyungwon and Beefcake-hyung… were  _ not _ a couple.

Beefcake-hyung was  _ not _ Hyungwon’s boyfriend.

They were  _ not _ dating.

Changkyun went as far as to give himself a few slaps on the cheeks to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating.  
  


> oh
> 
> I guess that's proof you're not stalking me   
>  Any stalker would know we're just friends
> 
> come on cookie, you know i’m not stalking you   
>  that’s not how i roll
> 
> Says you
> 
>   
>  it really was a coincidence  
>  it’s a small campus, we were bound to be at the same place at the same time eventually  
>  i just happened to see you and your friend and you two seemed close  
>  i was just curious
> 
> Hoseok and I are very close   
>  Doesn't mean we're dating
> 
> you're right, sorry for assuming

He paused, fingers hovering the keyboard. This was going to be a shameless question even for himself, but he had to ask and put that matter to rest once and for all.  
  


> your actual boyfriend doesn't get jealous?  
>  or girlfriend, idk
> 
> Is that your way of asking if I'm single?

_ Yes _ .

But he couldn’t tell Hyungwon that.  
  


> no  
>  i'm just curious
> 
> Uh-huh   
>  I'm single   
>  No boyfriend or girlfriend

The reply made Changkyun hop out of his bed and do a little celebratory dance to get it out of his system before he sat down once more and messaged Hyungwon back, trying to sound calm and collected as if the information didn’t interest him at all.  
  


> ah  
>  why not?
> 
> Why not what?
> 
> why aren't you dating?  
>  i mean, i assume someone like you would be dating
> 
> Someone like me?
> 
> yeah  
>  handsome, smart, cool  
>  you know  
>  you're quite the catch
> 
> LOL sure I am
> 
> you are, actually  
>  i'm still in shock you're not dating muscle guy  
>  you two looked pretty cozy
> 
> My, my, I.M   
>  You almost sound as if you're jealous

Heat rose from Changkyun’s pinky toe up to the last strand of hair on his head. Thank goodness Hyungwon couldn’t see him, he was probably as red as a stop sign.  
  


> i'm not
> 
> If I didn't know any better I'd think you're interested in me
> 
> good thing you know better then
> 
> Mhm   
>  If you want to take me out on a date, I'm game
> 
> oh?
> 
> You'd have to reveal your identity to do that, though (:
> 
> not necessarily  
>  it could be a blind date
> 
> ...
> 
> get it?  
>  cuz you wouldn't see me?
> 
> Very cute.
> 
> thanks
> 
> I should get back to my assignment now
> 
> oh right  
>  good luck with that
> 
> Thanks   
>  And stop following me around
> 
> i said i wasn't following you!!!!!!!!!!!  
>  it was a coincidence!!!!!!!!
> 
> You should have said something
> 
> i can't risk you reporting me, cookie  
>  i can't get in trouble again  
>  my parents would kill me if i got expelled  
>  or arrested  
>  or both
> 
> I get that, and someday I’d like to hear the full story   
>  But still, I feel cheated   
>  You were right next to me and I had no idea
> 
> i wanted to talk to you  
>  i really did
> 
> You should have
> 
> maybe i will, someday  
>  now go do your thing  
>  sorry for keeping you
> 
> That's alright
> 
> and don’t go to bed too late ok?   
>  you looked really tired
> 
> I did?
> 
> yeah   
>  it made me a little worried ngl   
>  eat something healthy and go to bed soon ok?   
>  it’s not worth it to collapse over a college project
> 
> Implying there’s something worth collapsing over?
> 
> i can think of a few things ;)
> 
> ...gross.
> 
> i might give you a practical demonstration if you want
> 
> I’ll pass
> 
> you’ll give into my wily ways yet cookie, just wait
> 
> Whatever you say, I.M   
>  Though, again, you’d have to expose yourself for that  
>  If you know what I mean ;)
> 
> omg  
>  cookie  
>  did you just-
> 
> Bye~
> 
> fine, whatever, run away after lowkey saying you want to see me naked  
>  talk later?
> 
> Sure
> 
>   
>  good luck with your assignment   
>  goodnight cookie
> 
> Goodnight, creepy stalker
> 
> I’M NOT A STALKER

Changkyun closed the application after Hyungwon successfully saved the file, only to bury his face in his pillow and let out a loud, shrill noise nobody would be able to classify as human. This had gone  _ so _ much better than he’d expected, because not only did Hyungwon  _ not _ yell at him, he also confirmed he was single and even tossed a cheeky flirty line back, which was a ridiculously rare thing for him to do.

Sure, that Hyungwon had made a little joke about seeing Changkyun naked didn’t necessarily mean he was interested in him romantically - but it also didn’t mean the contrary.

There was a chance there. It was tiny, probably about the size of the head of a needle, but it was there and he would cling to it as if it were a lifeline.

He pulled out his phone and typed a message to Kihyun.  
  


> ➤  _ turns out i might actually kinda like him…  
>  _

Less than two minutes later came a reply that made Changkyun want to chuck his phone at the wall.  
  


> **not my mom** _   
>  _ _ We been knew. _

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!♡


	7. Downhill

⊷⋄⊶

Changkyun had seen Hyungwon and Beefcake-hyung - whom he now knew to be named Hoseok - at the ramyun shop on Tuesday. On Wednesday, he’d spoken a little bit with Hyungwon, but he’d been busy finishing up his assignment, which should be submitted before midnight, and Changkyun didn’t want to distract him. On Thursday, Hyungwon had appeared tired but otherwise fine when they spoke, again not for long since Hyungwon was looking forward to a night of rest after so many late nights working on his project. For all that he wanted to catch up and spend some time talking to him, Changkyun was more than happy to know Hyungwon was getting some well-deserved rest and didn’t try to take up any more of his time.

And now it was Friday. Changkyun was still in high spirits after his talk to Hyungwon on Tuesday, when he learned he had a chance with him and decided that, yes, he  _ did _ have a crush on Hyungwon, and a pretty big one. He felt… hopeful. It wasn’t something he felt often, but he had a feeling in his gut telling him this was right. It might not lead anywhere, sure, but Changkyun wasn’t one to ignore a gut feeling.

It was midafternoon. Changkyun had just finished his last class of the day - Music Theory,  _ blegh _ \- and was now on his way to Kihyun’s place to drop off a USB stick he’d borrowed the day before. He was in a good mood, whistling a tune as he waited for the elevator to stop on Kihyun’s floor. There was a melody stuck in his head, one he’d been trying to make real for the past couple of days, and he couldn’t wait to go back to his dorm to keep working on it. It didn’t have any lyrics yet - he’d toyed with a few verses, but they all sounded a little  _ meh _ whenever he read them over. So for now, it was just a melody.

Maybe Hyungwon was his inspiration. Who knows. Nobody could prove it, anyway.

With a tiny  _ ding _ the elevator opened its doors and Changkyun went on his way towards Kihyun’s apartment at the end of the short corridor. He’d just raised a hand to ring the doorbell when the door opened to reveal Minhyuk, who looked as if he was about to head out while looking over his shoulder and talking to someone who Changkyun assumed was Kihyun.

Minhyuk stopped talking mid-sentence when he saw Changkyun, immediately giving him his usual carefree smile. “Changkyun, hi!”

“Hi,” he said, a bit dumbfounded. He wasn’t expecting to see Minhyuk there. “I was just— is Kihyun there?”

“Yep, he’s here,” Minhyuk said, then stepped aside for him to enter.

Changkyun took a step forward and stopped again when he caught sight of the person Minhyuk had been talking to.

Hyungwon.

Hyungwon was standing right there, in front of him, and looking at him with a curious yet puzzled expression on his face, and Changkyun was about to have a heart attack.

For a long moment, he forgot how to behave like an actual human being and just stood there like an idiot, staring up at Hyungwon’s gorgeous face as if he’d just seen a ghost. A very handsome ghost.

Should he say something? Tell him ‘it’s me, I.M, the guy who hacked your laptop and is very sorry about it, but nevermind that, would you like to have coffee with me sometime?’ or just— turn around and bolt? Wait, no, running away would be too suspicious. Maybe he should make up an alias, but that would also not work because Minhyuk was right there and he would call him out on it in two seconds. Or maybe he should—

“Is… something wrong?” Hyungwon asked him, his voice breaking the trance he’d been in, and, yes, his voice was very nice and he wouldn’t mind listening to him talking forever.

...wait. Hyungwon was talking to him. To him, Im Changkyun. Hyungwon was speaking words at him directly, looking at him, acknowledging his existence. He had to do something. Say something smart, something clever, something to give Hyungwon a lasting impression of him.

“U-uh, you’re— very tall.”

The words left his mouth and Changkyun wanted to slam his head against a wall.  _ ‘You’re very tall’ _ ? What the hell was that, how could he be so uncool? The first time he’d spoken to Hyungwon in person and all he could think of to say was ‘you’re very tall’, what the hell!?

Hyungwon blinked, a small hitch appearing between his brows. After a second, he said, “Maybe you’re just very short.”

That triggered something in Changkyun that made him toss back, “I’m not short! My height is perfectly average!”

Hyungwon let out a soft little chuckle, the corners of his lips quirking up with amusement, eyes glinting to betray he’d just been teasing him and meant no real harm. Changkyun’s cheeks were blazing hot. Oh no. First he said something stupid and now he was blushing like a dumbass and Hyungwon was standing right there and there was no way in hell he missed it.

“Changkyun, you never met Wonnie, right?” Minhyuk said, and Changkyun had completely forgotten he was even there. “Changkyun, this is Hyungwon. Hyungwon, this is Changkyun,” Minhyuk continued, oblivious to Changkyun’s inner turmoil - as he should be. “Changkyunie here is besties with my Honey!”

“Right. Nice to meet you,” Hyungwon said with a polite smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Changkyun’s jaw only didn’t drop with shock through the sheer force of his will. “You— you did?”

“Yeah. Jooheon talks about you a lot.”

“O-oh. Nothing bad, I hope.”

“No.” Hyungwon’s smile widened a bit, though it was still not a full smile. On second thought, now that Changkyun was starting to calm down and the fog in his mind clearing, Hyungwon seemed… not well. He looked tired, but there was something in his eyes. He looked sad. Changkyun’s heart suddenly felt tight. “Nothing bad.”

“Ah, alright. Good.”

He wanted to ask if he was alright, ask him what was wrong, but he couldn’t do it without revealing he was I.M. Even if it was just a tiny little hint, Hyungwon would pick up on it right away - he was too smart, and, right now, Changkyun hated Hyungwon’s intelligence. Why couldn’t he be a little dumb, just for a minute, just so that Changkyun could figure out what was wrong?

“We should get going,” said Minhyuk, ruining the chance for him to find out what made Hyungwon upset. “Where’s Hoseokie?”

“He went to the bathroom,” Hyungwon informed.

So Beefcake—  _ Hoseok _ was there too. Right. Changkyun tried looking further into the apartment in search of Beef—  _ Hoseok _ , but all he saw was Kihyun with his back turned and his shoulders shaking as if he were having a laughing fit and trying to contain it. The asshole.

“Oh, for— let’s at least call the elevator already,” Minhyuk said with a sigh and squeezed past Changkyun. “Bye, Changkyunie! If you see Honey, tell him I love him!”

“I will say no such thing,” Changkyun said very firmly, eliciting another little chuckle from Hyungwon.

He made Hyungwon laugh in real life. That alone had his mood lifting again, though his concern remained.

Minhyuk stuck out his tongue at him and left the apartment towards the elevator. Hyungwon began to follow him, stopping next to Changkyun just to say, “It was nice meeting you.”

“Y-yeah, you too,” he replied, stepping aside to give Hyungwon more room to pass. If they accidentally touched, Changkyun might combust.

Once they were gone and the tiny entrance of the apartment was vacated, Changkyun quickly slid off his shoes and hurried inside, not bothering to close the door since Beefc—  _ Hoseok _ was going to leave soon too. He walked up to Kihyun and gave him a punch on the arm, which prompted Kihyun to let out the laughter he’d been trying - and failing - to hold in.

“That was  _ hilarious!”  _ Kihyun exclaimed through his laughter. “You should have seen your face!”

“I fucking hate you, you’re the worst hyung ever and you should feel bad!”

Kihyun didn’t feel bad at all. All he did was continue to laugh at his expense, though he did try to keep it down when B—  _ Hoseok _ entered the living room. Hoseok’s eyes locked on Changkyun immediately and he smiled at him, bright and wide.

“Hi! I remember you!” Hoseok said. Changkyun hoped the fear he was feeling didn’t show on his face. “From the ramyun shop, right?”

“Y-yeah, right. I remember you, too.” And thank heavens Hyungwon wasn’t there to hear Hoseok mentioning the ramyun shop, that would have given him away for sure.

“I don’t think I introduced myself, I’m Hoseok.”

“Changkyun.”

“You’re friends with Minhyuk too?” Hoseok asked, apparently not worried that his friends were outside in the corridor waiting for him.

“N-no, I’m friends with— uh—” Changkyun pointed to Kihyun, who was turning blue from trying to hold his breath not to laugh. “Him, and Jooheon as well.”

“Ah, right, they’ve mentioned you a few times,” Hoseok said, still good-natured. “Well, good to see you again. I should go before Minhyuk comes to drag me out. Bye, Kihyun! Bye, Changkyun!”

“Bye, have fun,” Kihyun said, still trying to fight the laughter.

“Bye,” Changkyun said as well and, after putting on his shoes, Hoseok left, closing the front door behind him. The moment he was gone, Changkyun turned his glare to Kihyun. “You suck.”

“Wow, Kkung, you must  _ really _ like him,” Kihyun said, chortling and wiping away the tears gathered on his eyes. “I’ve never seen you like that, it was amazing.”

“You could have warned me! Like— like sent me a text or something, ‘hey, Hyungwon is here, you might want to wait before dropping by’, is that too hard!?”

“And miss whatever it was that just happened?  _ Never.” _

Changkyun gave Kihyun one last sour glare before looking over at the door, a small frown on his face. “Hyung? Do you know if something happened to Hyungwon?”

“No…? He seemed a bit down, but he didn’t mention anything,” Kihyun replied, the laughter finally gone in full. “I don’t think he would have, anyway. He’s very private with his thoughts.”

“Yeah. He really is.”

Kihyun turned to him, expression serious now as he searched for something in Changkyun’s expression. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he replied. “Just a little shocked. And embarrassed.”

“As you should be, that was shameful.”

“You know what, hyung? Fuck you.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon grimaced as Minhyuk held the last note of the song he’d been singing, doing it purposefully out of key for the sake of humor. Hyungwon didn’t think it was funny - and neither did the skull-splitting headache he had going. A Noraebang was the  _ last _ place he would have chosen to spend the rest of the day in, but Hoseok and Minhyuk insisted, saying that doing some karaoke would help cheer him up.

So far, he only felt worse.

He was trying not to show it. He laughed along and clapped, but refused to sing saying he preferred to just watch them or that his throat wasn’t doing too well, and Minhyuk and Hoseok knew better than to force him. At least his friends knew how to take a hint.

In all honesty, he would rather just go home and wallow on his own for the rest of the day. He’d always been the type to deal with his sadness by himself - he could be upset for a day or two, but he bounced back pretty quickly. Hoseok and Minhyuk were making a big deal out of something he was more than capable of getting over without needing a cheer squad. He could just spend the weekend napping and watching movies to distract himself and he would be good as new come Monday.

Hyungwon let out a tired sigh as the next song began to play, this time Hoseok and Minhyuk singing a duet. He huddled on the corner of the comfortable couch available in the karaoke room they’d rented for the next two hours, legs tucked under himself, and allowed his exhausted brain to wander.

All the time and energy he’d put into his assignment, only to have it be for naught - his professor hated it. He had been so confident in it, was so proud of the final product, and now— now he felt stupid, and not stupid as in silly, but stupid as in ‘not intelligent enough’. For once, he thought he would excel in something instead of getting an average grade.

Maybe he should just accept reality for what it was instead of trying to reach higher; he was average. He was an average person with average skills and an average brain.

He shook his head and forced himself to stop thinking about depressing things, and tried to focus on the good things in his life instead. Hoseok and Minhyuk, shrieking like two demented banshees into their mics, for one - he had two amazing friends who loved him for who he was, and not for what he was (in)capable of achieving. He had a job that, while not his passion, gave him enough money to pay his bills and afford to rent his own apartment, tiny as it might be. He had his own car, even if it was an old clunky thing that used to belong to his father. He failed miserably on this last assignment, but his grades were good enough that he wasn’t worried about failing any of his classes. He had his hobbies - reading, writing poetry, playing video games. He could find joy in all of these things.

And he had I.M, whether that was a good thing or not. He liked to think it was good. Other than the fact that I.M had hacked him, he’d never given him any reason to consider their conversations a bad thing. It wouldn’t last, he knew, and thinking about it never failed to drive a metaphorical dagger through his heart, but talking to I.M made him… happy. Or, no, not happy, that wasn’t the right word - happiness can’t exist without trust, not when it came to another person.

What would I.M say about the unfortunate grade he’d gotten for his assignment? I.M knew how much he worked on it, and he probably read the entire thing since he could see what Hyungwon was doing on the laptop in real-time. Maybe he would finally stop trying to compliment him for his intelligence, and then what would be left? He hoped he didn’t start complimenting his looks alone, because  _ that _ would be reason enough for Hyungwon to never speak to him again.

I.M didn’t seem the shallow type, though. He might laugh a little and make fun of him for working so hard for nothing - that seemed unlikely too. I.M was kinder than that. Maybe Hyungwon should stop expecting the worst from him, at least a little. Not all the way, just in case I.M had a secret agenda.

He’d been catching himself wondering what I.M looked like a lot lately, too - he already knew I.M was shorter than him, and that he had tattoos. Other than that, he didn’t know a thing. Was his hair dyed? What was the shade of his eyes? What style of clothes did he prefer to wear? Anytime he passed by someone on campus, he asked himself if that could be I.M and then chastised himself in thoughts because he shouldn’t try to randomly guess without any solid leads. Still, he couldn’t help it. Anyone could be I.M. He might have already spoken to I.M, met him, even, and he wouldn’t have known.

It didn’t matter, in the end; it wouldn’t last.

The song his friends were singing came to an end and both of them dropped their mics on the center table and sat down to rest after their performance - which Hyungwon had missed in its entirety. Still, he clapped and cheered his friends on as if he hadn’t been spacing out all along, and if they noticed it, they didn’t say anything about it. They sat down, Hoseok next to him and Minhyuk next to Hoseok, both taking deep breaths to recover from their brief exertion and grinning widely. Hyungwon couldn’t help but smile along, reminded that, yes, he had good things in life, things that mattered more than his professor’s opinion.

Still… he’d worked so hard on that damn project.

Hoseok suddenly wrapped one arm around Hyungwon’s shoulders and pulled him towards himself, and Hyungwon went easily, cuddling up against his best friend’s side, while Minhyuk did the same on Hoseok’s other side. Hoseok was the best person to cuddle with, probably because his chest was so wide. Also all the padding. 

“Are you feeling a little better?” Hoseok asked, to which Hyungwon shrugged in response.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“You  _ look _ a little better,” Minhyuk agreed, reaching across Hoseok’s chest to pinch Hyungwon’s cheek. “Told you all you needed was a distraction.”

“You’re probably right,” he said, knowing that Minhyuk wasn’t right at all - what he  _ really _ needed was a very long nap. In fact, if he didn’t have to work the next day, he would spend the entire weekend asleep.

There was a beat of silence and, for a split second, Hyungwon thought this would be it for the discussion. He was wrong. Minhyuk, as always, because he seemed unable to let things go, suddenly said, “You know what you actually need?”

Hyungwon closed his eyes to pray for patience while Hoseok sighed next to him. They should have known this was coming.

“Not just you, Wonnie, both of you - you need boyfriends! Or girlfriends, whatever,” Minhyuk continued. “Look at me, for instance. Ever since I found my Honey I don’t even care what my professors say about my assignments.”

“Which time you found your Honey, though? Because you guys broke up and made up, like, a million times,” Hyungwon said wryly.

“Haha, very funny, it wasn’t a million times,” Minhyuk retorted. “But I’m serious! You two need to get laid bad, Hoseokie spends too much time at the gym and Wonnie spends too much time sleeping, it’s time to turn it around! Besides, I want to go on double dates and I’m the only one out of the three of us who’s dating.”

“We don’t want to date anyone,” Hyungwon said. His mind briefly hopped towards I.M, but he was quick to ignore it. “I mean, Hoseokie at least has a line of people who pine after him, if he wanted to date someone, he would be dating already.”

“Come  _ on, _ you need a Honey in your lives,” Minhyuk continued to insist. Hyungwon exchanged a tired glance with Hoseok. “Not  _ my _ Honey, of course, your own Honeys, who will never compare to my Honey but that will still make you very happy. Imagine how much better you’d feel if you knew you could get home and be comforted by someone you love, it’s like, the best.”

“Dick riding is not a form of therapy,” Hyungwon deadpanned. Hoseok let out a loud snort.

Minhyuk glared at him. “It’s not just about dick! It’s about the whole entire relationship!”

“Thanks, but I’m good.”

“Yeah, I don’t really want to date anyone either,” Hoseok agreed. “A relationship is too much work and I’m not in a good headspace for that. I’m just trying to get through my senior year in college without losing my mind, a relationship can wait.”

Minhyuk huffed, a pout the size of the world on his face. “You two are the least romantic people on the planet.”

Hyungwon and Hoseok grinned at each other, knowing that Minhyuk was wrong - Hoseok was the most romantic person Hyungwon had ever met, and Hyungwon wrote poetry in his spare time. They were romantic people, both of them, but, unlike Minhyuk, their priorities lay elsewhere.

If either of them had been looking at Minhyuk, though, they would have noticed the expression on his face, the same expression he always wore when he was scheming.

But they didn’t see it.

“Whatever,” Minhyuk said with a resigned sigh Hyungwon thought to be genuine. “Are you guys free tomorrow? We should go out somewhere.”

“No, I have a shoot tomorrow,” Hyungwon replied. “It’s for a new clothing collection, so I have no idea how long it’ll take.”

“Yeah, I can’t make it either,” said Hoseok. “I have a group project to finish for class and tomorrow is the only day everyone can meet up.”

“Fine. Then how about Sunday?”

“Sunday works for me,” Hoseok replied, and Hyungwon hummed to agree.

“Great! I’ll think of something nice for us to do and text you guys the details later,” Minhyuk said, looking a little  _ too _ pleased. Still, nothing seemed amiss to Hyungwon - Minhyuk was prone to exaggerate. “Come on, let’s sing another song, we rested long enough!”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun had opened the application to connect his laptop to Hyungwon’s the minute he arrived back to his dorm room, a little bit after six in the afternoon. He’d been trying not to worry too much, aware that Hyungwon was out with friends who could help a lot more than he ever could, but he couldn’t shake that heaviness that had settled over his heart. The hours ticked by slowly, and yet Hyungwon hadn’t turned on his own laptop.

He tried checking Hyungwon’s Twitter when the time Hyungwon usually appeared came and went with no signs of him, but that too remained untouched. Whatever was bothering him, Hyungwon hadn’t tweeted about it - not that Changkyun expected otherwise knowing Hyungwon was a private person, but he’d hoped he would break the habit just for today.

As the hour grew late, Changkyun decided to take his mind off of it, since he couldn’t do much but wait for Hyungwon to show up. He took his equipment, his headphones, and hunkered down to work on that song he had stuck in his head. He’d already started, but so far all he had were the bare bones of a song, just scattered notes and a vague, incomplete structure. He knew what he wanted it to sound like already, now all he had to do was turn those thoughts into reality.

He lost track of time as he worked, as it always happened when he focused on his music.  _ This _ is what he wanted to do with his life - not Physics. Music is what made him come alive, what he was truly passionate about; he only wished his parents could understand that, instead of trying to steer him towards what  _ they _ felt he should do. ‘ _ Do something that makes you a lot of money’. ‘Do something that gives you stability’. ‘Do something that makes it easy to find work’. _ Never ‘ _ do something you love’ _ or ‘ _ do something that makes you happy’. _

The music industry was competitive and he knew he would eventually run into walls he couldn’t climb, but this is what he wanted to do with his life; with the world as it is nowadays, he would probably have a hard time in any field he chose - so why not do something he loved?

As he worked, he thought of Hyungwon. He’d been so close to him today, close enough to reach out and touch, closer than he had been at the ramyun shop. Hyungwon had looked him in the eye, he’d talked to him, joked around with him, and all Changkyun wanted was to see him again. Talk to him more, face to face, listen to the calm cadence of his voice. He wanted to make Hyungwon laugh,  _ really _ laugh, not just giggle like he had earlier but a full-blown laugh. He wanted— he just wanted to be around him. Nervous as he’d been, there was this aura of calmness around Hyungwon, something Changkyun wouldn’t mind basking in for a little while. Or forever.

And, yes, he had already come to the conclusion he had it bad. He didn’t care.

He was so engrossed in his music he barely noticed the time passing. The only reason he looked away from his work was the sound it made when his laptop connected to Hyungwon’s, the notification popping up in the bottom corner. Changkyun looked down at it, and in doing so, his eyes fell on the clock. It was close to three in the morning.

He frowned. What was Hyungwon doing up?

His concern rising again, he saved his work, and went to find out.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon arrived back at his apartment much later than he’d hoped, and the first thing he did was take a long hot shower and pop an aspirin for his headache. Then he heated up some leftovers he had in his fridge and just potato-ed on his couch for the rest of evening, watching reruns of Running Man on TV, his mind miles away.

His first instinct had been to turn on his laptop to talk to I.M, but he fought the urge; he was already not the most positive person on the block, I.M didn’t need to see him when he was truly upset. It would just give I.M even more reasons to run for the hills, and the longest Hyungwon could delay that from happening, the better. Knowing that any day I.M could disappear from his life the same way he’d entered it gave him a strange feeling in his stomach, a type of anxiety he wasn’t used to.

He didn’t want I.M to disappear. He should, but he didn’t.

It just added another layer to his sadness. Unable to take it anymore, because he was starting to annoy himself, he decided the best way to deal with it was through being unconscious. He turned off the TV and dragged his sorry butt to bed. Sleeping solved everything, and if it didn’t solve it, it made it slightly better.

It was a little after ten in the evening. He crawled onto his bed, got comfy under his blankets and closed his eyes.

Ten minutes passed. Then thirty. Then one hour. Hyungwon had tossed and turned and counted sheep and tried meditating; sleep simply wouldn’t come. Not his first brush with insomnia, not his last, but it still sucked.

The more time that went by, the more worked up he got for not being able to fall asleep. His insomnia wasn’t always this bad - he could go through months of regular, decent sleep, until something happened that messed with his nerves and then the sleepless nights returned. He knew that the secret was to allow his mind to calm down, to think of nice things instead of the source of his problems. That was much easier said than done.

Hoseok had suggested he tried yoga, once. Maybe he should. His insomnia sometimes was bad enough that he was willing to do some downward dogs if it would make a difference.

He didn’t give up. At around eleven-thirty, Hyungwon got up and shuffled to the kitchen to make himself some chamomile tea. The tea didn’t work - he was sleepy, but couldn’t sleep. So he pulled up a playlist of soothing songs to see if it would help. It also didn’t.

By then, it was almost one in the morning and he was still wide awake. He had a photoshoot tomorrow, he  _ had _ to get a good night’s sleep, or else he would look like a trainwreck on set. He already had nothing else going for him other than his face, now he wouldn’t even have that.

Awesome. Just what he needed. More anxiety.

He turned off the music and decided that, if he couldn’t sleep, then at least he could do something productive. He took the book he was supposed to read for one of his classes, which he had already read about two-thirds of. Reading usually made him sleepy, so he could be productive and fix his insomnia at the same time.

He finished the book. It was half-past two. He still couldn’t sleep.

He looked over at the laptop sitting on his desk, chewing on his lips as he weighed the pros and cons of turning it on. I.M was probably asleep, so… it was fine, right? He just needed something to do, and who knows, maybe turning on the laptop and confirming that I.M really wasn’t there would settle something in him that would finally help him get some sleep.

Hyungwon got up, walked over to his desk, and stood there for a moment, deciding if he should sit there for a while, or if he should take the laptop with him. The goal here was for him to sleep, so he chose the latter, picking up the laptop and carrying it back to bed with him before turning it on. He reclined on his pillows, wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, and with the laptop supported on his legs he stared at the desktop. He’d long since changed the wallpaper from the boring default to a generic (though much better) marble pattern. For some reason, every time he turned on the laptop, he half-expected the wallpaper to have changed - he didn’t put it past I.M to change the wallpaper when he wasn’t paying attention. It hadn’t happened so far.

And then— what? He had no idea how to know if I.M was there or not. Usually, the only way he knew he was around was by getting a message from him - I.M was always the one to send the first message.

Suddenly, he felt silly; I.M was probably asleep, dreaming of much more interesting things than whatever boring conversation Hyungwon could provide him with. This was a dumb idea, which was to be expected from his dumb stupid boring brain.

He was about to turn it off and return to his valiant struggle with sleep, when their Word document opened and two new texts appeared.   
  


> cookie?  
>  you there?

Hyungwon’s pulse spiked with something he didn’t dare name, and again he debated turning the laptop off and going to bed, but— he wanted to talk to I.M. For better or worse, he would indulge himself in talking to someone who at least seemed interested in what he had to say.

That might change when he realized Hyungwon really was just— plain and uninteresting. It was taking him a while to notice it, but he’d get there. Everyone eventually does.

Taking a deep breath to calm down and shoo away those depressing thoughts, he typed a reply.

> Yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> it's like 3 in the morning, whatchu doin up  
>   
> 
> 
> I could ask you the same thing  
>   
> 
> 
> eh, i'm a nocturnal guy  
>  i stay up late regularly  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah  
>  i'm more productive at night, so i was working on something  
>  but you never said why you're up  
>   
> 
> 
> You're right, I didn't  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm not going to force you to tell me  
>  if you don't want to, it's fine  
>  but i'm here  
>  if you want to talk about it
> 
>   
> Thanks…   
>  I just couldn't sleep  
>   
> 
> 
> any reason in particular?  
>   
> 
> 
> Too much on my mind
> 
>   
> did something happen?  
>   
> 
> 
> No   
>  Yes  
>   
> 
> 
> wanna talk about it?  
>   
> 
> 
> It's silly  
>   
> 
> 
> if you're upset, then it's not silly

Hyungwon paused for a moment, again taking a second to decide if this was something he really wanted I.M to know. He  _ did _ need to vent, and I.M cared enough to at least pretend he wanted to listen to him, but, at the same time, I.M was still pretty much a stranger.

In the end, the little tug in his heart that was begging him to open up to I.M won over all the other more rational arguments he presented to himself.

> You know the project I’ve been working on for the past few weeks?   
>  I was really proud of how it turned out, I worked on it so hard   
>  My professor read it and said it was terrible  
>   
> 
> 
> wtf  
>   
> 
> 
> Not with those words, of course, but the meaning was the same   
>  It wasn't good   
>  And I spent weeks working on it, doing research, I think I proofread it about a hundred times, and it turns out it sucks  
>   
> 
> 
> i haven't read your piece but i can assure you  
>  without a doubt  
>  that it doesn't suck  
>   
> 
> 
> You haven't read it?  
>   
> 
> 
> ??? no  
>   
> 
> 
> It's saved on this laptop, I thought you would have found it by now  
>   
> 
> 
> i don't poke around on your laptop, cookie  
>  i never did after i realized you're not the guy i meant to hack  
>  i only open this file to talk to you  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh   
>  I didn't know that  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah well  
>  now you do  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah   
>  Now I do  
>   
> 
> 
> can i read it?  
>   
> 
> 
> I guess   
>  It's the only file inside the folder titled "LT01"   
>  On the desktop  
>   
> 
> 
> k, found it  
>  give me a moment, i'm a slow reader  
>   
> 
> 
> Take your time, I'll be here wallowing

Hyungwon watched I.M open the folder he’d mentioned, then the file with his project, and he decided he couldn’t look. He put the laptop aside and closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing.

I.M was too nice to tell him if it really sucked, so he wasn’t worried about being verbally shred to pieces - knowing that I.M was reading it, though, filled him with shame. He shouldn’t have let him read it. It would just confirm to I.M that Hyungwon was the stereotypical dumb model and that he couldn’t string two thoughts together, and then he would realize he was wasting his time and disappear.

No, he couldn’t think like that. It would be fine. I.M understood how it felt to fail on something after working so hard. He could sympathize. Everything would be fine, I.M wasn’t going anywhere - not for the moment, at least.

He repeated this to himself over and over until he finally managed to calm down enough to see if I.M was done reading. He seemed to be on the last couple of pages, so Hyungwon swallowed the shame and brought the laptop closer to himself again to wait for him to finish reading.

Finally, a new message from I.M appeared on their file.

> alright, i'm done  
>   
> 
> 
> So? How terrible is it?  
>   
> 
> 
> honestly?  
>  i thought it was great  
>   
> 
> 
> You're just saying that  
>   
> 
> 
> i mean it  
>  you write really well  
>  it's coherent, it's straight to the point  
>  and i had never heard of the topic you chose but it was so interesting and well-worded i wasn't confused at all  
>  you're really talented  
>  and your professor is obviously a dumbass  
>   
> 
> 
> Pff, thanks   
>  You really don't have to try to cheer me up, though   
>  It’s fine  
>   
> 
> 
> i told you, cookie  
>  i mean it  
>  your piece was amazing  
>  i could tell you poured your heart into it  
>   
> 
> 
> Thank you…   
>  I'm proud of how it turned out, but I guess that means nothing now  
>   
> 
> 
> it means everything  
>  as the author, you're the only one who should feel proud of your work  
>  and you  _ should _ be proud of it, it's incredible  
>   
> 
> 
> Thanks…   
>  It's just hard to get over hearing that something I worked so hard on is not good   
>  Maybe it would be easier if it had been someone else but it was a professor, you know? He knows what he's talking about  
>   
> 
> 
> if he said your work is bad, then he really doesn't  
>   
> 
> 
> Maybe you just have very bad taste   
>  Or extremely low standards  
>   
> 
> 
> i can assure you my standards are very high  
>   
> 
> 
> Compared to what?  
>   
> 
> 
> you don't make it easier for the guy, cookie  
>  look, art is relative  
>  to me, your piece is amazing  
>  take it as you will  
>   
> 
> 
> Thank you   
>  At least I know the guy who hacked my computer appreciates my work
> 
> when will i ever be more than the just the guy who hacked your computer  
>  you're killing me, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> Yet you're still alive, so I must not be doing a great job  
>   
> 
> 
> ouch  
>  for real tho  
>  i thought we could consider ourselves sort of friends by now  
>   
> 
> 
> Friends don't hack friends’ brand-new laptops  
>   
> 
> 
> ok, point  
>  if you really dislike me that much i'll be out of your hair  
>  i was just under the impression you were fine talking to me  
>  i'm sorry if that's not the case  
>   
> 
> 
> It's not that   
>  It's just hard to trust and open up to someone who might as well be a bot   
>  I don't know your name, I don't know who you are, I don't even know why you're still talking to me   
>  It's all very confusing  
>   
> 
> 
> i hadn't thought of it that way  
>  you're right tho  
>  but i can promise you i'm not a bot  
>  i'm a real person  
>   
> 
> 
> That's exactly what a bot would say   
>  Even your name sounds bot-ish   
>  I.M could stand for ‘Instant Message’  
>   
> 
> 
> pff  
>  right  
>  but i’m not a bot and i really like talking to you  
>  i don't know how many more times i have to say this  
>  but i'll say it to the end of time  
>   
> 
> 
> You're so weird  
>   
> 
> 
> lil bit  
>   
> 
> 
> I don't dislike you, by the way  
>   
> 
> 
> no?  
>   
> 
> 
> No   
>  I actually agree that we’re sort of friends   
>  This is all just very strange to me  
>   
> 
> 
> i get that  
>   
> 
> 
> It's probably naive of me to think like this but you sound very genuine  
>   
> 
> 
> that's because i am  
>   
> 
> 
> It's just a bit contradictory since you're going to such lengths to hide your identity   
>  Then again, a lot of people online hide their identities and that doesn't mean they have bad intentions  
>   
> 
> 
> don't you hide your identity online too, in a way?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yes, which is why I get it   
>  What throws me off is the reason why you're hiding yourself   
>  You hacked my laptop, which is probably illegal, and you won't tell me who you are because you believe I'll report you   
>  At the same time, I can’t help but suspect your reasons for being so nice to me   
>  We don't trust each other  
>   
> 
> 
> i was about to argue your point but  
>  you're right  
>  we don't  
>   
> 
> 
> It's a bit hard to maintain a friendship without trust  
>   
> 
> 
> i know  
>  i'm hoping we'll get to know each other enough to get past it  
>   
> 
> 
> Maybe  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm probably being stupid to be still talking to you  
>  but  
>  idk  
>   
> 
> 
> What?  
>   
> 
> 
> i don't want to stop  
>  is that  
>  is that weird?  
>   
> 
> 
> I'm not sure   
>  I guess it depends on the reason
> 
> you're so  
>  i don't even know  
>  it's easy talking to you  
>  you have a way of making me feel like i'm less alone  
>  and that's a dumb thing to say because i'm not alone  
>  i know that  
>  i have friends and i know they care about me  
>  but it's different with you, somehow  
>  it feels like you get me   
>  and i'm probably not making any sense, i'm sorry  
>   
> 
> 
> No, you're making sense  
>   
> 
> 
> ok good  
>  you're just so  
>  you know  
>  you  
>  you're chill and open-minded  
>  i feel like you don't judge me  
>  maybe for my actions because they were sort of directly related to you, but not for all the rest  
>  you're so down to earth  
>  and i'm not  
>   
> 
> 
> Sounds about right  
>   
> 
> 
> lol shut up  
>  i just never met anyone like you
> 
>   
> What does that even mean?  
>   
> 
> 
> it means you're great  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh   
>  You never met anyone you thought was great before?  
>   
> 
> 
> nobody of your brand of greatness  
>   
> 
> 
> Pfft, right   
>  There's nothing great about me  
>   
> 
> 
> you're wrong  
>   
> 
> 
> Am I?  
>   
> 
> 
> yes

Hyungwon hesitated before typing his next message. He’d never acknowledged this insecurity of his so directly, but I.M— he made it a little easier.

Not any less scary, though.

> People often say I'm boring  
>   
> 
> 
> ?????????????  
>  are they crazy??????????????  
>   
> 
> 
> They're not wrong, honestly   
>  I don't have much going for me other than my face  
>   
> 
> 
> that's the biggest lie i've ever heard  
>  i'm literally telling you how great i think you are right now and i never once mentioned your face  
>  not that i don't think you have a great face but  
>  you get what i mean  
>   
> 
> 
> I never know if you're being serious or just sucking up to me
> 
> i'm always being serious, cookie  
>  you're one of a kind

Hyungwon vehemently ignored the way I.M’s words made him feel, not because it was a bad feeling, but the opposite - he didn’t want to feel like that, not when the words were probably a lie.

Maybe Minhyuk was right and he did need to start dating someone, because  _ this _ — this was getting tricky.

> Thanks…   
>  I don't think I am   
>  But thanks  
>   
> 
> 
> i really mean it  
>  i know the way we met was not ideal  
>  and i know i fucked up big time with you  
>  but i'm happy i hacked the wrong person  
>  because i got to know you

Oh, for—

Why did I.M have to keep making it harder for him to remain unaffected? 

> …   
>  You make it really hard for me to stay miffed at you  
>   
> 
> 
> i can be charming sometimes  
>   
> 
> 
> I can see that  
>   
> 
> 
> oh?????  
>  does that mean you think i'm charming??????  
>   
> 
> 
> It's almost 4 in the morning, I don't know what anything means  
>   
> 
> 
> cookie omg  
>  you think i'm charming  
>  you're charmed by me  
>   
> 
> 
> I'm not  
>   
> 
> 
> cookie  
>  did i make you blush  
>   
> 
> 
> No

He did - Hyungwon’s cheeks were blazing hot, hotter than they’d been in a long time, and he absolutely hated it but didn’t hate it at the same time, and it was making him too confused and flustered to function.

> omg i totally did  
>   
> 
> 
> Shut up  
>   
> 
> 
> oh! my! god!  
>   
> 
> 
> Alright, look   
>  While I definitely don't trust you   
>  I like talking to you too  
>   
> 
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> I don't get your motivations   
>  It could be a number of things   
>  Maybe I just feel like this because you treat me well and you're constantly complimenting me,  
>  but you're fun to talk to and you’re kind, you tried to look out for me several times whether you were being honest or not,  
> and you actually seem to want to listen to me, which is not something I come across very often   
>  That probably says something about me as a person, though  
>   
> 
> 
> it doesn't tbh  
>  it says more about the people who don't listen to you  
>  you're so smart and you're so interesting to talk to  
>  i'm actually surprised you're so level-headed  
>  if i was smart and handsome like you i would be an arrogant prick, no lie  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL I'll take that as a compliment  
>   
> 
> 
> it is a compliment  
>  i don't think i have anything to say about you that isn't a compliment  
>   
> 
> 
> ...  
>   
> 
> 
> omg i did it again  
>  i flustered you  
>   
> 
> 
> You didn't  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm on fire tonight  
>  but like i was saying  
>  you're amazing, i think we get along well, and our sense of humor match  
>  i really enjoy our talks  
>  i want you to see me as a friend, or at least as someone who’s not an enemy  
>   
> 
> 
> I enjoy our talks too   
>  I shouldn't, but I do  
>   
> 
> 
> as long as you want me around, i'll be here  
>  i promise i won't poke around on your laptop btw  
>  i told you earlier that i never did once i found out you're the wrong chae but i want to make it clear  
>   
> 
> 
> Ok   
>  I'm too self-conscious to actually use this laptop for much, but it's good to know you won't be reading while I write my essays
> 
> i won't, promise  
>  if you ever want to show me the finished thing tho, i'd love to read them  
>   
> 
> 
> You're really saying you want to read my college essays  
>   
> 
> 
> i am, yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> You must really want my favor   
>  or you're just that into me
> 
> would that be bad  
>  me being into you

Oh no.

Abort mission, abort, he’d said it as a joke but I.M confirming made him feel a certain way and it was not a good thing because now he saw a chance and that was  _ bad _ .

Time to deflect.   
  


> For you, maybe  
>   
> 
> 
> ouch  
>   
> 
> 
> I should probably go to bed   
>  I have a shoot in the morning and I already know I'll look like shit
> 
> pff if that's even possible  
>  what shoot, if you don't mind me asking  
>   
> 
> 
> You already know I have a contract with a clothing brand, right?   
>  They have a new summer collection coming out, tomorrow we’re taking new pictures for the website and other promotional stuff  
>   
> 
> 
> damn   
>  sometimes i forget you’re like   
>  a real model   
>  like   
>  an actual model that models clothes for a living  
>   
> 
> 
> It’s not that amazing   
>  I sit still in front of a camera and look pretty  
>   
> 
> 
> cookie  
>  shush  
>  i’ve watched asia’s next top model, i know that modeling is a lot more than just sitting there   
>  so you shut your gorgeous mouth and take the damn compliment  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh, okay   
>  I mean, sometimes I walk the runway too, so you’re right, it’s not just sitting in front of a camera  
>   
> 
> 
> oh shit   
>  i really want to see you on a catwalk now omg  
>  but don’t wiggle out of it, i’ve seen your pictures and they’re amazing   
>  stop talking yourself down  
>   
> 
> 
> I didn’t know you were a life coach   
>  I.M: hacker, bot, and motivational speaker  
>   
> 
> 
> hajkhdka shut uppp   
>  i’m just telling you like i see it  
>   
> 
> 
> I guess you’re really just that into me  
>   
> 
> 
> JAHSDJKAHSDJKA STOP  
>   
> 
> 
> I should really try to get some sleep now  
>   
> 
> 
> right, sorry   
>  go to sleep, cookie   
>  sorry for keeping you, i feel like always ramble on for too long  
>   
> 
> 
> It's alright   
>  Actually   
>  Thanks for talking to me   
>  I feel a lot better  
>   
> 
> 
> anytime  
>   
> 
> 
> Will you be around tomorrow?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah   
>  i work until about 6, i’ll be here after that  
>   
> 
> 
> Okay   
>  I’ll talk to you tomorrow then  
>   
> 
> 
> it’s a date   
>  go get some sleep now  
>  sweet dreams, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> You too   
>  Goodnight, I.M  
>   
> 
> 
> goodnight, hyungwon

Hyungwon saved the document and turned off the laptop, all the while ignoring the butterflies fluttering about inside of him. This was one slippery slope and he could feel himself slipping already - or, rather, tripping and tumbling downhill a hundred miles per hour in the most ungraceful way possible, likely breaking every bone in his body. That’s what it felt like.

Still… he did feel a lot better. Not because I.M showered him with compliments - he was used to him being overly nice to him. It wasn’t about the compliments, it was how he delivered them, the conviction. As if he actually believed his own words. As if he actually believed Hyungwon was everything he said he was.

It almost made Hyungwon believe it, too.

Whatever spell I.M had cast, Hyungwon went back to bed and, after several minutes more trying to unwind, finally fell asleep.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

The photoshoot ended later than he’d hoped but sooner than he’d expected, and Hyungwon was out of the set in the early afternoon. It worked out great, in the end - he was just in time to pick up Hoseok from the library, where he’d been working on his group project, so they could grab a late lunch together. Hoseok would have to go back to the library once they were done, but Hyungwon planned on driving straight home to try and get some sleep; he’d only slept for two hours the night before. He felt like a zombie.

They decided on a drive-thru, as neither of them was in the mood to sit inside a noisy restaurant, and Hyungwon drove back to the library so they could eat in the parking lot there and save time later. It was more practical for Hoseok, and himself - he lived only a few blocks away from campus.

As he ate his burger, Hyungwon kept thinking about I.M, the things he said the night before -  _ ‘Would that be bad, me being into you?’ _

Yes, it would be very bad if I.M was interested in him. Knowing that gave Hyungwon hope, and he already knew this was doomed to end like every other one of his relationships, if it even happened at all. He didn’t want to build expectations or start dreaming about all the ‘what ifs’, all the possibilities, but his heart kept working against his brain.

It was time to turn and face the music - he liked I.M. Not to the point he would risk everything for him, but dangerously close to that. Their conversation last night only served to highlight how important the hacker’s opinion and advice were to him, how his approval affected him. Hyungwon’s emotions weren’t easily swayed, but he wasn’t made of stone either - I.M was, indeed, very charming, and Hyungwon was tired of fighting the connection that was obviously there, whether it was real or not.

He liked him. It was as simple as that, and yet so very complicated at the same time.

“What’s on your mind?” Hoseok asked, his voice bringing Hyungwon back to the present from where he had drifted off to. Hyungwon gave him a half-hearted shrug, eyes lowered to the burger in his hands. “Is it still about the assignment?”

“No… I mean, yes, but— it’s not only the assignment,” Hyungwon admitted. He was tired of fighting that battle on his own; Hoseok would probably not be able to help, but it would be good to have someone on his corner, someone who knew what was happening and could listen to him. He had to get this off his chest and it was past the time for his best friend to know everything. “I— there’s something I haven’t been telling you.”

Hoseok’s expression immediately became concerned. “Are you alright? Did something happen to you? Are you sick or—”

“I’m  _ fine _ , hyung,” Hyungwon promised with a fond smile, giving Hoseok a pat on the knee to encourage him to settle down. “It’s nothing to do with my health.”

“Okay…” Hoseok still seemed worried, but slightly less. “What’s going on?”

“I— I think I might be… you know. There’s someone and I think I like them.”

Hoseok’s face brightened, a sunny smile blooming on his lips. “You do? Who is it? Have you been seeing them or gone on a date yet, tell me everything!”

“We… no?” Hyungwon said, uncertainly. “I don’t really know if he even likes me back yet. And I haven’t seen him. Ever. We’ve been talking a lot, though, like every night. And we haven’t gone on any dates yet, but… we play Minesweeper sometimes…?”

From where he’d been excited, Hoseok slowly fell back into his concerned expression. “Minesweeper?”

“Yeah, we take turns clicking and whoever hits a bomb loses? I’m terrible at it, but he lets me win sometimes. He’s nice.”

“Wonnie… what the hell are you talking about?”

Hyungwon grimaced, ducking his head with embarrassment. “Right, that probably doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s— remember when I bought the laptop about a month ago?”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“And remember how I tried getting it exchanged or getting a refund the very next day?”

“Yes,” Hoseok said slowly, eyes narrowed. “Wait, is the laptop actually haunted?”

“In a way,” Hyungwon replied, careful, choosing his words. “You see, the laptop was hacked by someone the same day I bought it.”

Hyungwon could see the pieces coming together inside Hoseok’s head, and, after a few seconds, he let out a sigh and gave him a look. “Wonnie… are you telling me that you like the hacker?”

“Uhm… yes.”

“Hyungwon—”

“He didn’t mean to hack me! He thought I was someone else!”

“Hyungwon.”

“Shit, it doesn’t sound very good when I say it out loud, does it?” Hyungwon sighed and leaned back on his seat, shoulders slumped. “It sounds bad but it’s— I don’t know. I can’t help it.”

Hoseok watched him for a moment before turning his body slightly towards him. “Let me see if I understood. Someone hacked your laptop because he thought you were someone else, and you have been talking to this person every night since then and… you play Minesweeper.”

“The Minesweeper part is not really important, hyung.”

“And you like him.”

Hyungwon felt his face getting warm, and that’s been happening too much lately. It had to stop. “Yeah. I do.”

“Who even is he?”

Hyungwon let out a bitter little chuckle. Wasn’t that the billion-dollar question?

“I have no idea. He told me to call him ‘I.M’, but beyond that… I know a couple of things, but nothing that points me to anyone.”

“You don’t know who he is, but you like him anyway?”

“It’s hard not to start feeling something when you talk to someone every night for over a month,” Hyungwon said, and it sounded too defensive in his ears. After a second, he added, “He’s really sweet to me, hyung. He treats me very well, he listens to me, we talk about all sorts of things and it’s easy to have fun with him. Something clicks, you know?”

Hoseok’s expression became softer and softer as Hyungwon spoke, a tiny smile on his lips. “I don’t think you’ve ever come to me to tell me about someone you like before, Wonnie. You never show it when you like someone, so this ‘I.M’ of yours… you must really like him.”

“I think I do… maybe I’m wrong,” Hyungwon said with a little shrug, going back to staring at his half-eaten burger. “It’s hard to tell, because he says so many things I’ve always wanted to hear, and I don’t know if he’s being honest with me or if he’s trying to win me over so I don’t tell anyone he hacked me. I want to believe him, but it feels so stupid and naive of me to do so because nobody ever—” He snapped his mouth shut when he began feeling his throat clog up and his eyes itch. He didn’t want to cry about his insecurities right now, and he didn’t have to get into it - Hoseok was aware of them already. He could cry later once he got home and there were no witnesses around. “I don’t know anything, I just know I feel something.”

“What about him? Does he seem like he likes you back?”

“He hits on me constantly and last night he said something that makes me think that… yeah, I think he does.”

“But you think it could be a lie?”

“He knows what I look like, for one,” Hyungwon said bitterly. “I think half of what he says could be attributed to him thinking I’m attractive. But then he goes and— yesterday, he read one of my college essays and said he’ll gladly read more in the future, like, who does that? I don’t know if he’s trying too hard or if he’s being legit.”

“You know I’m one for seeing the best in people, but… I think he might actually care about you, Wonnie.”

“Maybe,” Hyungwon murmured.

Hoseok sighed and placed a hand on his knee, a gesture Hyungwon interpreted as supportive. “I wish I had any good advice to give you right now, but— this is tricky.”

“It’s fine, hyung,” Hyungwon said, shooting his friend a smile. “I just had to talk about it. Keeping it a secret is so tiring… this has been going on for a month and it’s been important to me. And you’re my best friend, you’re important to me too. It doesn’t feel right to keep you in the dark.”

“Thanks for trusting me with this, Wonnie.”

“Speaking of trust… don’t tell Minhyuk,” Hyungwon asked, giving Hoseok the pleading eyes. “He’ll try to find out who I.M is and, at this point, I really need it to be him the one who tells me his name. It has to come from him.”

“Don’t worry about it, I won’t breathe a word about this to Minhyukie,” Hoseok promised. “I know he can be… forceful.”

“That’s an understatement. I know he means well, but he’s— like, no chill. No chill at all.”

“You’re right,” Hoseok agreed with a small sigh. “So what do you plan to do now?”

“I plan to finish this burger, which is probably already cold, then go home and sleep for the rest of the day.”

Hoseok stared at him, unimpressed. “I meant about your hacker.”

“I know,” said Hyungwon. “I’ll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes, I think.”

Hoseok wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into a half-hug, one that Hyungwon welcomed from the bottom of his heart. He needed that. He needed the comfort, even if the angle was awkward inside the car. “I wish I could do something to help.”

Hyungwon smiled at Hoseok, the first happy smile of the day. “You already did, hyung.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

> ➤  _ HONEY!!  _ 😍😍😍 _   
>  _ ➤  _ Do you have any single friends??????  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ y?? _ _   
>  _ _ r u like _ _   
>  _ _ collecting men now?  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ NO!!!!!!!! YOU’RE THE ONLY FOR ME!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!  _ 🥺🥺🥺  
>  ➤  _ I’m trying to find bfs for my friends!! _ _   
>  _ ➤  _ I’m tired of being the only one in a relationship _ _   
>  _ ➤  _ I want double dates!!!! TRIPLE DATES!!!! _ _   
>  _ ➤  _ What’s the word for four? Square dates?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ idk  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤ 😭  _ Its ok  
>  _ ➤  _ But do you?? I spent all day calling up people i know and i only got like two people  
>  _ ➤  _ (and don’t tell kiki, but one of them is his ex bf aljsdaljdaljashdka i set him up with hoseokie  _ 😈 _ )  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ minhyukie wtf  
>  _ _ y would u set up kihyun-hyung’s ex w/ someone??  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Kiki called me a basic bitch  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ lol ur so petty babe  _ 😂😂😂  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤  _ He should be thanking me!!  _ 😤  
>  ➤  _ I’ll set him up with someone too, kiki needs to get laid  
>  _ ➤  _ Maybe if someone takes away the stick he has up his ass and replaces it with an actual dick he’ll nag less  _ 💅  
>   
> 
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ lol  
>  _ _ but wait  
>  _ _ ur hiding something  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤ 🤐  _ No im not  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ yes u r  
>  _ _ do they know ur setting them up?  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ ….ok  
>  _ ➤  _ They don’t know  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  😑 _ minhyukie  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ IF I TELL THEM THEY’LL SAY NO!!!!!!  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ maybe u should listen to them  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ NO  _ 😤😤😤  
>   
> 
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ omg babe  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ I’M DOING THIS FOR THEM  
>  _ ➤  _ I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY LIKE WE ARE  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ thats a nice thought but _ _   
>  _ _ idk  
>  _ _ sounds wrong  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ They’ll thank me later when they fall in love!!!!!  
>  _ ➤  _ It’s like  
>  _ ➤  _ Blind dates you know??  
>  _ ➤  _ They won’t even notice they’re meeting the man of their dreams!!!!!!  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ i thought they were all bi  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Yeah so????????  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ nvm  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Anyways  
>  _ ➤  _ Do you have any friends??  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  🙄 _ it depends  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ On what?????  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ what r u planning  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Oh right i didnt tell you the plan!!  
>  _ ➤  _ It’s nothing too crazy  
>  _ ➤  _ I invited them all out to get together tomorrow for dinner as a big group  
>  _ ➤  _ BUT!!!!!!!!  
>  _ ➤  _ I texted each one of them with a different place to meet  
>  _ ➤  _ So i’ll send their dates over to where they are  
>  _ ➤  _ AND THEN THEY’LL HAVE DINNER TOGETHER AND FALL IN LOVE  _ 🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ thats……  
>  _ _ idk babe  
>  _ _ what if they dont like each other  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Then i’ll keep looking for their perfect match until it sticks!!!!!!!!  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ maybe u shouldnt meddle……  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Do u have friends or not!!!!!!  
>  _ ➤  _ At least let me try this honey!!!!!!!!!  _ 🥺🥺🥺
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ ugh fine  
>  _ _ kkung is single  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Nah im changkyun won’t cut it  
>  _ ➤  _ The only one i could pair him with is wonnie  
>  _ ➤  _ Like, sure, kkukkung is like, totally wonnie’s type  
>  _ ➤  _ But he saw wonnie yesterday and he looked spooked  
>  _ ➤  _ Like  
>  _ ➤  _ I can’t pair my bff up with someone who’s afraid of his height you know  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _??????? kkung got spooked??  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Yeah it was weird  
>  _ ➤  _ His face was all red and he looked ready to bolt  
>  _ ➤  _ And he kept staring at wonnie as if he would bite him or somethin  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ huh  
>  _ _ weird  
>  _ _ ok, not kkung  
>  _ _ i think jackson is free tmrw  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ NICE JACKSON IS GREAT  
>  _ ➤  _ I’ll pair him with kiki instead of mark and send mark to wonnie  
>  _ ➤  _ Jackson is fun, maybe he’ll make kiki less uptight  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ i dont think its gonna work...  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ We won’t know if we don’t try!!!!!!!!!  
>  _ ➤  _ Anyways, jackson likes chicken right?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ i guess??  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ Great, now can you text him saying that we’re having a group hang tomorrow?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ …………  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤  _ pleeeeeeeeeease??????  _ 🥺🙏  
>  ➤  _ I’ll do that thing you like  _ 👅💦👅💦👅💦  
>   
> 
> 
> **My Honey** 😍💯💖🥰🍯  
>  _ what time and place do i gotta text him  
>   
>  _
> 
> ➤ 😏

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!♡


	8. How the cookie crumbles

⊷⋄⊶

Changkyun always preferred to hang out at Jooheon’s place instead of his own - while both of them took advantage of the more affordable student housing options, Jooheon had a bit more means than Changkyun and managed to snatch a much better place. While Changkyun suffered from having to share a kitchen and a bathroom with other people on his floor, and only had a tiny little bedroom that barely fit a bed, a dresser, and a desk, Jooheon had a very small, but very cozy apartment that featured a kitchen and bathroom of his own. Heaven.

Sure, the space was cramped and the living room could hardly fit three people at the same time, but Jooheon had made it work - all he had for furniture there were a few beanbags he used instead of a couch, and Changkyun was obsessed with those beanbags. They were so comfy that sometimes he just curled up on one like a lazy cat under the sun and napped the hours away.

Tonight, though, he wasn’t there to nap - he was there to finish up a project they had been working on together for class. They were each on a beanbag, laptops on their laps, headphones on, and in the Zone. It was early Sunday evening; the project was due tomorrow, so they had to wrap it up.

Of course, Changkyun was working on both their project and his own little secret project at the same time, but Jooheon didn’t need to know that. That song he’d been trying to translate from thought to reality was coming along great, and each time he talked to Hyungwon, he felt more inspired to finish it. A couple of days more and the song would be completed; and he was quite proud of how it was turning out.

Hyungwon, Hyungwon, Hyungwon. It’s like all he could think about lately, and it wasn’t a bad thing - he remembered how it felt to get crushes on someone when he was in High School, how more often than not that crush slowly consumed his thoughts and he was unable to be rational sometimes. It was different now.

It felt as if his crush on Hyungwon was propelling him forward instead of keeping him stagnant. It wasn’t a weight on his shoulders, it didn’t give him tunnel vision.

It made him feel all grown up, for some reason; he was aware that he still had a long way to go, though.

Thinking of Hyungwon had him biting back a little smile. Hyungwon had sounded a lot better last night when they spoke after he got home from his photoshoot. Knowing he had been the one to help him work through his sadness filled Changkyun with a giddy sort of pride - Hyungwon was opening up to him, _finally_ , after an entire month where his hope waned more and more each day. It was happening. Hyungwon was starting to trust him enough to be vulnerable around him, and Changkyun had seen a glimpse of hope for himself there.

Hyungwon felt something. It might not be the same as what Changkyun felt for him, but it was there, clear as day. Last night, Hyungwon had sounded— not bashful, exactly, but there was a careful quality to his words, the time he took to reply, while at the same time he sounded… flirty. It had been basically the text equivalent of batting his eyelashes at him, and Changkyun was living for it.

Hyungwon liked him, at least a little. Changkyun just needed to hear it from him. He needed a confirmation, something to prove he wasn’t imagining things.

But that would have to wait until Changkyun got back to his dorm room; he couldn’t risk Jooheon seeing him talking to Hyungwon, for one, and even if he wasn’t caught in the act, he would probably get absorbed in talking to him and completely forget he had a project to finish. Priorities.

It was just after seven in the evening when he heard keys turning on the lock, followed by the sound of the front door opening. Changkyun raised his head to see who it was, even though he already knew - only one person had keys to Jooheon’s place, other than Jooheon himself. Minhyuk entered bringing with him a large bag of take-out that smelled so good Changkyun had to swallow the saliva that gathered in his mouth; they had been working for so long he hadn’t even noticed how hungry he was.

Jooheon perked up, his face going from extreme focus to excited puppy in the blink of an eye. It was cute - gross, but cute. Changkyun was trying to be understanding, mostly because he would probably act the same way if he ever got together with Hyungwon. Worse than that, even. He’d probably stare at Hyungwon as if he hung the stars.

Minhyuk didn’t even bother dropping the take-out bag before skipping over to Jooheon and plopping down on his lap like a sack of potatoes - Jooheon was just fast enough to put his laptop aside to avoid it being crushed under Minhyuk’s butt. Minhyuk was skinny but he looked pretty heavy still; Hyungwon probably weighed as much as a feather. Was he the type to plop down on someone’s lap like that? Then again, he had really long legs - a lot of space on his lap for Changkyun to plop down on, instead.

Changkyun had to clear his throat and cough really loud when the two love birds started making out in front of him, and even so it still took them a few seconds to detach themselves from each other.

“Yes, you two are in love, I get it,” Changkyun said in a deadpan.

“Yes, we are,” Minhyuk confirmed, nuzzling Jooheon’s nose as he spoke. Changkyun, again, tried to be understanding and not gag - who knows, he might be nuzzling Hyungwon soon. Finally, Minhyuk got up from Jooheon’s lap to sit on the floor instead. “I brought chicken for my two favorite bigshot music producers.” He began taking out the containers from the bag one by one. Changkyun saved his work and put his laptop aside so he could slip from the beanbag to the floor to get closer to the food. “Honey said you two were hard at work, so I decided to drop by because I _knew_ you’d forget to eat something.”

“You were right on, hyung, thanks,” Changkyun said, helping Minhyuk with the containers while Jooheon went to grab them some drinks from the fridge. “Though I feel like you were just looking for an excuse to come see Jooheon.”

“Oh, please,” Minhyuk said, rolling his eyes. “Everything I do is an excuse to see Honey, don’t you know me?”

All Changkyun could do was laugh as he opened the containers and placed them on the floor so the three of them could reach the food, Jooheon soon returning with glasses and a bottle of soda and sitting down next to his boyfriend.

“Are you staying the night?” Jooheon asked as he poured the soda into the empty glasses.

“Can I? I don’t want to go back home tonight, Kiki might get lucky and I’d rather not be there to witness it.”

Changkyun snorted as he ripped open a package of disposable chopsticks for himself. “Yeah, right.”

“I doubt it, babe,” Jooheon said. “Jackson usually waits until at least the third date, he’s a gentleman.”

Changkyun frowned and looked up at Jooheon. “Jackson?”

“Oh, you didn’t know!” Minhyuk exclaimed, grinning brightly as if he’d just gotten a present. Changkyun grew worried in an instant. “I set up a date between our Yoo Kihyun and Jackson tonight.”

Jooheon sighed and shook his head. “This is a bad idea.”

“Oh, shush, it’ll work, you’ll see,” Minhyuk retorted.

“How did you even get Kihyun-hyung to agree to it?” Changkyun asked.

Minhyuk smiled like a child caught doing something they shouldn’t. Oh, no. “Let’s just say some trickery was involved.”

A strange feeling settled in Changkyun’s stomach, a gut feeling of the bad kind. Jooheon seemed to take notice of his confusion and said, “Minhyukie thought it would be a good idea to set up dates for his friends because he’s tired of being the only one of them who’s dating.”

Changkyun’s heart dropped, the hunger that had been there a minute ago gone right out the window. “Your friends?”

“Yes!” Minhyuk chirped. “Yoo Kihyun needed to get laid, so I set him up with Jackson. Then I set Hoseokie up with Hyunwoo-hyung—”

“Kihyun’s ex-boyfriend!?” Changkyun exclaimed, unable to contain himself. “Minhyuk—!”

“And I set up Hyungwonnie with my friend Mark,” Minhyuk concluded, not caring about Changkyun’s outburst. “They’re probably all having their dates right now, falling in love and all that jazz.”

Changkyun’s insides were filled with ice, his head filled with buzzing bees, his heart tight as if gripped by vines. Hyungwon was— on a date. With someone who wasn’t him. With someone that was real, someone who was there, in front of him, not trying to hide. Someone who wouldn’t give Hyungwon any reason to doubt. Someone that was certainly much better than him.

“I think you broke him,” Jooheon said, his voice sounding far away as Changkyun worked through his shock.

Why did he ever think Hyungwon would wait for him to reveal himself instead of turning to one of the many options he probably had? Sure, it wasn’t Hyungwon’s choice, it was Minhyuk the one who paired him up with someone, but even so— 

“What’s with you?” Minhyuk asked, poking Changkyun’s arm, then huffing. “Are you that afraid of Hyungwonnie that just mentioning his name has you shutting down?”

Hearing Hyungwon’s name brought Changkyun back to the moment and he glowered at Minhyuk. “I’m not afraid of him. Where did you get that from?”

Minhyuk slowly raised an eyebrow, staring at him as if in a challenge. “I saw the way you reacted the other day when you met him. You looked so spooked I thought you’d pee your pants.”

Changkyun’s cheeks were blazing hot and he lowered his eyes to the food, pretending he still had any appetite left for the sake of having something to do, and picking up a piece of chicken with his chopsticks. “I wasn’t spooked. He’s just very handsome and I wasn’t ready.”

“Uh-huh,” Minhyuk said, picking up some chicken for himself. “You know, if I had believed that for a second I would have set you up with him instead of Mark. You’re like, totally his type.”

It was good that Changkyun hadn’t put the food in his mouth yet, because he would have definitely choked on it. “I’m what now?”

“You’re his type,” Minhyuk repeated, enunciating the words very clearly. “Wonnie likes whatever it is you got going on. He likes cute and he likes edgy and you’re like, the perfect package of both.”

“I don’t know, Kkung can also be a sexy demon,” Jooheon pointed out.

“Yeah, sometimes I think he’s possessed,” Minhyuk agreed. “Wonnie’s into that too.”

There was too much information hitting him too fast. “What?”

“Pity you looked so scared of him. I mean, it’s your loss, Wonnie is a fucking catch and you’d be lucky to have him,” Minhyuk declared, pausing long enough to eat his piece of chicken before continuing. “What is it that scared you like that? He’s only like, one head taller than you, it’s not _that_ much.”

“I’m not scared of him,” Changkyun mumbled, now _definitely_ paying more attention to his food. His brain was stuck on a mantra of ‘ _it could have been me, it could have been me, it could have been me, it_ should _have been me’_ . And he’s Hyungwon’s type, if Minhyuk’s word is to be believed. _Fuck,_ this should have been good news but he could only perceive it as a curse.

Hyungwon was out there somewhere having dinner with someone else, while he sat on the floor of Jooheon’s apartment eating chicken. Should he— should he get up and run over to wherever Hyungwon was to interrupt his date like a character in a drama?

“It’s all cool,” Minhyuk said, and Changkyun shoved a piece of chicken into his own mouth to have an excuse not to participate in the conversation. “Mark’s gonna treat Wonnie right. He’s great.”

“I doubt they’ll hit it off,” Jooheon commented. “You literally tricked them into it.”

Changkyun was hit by yet another piece of unexpected information and froze mid-chew to ask with his mouth full of chicken, “What?”

“None of them knew it was a date,” Jooheon explained, giving his boyfriend a pointed look. “Minhyukie tricked everyone into thinking they’d all go to the same place, then split them into couples and sent them off to different restaurants.”

“I’m just trying to help!” protested Minhyuk. “I’m playing matchmaker, but it’s for their benefit!”

“I can actually imagine what’s going on right now on every single one of their ‘dates’,” Jooheon said, then cocked his head to the side as if listening for something. “Yeah, I can hear the crickets from here.”

Minhyuk pouted at Jooheon and rested his head on his shoulder. “I just want my friends to be as happy as we are.”

“I know, babe.” Jooheon wrapped an arm around Minhyuk’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Your intentions are good, but I just don’t think you’ll get the results you want. And I’m pretty sure Kihyun-hyung will kill you.”

Good, a chance to change the topic from Hyungwon to someone else, because if they kept talking about Hyungwon he was going to either pass out or throw up. Or both. Simultaneously.

He swallowed his chicken with some difficulty and said, “Yeah, you shouldn’t have involved Kihyun-hyung’s ex. I’m like, pretty sure he’s still in love with him.”

Minhyuk’s face went slack and he visibly blanched. “He’s— What have I done.”

“Might have fucked up a little bit there, babe,” Jooheon said.

“ _Shit,_ I thought Kiki was over Hyunwoo-hyung already, it’s been like, two years!”

Changkyun shook his head as he picked up another piece of chicken. “Nope, still not over him.”

“Fuck!”

“It’ll be alright,” Jooheon said, rubbing Minhyuk’s back to comfort him. “I don’t think you’ll hit the mark, so Kihyun-hyung will kill you just a little bit.”

“As opposed to killing him a lot?” Changkyun quipped.

“Maybe if I keep my mouth shut and pretend nothing happened I—” Minhyuk began but was interrupted by the loud tune of his ringtone. He took his phone out of his pocket to see who was calling, his eyes going comically wide. “Uh-oh.”

“Let me guess,” Changkyun said. “It’s Kihyun-hyung.”

“I’m so dead.”

Changkyun laughed at Minhyuk’s situation, though his heart wasn’t in it. He had to finish his project with Jooheon as fast as possible so he could go home and talk to Hyungwon to see if Minhyuk’s idiotic masterplan had worked. If Hyungwon even came home at all tonight, which was a terrifying possibility.

No, Jooheon was right, Hyungwon’s date would be awkward and unpleasant and he had nothing to worry about. He knew Hyungwon wasn’t good with new people, there was no way in hell he would relax and have fun on a date he wasn’t even aware of - much less to go home with the guy. Hyungwon wasn’t like that and he knew it, so he had no reason to start freaking out.

And yet.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

To say Hyungwon had a bad evening would be an understatement. The only reason why he hadn’t bolted right out of the restaurant or called his friends in the middle of dinner to ask what the hell was going on was because his mother had raised him better. He didn’t want to be rude to Mark, even though it was obvious he’d been uncomfortable too.

It was odd that nobody else had shown up - Minhyuk had texted him a couple of times, once to say he was with everybody else and they were running late, and then a few minutes later to say he and Mark should just get in the restaurant and start without them and that they’d be right there.

Of course, they never came and Hyungwon had to sit there and have dinner with a stranger. Sure, Mark had been nice - he was polite, he tried to make the best out of the situation, and their dinner had gone smoothly despite the awkwardness. Still, Hyungwon felt queasy after being nervous throughout the whole meal - you shouldn’t eat when you’re nervous, he knew that, but he did it anyway because he didn’t want to be rude to Mark.

But he was home now, finally, and he could relax, allow the knots in his stomach to unravel, and try to forget about whatever the hell that evening had been.

And he could talk to I.M. That’s something he’d been looking forward to as well.

Since Friday night (or rather, very early Saturday), when he finally acknowledged his feelings for I.M and received that not-so-subtle confirmation I.M liked him back, Hyungwon had been feeling a lot more comfortable around him - it might have had something to do with how sweet I.M had been to him when he was upset, how understanding, but he was much more confident in his assumption that I.M was being honest about his intentions. Perhaps he wasn’t entirely sold on that yet, but it was close.

They had talked again on Saturday night, and Hyungwon had even flirted back whenever I.M dropped one of his lines. He was never very good at flirting, too awkward and shy for it - I.M was worth the effort. And I.M seemed to appreciate his pathetic little attempts, so that’s all that mattered.

He didn’t bother changing his clothes before he zoomed right over to his laptop to turn it on, figuring he could change while he waited for I.M to message him - it always took a couple of minutes, which was more than enough time for him to get into his comfy sleeping clothes.

He’d been wrong this time. He barely had the time to open the closet before their Word document popped up, along with a new message from I.M.  
  


> hey, cookie

  
Leaving the closet door open, Hyungwon wasted no time and went over to his desk to reply.  
  


> Hey  
> Messaged me fast today   
> Did you miss me?

  
He didn’t wait for I.M to respond before hurrying over to the closet again, pulling out the first tee he saw and returning to his desk. I.M had already responded, and the reply made him break into a wide, giddy grin.  
  


> actually  
> yeah i did
> 
>   
> Well, here I am  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah  
> here you are   
> how was your day?  
>   
> 
> 
> It was… so very weird  
>   
> 
> 
> ??? weird how

  
Alright, he had to get comfy before he got into _that_ particular topic. He couldn’t wear skinny jeans while talking about something uncomfortable, so if I.M wanted to hear about his day, then he would have to wait.

Sending I.M a quick message asking him to wait a minute, Hyungwon finished changing his clothes to the tee he’d grabbed from the closet and soft pajama pants. He didn’t bother picking up the clothes he’d shed from the floor - he could do that later. Right now, all he wanted was his comfy bed and his soft blankets and his favorite hacker.

He carried his computer to bed with him and, after getting cozy, finally answered I.M’s question.  
  


> I don’t even know how to explain  
> One of my friends invited us out tonight to have dinner as a group   
> He said there would be a lot of people going   
> But when I got to the place he told me we should meet, there was only one guy there   
> We went to dinner anyway, and it was the single most awkward hour of my life  
>   
> 
> 
> lol that bad?  
>   
> 
> 
> Worse than that  
> I can’t deal with situations like this, I’m not good with strangers   
> We spent the whole hour making awkward small talk and looking at the clock  
>   
> 
> 
> damn cookie  
> i guess your date was a big fluke  
>   
> 
> 
> Date?  
> It wasn’t a date
> 
>   
> uhm… kinda sounds like it was…
> 
>   
> But it was supposed to be a group thing?  
>   
> 
> 
> cookie… i’m pretty sure your friend lied to you to set you up with someone

  
Hyungwon had to read over the message a number of times for it to compute, but when it finally did, all he wanted to do was run over to wherever Minhyuk was, and slap him.

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. _How_ didn’t he see it? Minhyuk raving about him and Hoseok finding love wouldn’t have just ended there, and in retrospect, Minhyuk had dropped the topic relatively fast. He should have known.

Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes.   
  


> ...I’m going to kill him  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL  
>   
> 
> 
> It was a date!?  
> Ugh, I can’t believe this   
> Though it makes sense now that I think about it   
> He’s been going on and on about wanting me and Hoseok to get boyfriends, and he’s prone to doing this type of thing   
> I can’t believe we fell for it  
>   
> 
> 
> i’m sure he meant well, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> It’s none of his business, though  
> We both told him we’re not interested in hunting for boyfriends right now, it’s like everything we say goes through one of his ears and comes out the other   
> He never listens  
>   
> 
> 
> it could have been worse  
> he could have set you up with someone really annoying  
>   
> 
> 
> I guess you’re right  
> The guy he set me up with wasn’t that bad   
> He was kind of cute and really nice, but not really my type   
> I mean, he’s studying to be a lawyer   
> I have nothing to talk about with a lawyer  
>   
> 
> 
> and what is your type?  
>   
> 
> 
> Who knows~  
>   
> 
> 
> come on cookie, throw me a bone  
>   
> 
> 
> You sound awfully curious  
>   
> 
> 
> just checking to see if i have what it takes

  
As always, I.M was as subtle as a bull in a china store. He didn’t mind that at all - he’d found it charming from the beginning, now it was just accentuated by the awareness he had of his own feelings.

So, yes, he would throw him a bone. He’d throw an entire feast at him, really.  
  


> You’re great just the way you are  
>   
> 
> 
> AKJHSDKHAKJDHAJKDHAK cookie omg  
> want to know what my type is?  
>   
> 
> 
> I think I know where this is going  
> But sure, what’s your type?  
>   
> 
> 
> you

  
Seeing it coming from a mile away didn’t stop him from grinning like an idiot. He had to squeal into his pillow to let it out of his system before he felt composed enough to reply.  
  


> Knew it  
>   
> 
> 
> i mean it  
> you have it all  
>   
> 
> 
> Thanks, you’re my favorite suck up  
>   
> 
> 
> AJDHAKHDAK I’M YOUR FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> My favorite SUCK UP, read the whole sentence  
>   
> 
> 
> idc i’m still your favorite  
>   
> 
> 
> Dork  
>   
> 
> 
> kinda  
> i’m sorry you had a bad date tho  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, the first red flag was the fact that I didn’t even know it was a date  
> And then he sort of implied he doesn’t like poetry   
> I mean, it kept going downhill  
>   
> 
> 
> oh  
> so you're into poetry

  
Hyungwon’s defenses sprung right up once he saw the message. It wasn’t something he could control - he’d liked poetry all his life, and he’d been teased about it constantly when he was younger to the point that it became a guilty pleasure for him, something he would rather keep to himself and enjoy in secret.

Another one of his silly little insecurities that always hit him harder than he would like to admit.  
  


> If you're about to make fun of me, save it  
> There's no joke you can make that I haven't heard before  
>   
> 
> 
> ?????? i'm not going to make fun of you  
>   
> 
> 
> You're not?  
>   
> 
> 
> no  
> nothing wrong with liking poetry  
> it actually suits you  
>   
> 
> 
> And that's a good thing?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah  
> it's classy

  
He breathed a sigh of relief. He really had to stop expecting the worst from I.M.  
  


> Huh  
> Thank you? I think.  
>   
> 
> 
> hypothetically  
> if i sent you poems  
> would that work in my favor?  
>   
> 
> 
> Hypothetically  
> It would depend on the poem  
>   
> 
> 
> i want to do with you  
> what spring does  
> to the cherry trees

  
He had to bring up his hands to cover his cheeks, even though there was nobody there to witness how red his face became once he read the message.

He’d known I.M could be bold, but _this—_   
  


> Oh  
>   
> 
> 
> did that work in my favor?  
>   
> 
> 
> Well  
> I didn't NOT work  
>   
> 
> 
> ;)  
>   
> 
> 
> The winky face ruined it  
>   
> 
> 
> NO WAIT I TAKE IT BACK  
>   
> 
> 
> Why did you choose that verse, though?  
> Of all the poems you could have quoted  
>   
> 
> 
> it's the only one that came to my mind  
> and also true
> 
>   
> Excuse me?
> 
> what?  
>   
> 
> 
> How is it true?  
>   
> 
> 
> i thought it was established, cookie  
> i do want to do to you what spring does to cherry trees  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh  
> You actually mean that  
>   
> 
> 
> i do  
>   
> 
> 
> You're so full of shit  
>   
> 
> 
> maybe  
> i still mean what i said  
>   
> 
> 
> To this day I still don't know if you're serious or just messing with me  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm always serious when it comes to you

  
Hyungwon took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. I.M’s conviction always seemed to him like a double-edged blade. He believed him, but at the same time… it was too good to be true.

Whenever he thought he knew what was happening, something always threw him off and had him wondering ‘what if’ again.   
  


> You really need to stop doing that  
>   
> 
> 
> why?  
> does it make you uncomfortable?
> 
>   
> No   
> It makes me confused  
>   
> 
> 
> ah  
> confused about what?
> 
>   
> About you  
>   
> 
> 
> i thought i was being pretty clear
> 
>   
> Let me put it this way   
> Don't set me on this path if you won't be waiting at the end of the road  
>   
> 
> 
> oh wow  
> you really are a poet  
>   
> 
> 
> I'm serious  
>   
> 
> 
> i know  
> i'm not leading you on  
>   
> 
> 
> Aren't you?  
> Because this might as well be an attempt to make me develop a crush on you so when push comes to shove I'll feel bad about reporting you  
>   
> 
> 
> trust me, i know how this sounds  
>   
> 
> 
> Then you know why I'm being careful  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah, i know  
> if you want me to back off, i will  
> but i _am_ into you  
> for real  
>   
> 
> 
> That's very hard for me to believe  
> Regardless of our situation  
>   
> 
> 
> but that's nothing to do with me then  
> that's your perception of yourself and whether or not you find yourself interesting  
> my perception of you is very different from your perception of yourself

  
Damn him. He was right.

Hyungwon didn’t think of himself as someone worthy of the sort of interest I.M showered him with, but he was aware that it was all a matter of perspective; Hyungwon was his own worst enemy, and he knew that. He was harsh on himself, too harsh, and he saw flaws in every aspect of his personality.

It didn’t mean everyone else felt the same way. He knew that. He knew - and yet it was so difficult to let go and just trust, for once, that he was enough.  
  


> Alright, you have a point  
>   
> 
> 
> i'll back off  
>   
> 
> 
> Only do that if you don't mean it  
>   
> 
> 
> well then  
> i guess i'm not backing off after all  
>   
> 
> 
> I'm not sure what you want to accomplish with this  
>   
> 
> 
> i don't really have a goal  
> i just like you  
>   
> 
> 
> So you're reciting suggestive poems to me for no reason  
>   
> 
> 
> the reason is that i like you????  
>   
> 
> 
> But what do you want from me?  
> Do you want me to like you back?  
>   
> 
> 
> that's usually what someone with a crush wants tbh  
> but i don't expect anything from you  
>   
> 
> 
> It would be easier if I knew who you are  
>   
> 
> 
> just because you don't know my name doesn't mean you don't know who i am  
>   
> 
> 
> You're magic text that appears on a document on my laptop  
> I might as well develop feelings for a dating sim character  
>   
> 
> 
> dating sim characters have a lot more game than i do tbh  
>   
> 
> 
> I mean  
> Yeah   
> But it's still not exactly what I picture for myself when it comes to romance  
>   
> 
> 
> i get it  
> you want something real  
> or at least realer  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> i can't give you that right now  
> i still don't know that you won't report me  
> but i do like you  
> and i hope you'll like me back someday, even though i know that might never happen  
> i don't want to be a dating sim character forever  
> i want to tell you my name so bad  
>   
> 
> 
> Then tell me  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm scared you're leading me on too  
> that you're asking for proof that i really like you to force me to tell you who i am  
>   
> 
> 
> That makes sense  
>   
> 
> 
> in my heart i know that's not what this is  
> but i don't want to risk it  
> i really can't get in trouble again  
>   
> 
> 
> I know  
>   
> 
> 
> i promise i didn't lie to you about anything  
> everything i tell you is the truth  
> i might not be telling you my name or anything  
> but everything else is real
> 
>   
> It might be stupid of me but   
> I believe you  
>   
> 
> 
> i want something real too  
> i want to hang out with you in person
> 
>   
> But we still don't trust each other  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah, we don't  
> we can keep talking and getting to know each other until we do  
> if that's something you want  
>   
> 
> 
> It is  
> Actually   
> I've gotten so used to you that I can't imagine not talking to you anymore  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> so can i keep courting you?  
>   
> 
> 
> What you're doing can hardly be described as "courting"  
>   
> 
> 
> i'm not an actual dating sim character, i don't know how to be romantic  
>   
> 
> 
> Yes, you do  
>   
> 
> 
> oh?  
> so  
> am i getting somewhere?  
>   
> 
> 
> Maybe you are, maybe you're not  
>   
> 
> 
> that sounds like a yes to me, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> Fine, it's a yes  
> I'm not made of stone
> 
>   
> that's the closest i got to you admitting you like me back  
>   
> 
> 
> Don't let it get to your head  
>   
> 
> 
> too late  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh, well  
> Keep quoting Neruda at me and we'll see how it goes  
>   
> 
> 
> deadass, now that it’s established that i like you and that you sorta kinda like me back i’m gonna bring my best game  
>   
> 
> 
> I told you before, didn’t I?  
> You’re great just as you are, you don’t have to try so hard   
>   
> 
> 
> hagsdhjadsgjahgdaj omg ok  
> it’s just   
> idk   
> i feel like i need to step up my game to be on the same level as you  
>   
> 
> 
> Pfft please  
> I’m a normal person, you don’t have to impress me or prove anything to me   
> In fact, I feel like I should be the one trying to impress you, Mr. Former Physics Student  
>   
> 
> 
> but i failed on that!!  
>   
> 
> 
> You were still smart enough to get in, and that’s not something I could ever do  
> My pea brain can’t understand numbers  
>   
> 
> 
> the same way i couldn’t ever read as many books as you do so fast  
> let’s just agree that we have different types of intelligence and leave it at that  
>   
> 
> 
> Okay, I like that  
>   
> 
> 
> the way you like me?  
>   
> 
> 
> Not the way I like you  
>   
> 
> 
> oh  
>   
> 
> 
> If I liked you the way I like an agreement, it would not be a good thing  
>   
> 
> 
> !!!!!!!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> You’re smart but you’re a real dummy sometimes  
>   
> 
> 
> i just need to know where i stand  
>   
> 
> 
> You already know where you stand  
> I like you, but I don’t trust you   
> Let’s say you stand at arm’s length   
> And I have pretty long arms  
>   
> 
> 
> hjasgdhjgja ok i can work with that  
> gdi i wish it had been me at that date with you tonight  
>   
> 
> 
> You know, for a second, I thought it was you
> 
>   
> yeah?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah  
> I really hoped it was you, but I knew it wasn’t the moment the guy opened his mouth  
>   
> 
> 
> lol how did you know  
>   
> 
> 
> I don’t know, I just did  
> I think it’s because we’ve been talking every day for over a month, and the guy didn’t talk like you at all  
>   
> 
> 
> oh  
> well   
> i would have been a much better date, legit   
> i would have wined and dined the soul out of you   
>   
> 
> 
> Then take me out if you’re so confident  
>   
> 
> 
> someday, cookie  
> hopefully someday soon  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah  
> I have a feeling it’ll take a while still, but I really do want to meet you in person   
> I need to make sure you’re actually a college student and not some 60yo creep trying to take advantage of my beautiful model body  
>   
> 
> 
> JKAHSDKASHDJKAHDAK COOKIE NO  
>   
> 
> 
> Cookie yes  
>   
> 
> 
> omg i’m not 60  
> actually   
> i think i’m younger than you  
>   
> 
> 
> And all this time you’ve been using informal speech to talk to me?  
>   
> 
> 
> uhh… sorry, cookie-hyung?
> 
>   
> LOL it’s fine, I’m just teasing you   
> But just for the record, you’re actually in college?  
>   
> 
> 
> yes, i’m actually in college  
> and no, i didnt graduate early from high school  
>   
> 
> 
> Alright  
> Good  
>   
> 
> 
> and also  
> FOR THE RECORD   
> i’m not ugly   
> like, i’m no model, but i’m no ogre either   
> i’m kinda hot if i do say so myself  
>   
> 
> 
> I’d tell you to prove it but you won’t  
> So I’ll take your word for it  
>   
> 
> 
> you’ll see someday  
> and you’ll probably also like to know   
> i got the booty

  
The moment Hyungwon read the message, he both burst into laughter and felt his cheeks going hot again. He was so tired of the back and forth, of feeling great one second then upset the next and then suddenly feeling amazing all over again; he was tired of the whiplash.

He wanted to trust I.M, so he would trust him up until the point he did something to show he wasn’t deserving of that trust. It was better than the constant hot and cold.  
  


> LOL okay, yeah, that works in your favor  
>   
> 
> 
> now you know you got something to grab ;)  
>   
> 
> 
> As you would put it  
> I can think of a couple more things I can grab ;)
> 
>   
> AJKHSJKASDHAK C O O K I E  
>   
> 
> 
> See? I can be sleazy too  
>   
> 
> 
> omg chae cookie you’ll be the death of me  
>   
> 
> 
> Nah, I like you better alive  
>   
> 
> 
> that’s relieving to know  
>   
> 
> 
> I’d like you even better in person, but that will have to wait  
>   
> 
> 
> it won’t be long now, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> I hope so  
>   
> 
> 
> me too

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶  
  


> ➤ _hyunwoo-hyung! it's hoseok_ **😊  
>   
> **
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> 😅 _Haha, I know it's you.  
> _ _Did you get home alright?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _yes i did!!  
> _ ➤ _thanks for offering to drive me home btw  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _You should accept it next time.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _it's alright, don't worry about me!!_ **😊  
> ** ➤ _i just wanted to apologize again for tonight  
> _ ➤ _i truly didn't know minhyuk was planning to ditch us_ 😓  
>   
> 
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _You didn't do anything wrong, it's alright.  
> _ _It turned out great in the end.  
> _ _I walked away from it with a new gym buddy.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _that's true_ 🥰  
> ➤ _i don't think our other friends were so lucky  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _Haha, you're right.  
> _ _Kihyun probably freaked out.  
> _ _I haven't spoken to him yet, so I'm not sure.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _yeah... i don't know him very well, but i can imagine he wasn't happy with minhyuk's prank  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _Was it a prank?_
> 
>   
> ➤ _i don't know  
> _ ➤ _maybe?  
> _ ➤ _i think he was trying to play cupid  
> _ ➤ _it's the kind of thing he does_ 🙄  
>   
> 
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _I'm sure his heart was in the right place._
> 
>   
> ➤ _yeah minhyukie means well  
> _ ➤ _his methods are just a little... out there  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _It was awkward but there was no harm done.  
> _ _I only hope Ki won't be too harsh on him.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😂😂😂 _those two are always at each other's throats, i'm sure minhyuk can take it  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _You’re right, they have lived together for a while and Minhyuk is still alive.  
> _ _Ki is a force to be reckoned with, though.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _it's ok, so is minhyuk  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> 😂 _That's probably why they get along so well.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _lmao you're right_ 😂  
> ➤ _i'm still really embarrassed about it  
> _ ➤ _i'm so sorry you were put in an awkward situation because of my friend_ 😓  
> ➤ _i apologize on his behalf  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _You have nothing to be sorry about!  
> _ _It was awkward in the beginning but I had a great time, there's no need to feel bad.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _ok_ **😊** _i feel a bit better knowing you had fun  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _I really did.  
> _ _His plan of us getting together might have failed but we got along perfectly well as friends.  
> _ _I think it's a good thing.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _you're right_ 🥰  
> ➤ _it really could have been worse  
> _ ➤ _hyungwon probably didn't have a good time, he hates meeting strangers  
> _ ➤ _and he has this whole drama going on too, it's pointless sending him out on a date  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _Drama?_
> 
>   
> ➤ _yeah  
> _ ➤ _it's like something out of a movie  
> _ ➤ _his laptop was hacked by someone and somehow he started liking the hacker  
> _ ➤ _it's a whole thing  
> _ ➤ _...and i should probably not have told you that_ 🤐 _shit, i'm sorry_ 😭  
> ➤ _i think i might be a little tipsy still  
> _ ➤ _pretend i didn't say anything  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _It's alright.  
> _ _That sounds like something I've heard before, though._ 🤔  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _????? you did?  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _I think so.  
> _ _It's probably from a drama I saw on TV._ _  
> _ _Nevermind.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _ok_ _  
> _ ➤ _i didn’t mean to snitch, wonnie told me that in confidence_ 😭   
> ➤ _i’m really a mess today, i’m so sorry  
>   
> _
> 
> **hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> 😅 _It’s really alright, Hoseok.  
> _ _By the way, if you’re free tomorrow night, we could go out somewhere?_ _  
> _ _It might be less awkward if we meet as friends because we want to instead of being tricked into it.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _i’d like that!_ 🥰   
> ➤ _we can go out for drinks maybe?_
> 
> **  
> hyunwoo-hyung 😊**   
> _Sounds good.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ **😊**

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

> ➤ _Ki?  
> _ ➤ _Are you still awake?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I am, yeah  
> _ _Too pissed to sleep  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😂 _Haha, I thought you would be.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡  
> ** _You know me too well, Nunu_ 🙄  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _I would expect so, considering.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Fair_
> 
>   
> ➤ _I assume your evening wasn't good.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡  
> ** _It was terrible  
> _ _I think I scarred poor Jackson for life  
> _ _I tried to be nice to him even though I was fuming trying to call Minhyuk  
> _ _In the end I bought him dinner as an apology and I think we were able to get past it  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I'm really sorry you had such a bad night._
> 
> **  
> Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Yeah, well  
> _ _Just another day as Minhyuk's roommate  
> _ _I'm used to the chaos  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Did you manage to call him?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Nope  
> _ _All my calls went straight to voicemail and he didn't come home  
> _ _My guess is that he's hiding at his boyfriend's place_ 🙄  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _Probably.  
> _ ➤ _He actually set me up with one of his friends, too.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _He did what?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I had dinner with his friend Hoseok tonight.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Oh.  
> _ _How did that go?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _It went fine.  
> _ ➤ _Awkward, but we got along.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _That's great.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _You're not upset?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I don't have any right to be upset, Nunu.  
> _ _We're not together.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Ki, it's me. You can drop the act.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _It's not an act.  
> _ _I'm trying to be rational.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _It's alright to be upset.  
> _ ➤ _I was upset too when I learned you were tricked into a date.  
> _ ➤ _It only lasted a moment because I knew you'd hate being put in that situation, but I was still sad for a second.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _You were?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Yes.  
> _ ➤ _It's natural that we feel like this.  
> _ ➤ _We were together for three years.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I know  
> _ _And I know we decided to break up for a good reason  
> _ _It's just hard sometimes  
> _ _I lose sight of my priorities  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Me too.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _It might have been easier if we'd broken up for not liking each other anymore  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _As if that would ever happen.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Shush, you  
> _ _You're making it harder  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I'm sorry.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I just want to make it clear that you're free to go out on dates if you want  
> _ _We're not together anymore, so you don't owe me anything  
> _ _I want you to be happy  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I want you to be happy too, Ki.  
> _ ➤ _You also don't need to hold back for my sake.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I'm not holding back  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Aren't you?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _No  
> _ _I've been asked out a few times  
> _ _I'm just not interested  
> _ _And it feels counterproductive  
> _ _We broke up because we can't balance a relationship and our responsibilities  
> _ _If I get into another relationship, then we broke up for nothing  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I feel the same way.  
> _ ➤ _I've been asked out a few times as well, and I said no to all of them.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Nunu, what are we doing?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Our best...?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Very funny.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I have two more years of grad school ahead of me, and you have one more semester of your course.  
> _ ➤ _Things are hectic for both of us right now, but they won't be forever.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Are you asking me to wait for you?_
> 
>   
> ➤ _No, I can't ask that of you.  
> _ ➤ _You're free to do whatever you want and be with whoever you want.  
> _ ➤ _But you'll be less busy soon, and maybe I can work around my own schedule so it won't be so crazy.  
> _ ➤ _When that time comes, I want to try again, if you'll have me.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I'd like that  
> _ _And I think we'd be able to handle it better now  
> _ _We did a lot of growing up the past couple of years, maybe it'll work out  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I'm sure it will, Ki.  
> _ ➤ _We just need to be patient for a little longer.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Yeah, I can do that  
> _ _I don't want you to care less about your career because of me, though  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I won't.  
> _ ➤ _I want to find a balance between both, because I care about both.  
> _ ➤ _It's not something I was able to do before, but I know myself better now.  
> _ ➤ _I know my limitations, and I have more control over my schedule.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Same for me  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _And we have more means now.  
> _ ➤ _We're not struggling financially like we used to.  
> _ ➤ _It'll work.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Alright  
> _ _But don't hold back because of me, okay?  
> _ _If you happen to meet someone before then, you don't have to feel trapped  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _The same goes for you.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Fine, then we agree  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _You don't have to be so clinical about it.  
> _ ➤ _It's not a contract.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I don't know how else to react  
> _ _It feels a little surreal that we're actually having this conversation  
> _ _We always tiptoe around it  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Well, there you have it.  
> _ ➤ _I’ve always hoped I'd get a second chance with you.  
> _ ➤ _I feel like I'm the one who dropped the ball.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _You didn't do anything wrong, Nunu  
> _ _Working hard and focusing on your education is not a shortcoming  
> _ _We just weren't ready for how hard it would be  
> _ _We were just dumb kids fresh out of High School, we've grown up a lot since then, and I don't regret anything  
> _ _You did what you had to do, and so have I  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Alright, I can accept that.  
> _ ➤ _And while I'm glad we've talked this out, there's something else I want to talk to you about.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _What is it?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Remember about a month ago, when you came over for dinner?  
> _ ➤ _You told me about your friend hacking someone by mistake.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Right, I remember  
> _ _What about it?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _What is the name of the person he hacked?  
> _ ➤ _Is it Hyungwon?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Yes  
> _ _How did you know that? I don't remember telling you who it was  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _You didn't.  
> _ ➤ _You know I went to dinner with Hoseok tonight, right? We actually hit it off, as friends.  
> _ ➤ _And we were texting just now and he mentioned that his friend, Hyungwon, also got tricked into a blind date tonight, but that it's pointless to set him up with someone because he already has feelings for someone else.  
> _ ➤ _This is what reminded me of what you told me that time, and I wasn't sure if it was the same person.  
> _ ➤ _But this Hyungwon was hacked too, and he apparently has feelings for the hacker.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _OH  
> _ _MY  
> _ _GOD  
> _ _Noodleman likes Kkung back!?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _If it is the same person, yes, I believe he does.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Nunu, this is huge!  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I didn't tell you so you can run over and do something about it.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _So, what, you give me this information and expect me to just sit on it?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Yes.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Hyunwoo.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _It's none of our business, Ki.  
> _ ➤ _I told you because I thought this is something you should hear, since I know Changkyun is a close friend of yours.  
> _ ➤ _I can't stop you from sticking your cute nose in his business, but you know him best.  
> _ ➤ _Do with the information what you will.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Shit  
> _ _I don't even know what I should do with it  
> _ _I can't just tell this to Changkyun, I doubt he'd believe me anyway  
> _ _But not telling him feels wrong  
> _ _Like I'm betraying him somehow  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Maybe wait for a while?  
> _ ➤ _Don't act impulsively.  
> _ ➤ _You don't know anything about their relationship other than what he chose to tell you.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _And he doesn't tell me much to begin with  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _There you go.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _I think I'll sit on it, then  
> _ _For now.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Just don't be brash.  
> _ ➤ _Give them time to sort this out themselves.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Sometimes I hate it when you're right.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I know, Ki.  
> _ ➤ _Look, Hoseok and I are going out for drinks tomorrow night.  
> _ ➤ _If you're free, I think you should join us.  
> _ ➤ _You need to relax.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _You know what? I'm in  
> _ _I only know Hoseok in passing, but I like him  
> _ _I wouldn't mind hanging out with him  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Great, then the three of us are going out tomorrow.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki ♡** _  
> _ _Can't wait!_ ♥️

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the people who follow me on twitter probably already know this, but a couple of things for the people who don't:
> 
> \- i've been asked this more than once, so i'll just say it here as well in case anyone else is wondering: updates are weekly, there will be a new chapter every **monday**!
> 
> \- kinda related to the above mentioned, i have finished writing all of the chapters for this story yesterday, and while i still have to edit and revise, there will be no delays with the schedule - every monday, like clockwork, new chapter. 
> 
> \- and lastly, i mentioned it on twitter once but i keep forgetting to mention it here too: 'kernel panic' is a security protocol on windows that happens when the pc encounters an error it can't recover from without risking loss of data, so it just shuts down. in other words, it's the Blue Screen of Death™. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the chapter and, as always, thanks for reading!♡


	9. Soul-baring

⊷⋄⊶

“When did  _ this _ happen?”

Changkyun raised his head when he heard Jooheon’s voice next to him, the sound muffled through his headphones. Jooheon was holding out his phone so Changkyun could look at the screen, and he slowly slid off his headphones as his mind tried to process what he was seeing.

It was a picture. In it were Kihyun, Hyunwoo, and  _ Hoseok _ . Hoseok,  _ Hyungwon’s Hoseok _ , posing next to Hyunwoo and Kihyun as if the three of them had been the bestest friends in the world since early childhood, all with big bright smiles on their faces and obviously having a blast. Kihyun was smiling so wide Changkyun thought his face would split in half.

“What the actual fuck,” Changkyun said, as dumbfounded as Jooheon.

“What, what?” Minhyuk asked as he hurried over carrying an armful of snacks - when Minhyuk had walked away saying he’d go to the vending machine, Changkyun had assumed he just wanted a soda or something, not every single snack in the machine. It worked to his advantage - he’d probably snatch a couple of bags of chips from him. Free chips are always the best chips. “What are you looking at?”

“Look, Hoseok-hyung just posted this on Instagram,” Jooheon said, turning his phone to Minhyuk when he plopped down on the grass next to his boyfriend.

Minhyuk’s eyes went wide. “Holy crap on a cracker.”

Changkyun sat there, mouth open like a fish, trying to figure out what this meant for him - Kihyun was one of his best friends, and Hoseok was one of Hyungwon’s best friends. Minhyuk was also one of Hyungwon’s best friends, and he was dating Jooheon, who was Changkyun’s own best friend. Connecting all of these dots— did that mean they would all start hanging out as a group? Because if they did, then…

...oh no.

Oh no, no, no. Not good.

He couldn’t start panicking yet. This didn’t have to mean the end of the world - he just had to get over himself soon and tell Hyungwon who he was before then. Yes. Yes, he could probably do that.

Ugh, who was he kidding.

“What have I done,” Minhyuk said, dropping the snacks dramatically in favor of slapping both hands over his cheeks to display his horror. He reminded Changkyun of the poster for the movie ‘Home Alone’. “They’re too powerful now.”

“Kihyun-hyung looks so happy,” Jooheon commented, looking at the picture on his screen. “His eyes are sparkling. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this.”

“He’s always happy when he’s around Hyunwoo-hyung,” Changkyun said sagely. “Though I agree, this is a level of happiness beyond what we’re used to.”

“I’m shook to my very core,” said Minhyuk. “Does this mean I did something right?”

“Babe, I’m pretty sure this isn’t about you.”

“Oh, please. Everything is about me, and if it isn’t, it should be.”

“Okay,” Jooheon said, laughing, and wrapped one arm around Minhyuk’s shoulders.

Changkyun tuned them off and slipped his headphones back on, not at all interested in their PDA. For all that he was concerned about the sudden friendship between Kihyun, Hyunwoo, and Hoseok, there was nothing he could do about it; it’s not like he could be the gatekeeper of Kihyun’s social circle. And it didn’t have to mean anything bad for himself - he and Hyungwon had mutual friends since ever and they had never hung out with each other. He was getting worked up over nothing.

Best to take a deep breath, calm down, and pay attention to the task at hand.

It was a lovely Wednesday morning, and they were killing time before their next lecture under a tree, basking in the sunlight, watching other students passing by on their way to class. While Minhyuk and Jooheon got cozy next to him, Changkyun was focused on polishing up the song he’d been working on; he was so proud of how it’d turned out.

He never had a muse before to know for sure, but it seemed like Hyungwon had become a muse for him. He felt inspired, more productive than he’d been in a while, and his lyrics had improved from cheesy to— well, it wasn’t poetry-level yet, but it was a lot less cringy.

He attributed this to the fact that now he knew  _ exactly _ where he stood with Hyungwon. Knowing gave him confidence. He wasn’t second-guessing himself anymore. It wouldn’t be long before he finally felt sure enough to take the risk and tell Hyungwon his name, take him out on a real date. He wasn’t quite there yet, and Hyungwon wasn’t as well, but it was so close he could feel it in his gut.

Changkyun saved the song and smiled to himself. This would be his first official gift to Hyungwon, and he was in equal parts nervous and confident. It hadn’t been easy to translate his feelings for Hyungwon into a song, but he felt like he’d nailed it - the result was a soft yet upbeat track, with a synthpop, dreamy vibe. It wasn’t slow-paced or fast-paced, it fell right in the middle. It was relaxing, but it evoked happiness at the same time.

It was  _ exactly _ how Hyungwon made him feel: excited, but calm. Hopeful. Light.

After playing around with some lyrics, he’d decided that there was no need - the melody spoke for itself. Hyungwon would understand.

Hyungwon, somehow, always understood.

“What are you working on there?” Jooheon suddenly asked, just as Changkyun closed the file he’d just saved.

“A song. Just finished it.”

“Nice, can I hear it?”

Changkyun gave Jooheon a cheeky smile and a sly side glance. “Not this time, Honey. This one’s not for your ears.”

“Ooh, Kkung making secret music?” Minhyuk stage-whispered at Jooheon, sounding like a gossipy teen.

“What’s up with that, are you trying to get with someone?” Jooheon asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” he replied with that same mischievous smile, and refused to answer any questions beyond that, no matter how much Jooheon and Minhyuk teased him.

Now all he had to do was wait for a chance to sneakily put the song in Hyungwon’s computer. 

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon arrived home with a spring in his step and trying to ignore the fact that he was acting like a lovesick schoolgirl in a 1950s movie. He hadn’t rushed over to the nearest open window to sigh at the moon yet, but he was at the point that, if he did, it wouldn’t be out of place. If he didn’t have a low tolerance for pain, he would have punched himself in the face already.

As it had become his habit, the first thing he did upon arriving home was turn on his laptop. It was still early in the evening, earlier than I.M usually showed up. After waiting a couple of minutes without any sign of him, Hyungwon decided to go take a shower instead of sitting there staring at his desktop.

Overall, things seemed to be going well between them. He still felt rather awkward whenever he tried to flirt with I.M, as it wasn’t something he did often, yet it came a bit easier to him now. He was more comfortable speaking his mind, putting his feelings into words, now that he knew I.M liked him for his personality - or whatever it was he saw in him. Hyungwon had no idea what it was, but hey, it was working in his favor so he would not complain.

He was still holding back, though - he didn’t know a thing about I.M. Who knows, he might actually have someone already and was flirting with Hyungwon for the hell of it. Or maybe this was a very elaborate prank. There was no way for him to find out other than trusting I.M’s word, and while he had decided to trust him, that didn’t mean he would jump into it blindly. He wanted to be smart about this, be rational even when his brain was trying to work against him. He wanted to take it slow, not make any promises, at least not until they met face to face and he could see with his own eyes who I.M was as a person. He couldn’t trust text alone.

But he wanted this so bad. He wanted, at least once in his life, to be with someone who liked him for who he was, flaws and all. He wanted I.M to be this someone with all his heart, and it killed him to know it was not something he could control.

Fifteen minutes later, done with his shower and wearing his comfortable pajamas, Hyungwon returned to his room expecting to see their Word document open and a new message from I.M. All he saw was his old desktop. No document open. No new message.

He was beginning to feel a little bummed out, when something in his desktop caught his eye.

There was an audio file sitting right in the middle of the screen, far removed from the rest of the icons on the desktop - deliberately put there. He felt that lurching sensation inside of him, as if he’d just missed a step on the stairs, and swiftly sat at his desk to find out what that mysterious file was. It was simply titled ‘play me’.

A small burst of giggles came out of his mouth. It reminded him of Alice In Wonderland, the little notes she found during her journey - the cake that said ‘eat me’, the bottle that said ‘drink me’. Now a mysterious file on his computer that said ‘play me’.

He didn’t know if I.M had done it on purpose, but he appreciated it nonetheless. He was a sucker for literary references.

Before he played the file, though, Hyungwon took the time to look for his headphones - this deserved to be listened to with headphones, and he really hoped this wasn’t a track of I.M shouting. It was a big vote of confidence he was giving him there, though he didn’t think I.M would pull a prank like that on him.

He had no idea what it could be. Would he hear I.M’s voice? Did he send him a song that reminded him of Hyungwon, or a recording of himself reading him a poem?

He was buzzing with curiosity when he returned with his headphones, which had been stored away in one of his drawers. He rarely ever used them; he felt awkward with those huge—  _ thingies _ over his ears, it felt uncomfortable, so he only used them on special occasions. This certainly qualified.

With a last deep breath, he plugged the headphones in, put them on, adjusted the volume so he wouldn’t go deaf, and finally opened the file.

The first notes reached his ears in a gentle crescendo, an electronic beat fading into the melody smoothly, speeding up the rhythm. It wasn’t anything he’d ever heard before, nothing familiar about it, but he figured he would get nowhere if he sat there overthinking - he closed his eyes instead and just listened. He expected someone to start singing at first, and soon realized there were no vocals at all, only melody.

He didn’t know a thing about music, all he knew was how it made him feel. This song was— it felt like the musical equivalent of taking a stroll through the park on the first sunny day after an entire month of rain. It felt… fuzzy and warm and soothing. It was upbeat, but he could fall asleep to it.

It was easy to get lost in the music, on the ebb and flow of the melody, and forget about the world for a moment. The song made him feel bubbly, a tiny smile on his face as he continued to listen. He couldn’t help the thought that the song sounded like I.M - not that he’d ever heard his voice, but there was this general energy he felt from him even through text that emanated from every single note in that song. Something bold and mischievous, yet gentle and relaxed. He wouldn’t mind listening to it forever.

As the song reached its end, their Word document opened and a new message from I.M appeared, as if he had been waiting there all along.   
  


> so cookie   
>  how did you like the song?  
>   
> 
> 
> Did you compose this?  
>   
> 
> 
> composed, arranged, produced  
>   
> 
> 
> This is amazing   
>  I love it  
>   
> 
> 
> good   
>  i made it for you

  
The world stopped spinning for a second as Hyungwon read the words. His heart was going wild in his chest, his cheeks were flushed, and he couldn’t understand what was happening for a moment.

I.M made a song for him. Composed, arranged, and produced a song  _ for him _ .

This— this was—

Damn him, I.M was way too smooth for his own good and Hyungwon both loved and hated it.  
  


> You did?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah   
>  i thought of adding lyrics but it didn’t seem to fit   
>  it works better as an instrumental track  
>   
> 
> 
> I don’t even know what to say  
>   
> 
> 
> you don’t have to say anything   
>  i just needed to take this song out of my head and into your ears   
>    
> 
> 
> Wait   
>  You’re a Music student  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah…   
>  i’m on my third semester of music production  
>   
> 
> 
> I knew you were an artist   
>  And you’re a great one, this song is amazing  
>   
> 
> 
> you mean that?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, I do   
>  I’m actually speechless right now   
>  Thank you   
>  Nobody ever made a song for me before  
>   
> 
> 
> well cookie   
>  get used to it

  
A tiny little  _ squeak _ came out of him, which made him feel like one of those squeaky toys dogs like to chew. Damn him. Damn him to the moon and back.

On the other hand… I.M had shared another piece of information about himself, and that was huge. That was a gigantic step forward for them, and it only made him feel even giddier. He got a song, and a little bit more of I.M.

His cheeks were starting to hurt from how hard he was smiling.  
  


> Oh my god, you’re such a sap
> 
>   
>  but i bet my whole entire left arm that you have a smile on right now  
>   
> 
> 
> Seems like you’ll keep your left arm then   
>  And I take it you’re left-handed  
>   
> 
> 
> ...you’re way too smart, cookie

  
Hyungwon smiled to himself, this time pleased with that small victory. Trying to turn the tables, at least a little bit, he made a show of minimizing their document and opening the music player, only so he could press play on the song again and put it on repeat.

The document opened again within a second.  
  


> ajhsdjsahdjkah cookie!!!!!! you liked it that much????  
>   
> 
> 
> I really did   
>  It’s lovely  
>   
> 
> 
> i’m happy then   
>  i was worried you wouldn’t like it  
>   
> 
> 
> You made a whole 3min song for me, there’s no way I wouldn’t like it  
>   
> 
> 
> you mean that  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, I do   
>  And you say you don’t know how to be romantic  
>   
> 
> 
> you bring it out in me  
>   
> 
> 
> Pff please  
>   
> 
> 
> what?? i’m whipped af  
>   
> 
> 
> Are you that easy?  
>   
> 
> 
> maybe you’re just that lovable  
>   
> 
> 
> I could say the same about you  
>   
> 
> 
> ahsdjkahdkjahsdkjasdh  
>   
> 
> 
> As far as I know, that is   
>  I could be wrong   
>  Through text you’re very lovable, at least  
>   
> 
> 
> come on cookie i told you i can be charming   
>    
> 
> 
> Mhm   
>  You’re very charming in theory  
>   
> 
> 
> i’m charming irl too
> 
>   
>  But I don’t know that, do I?   
>  Let me round up everything I know about you   
>  You’re shorter than me, you have tattoos (I’m assuming more than one), you’re left-handed, and you’re studying to be a music producer   
>  That’s it, that’s all I know  
>   
> 
> 
> guess you couldn’t pick me out of a lineup  
>   
> 
> 
> I wouldn’t know you even if you were standing right in front of me, so you’re safe   
>    
> 
> 
> the plan is for you to know me intimately   
>  you’ll be able to recognize me even in the dark   
>  maybe even ESPECIALLY in the dark  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL pervert  
>   
> 
> 
> sometimes   
>  but i mean it cookie   
>  you’ll know what i look like soon, i’m tired of hiding  
>   
> 
> 
> I know, and I don’t want to sound as if I’m pressuring you   
>  I trust you to come out of your hidey-hole when you’re ready   
>  I’m just frustrated because   
>  I don’t even know   
>  You know what I look like, you’ve seen me in person, and I still have no idea what you look like   
>  It feels unfair  
>   
> 
> 
> i mean   
>  i may know what you look like, but i don’t know much about your thoughts   
>  the inner workings of cookie  
>  while i’m here all the time baring my soul to you  
>  that’s a fair exchange to me  
>   
> 
> 
> You say you always bare your soul to me and yet you haven’t told me about your previous run-in with our university’s administration  
>   
> 
> 
> oh  
>  right  
>  that  
>   
> 
> 
> Yes   
>  That  
>   
> 
> 
> ok, i’ll tell you  
>  B U T  
>  you have to tell me your thing  
>   
> 
> 
> My thing?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah   
>  your tragic background story  
>   
> 
> 
> What makes you think I have a tragic background story?  
>   
> 
> 
> cookie   
>  come on   
>    
> 
> 
> Alright, fine   
>  I wouldn’t call it ‘tragic’, it’s pretty boring   
>  But I’ll tell you  
>   
> 
> 
> good   
>  then we have a deal?  
>   
> 
> 
> Very well, we have a deal   
>  You first
> 
>   
> ok   
>  storytime   
>  this happened during my first semester  
>   
> 
> 
> Not that long ago then  
>   
> 
> 
> lol yeah   
>  barely a year   
>  anyways   
>  there was this guy in my music comp class  
>   
> 
> 
> Wait, music comp is music composition?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> Ok, go on  
>   
> 
> 
> the guy in my music comp class was one of Those guys   
>  dirty rich, parents donate money to the university all the time, he doesn’t have to work for anything ever  
>  you know, one of those   
>  he came across as very friendly and he got along pretty well with everyone, not with me tho   
>  i was always the quiet one who sits in the back and does his thing   
>  and then one day, a couple of months into the course, this guy starts talking to me out of the blue  
>   
> 
> 
> Sounds fishy  
>   
> 
> 
> and you’re right cookie  
>  i was a little more trusting back then so i didn’t think much of it   
>  i just went with it, thinking the guy really wanted to be friends   
>    
> 
> 
> I’m guessing he had ulterior motives  
>   
> 
> 
> you’re right again   
>  he befriended me so he could steal some of my songs   
>   
> 
> 
> What!?  
>   
> 
> 
> yep   
>  he stole this usb stick i had with a couple of tracks i made  
> i only found out when he presented it in class for our professor as if it were his own  
>   
> 
> 
> What a jackass  
>   
> 
> 
> damn right   
>  i tried to get my usb back but he kept saying he didn’t know what i was talking about and of course nobody believed me   
>  so i turned to plan b  
>   
> 
> 
> You hacked him  
>   
> 
> 
> yes   
>  the idea was that i could erase my tracks from his computer and the usb if i hacked him so yeah, i totally did   
>  and you can probably guess what happened next  
>   
> 
> 
> You got caught  
>   
> 
> 
> i got caught   
>  and again nobody believed me when i tried to explain   
>  i’m the weird kid with piercings and tattoos who wear black hoodies all the time and always look like i’m mad at something   
>  nobody would ever take my side over the preppy rich kid who donates money to the university  
>   
> 
> 
> So he got away with it?  
>   
> 
> 
> yep, he did   
>  and i was suspended from all my classes for three months and warned that if i ever step out of line again, i’m a goner   
>  i only wasn’t kicked out because the guy did this whole ‘i forgive you, you poor unfortunate soul’ speech in front of the dean  
>   
> 
> 
> And after all of that you still risked hacking someone to pass your Thermo-thing course?  
>   
> 
> 
> thermodynamics   
>  and yes   
>  that’s how desperate i was  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m sorry this happened to you   
>  I know it doesn’t make it any better but it wasn’t fair and I hate that you had to go through something like this  
>   
> 
> 
> thanks cookie  
>  now you know why i’m so paranoid about you finding out who i am   
>  i just can’t risk it   
>  i’ll be kicked out for sure  
>   
> 
> 
> I understand   
>  I wish you would trust me a little bit more, but I know that’s not something I can force
> 
>   
>  i do trust you   
>  i mean, i  _ feel _ like i can trust you   
>  knowing that my whole education is riding on this isn’t easy to get past but i’m trying so hard to stop overthinking   
>  i’m really trying hyungwon i promise i am

  
Hyungwon gave himself a moment to process everything I.M had told him, really let the story sink in.

He couldn’t blame I.M for being cautious - Hyungwon would probably be paranoid in his place, too. And he was already paranoid enough as it was, which was all the more reason for him to get it. They had a lot in common, that inherent distrust of strangers based on past experiences that, while different, left enough of a sour aftertaste in their mouths for them to never want to go through them again.

He slid off his headphones and unplugged them, leaving them on his desk. The song I.M had made for him now played softly through the speakers as he picked up his laptop and carried it with him to his bed. This was getting too deep, he needed to be comfy before he continued this conversation.

Once he was done getting cozy under his blankets, he read over the messages and let out a small sigh. He understood.

And I.M said he was trying. It didn’t mean he would ever trust him enough to meet him face to face, but he was trying and that had to be enough. For now, maybe it was.  
  


> You know, I like it when you call me cookie, but there’s just something about you calling me by my name that   
>  I don’t know   
>    
> 
> 
> you like it?  
>   
> 
> 
> I do, yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> i have to call you by your name more often then   
>  but don’t change the subject   
>  your turn  
>  tragic backstory time  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m not entirely sure what to tell you   
>  What do you want to know?  
>   
> 
> 
> alright, i’ll be more specific   
>  i’ve noticed you seem to have a few hangups about yourself   
>  what goes on there
> 
>   
>  I see   
>  Like I said, there’s nothing tragic about it   
>    
> 
> 
> cookie, cookie, cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> I.M, I.M, I.M  
>   
> 
> 
> start from the top please  
>   
> 
> 
> The top of…?
> 
>   
>  you’re making this very hard for me

  
Good thing he was already comfy under his blankie, because this was a topic he did  _ not _ want to talk about and that always had him feeling too vulnerable, too exposed.

It was time, though. If I.M liked him as much as he claimed, then he should know what he was getting himself into. Hyungwon saw it as doing him a favor - a last chance for him to run for the hills.

Goodness, he was pathetic.  
  


> Ugh, fine   
>  It’s no big deal   
>  I’ve been modeling since I was around 8  
>   
> 
> 
> and what, you hate it?  
>   
> 
> 
> It’s not that I hate it   
>  Remember that talk we had about skill versus passion?   
>  That’s what modeling is to me   
>  It’s a skill, not a passion
> 
>   
>  ah   
>  you resent it
> 
>   
>  Yes   
>  Ever since I was little I’ve been complimented for my looks, so naturally my mother pushed me towards modeling   
>  She went all in, you know? She ran all over the place with me so I could get a portfolio made, take runway lessons, headshots, commercial auditions, everything   
>  At school, I was “the kid who models” and all the other kids wanted to hang out with me because I was “famous”   
>  Kids are so fucking easy to impress, I was never famous LOL   
>  Problem is, I had no time for friends because there was always somewhere else I had to be   
>  Castings, commercial shootings, photoshoots, agencies   
>  I spent more time alone reading since I was constantly sitting around in waiting rooms
> 
>   
>  that must be hard for a child  
>   
> 
> 
> It was   
>  My education was sort of a background concern, and the other kids just wanted to hang out with “the model” without really caring about getting to know me   
>  I didn’t realize this back then though, I was a conceited little prick
> 
>   
>  LOL i can’t even imagine what that must have been like  
>   
> 
> 
> I was a little douchebag   
>  I walked around with this dumb scarf tied around my neck, I don’t even know what fashion statement I was trying to make   
>  As a grew older, I started seeing things more clearly and wanting to break out of that mentality   
>  I tried working harder at school to better my grades, stopped wearing that stupid scarf, and opened my eyes to the people around me and how they saw me  
>   
> 
> 
> i’m so sorry, hyungwon  
>   
> 
> 
> Then came the last drop, which I think is what really broke the spell for me   
>  I got a bad grade on a test - which was Physics, so you can laugh away at the irony - and someone told me, and I quote, “it’s alright honey, you don’t have to be smart, you’re pretty”  
>   
> 
> 
> wtf  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah   
>  And it wasn’t the only time I’ve heard something like that   
>  And also that I won the “genetic lottery”   
>  Deadass, I don’t really feel like a winner here, this lottery was written by Shirley Jackson and nobody can change my mind about it  
>   
> 
> 
> wait i think i caught the reference  
>   
> 
> 
> If you did, congratulations, you made me swoon  
>   
> 
> 
> I GOT IT, I TOTALLY DID   
>  i actually think i read that story in high school   
>  and that’s a really depressing reference cookie omg  
>   
> 
> 
> What can I say, I’m a depressing bitch   
>  Anyways   
>  Since then I’ve tried to be good at other things that had nothing to do with how I look, but I keep falling flat   
>  So I guess “pretty” is all I have  
>   
> 
> 
> you’re wrong   
>  you’re so much more than that  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, right  
>   
> 
> 
> i mean it   
>  you’re amazing
> 
>   
>  Those rose-tinted glasses you have on have an expiration date   
>  You’ll see  
>   
> 
> 
> you asked me to trust you, but you gotta trust me too   
>  i like you for who you are, not what you look like
> 
>   
>  I want to believe that, I really do  
>   
> 
> 
> i know this is something that has to come from you, so i won’t push   
>  what about your passion?  
>   
> 
> 
> My passion?
> 
>   
> yeah, if modeling is just a skill then what is your passion?  
>   
> 
> 
> I don’t have one  
>   
> 
> 
> really?  
>   
> 
> 
> Really   
>  I’m not passionate about anything, and I’m not good at anything either

  
Oh,  _ great _ , now he was tearing up.

Everything he tried to ignore about himself was coming back up to say ‘hello’, all the standards he could never meet, the goals he could never reach. He felt like one very tall waste of space, a speck of dust floating around without direction leading a pointless existence.

He knew this conversation would be difficult, he  _ knew _ , and yet there he was, trying to swallow back the urge to cry over his own shortcomings. Stupid.

He shook his head as if that would shake off the bad thoughts, took another deep breath, and forced himself to get a grip. Falling apart never helped him before, and it wouldn’t help him now. He didn’t want to be crying like a little kid when I.M came to the conclusion he was a big waste of time and energy and went to hack the laptop of someone worthier of his attention. He wanted to salvage at least a smidge of dignity.  
  


> what about literature? or dancing, you told me you liked dancing
> 
>   
>  I like them an adequate amount  
>   
> 
> 
> music? fashion? art?
> 
>   
>  Nothing   
>  I think there’s something wrong with me   
>  It’s fine though
> 
>   
>  then what is your dream?
> 
>   
>  Also don’t have one of those
> 
>   
>  cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> I have no ambitions   
>  No lifelong goals I want to achieve   
>  I’m just an average person who will lead an average life   
>  Bored yet?  
>   
> 
> 
> not for a second  
>  first of all, i don’t think you need to have a passion or a big dream to be happy, as long as you’re content with what you have you can be happy, there’s no need to feel like you’re failing because you don’t have a dream   
>  and there’s nothing average about you, hyungwon   
>  you only believe that because the world is a fucked up place and people suck, but it’s not true  
> 

  
Really, fuck I.M for being so damn understanding and supportive. Everything would be so much easier if he was just a shallow asswipe, because then Hyungwon wouldn’t be so emotionally invested. But no, I.M had to be the literal man of his dreams and tell him all the things he’d always wanted to hear.

He had to laugh at himself like the bitter gremlin he truly was. If the universe had a sense of humor, he missed the punchline. This whole situation was— it was fucked up. It was just not fair.  
  


> To quote Stephen King, ‘the world is a worst-case scenario’  
>   
> 
> 
> that’s the realest quote i’ve ever heard
> 
>   
>  Sure is  
>   
> 
> 
> did stephen king really say that or are you making it up?  
>   
> 
> 
> It’s a quote from one of his books  
>   
> 
> 
> which book?  
>  the shining?  
>   
> 
> 
> No   
>  Stephen King has written hundreds of books, not just ‘The Shining’  
>   
> 
> 
> the shining is the only one i know   
>  and only because i saw the movie :P
> 
>   
>  LOL I won’t hold that against you   
>  Haven’t you seen ‘It’?  
>   
> 
> 
> oh right that’s stephen king too   
>  yeah i know ‘it’   
>  is the quote from ‘it’?
> 
>   
>  Nope   
>  It’s from ‘The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon’  
>   
> 
> 
> you sure?  
>   
> 
> 
> I’d bet my life on it  
>   
> 
> 
> you didn’t make that up?  
>   
> 
> 
> I don’t make up quotes   
>    
> 
> 
> no, you just know them from memory  
>  because you’re smart   
> 

  
Oh, for— he went from almost crying to grinning like an idiot in less than five minutes. Damn that hacker.    
  


> I see what you tried to do there, and I appreciate it   
>  But it doesn’t change anything  
>   
> 
> 
> well, i tried   
>  and now i understand why you always get weird when i mention your modeling or your looks   
>  you just shut down  
>   
> 
> 
> And now you know better than to comment on those  
>   
> 
> 
> if i ever gave you reason to think i only care about your appearance, i’m sorry   
>  that couldn’t be further from the truth  
>   
> 
> 
> Thank you   
>  And I know you mean well whenever you compliment me, I just have a lot of hangups, as you put it  
>   
> 
> 
> i never knew you felt like this   
>  i’m sorry for not noticing earlier  
>   
> 
> 
> You couldn’t have known   
>  The only people who know how I truly feel about this are my two best friends, one of them being Hoseok, who I was with that time you saw me   
>  And now you, I guess, which makes it a whole three people   
>  I don’t like talking about it   
>    
> 
> 
> i won’t bring it up again, promise  
>   
> 
> 
> Thank you   
>  I’m glad that you know, though   
>  There are bodies buried beneath the cherry trees
> 
>   
>  ????????????? WHAT  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL now I’m just showing off   
>  It’s another quote  
>   
> 
> 
> ajhsdajkdhka you scared me for a second there, i thought you went all sixth sense on me  
>   
> 
> 
> Pff, no, it’s just me quoting things  
>   
> 
> 
> where is that quote even from?  
>   
> 
> 
> From a short story by Motojirō Kajii named ‘Under the Cherry Trees’   
>  That quote is actually quite popular in Japan in spring when the cherry trees bloom
> 
>   
> i see   
>  you and your quotes   
>  but why this quote?  
>   
> 
> 
> The story is about how the author concluded that there must be bodies under the cherry trees to explain why they are so beautiful   
>  It implies that the bodies feed the trees as they decay, but it can be interpreted many different ways - beauty hiding the ugliness, ugliness feeding beauty, unsavory things that hide under the surface, beauty as a facade, and so on  
>   
> 
> 
> damn   
>  and you don’t think you’re smart  
>   
> 
> 
> Eh   
>  Can we talk about something else now?  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah, i just have one more question  
>   
> 
> 
> Shoot  
>   
> 
> 
> if modeling makes you so sad, why do you still do it?  
>   
> 
> 
> Because it’s what I know how to do and it serves me well   
>  I know the business side of it well enough to be confident, and I choose the jobs I take more carefully instead of taking whatever work comes my way   
>  I didn’t use to have this amount of freedom, my mother always wanted me to work as much as I could, it didn’t matter the job  
>   
> 
> 
> now you can do it on your own terms  
>   
> 
> 
> Exactly   
>  I have a contract with that clothing store and I do a couple of fashion shows and photoshoots here and there if I need extra money   
>  I only do editorials and runway now, I’m D O N E with catalogue  
>   
> 
> 
> lol what’s wrong with catalogue  
>   
> 
> 
> Most of the time with catalogue, I have to smile and act like I’m high on sugar   
>  I have to model a jacket, for example, and look like I’m saying “Wowie! This jacket sure is peachy keen!” with my face   
>  I hate it  
>   
> 
> 
> AJHSDAKJSHDJAKHDJKA cookie omg   
>  is it that bad??  
>   
> 
> 
> Open a clothing catalogue and look at the faces of the models   
>  You’ll see   
>    
> 
> 
> i’ll keep that in mind next time i come across a catalogue lol  
>   
> 
> 
> And I might be bitter about it, but modeling actually brought me some good things   
>  I met my best friends through modeling  
>   
> 
> 
> oh?? muscle-hyung???
> 
>   
>  Yep, both him and my other best friend, Minhyuk   
>  The three of us were cast for this campaign when we were in Middle School   
>  Minhyuk sort of tried it out on a whim but Hoseok has always been passionate about fashion   
>  He started out modeling, now he’s studying Fashion Design  
> 
> 
> and you’ve been friends ever since  
>   
> 
> 
> Yes   
>  We’re basically brothers
> 
>   
>  then it’s not all bad  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, every dark cloud has a silver lining or whatever  
>   
> 
> 
> that’s the spirit   
>  i have another question  
>   
> 
> 
> Fine, last one  
>   
> 
> 
> have you ever posed nude? ;)  
>   
> 
> 
> Pff I should have seen this one coming   
>  I’ll have to disappoint you on that, I’ve never posed nude and I never will  
>   
> 
> 
> :(  
>   
> 
> 
> Sad emoji at me all you want, it won’t change a thing  
>   
> 
> 
> it’s ok   
>  i’ll send you enough nudes for both of us  
>   
> 
> 
> Keep them  
>   
> 
> 
> COOKIE :(

  
⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you caught that shirley jackson reference, you made me swoon too ✌️
> 
> i'm never very active on social media in general, so let me say this here: to those of you who are going to protests, remember to stay safe. there's still a pandemic going on, on top of everything else, so be careful, stay healthy. to those who are only able to help indirectly, thank you, keep doing what you're doing! listen to the people whose voices should be heard the most, get educated, educate others, and don't engage with hate. this isn't the first time something like this happened and, unfortunately, probably won't be the last. change takes time, so especially to those who are directly impacted by this, be strong - you are not alone.
> 
> and as always, thanks for reading ♡


	10. All bark, no bite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for anxiety and panic attacks

⊷⋄⊶

Changkyun was on cloud nine. Ever since he and Hyungwon opened up about their issues around two weeks prior, things between them had been smooth sailing and clear skies - which was ironic, because it was pouring rain outside, heavy droplets hitting his window so hard he thought they would break the glass.

It wasn’t raining for Changkyun, though, not with how happy he’d been. For him, the sun had been shining for the past two weeks.

Hyungwon was so open and playful now that he’d spoken of his insecurities, the high walls that had once been there now tiny little fences Changkyun could easily hop over. Of course, he would still get defensive sometimes, but Changkyun understood; Hyungwon had spent most of his life being guarded, and he didn’t think for a second that would change overnight. In fact, Changkyun saw nothing wrong with that - if Hyungwon wanted to keep his problems to himself, that was his choice. He had already proven he was able to let go and be open with those he trusted, and that’s what mattered.

That he had somehow become one of the people Hyungwon trusted never ceased to amaze him.

Maybe this was the day when he’d finally come clean, when he would tell Hyungwon everything, step out of the shadows and take him out on a real date, be with him in person and not just through text. He was tired of showing his affections for Hyungwon through a laptop screen.

It was Sunday afternoon, and neither of them had anywhere to go - nor would they have wanted to, with the weather as it was. So there they had been since morning, talking nonsense in their Word document and joking around; it only gave Changkyun another push to just tell him who he was, because they could spend the rest of that rainy day cuddled up together instead of cooped up in their own lonely bedrooms.

And yet… something kept holding him back. He felt confident through text, but how different would things be when Hyungwon saw him in person? Changkyun had often been told that he looks intimidating at first, and if that wasn’t reason enough to be worried, he wasn’t a model. What if Hyungwon took one look at him and thought ‘you know what, no thanks, I’m good’ and dashed right out the nearest door? He didn’t consider himself ugly, quite the opposite, but he had no idea if Hyungwon would find him attractive. Some people thought his nose was too big, what if big noses were a turn off for Hyungwon?

He knew, logically, that Hyungwon was not superficial like that. Hyungwon wanted connection, and they had that - Changkyun could be covered in warts and hair and he still believed Hyungwon would like him for who he was. And Minhyuk  _ did _ say he was Hyungwon’s type - the problem there was that the information had come from Lee Minhyuk, one of the most chaotic people he’d ever met and a known prankster. He didn’t trust him one bit, honestly.

Appearance aside, there was also no way of knowing if they would click in person. They could get along great through text, and become two awkward goblins when they met face to face. They could have ticks that annoy one another, they could have incompatible energy, they could hate the other’s general vibe.

Hyungwon probably had an idea in his head about him - what if he didn’t live up to that expectation? What if Hyungwon was disappointed with who he was? It was too scary to fathom.

And there was the biggest issue - Hyungwon had the power to ruin Changkyun’s college career. He trusted Hyungwon, yes, but fear is fear, and fear is often irrational; his anxiety certainly knew. He couldn’t just— get over it.

One step at a time, he reminded himself. He wasn’t telling Hyungwon his name right now, wasn’t planning to do so at all, so it was better to focus on their conversation. They were having fun - he could ignore the simmering anxious energy at the pit of his stomach.   
  


> i thought it was building c that was haunted  
>   
> 
> 
> Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s the main library   
>  I had to stay late one night about a year ago, I was cramming for an exam, and I swear I saw someone standing at the end of one row of shelves
> 
>   
> cookie omg  
>   
> 
> 
> Ugh I got goosebumps just thinking about it  
>   
> 
> 
> stoooop now i’m scared   
>  it was just standing there?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, looking right at me  
>   
> 
> 
> ajhsdkjahda omg what did you do??  
>   
> 
> 
> I blinked and it was gone   
>  I thought “fuck this” and left, no way I’m staying at the library alone with a ghost, absolutely no way  
>   
> 
> 
> smart move cookie   
>  next time i’ll deck the ghost for you  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL now THAT I’d like to see  
>   
> 
> 
> you’ll see   
>  i’m not buff like your friend but i still pack a punch  
>   
> 
> 
> You’re adorable  
>   
> 
> 
> asdhakjhdjsadhak stop!!   
>  but for real, i think it’s building c that is haunted   
>  it’s where the classical music guys rehearse   
>  i have a couple of classes there and sometimes we can hear music coming for the upper floors at night when there’s nobody there  
>   
> 
> 
> Stooop, I’m alone in my apartment and I want to be able to sleep tonight   
> 

  
The reply was on the tip of his fingers. Something suggestive and flirty like ‘I can come over to keep you company’ or ‘want me to sleep over’, both of which he was more than willing to back up in reality. He wanted to type the words so very badly.

He didn’t.   
  


> sorry cookie   
>  let’s talk about something not scary then  
>   
> 
> 
> Like what?  
>   
> 
> 
> idk whatever you want   
>  what’s your sign  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m a Capricorn  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah?? i’m an aquarius   
>  our birthdays must be close  
>   
> 
> 
> Mine is January 15  
>   
> 
> 
> !!!!! i’m a january baby too!!!!!!   
>  january 26  
>   
> 
> 
> Really!?   
>  We could have shared birthday parties
> 
>   
> aw cookie how domestic of you  
>   
> 
> 
> What, I’m a simple guy   
>  I like to nap on the couch and share birthday parties  
>   
> 
> 
> ajhskjdhka i suddenly imagined us trying to bake a birthday cake and even in my mind that shit wouldn’t work  
>   
> 
> 
> Oh, yeah, we’d probably burn the kitchen down   
>  Me cooking might be scarier than the ghosts  
>   
> 
> 
> it can’t be that bad  
>   
> 
> 
> Trust me, it’s BAD   
>  One time I managed to burn cup noodles  
>   
> 
> 
> JAHSDJKAHSDAKJDHAKJDHKA you’re so cute, i love you  
>   
> 
> 
> What?

  
...shit.

Changkyun’s heart dropped when he realized what he’d just written, the situation just now hitting him. He— he didn’t plan to say that to Hyungwon. Hell, he didn’t even know he  _ felt _ like that, but now that he’d written the words down he was having trouble convincing himself he didn’t feel that way.

He loved Hyungwon. He loved Hyungwon? Yes, he probably did.

Hyungwon didn’t sound like he was pleased with the news, though.  
  


> uhm… i didn’t mean to actually type that  
>   
> 
> 
> So it’s not true?
> 
>   
> i mean, it’s not  _ not _ true?  
>   
> 
> 
> I.M… you can’t say that to me  
>   
> 
> 
> but it’s not a lie  
>   
> 
> 
> Then it’s even worse because what am I supposed to do with it?  
>   
> 
> 
> i didn’t mean to say it, it just came out

  
He could feel his anxiety flaring up, his heart beating so fast it made it a little hard to breathe. Hyungwon was taking a long time to reply. Each second that ticked by he felt more nervous, and he just knew, he  _ knew _ he had fucked up bad this time.

This is so not how he wanted that conversation to go. He’d been so happy and relaxed talking to Hyungwon that his filter had gone completely AWOL. It— it just came out. Now all he wanted to do was rewind time so he could stop himself, take the poorly-timed confession back, and pretend none of this had happened.

Hyungwon still hadn’t replied.  _ Fuck, _ he’d really gone and done it.

But how the fuck was he supposed to  _ not _ love Hyungwon!? They had been talking every day for almost two months now, flirting and back forth and being each other’s confidants,  _ how _ would he not love him? Who could blame him for it? It’s not like he can help the fact that Hyungwon is basically his dream guy.

He was so worked up that he almost fell from his bed when Hyungwon finally messaged him.  
  


> You don’t love me, I.M   
>  You love the idea of me

  
Frustration reared its head, mixing in with all the other volatile emotions currently swirling in his chest, and before he knew, he had snapped.  
  


> you don’t get to school me on my own feelings   
>  if i say i feel something it’s because i do
> 
>   
> You’re actually in love with me then?  
>   
> 
> 
> i don’t know   
>  i think so  
>   
> 
> 
> Without even spending time with me in person?  
>   
> 
> 
> that’s why i’m not sure yet   
>  all i know is that i feel something really fucking strong for you  
>   
> 
> 
> This is too much   
>  We’ve only talked for what, two months? Not even two months  
>   
> 
> 
> it’s not like i can control how i feel   
>  why are you so upset about it?   
>  this should be a good thing  
>   
> 
> 
> But it’s not, it fucking sucks and you know exactly why it’s bad  
>   
> 
> 
> what do you want me to do about it hyungwon   
>  pretend i don’t feel the way i feel because you’re too insecure to believe it??  
>   
> 
> 
> Wow, ok

  
Oh, no. Out of everything he could have said, this was the thing he should have said the least. He kept making it worse, he had to get a grip and fix it, but he didn’t even know how to fix it because anytime he tried he just made a bigger mess of everything.

Alright, deep breaths, calm down, count backwards from ten. He could do this. He could fix it. He  _ had _ to fix it.  
  


> shit i didn’t mean it like that   
>  sorry  
>   
> 
> 
> It’s fine, I.M  
>   
> 
> 
> i really didn’t mean it, i’m sorry   
>  i’m confused too you know? i feel like this and i have no idea what to do about it  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m not going to teach you how to deal with your feelings, just stop stringing me along with your big talk about how much you like me   
>  You’re all bark and no bite and I’m not in the mood to deal with it   
>    
> 
> 
> hyungwon come on  
>   
> 
> 
> No, I can’t do this right now  
>   
> 
> 
> hyungwon

  
The connection between their laptops turned off and all Changkyun could do was sit there, staring at his own desktop. It all happened so fast he was having trouble reconciling the fact that ten minutes ago he was on top of the world and now he felt like everything was crumbling around him.

Hyungwon was right. He really was all bark and no bite. He was a goddamn coward because he knew  _ exactly _ what he should do to make it right and put an end to that torture, but was too chickenshit to just take a chance.

And now he couldn’t even apologize - not unless Hyungwon turned on his laptop again, and who knows when that would happen, if at all.

He really fucked up big this time.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Staring at the ceiling above his bed, Hyungwon tried to pull himself together after whatever it was that just happened between himself and I.M. He’d never expected to react so strongly to a confession, as out of the blue as it had been -  _ love _ . I.M had used the word  _ love _ and Hyungwon wished he could feel happy about it.

He wasn’t happy. He was confused, more than he’d been before.

For all that I.M swore up and down that he liked -  _ loved _ \- him, he still didn’t trust him enough to tell him his name. What kind of love is that? How can I.M feel like that towards him if he didn’t even trust him not to rat him out?

Things between them had been going so well that Hyungwon should have expected this. Nothing this good can last so long - he knew so from experience. I.M was now contradicting himself, claiming he loved him, then claiming he was confused about loving him, while at the same time keeping Hyungwon at a safe distance and hiding. This— this isn’t right, nothing about this entire situation was right or fair or even romantic. It was pathetic. Both of them were pathetic, and perhaps that truly made them the perfect match - the coward and the insecure. What a pair.

Worst of all, he wasn’t angry at I.M; he was angry at himself. Hyungwon didn’t think he was in love, not yet, but he was standing right in front of the door with a hand on the handle. He’d fallen too hard and too fast, and didn’t even remember to hit the brakes before the ultimate collision.

It was so unlike him to just… fall. Anytime he walked that tightrope, it was with a safety net. With I.M, he’d completely rejected the safety net and was defying gravity itself way up high, trying to keep his balance as he walked on a very fine string. The string would snap at any moment, or he would lose his center and plunge headfirst into the ground below. Either way, he was going down.

And now this. He didn’t know what to do about it; he couldn’t force I.M to come out of hiding, because a relationship of trust can’t begin with an ultimatum. At the same time, he couldn’t keep doing this to himself - it hurt so bad to keep waiting and waiting with no payoff. He didn’t want to wait for I.M forever. He didn’t want to feel this way forever. He wanted to move forward, see if something solid could come out of it, instead of standing still the way they were.

They had been flirting back and forth for long enough that something  _ should _ have changed. Not necessarily I.M downright revealing his identity, but even just feeding Hyungwon clues and offering more identifiable traits of himself. Hyungwon still knew next to nothing about him, still wouldn’t know him even if he were standing right in front of him. 

The signals I.M was sending were all mixed up and tangled and Hyungwon didn’t have the brainpower to decode it.

Time to bring in an outsider’s perspective.

He rolled over in bed so he could reach his phone, which had been sitting on the nightstand, charging. He unplugged it even though the battery wasn’t fully charged yet, wasting no time before Facetiming Hoseok.

It didn’t take long for his friend to accept the call, and the sight of his bright smile on the screen had Hyungwon smiling too, even if he felt like crying instead.

“Wonnie, hi!” Hoseok greeted. “I wasn’t expecting a call from you, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he said without an ounce of conviction. “Are you home right now?”

“I am! I was just finishing up a couple of pieces, I’ve been putting this off for ages.”

“How is that going?”

“Pretty good, I only have to do the lining of this one coat and then finish putting it together,” Hoseok said, looking behind his shoulder where Hyungwon could see a little bit of his sewing station. The desk was a mess of colorful fabrics. “I think I can be done tonight.”

“That’s really good, Hoseokie.”

“But you didn’t call me to hear about sewing.” Hoseok stared at Hyungwon through the screen, expression becoming more serious. “What’s up?”

Hyungwon took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to gather his thoughts before he opened his mouth. He didn’t even know where to begin. “I wanted to ask for your opinion on something.”

“Does it have anything to do with your hacker?”

Hyungwon nodded once to confirm, then said, “We sort of had a fight just now.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened for a moment with surprise. “What happened? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I think.” Hyungwon turned around to lie fully on his stomach, just so he could hug his pillow with his free arm. “I have no idea what happened, one moment we were just talking like usual and then he suddenly blurts out that he loves me or me something.”

Hoseok’s face shifted for a third time, his expression now betraying vague excitement and a lot more confusion. “He loves you!?”

“That’s the thing. I don’t think he does.”

“Wait, did you guys fight because he confessed to you?”

“...it sounds really dumb when you put it like that.”

“Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon pouted at the screen, unable to help himself. “It’s not that he confessed to me, it’s the situation we’re in. He says everything I want to hear, but what good is that if he doesn’t act on it? He’s all over the place.”

Hoseok stared at him for a moment, a small hitch between his brows as he pondered over the situation. Hyungwon couldn’t hold his gaze - he looked down, pretending he was more interested in playing with a loose thread on his pillowcase.

“Wonnie, do  _ you _ love him?”

A wave of heat crept up his face, and he wasn’t able to speak or raise his eyes to face Hoseok. He nodded in response. Yes, he did like I.M - perhaps too much, more than he should, and more deeply than he ever expected. ‘Love’ was a strong word, but… it didn’t feel wrong.

“If you love him and he says he loves you back, then isn’t it worth it to give him another chance?”

“I feel like I’ve given him so many chances, even when I didn’t know I was giving him a chance,” he replied, and finally met Hoseok’s gaze through the camera. “He doesn’t trust me to even tell me his name, so how can I believe him when he says he loves me?”

“Maybe it’s not about trust, Wonnie.”

“What else could it be if not that?”

“He might be just as scared as you are.”

Hyungwon blinked. “Scared?”

“Yes. Try to put yourself in his place for a second,” said Hoseok, and he sounded so reasonable that Hyungwon felt like an idiot not to have thought of his suggestion before. “He’s been hiding since the beginning, and you have no idea what he looks like. How long have you been talking?”

“About two months.”

“Imagine going two months talking to someone you really like without showing them a single picture of you. Wouldn’t you be nervous about it?”

Hyungwon let out a bitter little chuckle. “I’m always nervous about people finding out what I look like.”

“So you get it.”

“I guess.”

“What do you think he looks like?”

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I know he’s shorter than me, but that’s not that rare. I know he has tattoos, and piercings.”

“I’m not asking what you know, I’m asking what you imagine when you think of him.”

Again, his face grew hot, this time a bashful smile spreading on his lips. “I mean… with piercings and tattoos… he’s probably hot.”

Hoseok let out a loud bark of laughter, and Hyungwon buried his face on his pillow in shame, laughing more out of embarrassment than for finding it funny. Truth be told, when he tried to imagine I.M, all his mind could conjure up was a shadow person slightly shorter than him. He’d only told Hoseok what he did because he considered tattoos and piercings attractive in general, but he had no idea how to even begin to imagine I.M’s appearance.

“I mean, you’re probably right,” Hoseok granted. “Now what do you want him to look like?”

Hyungwon cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. “That’s an odd question.”

“You must at least have an idea, though.”

“I never really thought about it,” Hyungwon said, again, honestly. He tried to think about it, focus on what he found attractive in others, or even bring forth someone who fit his criteria from the depths of his memory. When was the last time he saw someone he thought was attractive…?

Ah. Jooheon’s friend, the one Minhyuk had introduced him to. What was his name— Chang-something. Changwoon? No,  _ Changkyun _ .

He’d been completely out of it the day they met, too upset to really pay attention to anything going on around him, but he remembered thinking Changkyun was very attractive. He had a rather striking nose, and the shape of his lips was very pretty as well. Very intense, piercing eyes. Voice deep as hell and just as hot. And he was very stylish in a laid back kind of way - ripped jeans, big chunky sneakers, and a shirt so oversized Hyungwon was sure it was at least four sizes too large.

And the way Changkyun had gotten so flustered over his height had been the cutest thing ever - so cute he couldn’t even resist teasing him a little, no matter how upset he’d been that day.

Changkyun looked… different. Unique. He looked like he did his own thing, and it didn’t seem like an effort.

Of course, their interaction lasted less than two minutes and he didn’t know a thing about Changkyun beyond that first and only impression, but Hyungwon was a model - he worked with stylish people who preached about being unique, but that also followed trends like sheep. He didn’t see ‘sheep’ in Changkyun.

That’s what was most attractive, Hyungwon decided - how true to himself Changkyun appeared to be.

“I see you thought of something,” Hoseok said, breaking Hyungwon’s line of thought. “You don’t have to tell me what it is, just keep the image in your mind.”

“Okay, keeping it in my mind.”

“Now consider: how many people fit that image? Realistically speaking.”

Hyungwon grimaced. “Not many, I think.”

“And what are the chances your hacker will fit it?”

“Very low…”

“So you see why he’s nervous.”

“Yeah, you’re right… I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Give him another chance, Wonnie. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Hyungwon took a deep breath through his nose and exhaled slowly through his mouth. The fog in his head was a bit clearer now - he knew he could trust Hoseok’s advice. “I’ll think about it. Thanks for hearing me out, Seokie.”

“Anytime, Wonnie,” replied Hoseok with a sunny smile. “You know I want you to be happy, and I have a really good feeling about this. You can’t throw this away because you’re scared of being hurt. You’ve already been  _ so  _ much happier lately. It’s worth a shot, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m just so tired,” he said, looking down at his pillow again. “Whenever I think we’re moving forward he does something that shows me otherwise. I’m not strong enough to deal with this.”

“You’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ll be okay, Wonnie - and whatever happens, I’m here. You won’t be alone.”

Oh no, there goes Hoseok again making him tear up. Hyungwon smiled instead, in spite of his vision growing misty, and said, “I know. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, silly,” Hoseok said, and oh wow, was it getting harder not to start weeping like a little baby. “Do you want me to come over? Or you can come over here, either one. We can have a sleepover.”

“No, I’m alright. I need to be alone to think this through and, besides, it’s pouring rain outside. It’s better not to drive in this weather.”

“Mhm, you’re right. Just make sure to call me later with an update, okay? You know I worry.”

“I will,” Hyungwon promised, then somehow willed himself to smile. “Now show me that coat you’re working on.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun couldn’t sit still. Hyungwon had been gone for hours, and since he left all Changkyun could do was pace around his tiny room, bite his nails and pull at his hair. He’d tried to distract himself by going to the kitchen to find something to eat, but the sandwich he’d made had sat on his desk, unfinished and ignored, after only one bite.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have Hyungwon’s phone number, and while he could easily find out, be it through hacking or asking Kihyun, he didn’t want to give him more reason to distrust him. He didn’t know where Hyungwon’s apartment was, and while he could very well just try reaching him through social media, that would also mean revealing everything about himself in one fell swoop. And he would do that, was willing to face the consequences, but what if Hyungwon didn’t want to talk to him at all? He didn’t want to push for a conversation Hyungwon wasn’t comfortable having.

After all this time talking to him, he knew that Hyungwon prized his space, that he needed time alone to process things, work through them. No matter how anxious he was to speak to him, he wasn’t selfish enough to disrespect Hyungwon’s space.

So he paced and he bit his nails and he grabbed his hair and waited.

What would he even say when - if - Hyungwon came back? Take back what he’d said? He didn’t want to. And, even if he did, it wouldn’t change the fact that, yes, he did love Hyungwon. Backpedalling would be wrong in every way possible. He wasn’t  _ in  _ love, he didn’t think; he loved Hyungwon, right now, as a person who was dear to him, regardless of their relationship status. Should he say that to him? Explain that it didn’t have to be a big deal?

Granted, he didn’t love Hyungwon the way he loved Jooheon - first and foremost, he didn’t have any desire to see Jooheon naked, since Jooheon was basically his brother. His feelings for Hyungwon did lean more towards the romantic side, but he knew that he first had to know Hyungwon in person in order to be sure of what he felt.

But falling in love with him later didn’t mean he couldn’t love him now. And why wouldn’t he love Hyungwon? Hyungwon was a wonderful person, an amazing friend, and everything about him was lovable. Yes, he knew he’d gone too far when he commented on Hyungwon’s lack of confidence, and for that he would apologize a thousand times over; what he would  _ not  _ do was apologize for loving him.

How ridiculous would that be, for their entire relationship to fall apart because Changkyun had voiced his feelings - his  _ very positive _ feelings. Only Hyungwon would see it as a bad thing.

And all the while he said these things to himself, he also knew that it wasn’t about what he had said - it was about how, as Hyungwon had so eloquently put it, he was all bark and no bite. He could still turn it around. All it would take was a little courage.

He stopped pacing and returned to his laptop, fingers working the keyboard fast despite the nonstop trembling. He had an idea, something that would be easy to achieve with just a program he could modify to appear on both his and Hyungwon’s computers. It was quick work, done in less than five minutes. Of course, this idea would only work if Hyungwon turned on his laptop again; it was all he could think of, though. He would have to take a chance, and wait.

And wait he did. The minutes ticked by torturously slow, and more and more he was convinced that Hyungwon wouldn’t return. Why would he - maybe it was better that their ‘thing’ ended right there. What could Changkyun offer Hyungwon? Songs and iced lattes? Hyungwon deserved the world and Changkyun just wasn’t up to par; he couldn’t even pass his Physics course, how could he expect to give Hyungwon the world? Ridiculous.

The thought had just crossed his mind when he heard the notification sound - it had been a few hours, but Hyungwon had turned on his laptop again. Changkyun wasted no time and practically lunged for his computer, opening their Word document to message him. His hands were shaking so bad with the rush of adrenaline he was astounded at himself for being able to type at all.   
  


> hyungwon

  
Hyungwon didn’t reply right away, which sent Changkyun’s anxiety through the roof, his mind already spiraling into all kinds of different scenarios and none of them good. Hyungwon was ignoring him, Hyungwon didn’t want to talk to him, Hyungwon just turned on the laptop so he could wipe the hard drive and rid himself of him, and on, and on, and on.

Finally, a new message appeared and Changkyun let out a long breath of relief. Not all was lost, not yet - as long as Hyungwon was willing to talk to him, he could try to turn it around.   
  


> Hey…  
>   
> 
> 
> i didn’t know if you were coming back  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah…   
>  I needed a moment  
>   
> 
> 
> i’m so sorry   
>  i really didn’t mean to upset you?  
>   
> 
> 
> I know you didn’t  
>   
> 
> 
> but i made you upset anyway and i’m so fucking sorry cookie  
>   
> 
> 
> I forgive you   
>  I know you didn’t say anything to deliberately hurt me   
>  I’m just frustrated  
>   
> 
> 
> did i make you uncomfortable with what i said?  
>   
> 
> 
> No, not uncomfortable   
>  Confused and a little shocked, but not uncomfortable  
>   
> 
> 
> good because i meant it  
>   
> 
> 
> I.M… we’ve been over this  
>   
> 
> 
> i know, i just want to make it clear that it doesn’t have to mean anything  
>   
> 
> 
> It means everything  
>   
> 
> 
> yeah?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah  
>   
> 
> 
> what i meant is that i don’t expect anything from you   
>  i love you as a person because you’re lovable, if that makes sense   
>  i’m not going to ask you to marry me  
>   
> 
> 
> Pff I know that  
>   
> 
> 
> i just love having you in my life  
>   
> 
> 
> ...you really have to stop being so damn charming, I’m trying to be miffed at you  
>   
> 
> 
> and that’s a good thing?  
>   
> 
> 
> I don’t know   
>  I’m not mad at you, not really   
>  I’m sick of this situation, but at the same time I don’t want to force you to do something you’re not ready to do   
>  There’s nothing I can do about this and it’s driving me up the walls   
>  I’m a little sensitive right now, is all

  
The single bite of sandwich Changkyun ate threatened to come back up as the reality of his situation dawned on him. That lack of confidence he felt about telling Hyungwon who he was had doubled in intensity after all those hours of stress, all the overthinking he’d done. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t feel ready.

It was the only solution he could see, though - he had to do this, or he would lose Hyungwon.  
  


> about that… there’s something i want to try  
>   
> 
> 
> What is it?  
>   
> 
> 
> is your cam still covered?  
>   
> 
> 
> Yeah, with a Keroppi sticker  
>   
> 
> 
> omg you’re so cute  
>   
> 
> 
> LOL Hoseok gave it to me, I was layering pieces of tape on top of each other like a caveman and he saved me from myself  
>   
> 
> 
> i don’t think cavepeople had tape back then but nvm   
>  can you uncover it?  
>   
> 
> 
> ? Yeah, I can uncover it  
>   
> 
> 
> ok   
>  shit i’m shaking  
>   
> 
> 
> What is going on?   
>  Are you ok?  
>   
> 
> 
> i think so   
>  i don’t know   
>  just   
>  can i turn on your cam?  
>   
> 
> 
> Wait, my hair is a mess and I have my glasses on  
>   
> 
> 
> please stop being so cute for a second i need to focus  
>   
> 
> 
> I’m not being cute, I’m trying not to look like a hot mess   
>  Ok, I took off my glasses and gave up on my hair, you can turn on the cam now  
>   
> 
> 
> can you even see anything without glasses?  
>   
> 
> 
> Not at all  
>   
> 
> 
> then put the glasses back on  
>   
> 
> 
> Just turn on the cam

  
Hands still trembling, Changkyun minimized the document only so he could open the webcam application on Hyungwon’s laptop. Immediately Hyungwon appeared on the small window, his hair a mess and squinting at the computer - Changkyun couldn’t help but smile; Hyungwon was the cutest person in the world. It only made him more nervous because there sat Hyungwon, in striped pajamas, no make-up on, hair sticking out everywhere, and he was still the most beautiful man he’d ever seen.

He couldn’t do this. He  _ shouldn’t _ do this - but he had to.  
  


> What are you doing?  
>   
> 
> 
> can you say something?   
>  just to test the audio

  
Hyungwon came closer to the screen, eyes squinted as he tried to read the message. With a sigh, he seemed to give up to then reach off-screen to take his glasses and put them back on.

Changkyun had to swallow a pitiful little noise at the sight - Hyungwon was already cute before, but with his glasses on he became exponentially cuter and he— he couldn’t do this.

Hyungwon blinked a couple of times as his vision adjusted to the glasses and read over the message again. His eyes darted up to the camera for a second and he shifted awkwardly where he sat, which appeared to be his bed judging from the rumpled blanket behind him. Changkyun’s heart wasn’t strong enough for this, this was a terrible idea.

He watched as Hyungwon’s tongue peeked out to wet his lips and, again, regret hit him like a truck. This wasn’t fair at all. Finally, Hyungwon said in a shy voice, “Uhm… something?”

Again, he couldn’t hold back a smile.

>   
>  jfc i love your voice

  
Leaning forward to read the message, Hyungwon pressed his lips together to keep from smiling then glanced up at the camera again. “You’re full of shit.”

Another noise of pure distress came out of him, this time without giving him any time to control himself. He thought seeing Hyungwon would help him find his center, that it would reassure him, but all he achieved was more anxiety. He was going to fuck this up, he just knew it.

After a few seconds of silence and no new message from him, Hyungwon seemed to get a bit unsure. “Is everything alright?”

Changkyun took a deep breath, trying to get a grip on himself, before typing a reply on their document.  
  


> sorry  
>  i’m still shaking

  
Hyungwon read the message and nodded before saying, “It’s alright. Take your time.”  
  


> can you keep talking to me for a bit?   
> 

  
“Sure, I guess?” Hyungwon said uncertainly, glancing at the camera a couple of times as he pulled the blanket over his shoulders as if trying to hide; it reminded Changkyun of a turtle, the way he seemed to be trying to retreat into the covers. “I’m not sure what to say.”

> idk   
>  tell me something about you that i don’t know   
> 

Hyungwon chuckled through his nose in response. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.” He paused and rolled his eyes to the ceiling as if in deep thought for a moment. “Mm… have I ever told you I lived overseas for a few months when I was little?”

> you haven’t   
>  where did you live?   
> 

“Germany,” replied Hyungwon. “It was only for a couple of months so I never learned the language.”   
  


> that’s really cool   
>  i’ve lived overseas too when i was a kid   
>  united states and israel

  
He saw Hyungwon’s eyes widen minutely as if impressed. “Really? Do you remember anything?”   
  


> actually yeah   
>  i have really good memory   
> 

  
“Did you like it?”   
  


> i did   
>  i’ve always liked traveling   
>  i like seeing new places   
> 

  
“I like traveling too,” said Hyungwon. “I sort of want to travel through Europe someday.”   
  


> maybe we can go together   
> 

  
Hyungwon tried to bite back another small smile. “Yeah, I’d like that. My parents own a traveling agency, I could hook us up.”   
  


> honeymoon trip?

  
Hyungwon made a sound that sounded like a choked snort. “Oh, shut up.” A pause, then, “Are you feeling a little better?”

Changkyun closed his eyes for a moment. Seeing Hyungwon, hearing his voice, was supposed to settle his jitters - it didn’t. He only felt guilty for putting Hyungwon in that situation, from the day he hacked his laptop by mistake to this very moment, sitting in front of a camera without knowing what was going on. Changkyun felt more burdensome than he’d ever had in his life.   
  


> no, not really   
> 

  
“I’m not sure what you’re planning to do, but you don’t have to do it,” Hyungwon said, and he looked so concerned Changkyun felt his heart breaking. He only felt worse. “I know I seem impatient but I can wait longer for you to be ready.”   
  


> i have to do this   
>  sometimes i think i’ll never be ready   
> 

  
“What are you afraid of? Is there anything I can do or say that will help?”   
  


> i don’t know   
> 

  
He did know, though. He was afraid of not being enough. He was afraid of being a disappointment. He wanted to hear Hyungwon say he would take him as he is, that he would still like him no matter what, and maybe if he said that to Hyungwon, he would feel better; words were failing him, though. He felt tongue-tied, so nervous his vision was starting to spin.

_ I have to do this _ , he kept saying to himself, his breathing getting heavier by the second as if there wasn’t enough air in the room. The rain outside was so loud that the raindrops hitting the window sounded like war drums.  _ I have to do this _ , he told himself again, and opened the application for his own webcam. Hyungwon couldn’t see it on his side, not yet - not until Changkyun moved it to his window.

His own face stared back at him through the screen, and more than ever he felt like he couldn’t go through with his plan. He looked a mess - and while Hyungwon wasn’t any more dressed up than he was, Hyungwon still looked like a shoujo manga love interest. Changkyun just looked like a slob, and a slob who was having a panic attack as the cherry on top of that collapsing sundae. He couldn’t let Hyungwon see him like that, pitiful and scared and irrational.

“You really don’t have to do this,” Hyungwon said again. “I’ll understand.”

This is it, he thought. He didn’t want to make Hyungwon wait anymore - it wasn’t fair to him and he’d known it from the start. If he couldn’t even show his face, how would he ever be worthy of Hyungwon? He’d put Hyungwon through so much since his stupid idea of hacking his classmate, and he didn’t want to keep doing it anymore.

This wasn’t for himself. It was for Hyungwon. Hyungwon deserved better.

Again, without giving himself a moment to think, he copied his cam application to the window with Hyungwon’s laptop so he could see his feed. The moment he did, though, as he should have expected, he chickened out.

Before the image could load on Hyungwon’s computer, Changkyun covered himself with his blanket, and now he was even more pathetic looking like a child dressed as a ghost. At least he couldn’t see the screen anymore. Wouldn’t see the disappointment in Hyungwon’s face.

For a moment, all he heard was the rain hitting his window, the wind howling outside, and his own heartbeat banging on his eardrums. He felt as if he would pass out, unable to feel the tips of his fingers anymore, his head feeling light, his stomach churning.

“Oh,” he heard Hyungwon’s voice coming from his laptop speakers. “Hi.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat before it spilled out of his mouth, clutched the fabric of the blanket tight in his fists. He was shaking so hard.

“Uhm… are you going to come out from under your blanket?”

Changkyun’s immediate reaction was to shake his head no. No, he would not come out. He could not come out.

“Okay. That’s okay,” Hyungwon continued, sounding cautious. “Are you going to say something?”

He thought for a moment. No, he would not say something - if he said something Hyungwon would recognize his voice. He couldn’t do this. He shook his head again.

“That’s alright.” A long pause. “I… I think it’s better if I leave for now. I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured.” Another pause. Changkyun could barely move. “We can talk again tomorrow, okay?” Changkyun’s only response was a tiny nod, the movement so small he wasn’t sure Hyungwon could even see it through the screen. “Try to get some rest. Goodnight, I.M.”

A second ticked by, then another, and another, and soon he heard the sound of the connection between their computers being turned off. It sounded so final this time around. It _ was _ final.

He couldn’t keep doing this to Hyungwon.

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit meets fan: the chapter (or did yall think it'd be that easy?)
> 
> thanks for reading!💕


	11. i'm sorry.exe

⊷⋄⊶

This was the hardest decision Changkyun has ever had to make. Not even his choice to drop his Physics course and disappoint his parents came close, and he’d stressed over it for months.

Bottom line was, he was tired of hurting Hyungwon, of keeping him guessing, of not being brave enough to act. If he couldn’t tell him who he was, what was the point of keeping Hyungwon stranded in that limbo all by himself? They were standing at a crossroads, and there were only two paths Changkyun could follow: one path required him to reveal his identity, and he’d already proven he was too much of a coward to choose that road; it only left him with the second path to follow.

He had to put an end to it. He had to stop talking to Hyungwon.

All night, he’d tossed and turned and pondered over that decision, trying to tell himself that he didn’t have to do this, that he would, eventually, find the courage to tell Hyungwon everything. He considered talking to Hyungwon about it, telling him how scared he was, and sure, maybe that would help ease his troubled mind. _Maybe._ He was so sick of dealing in maybes.

In the end, there was no escaping the fact that they couldn’t go on like this. He could try to talk to Hyungwon, explain his side, but who could tell when he would find it in him to come out of hiding? It could take weeks. Months. Years, even. He couldn’t do this to Hyungwon. Not anymore.

And even if he was brave enough, what would happen then? They might not get together. They might get together and then break each other’s hearts. Hyungwon might turn around and report him right away.

Or they might live happily ever after, but what were the chances of that? Slim to none.

If only he had listened to Kihyun months ago and stopped talking to Hyungwon when he still could, before either of them got attached, then they wouldn’t be hurting right now. If he could turn back time, if he could go back for a second just to tell his past-self to not give in to that urge to learn more about the person he’d hacked by mistake, he would have spared Hyungwon the trouble.

This could, perhaps, be the first step towards making amends. It would hurt, he had no doubt about it - it would hurt for himself and Hyungwon, but they would get through it. Changkyun was not the first person on the planet to have loved and lost, and he would survive it. Hyungwon, too, would be fine; Hyungwon was so strong. He was going to be alright. Knowing this was the only thing that kept him from changing his mind.

He had it all figured out. Everything he needed, he had prepared that morning before leaving for class. It had been surprisingly fast. It was all in his pocket, in a nondescript USB stick. The plan was to slip the USB into Hyungwon’s bag while he was distracted, not too different from what he’d done to hack his laptop. It should be easy enough; he might even ask Kihyun to do it for him, considering he probably saw a lot of Hyungwon - Kihyun was now friends with Hoseok, as well as Minhyuk’s roommate, the two people closest to Hyungwon. Kihyun would have plenty of opportunities to do it.

Fate seemed to have other plans for him.

The rain had stopped, but the weather was gloomy and overcast like a mocking reflection of his mood. Changkyun was crossing campus, on his way to his first class of the day, when someone caught his eye, someone he would recognize anywhere. Hyungwon was going inside one of the auditorium halls, his back turned, but, even so, Changkyun knew it was him - maybe because he’d spent so long staring at his back and his hair that day at the ramyun shop. Whatever it was, he knew.

Hyungwon looked— he always looked so good, effortlessly flawless even when his hair was a mess and his clothes crumpled, and it never failed to knock the air out of him. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at Hyungwon’s retreating form as he entered the hall, and it was an incredible feat that the sheer force of his longing didn’t alert Hyungwon that he was being stared at.

That clueless, wonderful airhead of his. He did love him after all, and knowing this fundamental truth only made everything that much more difficult.

He had decided, though. No turning back.

Following through with the plan he’d just hatched in less than a split-second, Changkyun pulled up the hood of his jacket and searched his bag for a face mask. Once the mask was on, he fixed his hair so it would cover the upper half of his face, where the mask didn’t reach, and, after making sure the hood was covering as much of his head as possible, he followed Hyungwon into the auditorium. It was easy to blend into the small crowd of students also entering the hall. A large placard next to the wide doors said someone was scheduled to talk to the students about publishing or something. He didn’t pay attention to what it said; he was more interested in searching for Hyungwon.

Finding him wasn’t hard at all; all he had to do was look for the boy with broad shoulders and a sand-colored coat. Luck truly was on his side, for Hyungwon had chosen a seat close to the corridor, only one chair vacant next to him. He moved fast to get there before any of the other students swarming the hall. It was perfect - it was between Hyungwon and an escape route, both of which he needed. One more than the other, admittedly. 

For all that he was moving like an ungraceful lump, he slid into the chair _almost_ naturally - at least naturally enough that Hyungwon didn’t seem to notice anything wrong. Hyungwon did glance at him for a brief moment, but Changkyun was fairly sure he couldn’t see any part of his face; the hood was doing its job, so much so that he felt like the mask was overkill. Too late to take it off now, though. Besides, Hyungwon had no reason to look at him twice. Students who hid their swollen, tired faces with masks and hair after pulling all-nighters were a common sight.

Hyungwon was talking to the girl sitting on his other side, which also helped; it would be easier to remain unnoticed if Hyungwon’s attention was focused elsewhere. He couldn’t hear much of the conversation, but from the bits and pieces he could pick up on, they were talking about an assignment - the girl was a friend from class, then.

Changkyun willed the jealousy that had started to rear its head to retreat back into the pit it had come from. He had nothing to be jealous about. In fact, he had no right to be jealous at all - he was there to end everything. He was about to give up any future he might have had with Hyungwon, so, no, he had no right to feel anything akin to jealousy.

He had to close his eyes for a moment and take a deep breath, as deep as the mask allowed. He felt sick to his stomach. If he managed not to throw up for the next five minutes, he would consider it a win.

Changkyun chanced a peek towards Hyungwon, enchanted by his side profile, the shape of his jaw, his cute little button nose, his plump lips. He was so lovely. He was lovely inside and out, and he was about to give him up, that mesmerizing beanpole sitting next to him.

_It’s for the best,_ he told himself. He was doing this _for_ Hyungwon, so that Hyungwon could be free of the burden Changkyun had imposed on him and go off to be with someone who deserved him.

He looked down from Hyungwon’s face to his hand, dangling off the armrest of the chair. This is it. It’s time.

Changkyun took the USB stick from the pocket of his hoodie, nearly hyperventilating behind the mask. He could feel his eyes itching, and blinked away the tears before they could fall. He was not going to cry, not right now. Later, maybe, he’d allow himself the time to grieve that unfulfilled romance, the black hole Hyungwon would leave behind once he was out of his life. Right now, he had a mission he needed to complete.

One last deep breath, one last chance to change his mind that he didn’t take.

As fast as he could move, Changkyun took Hyungwon’s hand with one of his own to hold it in place, while he shoved the USB stick into his palm with the other. The first and the last time he’d ever hold his hand.

Hyungwon startled next to him, but Changkyun didn’t stay for long enough to see any further reaction - he got up and bolted out of the auditorium.

It was done. It was over.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

It all happened so fast Hyungwon didn’t have any time to react - one second he was talking to Hyunjung about homework, the next someone was grabbing his hand and forcing him to hold onto something.

His first instinct, of course, was to look down to the point of contact, to the hands that had been holding his. It couldn’t have lasted two seconds and they were gone, the person next to him getting up and running away.

He only looked up in time to see the retreating back of someone in a black hoodie, whoever it had been fleeing the auditorium as if his life depended on it. Hyungwon knew exactly who it was, and didn’t at the same time - it was I.M, it had to be, but he hadn’t seen his face. He’d seen black hair and a white mask, and— nothing else. I.M had been sitting right next to him for the past couple of minutes _and he had no idea_.

By the time he finally realized what was going on and got up to follow him, it was too late - I.M was leaving the auditorium, getting lost in the crowd of students entering the hall. Still Hyungwon gave chase, heart in his throat, his entire being focused on his mission to catch up.

He vaguely registered Hyunjung’s voice behind him, asking what was happening, what was going on, as well as the many students who turned around to look at the tall weirdo running at full speed out of the auditorium; he didn’t care. I.M had been _right there_. He could still feel the phantom of his touch on his hand. He was _real_.

A terrible feeling settled over him, a sense of dread, as he finally exited the auditorium and looked around in search of I.M. He was long gone, no sign of him anywhere, no clue as to which direction he’d run to. Hyungwon turned towards the direction he believed led to the building where music students had their lessons, but again, he saw nothing. I.M was gone, there and not, and Hyungwon should have seen it coming. He should have paid more attention instead of spacing out like he always did. He should have known it was I.M sitting next to him, _how he did not know it was him?_

In books, the characters can always somehow tell who their love interest is. They have a sixth sense, a powerful intuition, a way of recognizing them, and Hyungwon thought it would be like that for him - he thought he would see I.M and instantly know. He thought he would lock eyes with someone across the room and feel that instant realization, or that he would pick up a hint that seemed inconsequential to anyone else that only he would understand.

He should have known it wouldn’t be like in a book. Reality often isn’t anything like fiction.

In the end, all he’d seen was a black hoodie that could belong to anyone, a white mask that also could belong to anyone, and black hair that could belong to anyone as well. And— 

No, that wasn’t all he’d seen.

A tattoo. There had been a tattoo on his wrist. He’d only caught a glimpse of it, but he’d seen it - a smiley face that was also a sad face. Colon, parenthesis, colon. A simple design, but also not something he remembered ever seeing before.

He’d keep an eye out for that tattoo. For now, Hyungwon turned his attention to what I.M had left behind on his hand, the object still in his grip completely forgotten until now. He looked down at the little plastic rectangle on his hand - a USB stick. That feeling of dread hit him again, stronger this time. Something told him he wouldn’t like whatever was inside that USB.

It was less reason and more instinct that guided him after that. He didn’t return to the auditorium - he made a mental note to text Hyunjung to let her know he wasn’t coming back. Instead, he made his way to the parking lot, back to his car; he couldn’t be around people right now. He needed some privacy, he needed his own space, not a crowd, not a lecture. He’d never missed a single class before, so ditching one lecture wouldn’t hurt him.

He was so nervous he could barely tell where he was going, stumbling on his own feet several times as he walked. His grip on the USB was so hard it was hurting his palm, certainly leaving behind angry indents on his skin. The world around him didn’t exist, even as he looked around, still hoping to see I.M somewhere; he didn’t. I.M might as well be a ghost.

Once he was inside the safe confines of his car, Hyungwon gave himself a second to breathe, to calm down at least little, before taking the laptop from inside his backpack. He couldn’t wait until he got home, he needed to see what was in that USB right now or he wouldn’t be able to function for the rest of the day. He’d promised Hoseok they’d have lunch together, and while it would be fine to ditch on a lecture, ditching a lunch date with his best friend would lead to questions he wouldn’t know how to answer. That would lead to Hoseok becoming concerned, which would then lead to even more questions and an unhealthy amount of smothering. Hoseok could be incredibly overbearing when he was worried. He’d rather avoid that.

He tried to keep positive despite that ill feeling gnawing at him. Maybe it was another gift. Another song, or a video, or whatever else could be put in a USB. The faded letters on the plastic casing said 4GB - that was plenty of space. It was something good. _Please,_ let it be something good.

His hands were shaking as he turned on the laptop, and still shaking as he plugged in the USB. It had to be something good. They had a difficult time last night, but Hyungwon thought he’d managed to turn it around; he had chosen to wait, he had chosen I.M over his impatience, over his insecurities, he thought he had handled the situation as well he could possibly have. They had made up. It had to be something good.

There were two files inside the USB, and their names already told him that, no, it was not something good. The first one was an application - ‘i’m sorry.exe’. The second was a text file simply titled ‘read me’.

Bracing himself, already expecting the worst, he opened the text file. It wasn’t long.  
  


> _cookie, i’m sorry  
>  the program in the usb will uninstall the application i used to hack you. i already uninstalled it on my side.   
> i know this is coming out of nowhere but after last night i decided that you deserve better than this.   
> i don’t want to do this to you anymore and before you start thinking you did something wrong, you really didn’t. i didn’t lie when i told you i love you, and that’s why i have to do what i think it’s best for you.   
> you’re one of the most amazing, interesting, incredible people i have ever met, and i don’t want you to doubt that for a second. i wish i was brave enough to tell you all of this in person, but i think we’ve both seen enough last night to know i’m not. maybe i never will be. i can’t make you wait for me forever.   
> all i want is for you to be happy.   
> i’m sorry for everything. _

  
Hyungwon stared at the text for a long time, numb to everything around him. He stared at it until the letters began to blur and disappear before his eyes, and just then he blinked and looked down at his lap, at his hands resting on the sides of the laptop.

It felt as if he’d been sucker-punched. He couldn’t breathe properly, like his lungs were suddenly not strong enough to hold oxygen. 

I.M… was gone. He just up and left, just like that, and Hyungwon could do nothing but laugh. It was a bitter, ugly laugh, self-deprecating and resentful - he’d known it wouldn’t last. He’d known I.M would leave, just like everyone else, no matter how much he wished he’d stay.

The laugh started loud, too loud in the compact space of his car, almost manic, and slowly fizzled out until he was making no sound at all, only smiling down at the screen of his laptop. His eyes were burning with the urge to cry, but he refused to allow himself to cry over this, over something he should have seen coming from a mile away.

After everything, I.M had made a decision all by himself, and Hyungwon had no say in it, even as he had decided to wait for him for as long as it took. Stupid. He’d been so fucking _stupid._

He really should have listened to reason and past experience. He should have put a stop to it while he could, but no, he _had_ to indulge himself in the attention like a dumbass. Served him right to end like that.

The cursor was hovering over the application. Whether he uninstalled I.M’s hacking program or not would make no difference if I.M had truly already deleted it on his side. He could just leave it there, like a severed limb that no longer served a purpose, insignificant and unseen. He could keep it as a reminder. As a memento. As proof that it had truly happened.

He needed to prove something to himself, though. Prove that he wasn’t affected, that he could move on. That I.M was a footnote in his story, not worth a chapter of his own. All lies, of course - I.M might have been the love of his life for all he knew, but he would lie to himself until he believed it.

He opened the application. A window popped up with the prompt ‘Are you sure you want to uninstall this program?’

_No,_ he thought. But he clicked ‘yes’.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Changkyun lost track of time as he laid on his bed, blankets pulled over his head. After he gave Hyungwon the USB, he’d run away around the building, then to the nearest bathroom to have a panic attack in private, and then, instead of continuing on with his day and going to class as he had planned, he chose instead to go back to his dorm room.

He felt broken. He felt ill. He felt like the stupidest person in the universe.

No turning back now. It was done. He was officially out of Hyungwon’s life, and he had made the conscientious choice to do so. And he intended to stay out of his life, no matter if their friend groups merged somewhere down the line; he would avoid their gatherings like the plague if he had to.

Sure, he could, perhaps, try to win Hyungwon over in person, as Changkyun, and pretend I.M had never happened. Maybe he would succeed, maybe he wouldn’t, but he dismissed the thought before he could truly consider it - he didn’t want to trick Hyungwon like that, didn’t want to use everything he’d learned through talking to him to win his heart. No, he had given everything up because Hyungwon deserved better than him. Trying to chase after Hyungwon once he made that decision was just— dumb. No. He couldn’t.

He didn’t even startle when his phone began to ring. He’d been so turned inwards to his own misery when he arrived back to his dorm that he didn’t even bother taking his phone out of his pocket. He’d stumbled inside, kicked off his shoes, dropped his backpack on the floor, crawled onto bed, hid under the blankets, and there he had stayed until now.

With mechanical movements, he took the phone from his pocket and brought it up to eye-level. The glare of the screen nearly blinded him after so long in the comforting darkness his blanket cocoon had provided him. He blinked away the light spots dancing in his eyes and, once he looked properly at the screen, Changkyun found out two things: one, it was Jooheon who was calling him; and two, he had spent the whole morning wallowing in bed, and it was lunchtime already. Whatever. He wasn't hungry.

With a sigh, he accepted the call. “Hey, Honey.”

“Hi, Kkung,” said Jooheon from the other end of the line. “You didn’t show up for class, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he lied. “Just a stomach bug, I thought it was better to stay in for the day.”

“Oh. Do you need anything? I can bring some food over, maybe soup? Do you need any medicine?”

“It’s alright, hyung, I already have everything I need. Besides, I don’t want you to catch it; might be contagious.”

“Okay… you don’t sound too hot right now, are you sure you don’t need anything?”

A time machine, he thought. Or Hyungwon - he would like a Hyungwon. Hyungwons have been known to help him feel better.

He didn’t say any of that to Jooheon, of course. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll just stay in bed for the rest of the day, I should be fine in the morning.”

“If you say so… Kihyun-hyung will probably come over anyway, though.”

Alright, yeah, he didn’t want to see Kihyun today - Kihyun would know what was wrong right away and Changkyun didn’t want to talk about it. In fact, he had every intention of never mentioning Hyungwon’s name again in front of Kihyun in hopes he would just forget it after a while. Wishful thinking but… well. It was the only plan he had.

“Can you not tell him?”

There was a brief pause, which Changkyun assumed was due to Jooheon’s confusion. “Why not?”

“I don’t want to worry him. Just tell him I’m busy with something today if he asks.”

“But Kkung…”

“Please, Honey? You know how he gets when he’s worried, and it’s not that bad, it’s just a little bug. I’d rather just sleep it off.”

He heard Jooheon sigh. “You really won’t change your mind, will you?”

“Nope. Don’t worry, though, it really isn’t that serious.”

“Alright… call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Now go make out with your boyfriend or something, I’ll try to get some sleep,” Changkyun said, trying to sound carefree and light and knowing he’d fallen flat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Fine. Take care, Kkungie.”

“Bye, Honey,” he said, and didn’t wait for a reply. His energy reserves had dried up with that single short conversation and he just didn’t have any more in him to keep up pretenses.

That feeling of emptiness was loud once he hung up. He stared at the home screen of his phone, and before he knew, he was opening the album where he saved all of those pictures of Hyungwon. He should delete that album, not only because it was a little creepy, but also because it would make it a thousand times harder to get over him if he had pictures of him readily available.

And yet— he’d grown so used to seeking out Hyungwon when he needed comfort that he didn’t want to get rid of the pictures. Seeing him wouldn’t bring him any joy, not anymore, but deleting them felt like too much. More than he could take right now.

He didn’t delete the pictures - not yet, anyway. Maybe he would in a few days, once it didn’t hurt as bad. For now, he just set his phone to ‘Not Disturb’ mode and tossed it on the desk next to the bed, before turning around to face the wall and closing his eyes.

And even that reminded him of Hyungwon - it was Hyungwon’s way of dealing with things. You can’t feel sad if you’re unconscious. Changkyun doubted it would help much. He would be feeling just as miserable once he woke up, he knew.

Giving it a try was better than stewing in his regret, at least.

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Staring at his still-full bowl of jjajangmyeon, Hyungwon tried to force himself to act normally. He poked at his food, not feeling well enough to actually eat much, but he was trying to keep his expression neutral. He didn’t really think it was working, though - Hoseok kept sending worried glances his way and, any time it happened, Hyungwon willed himself to eat a (small) bite of food.

He wasn’t sure how he was keeping anything down with how queasy he felt. Granted, he was doing a good job of keeping it together so far - he had stayed in his car during the scheduled duration of that morning’s lecture, staring off into space and telling himself to get a grip, then diligently picked himself up to drag his sorry ass to his Western Literature course. He hardly paid attention to what his professor said, but he did try to take some notes; he’d have to borrow Hyunjung’s later because his notes turned out a mess, but hey, at least he tried.

And now there he was, at Hoseok’s place, pretending to eat. He was fine. He was doing great. Who was sad? Not him, not Chae Hyungwon.

“Wonnie?” Hoseok called. “Are you alright?”

For some reason, that question was all it took for the dam to break.

It was such a visceral reaction Hyungwon was surprised at himself when his vision blurred and he felt his cheeks wet with tears. Hoseok suddenly appeared next to him as if he had teleported from across the living room, one arm around him to soothe him.

“Wonnie, what happened!?”

To his credit, Hyungwon managed to get a hold of himself as fast as he’d lost it, sniffling and blinking and wiping at his eyes with the sleeves of his coat until he regained some control over his emotions. He was so used to keeping his feelings to himself that downplaying them was second-nature to him, even if he hadn’t been able to stop crying. “I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice broken around the edges. “I don’t know where this came from, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, you just burst into tears out of nowhere,” Hoseok said, using his own shirt sleeves to wipe away his tears. Hyungwon let him, mostly because he felt entitled to a little coddling after the shit morning he had. “What’s going on? I haven’t seen you cry like this in forever.”

Hyungwon sniffled again, wiping his eyes when more tears began to fall without his permission. He didn’t even know how to begin to explain, so he simply said, “Just— I.M.”

“Oh? I thought you guys had made up, you told me you talked it out last night,” said Hoseok, and hearing him say it only made it worse. He hated acknowledging things out loud. It always made it so real. So final.

“I thought so too,” he replied, his voice sounding strange to his own ears. He sounded so… tiny. “I don’t know what happened, I just know he decided to cut off all contact with me between last night and this morning without even talking to me about it and I don’t know what I did wrong!”

“Just— out of the blue?” Hoseok asked, reaching for a napkin from the table and using it to dab Hyungwon’s tears away.

“He said something about how he’s a coward and I deserve better, but— oh, fuck,” he cursed under his breath when even more tears streamed down his face, forcing him to stop talking in favor of taking a napkin himself to deal with them. When he felt more in control, he continued. “That’s not for him to decide! He just— just took the easy way out and gave me no choice, this is so stupid!” He gave a mighty sniffle and took a deep breath, then let out a derisive little chuckle. “He broke up with me before we were ever even together, that’s my new record right there.”

“Wonnie, come on, don’t talk like that,” Hoseok scolded him gently, rubbing his back with one hand; the other was busy still trying to wipe away his tears. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, hm?”

“It’s fine. I’m fine, I don’t care,” Hyungwon declared, a feeble attempt at convincing himself of this and not Hoseok. “I’m gonna die alone, I guess.”

“You’re not going to die alone, don’t say that.” Hoseok’s scolding was a bit firmer this time around. “You’re upset right now and it’s easy to think you’ll never find the right person for you, but you _will_. It might not have been this I.M but there’s someone out there that will hit the jackpot with you. And even if you don’t, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Hyungwon said, and he meant it - it was the bitterness talking, he knew. “It’s— I really thought he’d be the one and now he’s gone and… I don’t know what to do or what to think or how to feel, it just fucking hurts!”

“It’s okay to hurt. I know you’re trying to pretend you’re fine and that this isn’t a big deal, but it’s okay to cry about it. You’re sad, and how wouldn’t you be, he was important to you, it’s okay to be upset.”

Hyungwon shook his head, not sure if he was rejecting Hoseok’s words or if he was just giving up in general, before he slumped over to rest his head on Hoseok’s shoulder. He was quiet for a moment, trying to focus on Hoseok’s hand on his back, his comforting presence, instead of his broken heart. He hated this. He hated this so much, and this is _exactly_ why he preferred to avoid relationships. He’d known from the start it would end like this, he _knew,_ and he had nobody else to blame but himself for staying on that path instead of jumping off at the first opportunity.

He closed his eyes tight as if that would do anything to stop his tears, held his breath for a few seconds as if that would keep him from making those pitiful little hiccup noises. It didn’t work, of course. He’d never given romantic relationships much weight, yet I.M had stirred something in him that wanted to at least take a chance, and now he was gone just like every other person he’d ever felt a connection with. It hurt so bad. He didn’t know it could hurt so bad.

It had to be his fault. He was the common denominator. There had to be something about him, or something he did, that made him so— unlovable.

“What’s wrong with me, Seokie?” he asked in a meek little voice. “Am I cursed or something?”

“You’re not cursed, silly,” Hoseok said, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “And there’s nothing wrong with you either. You’re a luxury few can afford. You’re the human equivalent of haute couture and most people can only afford fast fashion.”

That did make Hyungwon crack a small smile, cheesy as Hoseok’s words had been. He’d stopped crying at some point, but his eyes were still burning as if trying to let him know he still had plenty of tears left. A headache was slowly creeping in. His nose felt stuffy after all the crying, so he opted to breathe through his mouth for the time being. “I don’t feel very haute couture right now.”

“You will. You just need some time. Maybe some chocolate,” said Hoseok, and again, Hyungwon smiled a little. “Do you want to spend the night here?”

Hyungwon shook his head in response. “I think I’d rather be on my own for today. Minhyukie might show up and I don’t want him to see me like this.”

“Are you sure? I don’t feel right leaving you all by yourself when you’re sad.”

“I’ll be okay,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he would be, but he was more than willing to put in the effort - for Hoseok’s sake, if not his own. “We can Facetime before bed so you can check on me.”

“I’ll take it,” Hoseok agreed with a sigh, then hugged Hyungwon tight with both arms. “I hate to see you so sad, Wonnie. What can I do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do, hyung,” he said, hugging Hoseok back. “Like you said, I just need some time. I’ll be fine.”

“Yes,” Hoseok said with conviction. “Yes, you will.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

**_Bunnies, and hamsters, and bears, oh my!_ ** **_  
_** _[You, Nunu-hyung_ 🐻❤️ _, Ki_ 🐹❤️ _]_

> **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _Look at this cute video I found!_ _  
> _ [ _https://youtu.be/A9HV5O8Un6k_ ](https://youtu.be/A9HV5O8Un6k) _  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _Aww, this is so cute! It looks like Hoseokie!_
> 
> **  
> Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _It does, right!? Our bunny._ ❤️  
>   
> 
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _Look at its little red mouth, it’s like it’s wearing lipstick_ 😭  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ ☺️ _yeah, it’s cute  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _???_ _  
> _ _You’re not going to keysmash?_ _  
> _ _You always keysmash_ _  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _i don’t feel very keysmashy today… sorry  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _Aw, bunny, what’s wrong?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _Did something happen?_
> 
>   
> ➤ _i’m not sure if i should tell_ _  
> _ ➤ _it’s not really my problem  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _But you’re upset, bunny_
> 
> _  
> _ **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _Is there anything we can do?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _fine, i really need help with this because i don’t know what to do!!_ _  
> _ ➤ _nunu-hyung will know what i’m talking about, i kinda blabbed about this to him once already and i’m very sorry still  
>   
> _
> 
> **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _Oh, I think I know what you’re referring to.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _???  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _please don’t think of me as a gossip, this isn’t like that at all!!_
> 
> **  
> Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _We know, bunny_ _  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _ok_ _  
> _ ➤ _so i have this friend, right?_ _  
> _ ➤ _his laptop was hacked a while back and he somehow started liking the person who hacked him_ _  
> _ ➤ _thing is, he still doesn’t know who the person is, but he likes them anyway  
> _ ➤ _something happened between them during the weekend, i think they had a fight and they seemed to have made up, but then suddenly the person who hacked him decided to just cut off contact with him and now he’s heartbroken  
> _ ➤ _we’ve been friends since middle school, he’s like my baby brother_ _  
> _ ➤ _i’ve never seen him so sad and i don’t know what to do_ _  
> _ ➤ _and i feel responsible because i was the one who told him to give the hacker another chance when they fought yesterday, and then this happened  
>   
> _
> 
> **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _It’s not your fault, Hoseokie. You were just trying to help.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _Wait  
> _ _The hacker cut off contact?  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _yeah :c wonnie’s really sad, he said he doesn’t know what he did wrong_ _  
> _ ➤ _i don’t know what to make of it, all i know is what he told me and i know him, he wouldn’t be so upset without a good reason  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _Oh  
>   
> _
> 
> **Nunu-hyung 🐻❤️** _  
> _ _You know that thing we talked about, Ki?_ _  
> _ _This might be the time.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _You’re right, Nunu_ _  
> _ _And I think I know what to do  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _??? what are you talking about  
>   
> _
> 
> **Ki 🐹❤️** _  
> _ _I might know a thing_

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

**_Dumbass Intervention Squad_ **

**_Hyunwoo ♡_ ** _has been added to this group chat_

**_Hoseokie ♡_ ** _has been added to this group chat_

> **_Hoseokie ♡_ ** _  
> _ _ki, what are you doing???????  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Just wait a sec and you’ll see_

**_Joohoney_ ** 🐝🍯 _has been added to this group chat_

**_Annoying Roommate_ ** _has been added to this group chat  
_ _  
_

> **Jo** **ohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _??????? hi????  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _jooheon!! hi_ 😊  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Hey, everyone.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _hyunwoo-hyung!!!!!!  
>   
> _
> 
> **Annoying Roommate** _  
> _ _EXCUSE ME????????_ _  
> _ _WHY AM I ANNOYING ROMOMATE_ 🤬🤬🤬 _  
> _ _ROOMMATE****  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Take a guess_

**_  
Annoying Roommate_ ** _’s display name has been changed to_ **_The Superior Roommate_ ** **💅  
  
**

> **The Superior Roommate** **💅  
> ** _There that’s much better_ 😌  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ 🙄 _I don’t give a fuck what you name yourself, there’s something I need to talk to you guys about  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _even me??????  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Yes, Honey, even you  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _am i in trouble?_ 😥  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Of course not, bunny.  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Have you stopped to consider that i might be busy?????  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I’m sure you’ll survive if you don’t kiss your boyfriend for five minutes  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Trust me bitch, we were doing a lot more than just kissing  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _…………………..tmi babe  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Ew  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Hahaha_ 🤣🤣🤣  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡  
> ** 😅  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ 😒 _Can you please focus for a moment? It’s actually important  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Fine, i guess i can spare a moment of my precious time for you_ 🙄🙄🙄  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _can someone explain wtf is going on pls????_
> 
>   
> ➤ _That’s what I’m trying to do_ _  
> _ ➤ _It’s a bit of a long story_ _  
> _ ➤ _Minhyuk should pay attention, his single brain cell might have trouble understanding  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Fuck you  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Anyways.  
> _ ➤ _Before I start, I need everyone to promise not to freak out and not say a word about this to anyone, ESPECIALLY not the people involved  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _???? ok i promise  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Whatever, i promise  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Okay, from the top_ _  
> _ ➤ _Honey will probably remember this_ _  
> _ ➤ _A couple of months ago, Changkyun was struggling with one of his courses  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _yea i remember_ _  
> _ _he had this assignment thing he couldnt finish  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Exactly_ _  
> _ ➤ _And let me make it clear that I’ve learned this a couple of days after he did it, so I had no control over his actions  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Nice job sliding in that ‘i’m not guilty’ disclaimer  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Shut up  
> _ ➤ _As I was saying, I didn’t know about it beforehand or I would have stopped him_ _  
> _ ➤ _He went ahead and tried to hack someone’s laptop so he could steal their notes to pass his course  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _WHAT_ _  
> _ _BUT WHAT IF HE GOT CAUGHT AGAIN_ 😱😱😱😱😱  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _??? AGAIN???????_ 👀👀👀👀👀👀  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _That’s not the point here, he wasn’t caught_ _  
> _ ➤ _Not yet anyway_ _  
> _ ➤ _The point is, he hacked the wrong person  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _aw fuck_ _  
> _ _gdi kkung  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _My sentiments exactly_ _  
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _wait  
> _ _THE HACKER IS CHANGKYUN?????_ 😱
> 
>   
> ➤ _Yes, bunny  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _and you knew all along????????????  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Also yes  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _why didn’t you say something, ki??_ 🥺  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _???? whats going on  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I couldn’t say anything, Kkung asked me to keep it a secret  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Can you guys please explain, why is hoseokie freaking out??  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _minhyukie, promise you won’t overreact  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _I never overreact  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _………………  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Fine, maybe i do a lil bit_ 🙄🙄🙄 _  
> _ _Ok i promise  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _the person changkyun hacked by mistake was wonnie…  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _W H A T  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _??? kkung hacked hyungwon??  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _yes…  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _And there’s more.  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Pff let me guess_ _  
> _ _They fell in love like two characters in a drama?_ 😍 _  
> _ _KKUKKUNG HACKED WONNIE’S H E A R T  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _babe not everything is abt romance…_
> 
>   
> ➤ _…I hate to say this but_ _  
> _ ➤ _Minhyuk is right  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _???? I AM??????  
> _ _HOLY FUCK I WAS JUST JOKING I CAN’T BELIEVE IT OMG FINALLY WONNIE LIKES SOMEONE IT’S BEEN 84 YEARS_ 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍  
>  _They’re together now then??  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Nope  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _????? WHY THE FUCK NOT  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _First of all, Hyungwon doesn’t know Changkyun is the one who hacked him_ _  
> _ ➤ _And second, it seems Changkyun made the stupid decision to cut off contact with Hyungwon  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WHAT  
> _ _WHY  
> _ _WHY IS EVERYONE SO BAD AT ROMANCE, I DIDN’T RAISE YOU PEOPLE TO BE LIKE THIS_ 😤😤😤😤😤😤  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ 😂 _you didn’t raise us at all tho??????  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _so thats y kkung sounded so upset when i talked to him earlier  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _You talked to him?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _yea_ _  
> _ _he said he had a stomach bug n wanted to stay in his dorm_ _  
> _ _it sounded like bullshit to me tbh but i didnt know y_ _  
> _ _now it makes sense  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I didn’t hear from him at all today  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _he asked me not to tell u about it_ _  
> _ _tht makes sense now too  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😑 _Of course he would avoid me, he knew I’d grill him about Hyungwon_   
> ➤ _I wasn’t planning to interfere, they’re both adults and should be able to deal with their issues on their own_ _  
> _ ➤ _But since Changkyun decided to take Dumbass Street across Stupid Lane for some ungodly reason, I can’t just sit and watch anymore_ _  
> _ ➤ _It’s time for an intervention  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Y E S_ _  
> _ _FINALLY_ _  
> _ _KIKI IS BECOMING A LOVE ADVOCATE_ _  
> _ _I’M RUBBING OFF ON YOU_ 🤩🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _Gross  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _i can’t believe it was changkyun all along_ _  
> _ _tho it makes a lot more sense now… i knew the shrimp couldn’t have been for me…  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Shrimp?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡**   
> 😅 _nevermind  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _what do u mean intervention?_ _  
> _ _we just lock them in a room together?  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Ooooh classic!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I was thinking more about inviting them over for a gathering with all of us_ _  
> _ ➤ _We can try nudging them towards each other and hope Kkung will confess  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _no offense hyung but i dont see tht happening_ _  
> _ _u know how kkung is  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Yeah i still think locking them up in a room is a better idea  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _We can do that as a backup plan, I think we should give Kkung a chance to come clean_ _  
> _ ➤ _Maybe hanging out with Noodleman will give him the push he needs  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _idk i think ur giving him too much credit  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Let’s at least try?  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _You know what_ _  
> _ _Now that you said it_ _  
> _ _That day when i introduced changkyun to wonnie and i thought he was scared of wonnie’s height_ _  
> _ _HE WAS FREAKING OUT BECAUSE HE WAS SCARED FO WONNIE FIGURING OUT HE WAS THE HACKER_ _  
> _ _OF******  
> _ _IT MAKES A LOT MORE SENSE NOW OMG_ _  
> _ _I SHOULD HAVE SENT KKUNG ON A DATE WITH HIM INSTEAD OF MARK FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK  
> _ _W A S T E D  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _I think it’s worth it giving Ki’s plan a try.  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _😂😂😂 _Of course you’d say that big bear  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _it cant hurt i guess?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _i think getting them together for a gathering of friends would be easier than tricking them into a locked room  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _How are we getting them to come over tho?????_ _  
> _ _I doubt kkukkung will want to show up if he knows wonnie is there  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _I’m taking a page out of your book for this, Minhyuk_ _  
> _ ➤ _We’re not going to tell Changkyun that Hyungwon will be there  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS_ _  
> _ _NOW WE’RE TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> _ _I knew we’d see eye to eye one day kiki  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 🙄 _Sure, whatever_ _  
> _ ➤ _Saturday night?  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Mmmmmmmm maybe??  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _kkung works saturdays he’ll prob be exhausted at night  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Fine, then Sunday?  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _sunday works better  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _yeah i can make it on sunday  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Same  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Me too.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Great, Sunday night at my and Minhyuk’s apartment.  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _LET’S HAVE A JUST DANCE COMPETITION_ 🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _no, it has to be something romantic!!_ 🥰  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _Movie night?  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _M O V I E N I G H T_ _  
> _ _And we gotta choose a really lovey-dovey movie to get them in the mood for L U V_ 😍😍😍  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _That sounds like a plan.  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Let’s watch the notebook!!!!!!!!!_ 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _If you make me watch a movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel I’m going to doxx you online and say you torture puppies for fun on Twitter.  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _o shit  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _😱😱😱😱😱 _Omg kiki you’re a monster  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Hahaha_ 🤣  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _then how about the treacherous?????  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😳 _We want to get them in the mood to confess their love, not jizz their pants  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _so i guess a frozen flower is out too  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _king and the clown??  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _What’s with all the historical movies?????  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _maybe an animation? something light_
> 
>   
> ➤ _Coco?  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Nah ah ah if we gonna watch coco we might as well watch the book of life  
> _ _The Superior movie  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _Excuse me???  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Listen here bitch  
> _ _The book of life, FIRST OF ALL, came waaaay before coco, it’s the og  
> _ _And second, coco doesn’t have the song ‘i love you too much’  
> _ _THAT 👏  
> _ _SONG 👏  
> _ _FUCKING 👏  
> _ _SLAPS 👏  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _  
> _ _Maybe Titanic?_ _  
> _ _It’s one of the best romance movies of all time.  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ _We should probably choose a movie where they both make it to the end alive, Nunu  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _TANGLED!  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _  
> _ _frozen???  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _NO FROZEN IS WACK  
> _ _I’M UP TO HERE WITH PEOPLE SAYING IT’S A GOOD MOVIE BECAUSE THE ROMANCE IS A SUBPLOT, YOU KNOW A BETTER MOVIE WITH NO ROMANCE?? LILO AND STITCH  
> _ _AND YOU KNOW ANOTHER ONE????? M O A N A THE ABSOLUTE QUEEN_ _  
> _ _SHE DIDN’T KNOW HOW FAR SHE’D GO BUT SHE WENT SO FUCKING FAR WE STAN  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _i wanna watch black panther  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😑 _...I suddenly regret making this chat, we’re never going to decide on a movie before Sunday._

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess you can say changkyun has..... kernel panicked *finger guns*
> 
> i've recently made a new [twitter](https://twitter.com/ghostlike91) account that will hopefully be less dead than my old one, so follow me there if you want ✌️
> 
> one more chapter and an epilogue to go!! both will probably be up next week, i've been known to release the last two chapters just a couple of days apart, so. yes. stay tuned.
> 
> and as always, thanks for reading!💕


	12. Hi, cookie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> movie choice in christine's honor because christine is the mvp always 😔👊💕
> 
> enjoy!💕

⊷⋄⊶   
  


**_Dumbass Intervention Squad_ **

> ➤  _ Kkung, Honey, and Nunu are already here  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _THE EAGLE HAS LANDED THE EAGLE HAS LANDED_ 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤  _...we never agreed on that code  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Idgaf this is a secret operation and it should sound like it 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😑  _ Whatever  
>  _ ➤  _ How are things on your side?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _We've been at this convenience store for like ten minutes  
> _ _It's the one right around the corner to our place, i told them you wanted some groceries  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤  _ Good thinking  
>  _ ➤  _ Bring milk while you're at it  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Way ahead of you roomie  
> _ _I got milk, toilet paper, and gummy bears  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 🤦♂️  _ Gummy bears  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Yes_ 😤  
>  _I need my sugar  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤  _ You can come home now, tell them I invited you guys to hang out with us  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _ki-hyung u gotta come out of the bathroom b4 kkung makes a poop joke in front of nunu-hyung  
>   
> _
> 
> ➤ 😒  _ I hate every single one of you  
>   
>  _
> 
> **_Hoseokie ♡_ ** _   
>  _ _ we should move this along, wonnie is getting sleepy already  
>  _ _ he might want to go home!!  _ 😱😱😱  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _I'M ON IT, THE SPARROW HAS TAKEN FLIGHT_ 🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦🐦  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤  _ Just stop with the fucking bird codes  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🐦🐦🐦 _N E V E R_ 🐦🐦🐦  
>  _Btw kiki let’s watch the winter soldier_ _  
> _ _Might not be a romcom but there’s the homoerotic tension we NEED_ 🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> ➤ _ Fine, The Winter Soldier it is   
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _bring more snacks babe_ 💋  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _anything for you honey!!!!!!_ 💘💝💟❤️💕💓💗💋💞💖❣️  
>  _be there soon!!!!!_ 🥰
> 
> _   
>  _ **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ Haha Changkyun is asking what Kihyun is cooking in the bathroom  _ 😂😂😂😂  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅  
> ** _Everything is shit and giggles until someone giggles and shits - ancient tumblr proverb_ 🧐
> 
>   
>  ➤ _ ...this plan better work, I didn’t sign up for this _ 😑

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Much later, when Changkyun thought back on this night, he would tell himself that he should have noticed the signs. At the moment, he attributed Kihyun and Hyunwoo’s whispering to their close relationship, and Jooheon being glued to his phone to his texting Minhyuk. Kihyun excusing himself more than once to go to the bathroom could be explained away by him being a little sick, or even overwhelmed by Hyunwoo’s presence.

He should have seen right through it. Alas, he didn’t.

Truth be told, he didn’t want to be there. He’d rather be cooped up in his dorm room, wallowing over his dumb life choices. To think that just a week ago Hyungwon was still in his life felt like a faraway dream, one that made him angry at himself - he regretted it. He regretted his choice from the moment he’d made it, but now, after a week reaping the fruits of his decision, he felt like the biggest idiot on the planet.

Again, he wished for a time machine, this time so he could go back and tell his past-self to  _ not _ give up on Hyungwon. Whatever consequences came from revealing his identity would be nothing compared to how much he missed him. How much he wanted him back.

He shouldn’t have let fear dictate his choice, anxiety and panic attacks be damned. He should have fought harder against himself, because, if he had, he might be with Hyungwon right now - if not in person, at least still in contact with him through text. He didn’t even know what he was thinking to make that dumbass decision; it’s like his brain had just shut down after sending him every signal to jump ship to avoid crashing into the oncoming iceberg.

It was done, though. Even if he tried to reach out, Hyungwon probably hated him now.

Served him right.

That week had been hell. Changkyun was never any good at hiding his emotions, and trying to explain that his gloomy mood was due to him being sick only took him so far. He’d been avoiding everyone and everything, leaving his dorm room only for work and classes to minimize the time he spent around others. This meant that his friends noticed his absence and were starting to ask questions regarding why he was avoiding them; to prove he wasn’t avoiding anyone, he’d just been sick - insert fake cough here - he had no choice but to accept Kihyun’s invitation to come hang out with Jooheon and Hyunwoo at his place.

So far, it was going better than he’d expected - Kihyun was puttering about, being the fussy host he was, while Jooheon was engrossed in texting his boyfriend (or so Changkyun assumed), which left him with only Hyunwoo for company.

He had met Hyunwoo before, even hung out with him a couple of times, and he really,  _ really _ liked him. Hyunwoo had what one some would call “Dad Energy” - his sense of humor, his laid-back personality, even the expressions he made, all of it fit the “Dad Energy” criteria. And it was so easy to make him laugh; maybe that was Changkyun’s favorite part. He didn’t mind hanging out with him, which was probably a good thing - from the little not-so-secret exchanged glances between Hyunwoo and Kihyun, Changkyun had the distinct impression he’d be seeing a lot more of Hyunwoo in the future.

Good. He’d been silently hoping those two would get back together ever since Kihyun told him the story behind their break-up. Kihyun deserved to be happy, and so did Hyunwoo. They deserved that second chance - unlike himself. He deserved to crash and burn and regret his decision for the rest of his life. And he would. No doubt about it.

He was sprawled on the armchair next to the couch, making Hyunwoo laugh as he had been for the past few minutes, when Kihyun returned from the bathroom, phone in one hand, looking slightly flustered. Changkyun decided not to comment on that, and said instead, “Hyung, come on, you didn’t invite us over so we can watch you run around the apartment, just come sit down.”

“In a minute,” Kihyun replied. “I’ll just make some popcorn and be right back.”

“Okay...?” Changkyun said with a small frown of confusion. All the movie nights they’d had before, and Kihyun had never gone out of his way to make popcorn. Not  _ ever _ \- Kihyun was a ‘buy some chips and put them in fancy bowls’ type of guy, not ‘make popcorn from scratch’.

Later, he would realize that he should have seen this as the clue it was, as a big bright red flag, but he didn’t. Again, he chalked it up to Kihyun being jittery because of Hyunwoo’s presence. Plus, he entirely missed the pointed glances exchanged between Kihyun, Hyunwoo, and Jooheon, the quiet communications going on right under his nose.

He truly was an idiot.

Before long, the entire apartment was smelling like popcorn, popping noises echoing from the kitchen. It made Changkyun wonder just how much popcorn was Kihyun making, because it sounded like a hailstorm in there.

It was when Kihyun was bringing over the bowls of popcorn - plural - to the living room that it all clicked. Kihyun had just set down the bowls on the coffee table when the front door opened. The sound caught Changkyun’s attention right away and he looked up, expecting to see Minhyuk coming home. He expected Minhyuk and nobody else.

His heart sunk when he noticed that, no, Minhyuk was not alone - following right behind him were Hoseok and the last person Changkyun wanted to see right now, which was ironic because he was also the person he wanted to see the most. There stood Hyungwon, looking gorgeous in a soft-looking sweater and light-wash jeans, his dark hair a flawless mess. Changkyun knew, logically, that he would have to meet Hyungwon again down the line - he just didn’t think it would be so soon.

He wasn’t ready for this. He hadn’t had the time to prepare mentally. His fight-or-flight instinct had kicked in and he needed to  _ go. _ He got up, but before he could stand upright, Kihyun was already pushing him back down on the chair by the shoulders.

“You are going to sit there and play nice,” Kihyun whisper-hissed at him. The ‘or else’ was implied. Changkyun swallowed down a whimper of fear with the intensity of Kihyun’s demeanor, but when he straightened back up he had a bright smile on his face to greet the newcomers. “Hey, you guys made it!”

...Oh.  _ Oh. _ Realization dawned on him -  _ this is a setup _ .

His suspicion was confirmed further when he looked around and saw how Jooheon and Hyunwoo didn’t appear surprised at all that Minhyuk had arrived “suddenly” bringing his two best friends along. They knew. They all knew.

Changkyun tried to swallow the lump in his throat even as panic began to swell inside of him. He felt like a rat caught in a trap, and there was no way out - to get to the door, he would have to go through literally every person there, and there was no way he could get away with it without rousing Hyungwon’s suspicion. He was stuck with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide, for whoever knows how long.

_ It’s fine _ , he tried telling himself. Hyungwon didn’t know who he was, and there was no reason for him to suspect him of anything - he had to act natural. If he started freaking out he would give himself away so— deep breaths, nice thoughts. Hyungwon was a calm person, an introvert, and he didn’t like spending time with strangers, which was basically what Changkyun was to him. Hyungwon would probably not even talk to him beyond polite small talk, so all he had to do was watch his damn mouth not to say anything Hyungwon would find familiar.

Okay. Alright. He could do this. He could hold it together for one night.

“We brought snacks!” Minhyuk announced as he joined them in the living room, checking inside the bags as he walked. “Let’s see— these are the groceries, so these are the snacks.” He left one of the bags on the coffee table, then turned around to take the other bag to the kitchen. “You guys make yourselves at home,” he said to Hoseok and Hyungwon as he walked past them.

“Hyunwoo-hyung!” Hoseok said, beaming, as he approached Hyunwoo. He was dragging Hyungwon by the hand, Changkyun noticed. “This is Hyungwon, I told you about him, right? Wonnie, this is Hyunwoo-hyung.”

Hyunwoo got up to shake Hyungwon’s hand, which was made exponentially more awkward by the fact that both of them were awkward people. Changkyun forgot about his panic for a moment, too entertained by their interaction to pay attention to his nerves.

They exchanged their very awkward hellos and generic pleasantries, and Changkyun sat there, watching Hyungwon without even noticing. His heart ached at the sight of the deep circles under his eyes, the obvious exhaustion on his face and body language. Hyungwon clearly didn’t want to be there either, though Changkyun figured he had different reasons. He had a polite smile on his face, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes; he just looked tired.

Changkyun wanted to go over there and soothe him, ask what was wrong, what he could do to make it better. Hyungwon had told him once that he suffered from insomnia sometimes, and usually woke up a lot during the night, and that’s why he was often sleepy during the day. Hadn’t he been sleeping well, then? Was it his fault?

No, it couldn’t be. Certainly he didn’t matter enough to Hyungwon to rob him of sleep. That was a ridiculous concept.

...or was it?

Hyungwon’s eyes then turned to him and Changkyun startled a bit, caught staring. Hyungwon offered him a tight-lipped smile that, again, never reached his eyes.

“Changkyun, right? Good to see you again.”

“Y-yeah, you too, hyung,” Changkyun replied, then turned to Hoseok to give himself a moment to recover from locking eyes with Hyungwon. “Hi, Hoseok-hyung.”

“Hi!” Hoseok said, beaming. He looked a bit—  _ too _ happy. Did he know too? Oh no. Hoseok knew.

Did they  _ all _ know? Minhyuk too? Oh shit, did  _ Hyungwon _ know?

Wait, no, that was stupid - if Hyungwon had known, he’d probably be trying to murder Changkyun right now. Or he wouldn’t even have talked to him. Or he would have said something. He would definitely have said something. Hyungwon might not like strangers and all, but he wouldn’t be quiet about it. His demeanor would have given it away.

Hyungwon didn’t know.

Everyone else did, though. That was obvious from the furtive glances they shot his way, sometimes looking between him and Hyungwon as if waiting for something. They weren’t subtle at all. How did they find out? Did Kihyun tell them? Kihyun was never a gossip, but who else could it have been? Unless Hyungwon told someone, either Hoseok or Minhyuk, or maybe Kihyun mentioned something to Hyunwoo…?

Ugh, whatever. It didn’t matter who spread the news, point is, everyone knew.

“Here, Wonnie, you can sit over there,” Hoseok said, pointing at the far corner of the couch - right next to the armchair where Changkyun was sitting. “You like corners better, right?”

“Mhm, right,” Hyungwon said, before making his way over to his assigned seat.

Changkyun looked over to the other side of the couch, which had been empty two minutes before but was now magically occupied by Jooheon, who had changed seats when he wasn’t looking. Traitor.

“I’ll go help Ki in the kitchen,” Hyunwoo said suddenly.

Hoseok perked up. “I’ll come with!”

Changkyun shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he watched the two leave, silently thanking the heavens that he wasn’t completely alone with Hyungwon. Jooheon was still there and—

Well. He might as well be alone with Hyungwon, because Jooheon now had Minhyuk on his lap, the two lovebirds giggling and whispering to each other, exchanging gross little kisses, lost in their own world. Changkyun made a point not to look at them - disgusting. Hyungwon, too, seemed rather uncomfortable on the couch, moving slightly away from the overexcited couple.

It was a small thing. Insignificant, really. Yet Changkyun felt a wave of protectiveness rise inside of him - he didn’t like seeing Hyungwon uncomfortable.

“Get a room already,” Changkyun said to Jooheon and Minhyuk, the latter detaching himself from his boyfriend to shoot him a sour glare.

“You’re just jealous,” said Minhyuk.

“Nah, I’m actually disgusted.”

“Fuck you too, Kkung,” Jooheon said, good natured, but at least stopped making out with Minhyuk.

Hyungwon let out a very discreet sigh of relief, which Changkyun only noticed because he was sitting right next to him and hyper-aware of his presence. Changkyun glanced over at him, their eyes locking for an instant. Hyungwon gave him a small smile of gratitude. Changkyun smiled back, just as awkward.

Alright, this wasn’t so bad. He could do this. He could be around Hyungwon and survive. It was fine. They were fine.

Kihyun, Hoseok, and Hyunwoo chose that moment to return to the living room, Hoseok carrying yet another bowl of popcorn, while Hyunwoo was bringing over a tray with drinks. Kihyun broke away for a moment to turn off the lights of the living room, the blue screen of the TV now the only source of light.

Changkyun looked over at Hyungwon again, unable to help himself - Hyungwon wasn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes fixed on a random point of the coffee table instead, seemingly lost in thought. Changkyun forced himself to turn away; Hyungwon’s expression was neutral, but there was a sadness in his eyes that bothered Changkyun immensely. Was he the cause? He couldn’t be.

Hoseok took a seat between Hyungwon and Jooheon, while Hyunwoo sat on the armchair across from Changkyun, on the other side of the couch. That left no place for Kihyun to sit. Changkyun saw that as a chance to find himself someplace else to sit and offer his chair to Kihyun, but his plans were ruined before they ever finished forming in his head.

As Kihyun joined them to watch the movie, Hyunwoo scooted to one side of the armchair to open up a little space next to him. Kihyun wasted no time and sat there, sideways, his legs thrown over Hyunwoo’s and the arm of the chair, and their position looked incredibly cramped and incredibly comfortable.

Great - now there were two couples to remind him that he and Hyungwon were not together and probably never would be. Wonderful. Terrific.

“Everyone has drinks and popcorn?” Kihyun asked. Once all of them confirmed, he said, “I’ll start the movie then.”

Changkyun was in no way, shape, or form interested in watching any movie right now, but was aware that he didn't have much choice in the matter. He would be stuck there for at least the next couple of hours. So he reclined on his chair and tried to get comfortable, all the while forcing himself not to look at Hyungwon, but at the TV.

It wasn’t that easy - every little movement he caught in his peripheral had his entire being in attention, the urge to turn to Hyungwon almost unbearable. He was right next to him. If he reached out his arm, he would touch him. It was agonizing.

He wanted to stop everything and shout ‘ _ it’s me, I’m right here’ _ and beg for Hyungwon’s forgiveness, ask him for another chance, try to explain his fucked up logic and how it was wrong of him to do what he did. He wanted to sit next to him and cuddle, just like Jooheon and Minhyuk, just like Hyunwoo and Kihyun. He wanted to just— talk to him. Talk to him about any silly thing, just like they used to do, but in person this time. He wanted to hear his voice. He wanted to make him laugh. He wanted to look into his eyes, see his expression change, learn of his quirks, his habits. He wanted to be around him. He wanted to be dear to him again, if he ever was.

At last, he lost the battle against himself and looked towards Hyungwon. A smile instantly appeared on his face - Hyungwon had fallen asleep on Hoseok’s shoulder. His lips were slightly parted, chest moving with his slow, steady breathing, expression peaceful. He was so cute; the movie couldn’t have been playing for more than fifteen minutes and he was already sleeping.

Changkyun’s smile fell right out of his face when his gaze locked with Hoseok’s, who had been watching him for who knows how long. He was ready to be scolded, but Hoseok— smiled at him. Not a mocking smile, but a smile that seemed to agree with him.  _ ‘He’s really cute, isn’t he?’  _ that smile appeared to say.

Changkyun ducked his head and looked away at the TV again. Truth be told, he had no idea what that movie was about. It looked like a Marvel movie, one he had probably already watched. He had no idea which one it was; they all sort of blend together after a while, though he figured it must be a Captain America one, judging from all the blatant homoerotic tension. Subtle choice. Just as well - Hyungwon was asleep. Whatever result the Five Stooges hoped to gain from choosing a homoerotism-infused movie for them to watch was already ruined. He should have pushed harder for them to watch ‘Venom’. ‘Venom’ was a much better love story.

Since the movie did nothing to keep his focus, Changkyun went right back to looking at Hyungwon. He couldn’t do so for long this time around - Hyungwon blinked his eyes slowly and stretched his arms a bit before crossing them, giving Hoseok a guilty grin when he looked over at him. Changkyun turned away before Hyungwon could notice he’d been staring.

Should he say something? Pull Hyungwon aside once the movie is over and confess everything? That was one very big risk for him to take, because if Hyungwon got angry, there was no telling if he would rat him out for hacking - he remembered Hyungwon saying once that he might be so inclined to report him out of spite, and he’d given him plenty of reason to be spiteful. He might not forgive him, tell him off, whether or not he reported him. Or he might forgive him, but decide he wanted nothing to do with Changkyun anymore.

He tried to tell himself to be reasonable, that there was an equal chance of things turning out alright - Hyungwon might forgive him and they could become friends. More, even. Hyungwon was an understanding person; if Changkyun explained himself, if he apologized, odds were good that Hyungwon would see that his intention was never to hurt him. He had panicked, and, in his panic, he felt overwhelmed and did the only thing he thought he could do. It was that simple.

It would be easier if he knew where Hyungwon stood in this situation. Had he been angry with him when he cut off contact? Had he been relieved? Happy? Upset? Did he feel betrayed or as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders? And, most important, did he even want Changkyun back in his life at all?

This is all he could think about as the movie went on, playing right before his eyes and yet unseen, until finally, after what felt like a century, it ended and the credits started rolling. They were quiet for a long moment, staring at the screen. Jooheon was the first to speak.

“We should have watched Black Panther.”

Minhyuk snorted at his boyfriend’s words, while Hoseok laughed next to them. Kihyun merely sighed and shook his head as he got up to turn on the lights. Hyunwoo had fallen asleep.

And Hyungwon—

Changkyun pretended to stretch his neck so he could glance over at him without being too obvious, and he found that, at some point, Hyungwon had curled up against the side of the couch, legs tucked underneath him, and was blinking blearily at the TV screen as if he was fighting off sleep, an open bag of chips in his hands. Not fair, he was too cute.

“What now?” Minhyuk asked, and the way his eyes moved minutely towards himself then Hyungwon didn’t escape his notice.

“It’s still early,” Kihyun said. “I can make us dinner.”

Changkyun arched an eyebrow. “After we stuffed ourselves with popcorn and chips for the past two hours?”

Kihyun gave him an unimpressed look. “You didn’t even touch the snacks. Besides, we should eat healthier food once in a while, and since everyone’s here already, why not?”

“We could just order pizza, it’s faster,” said Hoseok. Kihyun gave him a look that spoke a thousand words, and Hoseok was quick to say. “A-ah, right, yeah, making dinner sounds great, I’ll help you.”

Minhyuk hopped off the couch with a bright grin on his face. “We can clean up here while you cook!”

Minhyuk’s voice stirred Hyunwoo, who woke up and looked around in a daze. “What?”

“I’m going to make us all dinner,” Kihyun explained, tone obviously gentler now that he was talking to his not-so-ex-boyfriend. 

“Oh, I’ll help,” said Hyunwoo, getting up from the chair and stretching to shake off the sleep from his muscles.

“What are we making?” asked Hoseok.

“Kimchi jjigae? I think we already have all the ingredients for that,” Kihyun said, starting to move towards the kitchen, being promptly followed by his two big little helpers, Hyunwoo and Hoseok. “Everyone here likes kimchi jjigae, right?”

A wave of confirmation came in response, and Kihyun, satisfied, entered the kitchen with Hoseok and Hyunwoo. Changkyun looked around at a complete loss - things were happening very fast all of a sudden, and he just knew something was up. They were planning something. He could feel it.

“Come on, let’s clean up a bit,” Minhyuk said, and Changkyun noticed he and Jooheon were keeping themselves apart from himself and Hyungwon, which indirectly forced them to help each other if needed. “You guys handle that side, we’ll take care of this one.”

Hyungwon simply shrugged, accepting his fate, and pushed himself up from the couch. Changkyun, not wanting to appear impolite, got up too and jumped right into cleaning, gathering the empty bowls that had been previously filled with snacks from the coffee table. Hyungwon started doing the same, putting the empty glasses back on the tray - it didn’t escape Changkyun’s notice that his and Hyungwon’s were the only glasses that were still mostly full. Hyungwon had at least eaten some chips, though; Changkyun hadn’t touched a thing.

As he was gathering the bowls, he noticed Jooheon and Minhyuk had stopped cleaning and looked up to find them having a whispered discussion - from the way they sometimes looked over at him and Hyungwon, it was pretty obvious what they were talking about. Changkyun was not having that, not only because he didn’t appreciate his friends whispering about him, but also because they could tip off Hyungwon that something was up, which was the last thing he needed.

“Planning to ditch on cleaning duty already?” Changkyun asked, staring from Minhyuk to Jooheon in a challenge. Jooheon had the decency to look apologetic - Minhyuk didn’t.

“We’re just getting a little impatient,” said Minhyuk with a fake-nice smile, his nose slightly upturned - challenging Changkyun right back. “ _ Someone _ should be already making out by now.”

Changkyun narrowed his eyes at Minhyuk, a silent warning. Minhyuk held his gaze, unfazed, and why should he be worried? Changkyun was the only one there with something to lose. He was the one with a secret.

“Uhm… if you guys want to go make out so much, then just go, we can clean up by ourselves,” Hyungwon said, and bless his clueless heart for not picking up on the strange atmosphere. Or, at least, Changkyun figured he didn’t notice anything odd.

Minhyuk hummed, looking from Changkyun to Hyungwon and back to Changkyun. “Hm… maybe we  _ should _ leave you two alone.”

Changkyun pursed his lips and tightened his jaw, willing his face not to show the fear teeming inside of him. It was confirmed - Lee Minhyuk was evil incarnate.

He heard Hyungwon sigh next to him, as if giving up. “As long as I don’t have to watch you two go at it again, do whatever you want.”

Minhyuk let out an offended gasp. “Excuse me, when I make out with Honey it’s  _ hot _ and you should feel blessed!”

“I only feel sick.”

Changkyun snorted. He now saw a faraway possibility that he and Hyungwon could bond over their shared disgust of Minhyuk and Jooheon’s PDA. Not a bad start for a friendship.

Kihyun suddenly poked his head around the kitchen door, a slight frown on his face. “Everything alright here?”

“They’re being mean to us!” Minhyuk cried with a large pout. “They said me and Honey are gross!”

Hoseok also poked his head out of the kitchen to say, “But you  _ are _ gross.”

Jooheon laughed while Minhyuk let out yet another offended gasp, just as Hyunwoo peeked around the door to the kitchen as well. “What’s going on?”

“Minhyuk’s being a drama queen, as always,” Kihyun explained. “Can someone bring the dirty dishes?”

“Yeah, I’m on it,” Hyungwon said, picking up the empty bowls they’d gathered before pointing to the last forgotten bowl closer to Changkyun. “Can you hand me that, please?”

“A-ah, sure,” Changkyun stammered, taking the bowl and stretching out his arm so Hyungwon could take it.

Hyungwon didn’t take the bowl.

He grabbed Changkyun’s arm and held it in place with surprising strength for someone so skinny, enough that Changkyun couldn’t break free from his grasp when he tried to pull his arm away. It was so sudden that his first emotion wasn’t fear, but confusion. He dropped the bowl - which, thankfully, was made of plastic - and froze, eyes wide as he stared at Hyungwon’s hand on his arm, trying to figure out what the hell was happening. 

The room went silent, everyone frozen along with him, and, still trying to make sense of what was going on, he looked up at Hyungwon’s face. Hyungwon’s eyes were wide, an expression of pure shock on his features as he looked down at Changkyun’s wrist - at the tattoo on his wrist, more specifically.

Did he— no, Changkyun never told him the designs of his tattoos, so Hyungwon couldn’t know, could he? Or did he somehow figure out, or—

Hyungwon looked from his tattoo up to his face, expression going from shocked to confused, eyes full of hurt, and in a tiny little voice asked, “I.M?”

Changkyun’s heart sank, the panic hitting him like a freight train. How did he know? When— no, it didn’t matter. Figuring out when Hyungwon learned about his wrist tattoo wouldn’t help him now - he had only two choices, familiar enough that they almost felt like deja vu. He could run, exactly like he did the first time, or he could be brave for once in his life and take a chance. Denying might not make a difference at this point, but it was a viable option.

He was tired of hiding, though. There really was only one choice.

He swallowed hard, trembling all over, and, in an equally tiny voice, answered Hyungwon’s question.

“Hi, cookie.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

Hyungwon could only stare at Changkyun - at I.M. He was completely dumbstruck, as if the world had up and decided to turn upside down and scramble everything inside his skull. He was still gripping Changkyun’s arm, though his hold on him had loosened up due to sheer shock. Changkyun didn’t try to pull his arm free again, standing still as a statue in front of him as if— waiting for something. Waiting for Hyungwon to react. Waiting for him to pass judgment.

What judgment could he even pass? He missed him. He was angry at him. He was hurt by him. He sort-of-was-pretty-sure-he-loved him. After a whole week feeling as if he was underwater, this felt like someone had hooked him up and reeled him in abruptly. It didn’t make any sense.

It also made all the sense.

Changkyun was still staring up at him, looking terrified and hopeful and so very  _ real _ , waiting for him to break out of that shock-induced trance, so Hyungwon forced himself to snap out of it for the sake of doing something.

He didn’t plan to do what he did, and he didn’t even know he was going to do it but, next thing he knew, he was leaning forward and pressing his lips to Changkyun’s. It had been a very strange knee-jerk reaction, one he didn’t expect to ever experience again, but kissing him felt like the correct response - if there even was a correct response in this situation.

The room erupted in wolf whistles and cheers from the dead silence it had been stuck in. The noise is what snapped Hyungwon back into his senses, and he realized what he was doing.

He pulled back, confused mostly at himself, and as he let go of Changkyun’s arm and stepped away from him, he said, “Why the fuck am I kissing you, I’m mad at you!”

Changkyun blinked up at him, cheeks rosy and eyes wide, and gave him an apologetic, shy little grin. Hyungwon huffed and crossed his arms, not at all in the mood for how cute Changkyun looked right now.

“It was you all along!? Why didn’t you say something!?!?”

Changkyun winced, ducking his head. “I’m sorry! I was scared!”

“And you wouldn’t have said anything again tonight, would you? Ugh, fucking typical, if I hadn’t seen the tattoo I would still not know it’s you,” Hyungwon snapped, then turned around to face their friends. “And you all knew!”

“We didn’t!” Hoseok protested, then hid himself halfway behind Hyunwoo. “I mean, not for very long.”

Hyungwon decided he really didn’t want to be there anymore, not right now. Without even looking at Changkyun, he began moving towards the door, only to be stopped by Kihyun before he ever got there. He sighed, exhausted and bitter and upset, and said, “Can I please go now? I don’t appreciate the ambush.”

“Changkyun wasn’t in on it, if you were wondering,” Kihyun said. Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “And I think you two should talk it out and get this mess over with.”

“I’m not going to do this with an audience!” Hyungwon said, and pointed at Minhyuk. “He’s eating popcorn!”

Minhyuk paused halfway while bringing a handful of popcorn to his mouth, only to hide the bowl behind his back and say with his mouth full, “I was just hungry!”

Jooheon sighed and shook his head. “Babe, come on, get it together.”

“Just come here,” Kihyun said, grabbing Hyungwon by the wrist, then motioned for Changkyun to follow. “You too, let’s go.”

Changkyun obeyed without a peep, keeping his head down like a contrite child. Kihyun led them down the hall and opened one of the closed doors, stepping aside for them to enter.

“You can talk in my room, I’ll make sure nobody bothers you,” Kihyun said as Hyungwon and Changkyun entered his bedroom. It was incredibly neat - almost the opposite of Minhyuk’s messy room, just across the hall. “Just don’t have sex in my bed.”

“Trust me, we won’t,” Hyungwon said wryly. Changkyun still made no sound.

Kihyun gave them one last look of warning, as if saying ‘don’t mess up my room’, and left, closing the door behind him. And then Hyungwon was alone with Changkyun and he really didn’t want to be there.

He crossed the bedroom, arms folded defensively, and went to stand next to the window, closer to fresh air. Away from Changkyun.

For a long time, they were both quiet, each on one side of the room. Hyungwon didn’t even know what to say, most of all because he had no idea how to feel about this. He had quite literally just stepped into a trap set by two of the people he trusted the most, and for what? Did they think it would be funny? Hoseok and Minhyuk would get a piece of his mind the next time the three of them were alone. He didn’t know Kihyun, Jooheon, and Hyunwoo to know what they were thinking, and he honestly didn’t care at this point. They were all in on it and he felt like the biggest idiot.

And then there was Changkyun, who had sat right next to him for the duration of a whole movie, and said nothing. Changkyun, whom he had met once before, and said nothing. Changkyun, who knew who he was and knew they had mutual friends, and  _ still _ said nothing, still didn’t reach out.

He’d been right in front of him all along and he hadn’t even considered it. And why would he think I.M could be someone who was so close to him? The odds of that were so low that he was more inclined to believe I.M was someone he never crossed paths with before, and not— not his best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend.  _ Right there _ , all along he’d been  _ right there _ .

“My name is Im Changkyun,” Changkyun suddenly said, and Hyungwon looked back over his shoulder at him, confused. “I’m 21 years old. I’m studying to be a music producer. I was born in Gwangju. I work at a ramyun shop. My birthday is January 26, I’m an Aquarius, like I told you that time. I’m fluent in English. My father is a scientist and that’s why I decided to minor in Physics. Uh… I can rap. My blood type is O.” He listed those facts about himself in rapid succession, but now he seemed to be winding down, unsure what else he could say. “And… ah, my tattoos, I have the one on my wrist, but I have more on my back. And the piercings, here.” Changkyun lifted his bangs with one hand to reveal the silver piercing on his brow, then tucked his hair behind his ears to expose the many earrings he had on. “Uhm, what else… do you want my resident registration number…?”

Hyungwon stared at him for a moment, letting the information sink in before he sighed and turned fully to face Changkyun. “I was born in Gwangju too,” he said slowly. “And my blood type is also O.”

Changkyun gave him a shy little smile. “Guess a January birthday is not all we have in common, huh?”

Hyungwon shrugged and looked down, unable to hold Changkyun’s gaze. He’d wanted to meet I.M in person for so long, had imagined this moment so many different ways, and now… now he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Hyungwon... I’m sorry,” Changkyun said, taking a step towards him. “I’m chickenshit and I was wrong for cutting you off.”

“It’s not that you cut me off,” said Hyungwon, still looking at the ground. “The problem is that you cut me off without even talking to me about it. You just decided what you claimed was best for  _ me _ without even taking my opinion into account.”

“Hyungwon—”

“Did you want to be rid of me that bad?”

“What— no, of course not!” Changkyun protested, taking a few more steps closer. Hyungwon stood his ground, but didn’t look at him. “I just knew how upset you were and that I kept making it worse, and I thought the only way to fix it was to just leave you alone.”

“You thought wrong,” Hyungwon said, and finally met Changkyun’s gaze. “You know, I was ready to wait for as long as it took, because I decided I wanted to have you around no matter if it was in person or on a stupid Word document, and the next day you just disappear. Did you think I’d be happy? What did you expect?”

“I don’t know! I was fucking terrified, I wasn’t thinking!”

“Now that sounds more accurate.”

Changkyun ducked his head in shame. “I know I was wrong. I spent the whole week wishing I could go back and undo it, and I kept wanting to go to you and tell you everything because I missed you so much that—”

“Missed me so much but you weren’t planning on saying anything to me at all tonight, were you?” Hyungwon cut him off. “If I hadn’t seen the tattoo that day when you gave me the USB I would still not know anything, so spare me.”

“I was scared of  _ this _ !” Changkyun said, motioning between Hyungwon and himself. “You hate me now and you have good reason to, why would you want to ever know who I am!?”

That gave Hyungwon pause and cooled off the burning anger inside of him. “I don’t hate you.”

Changkyun seemed taken aback by the words. “You don’t?”

“No. I wouldn’t be so upset if I hated you, and I wouldn’t be here talking to you either.”

“Oh. Alright. Okay, I can work with that.”

Hyungwon exhaled slowly, fatigue making him feel heavy and lethargic, and he moved to sit down on Kihyun’s bed for a bit.

Before he could, Changkyun said, “Are you sure you want to sit there?”

As if the surface of the bed had burned him, Hyungwon jumped away from it. Changkyun was right - he didn’t know what kind of freaky bullshit Kihyun was into, and he didn’t want any of it on his clothes. Ew.

He cleared his throat and straightened himself after his hasty escape from any mystery substances that might be on Kihyun’s bed, ignoring how Changkyun seemed to be trying not to laugh.

He swallowed the laughter pretty fast, though, and with a serious expression asked, “Are you going to report me?”

“You sort of deserve it,” Hyungwon said, then, after taking a deep breath, continued. “No, I won’t report you. I never really planned to, not as long as you didn’t do anything against me.”

“I would never, I promise! All I wanted was to pass my course, I would never,  _ ever _ do anything to harm you, cookie, I swear.”

“Mhm, I know. You’re not a bad person - a dumbass, sure, but not bad.”

“I’m really sorry for everything,” Changkyun continued. “I started freaking out and made a decision out of fear, and I’ve wanted to take it back ever since.”

“But you didn’t,” Hyungwon said, final. “I only know who you are right now because I was hit with a heavy load of serendipity, otherwise none of this would be happening.”

“I wanted to tell you. I— I was scared you wanted nothing to do with me anymore, or that you were happier that I was gone.”

Hyungwon shook his head, ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “You really are an idiot, after everything you still thought I wanted you gone?”

Changkyun gave him a weak shrug in response and looked down at his feet, wringing his fingers together nervously. Now that he stopped to really look at him, he noticed Changkyun was shaking like a leaf in a storm, his breathing erratic and fast. That was more than enough of a sight to soften him up, being the bleeding heart he was when it came to people he cared about - and Changkyun was, no matter what, someone he cared for deeply.

Hyungwon stared at him for a moment, pondering over what to do next. He could tell Changkyun he forgave him, which he did - he understood where he was coming from, why he did what he did, even if it had hurt him. Hyungwon knew how it felt to doubt everything, to assume the worst and give up without even trying. He understood. Changkyun’s forgiveness was a sure thing, but what came after— 

He could say he’d rather not be around Changkyun anymore, to keep their relationship polite for the sake of their friends, and nothing else. He could do that.

But he kept thinking of how terrible that past week had been, how he would turn on his laptop every single day even if he knew I.M wouldn’t be there. How he kept hoping I.M would message him, say he was sorry, that he missed him. How he continuously beat himself up for whatever he’d done wrong to make I.M leave, the sleepless nights, the tears. He’d been so angry and so sad, and he knew he wouldn’t have felt so strongly if he truly didn’t want I.M in his life. He did. He did very much, and now the chance had presented itself to have him back.

Maybe he’d come to regret it, maybe he wouldn’t, but he was sick of giving up before even trying.

Reaching out a hand towards Changkyun, palm up, Hyungwon said, “Give me your phone.”

Changkyun raised his head to meet his gaze, looking puzzled, but did as Hyungwon asked, patting his pockets in search of his phone before handing it over without a peep - he went as far as unlocking it for Hyungwon, for which he was very grateful. Hyungwon took Changkyun’s phone, then plucked his own from the pocket of his jeans. Changkyun stood there, fidgeting, looking like a little ball of nerves.

“Uhm… what are you doing?”

Hyungwon was in the middle of calling his own number using Changkyun’s phone, letting it ring once before ending the call, then opening Changkyun’s Twitter app. “Getting your contact information.”

“O-oh.” A flash of hope crossed Changkyun’s eyes, which Hyungwon made sure to ignore lest he softened up  _ too _ much. He’d earned the right to be difficult, and he would make use of that right. “Does that mean you forgive me?”

“Let’s say you’re on probation,” he replied, adding his own Twitter account with Changkyun’s, then accepting it right away on his own phone. That done, he returned Changkyun’s phone to its rightful owner and, looking at Changkyun straight in the eyes, added, “No more hiding stuff.”

“No more, I promise! I’ll even keep a diary with a play-by-play of what I do every single day!”

Hyungwon couldn’t help a little chuckle. “No need to go that far. I mean the important stuff.”

“I won’t hide anything from you, I swear,” Changkyun said, and Hyungwon, for better or worse, believed him. “I’ll do everything I can to make it up to you.”

“Mhm, good,” Hyungwon said, giving Changkyun a last look of warning before he saved Changkyun’s number on his contact list and put his own phone away. “You can start by explaining to me what the hell is going on tonight.”

“I don’t know! I have no idea, the only person I told was Kihyun, I don’t know how everyone else found out,” Changkyun said and, again, Hyungwon believed him.

He hummed, thinking it over for a second. “And I only told Hoseok. They probably connected the dots.”

“I really didn’t know. I noticed they were up to no good as soon as you arrived, they’ve been acting sketchy all night.”

“As long as you didn’t know—”

“I didn’t!”

Hyungwon gave Changkyun a tired smile. “Alright. I know they meant well, though I’d rather they just talked to us.”

“I think Kihyun-hyung wanted to give me a chance to come clean on my own… which I didn’t take, because I’m a scaredy cat.” Changkyun ducked his head again. “I’m sorry.”

“We’ve been over this. It’s fine,” he said gently, noticing how Changkyun was still trembling. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, just— you know, freaking out a little bit.”

Hyungwon sighed, having the passing thought that he was too soft for his own good. “Come here.”

Changkyun stared at him at a loss for a second, and Hyungwon motioned for him to come closer, arms outstretched in a silent invitation. Changkyun wasted no time and took the two steps that kept them apart, hugging Hyungwon so tight the wind was knocked out of him for a moment. He hugged Changkyun back just as tight, now physically feeling him shake in his arms, and it made his heart hurt. His teeth were even chattering a bit, evidence of his frazzled nerves.

He held him close for a long time, rubbing his back in soothing motions as a silent way of saying everything is alright. He smelled nice, Hyungwon vaguely noticed - fresh, like the ocean.

Bit by bit, Changkyun’s trembling subsided, tension leaving his body, until his grip on Hyungwon loosened some. They still stood there, reluctant to part. Hyungwon had pictured many times how it would be like to hug I.M - Changkyun. He’d hoped the circumstances of that first hug would be different, though, but, so far, reality was surpassing his imagination.

When he felt Changkyun had calmed down enough, he asked, “Is it always this bad?”

Changkyun didn’t ask what he meant, immediately understanding the question. “Not really. I mean, it used to be really bad when I was younger, now it’s pretty mild, for the most part.” He sighed, snuggling closer to Hyungwon, deeper into his embrace. “It’s just annoying.”

“You should have told me about it. I had no idea.”

“I should have told you a lot of things, cookie.”

“Mhm, you should have,” he said, then exhaled slowly, feeling drained of his energy after the past half an hour or so. “No point dwelling on it. It’s already done.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks for giving me another chance.” Changkyun shifted in his arms, just enough that he could turn his head, which had been resting on Hyungwon’s shoulder, and grin up at him. He looked surprisingly sly for someone who was still trembling. “Want to give me another kiss to seal the deal?”

Hyungwon chuckled through his nose, amused. “Nice try.”

“Damn, and I didn’t even get to enjoy the one you gave me earlier.”

“And you think I did?” Hyungwon said, a hint of mirth in his tone, and finally pulled away from Changkyun. “Come on, we should go back.”

Changkyun pouted and mumbled, “Don’t wanna.”

“It’s better to get it over with, tonight’s been awkward enough as it is,” Hyungwon said, taking Changkyun by the wrist and leading him towards the door. Changkyun sighed, but went without complaining.

The living room was uncharacteristically quiet when they returned, the coffee table cleared of snacks during their absence, the whole apartment smelling like fresh homemade food. Minhyuk and Jooheon were sitting on the couch, and their conversation ceased when they saw them.

“Oh, good, Kkung is still in one piece,” quipped Jooheon, receiving unamused glares from both Hyungwon and Changkyun.

Likely alerted by Jooheon’s voice, Hoseok came out of the kitchen, his gaze meeting Hyungwon’s right away. He seemed ashamed and apologetic, and Hyungwon thought that, while Hoseok  _ should _ feel bad for ambushing them like this, he hated seeing his best friend upset.

“Wonnie? Everything okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Hyungwon replied, sounding as tired as he felt. “We can talk about it later.”

“But Wonnie—”

_ “Later _ ,” Hyungwon said, almost whining the word. “I can’t deal with any more confrontations today, everyone gets a forgiveness pass valid until I feel up to talking about it, so— no. Don’t.” He finished talking and went to sit on the other side of the coffee table, on the floor in front of the armchair Changkyun had been occupying earlier. Changkyun sat down right next to him like a loyal dog. Hoseok simply nodded and went back to the kitchen.

“So are you two together now?” Minhyuk asked, looking as overeager as ever.

“No,” said Hyungwon, at the same time Changkyun said, “Not yet.”

Hyungwon looked over at Changkyun with an eyebrow raised, to which Changkyun replied with a cheeky grin. Hyungwon let out a small chuckle. “You’re really just as sleazy in person as you are through text, aren’t you?”

“Told you I never lied to you,” Changkyun said. “It’s all me, cookie.”

“But you made up?” Minhyuk insisted. “You two seem pretty cozy, so I’m guessing you made up.”

“Yeah, we made up. Sort of,” Hyungwon confirmed. “It’ll take some work but we’re not fighting, at least.”

“I’m on probation,” Changkyun added, only to slump against Hyungwon and rest his head on his shoulder. There was still some leftover trembling, something Hyungwon only noticed because Changkyun was pressed against him - he had to commend him on his ability of not letting anyone else notice how nervous he was. “I’m confident, though. I won’t be for long.”

“Mhm, we’ll see about that.”

“You’ll see, cookie,” Changkyun said, lowering his voice so that only Hyungwon could hear him. “Now I can charm you in person.”

Hyungwon matched his volume to reply. “I think I liked you better when you were having a panic attack.”

“Lies,” he said, voice even lower - both in volume and timbre. “You like me no matter what.”

Hyungwon felt his cheeks heat up and chuckled, still keeping his voice low to say, “You’re cute, but don’t push your luck,  _ Kkungie _ .”

Changkyun made a strange high-pitched sound in his throat and hid his face against his shoulder. “Low blow calling me by my nickname like that, I wasn’t ready!”

“What are you two whispering about?” Minhyuk asked, craning his neck trying to listen in on their conversation.

Changkyun raised his head just to toss back, “Your mom!”

Minhyuk gasped at Changkyun’s defiance while Hyungwon and Jooheon burst into laughter. For the first time all night - all  _ week _ , really - he was feeling more like himself instead of a zombie, just going through the motions. It would take some time for him to fully trust Changkyun, but now he could get to know him in person, see who he was with his own eyes, spend time with him outside of the computer. He was tired and still shaken after the night he’d had, but he felt… hopeful.

He noticed Changkyun was staring at him and willed himself to stop laughing so he could ask, “What?”

“I— it’s the first time I see you smile like that.”

Hyungwon blinked, cheeks heating up even more, and ducked his head. “Wh-what about it?”

“It’s lovely. You’re lovely.”

Hyungwon huffed through his nose, mostly to deflect the attention from his pinkened cheeks. “Shut up.”

Changkyun beamed up at him for a moment, then went right back to resting his head on his shoulder - as if it belonged there. Maybe it did.

From then on, the night was  _ mostly _ smooth. The food Kihyun, Hyunwoo, and Hoseok prepared was delicious, and as they ate, they cleared the air. Hyungwon learned everything he’d missed - how his friends found out about Changkyun, the plan they hatched to bring the two of them together, how they had intended to do everything in their power so that the two of them could spend the most time possible around each other until Changkyun built up the nerve to confess, and how Hyungwon had made their lives much easier by recognizing Changkyun’s tattoo. He was glad they didn’t go for plan B, the one where they locked the both of them in a room until they talked it out. He had the suspicion they would never leave that room.

A part of him wanted to stay angry, but he ignored it; secrets and lies aside, everyone there had both his and Changkyun’s best interests at heart, and that’s really all that mattered. To think that their friends cared about them to the point of going to such lengths for them warmed his heart - there was no way he could stay angry at them. He would probably walk on eggshells around them for a while, but he wouldn’t hold a grudge. The same applied to Changkyun.

The two of them talked a lot that night. About Hyungwon’s modeling, about Changkyun’s music, about the person he had mistaken Hyungwon for the day he hacked his laptop. That fear of them not getting along in person proved to be silly; it was so easy to talk to Changkyun, to just relax and be himself, to have fun. Whatever doubt he had regarding whether or not he made the right decision when he gave Changkyun another chance disappeared as if by magic. They did click as well in person as they did through text. Scared as he was, Hyungwon really wanted to see where it would lead them.

At around ten in the evening, Hyungwon offered to drive Changkyun home - they both had classes in the morning, and Hoseok dismissed the lift when he’d offered. Hoseok wanted to stick around and help Kihyun clean up, and Hyunwoo would drive him home later. Fine by Hyungwon; it would give him a chance to spend more time with Changkyun in private. Not very long, though - Changkyun’s dorm was about five minutes away by car, according to his instructions of how to get there.

“You look hot when you drive,” Changkyun said when they stopped at a red light, making Hyungwon chuckle.

“And you’re full of shit,” he threw back. As the sign turned green and he continued driving, he said, “You know, I really didn’t expect that it would be you, but… I kind of hoped it was.”

Changkyun perked up on the seat next to him. “For real?”

“Yeah. That time we met, I thought you were really cute,” he admitted, pushing through the shame. He wasn't used to being so forward, but with Changkyun— he made it so much easier to be honest.

Changkyun let out a high-pitched squeak, grinning from ear to ear. “And all the while I was worried you’d think I’m not your type, even if Minhyuk told me once that I am.”

“I guess we’re both just that dumb.”

“You’re not dumb, cookie,” Changkyun said, and a placed hand on Hyungwon’s knee, which, albeit a simple gesture, felt incredibly comforting. “You just didn’t have all the facts.”

“Now I do, I guess,” he said, just as he pulled up into the parking lot of Changkyun’s dorm. He parked not too far from the entrance, a comfortable silence filling the space between them. Changkyun’s hand was still on his knee. Hyungwon covered it with his own.

“Tonight was a shitshow,” Changkyun said quietly, “but I’m glad it happened.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Hyungwon turned his head to look at Changkyun, finding that he was already looking at him. “What now?”

“Now… can I take you on a date?” asked Changkyun, sounding shy and confident in equal measures, which Hyungwon found astounding. “I mean, not right now, of course. Maybe next weekend, when we’re both free?”

Hyungwon bit his lower lip, eyes on their hands as he pondered over the question. He could say no. Keep things friendly between them. He didn’t want to, though. Instead of answering right away, he asked, “How do I know you won’t disappear again?”

“I won’t, I promise,” Changkyun said, conviction in every syllable, and turned his hand around so he could thread his fingers through Hyungwon’s. “And I mean, you know who I am, you know my friends, and now you know where I live. If I mess up, you can feel free to come over and knock some sense into my head.”

The words made him laugh, the tight space of the car making the sound much louder than it really was, and Hyungwon was quick to muffle it with his free hand before saying, “I’d send Hoseok in my place, it’d be more effective.”

“Yeah, alright, if I mess up, Hoseok is free to break every single bone in my body in your honor,” Changkyun said, also laughing, and gave Hyungwon’s hand a little squeeze. “What do you say, cookie? Can I take you out?”

Hyungwon smiled and nodded in response, feeling a bit more reassured. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“We’ll set something up then.” Changkyun was hardly biting back a smile. “Uhm… want to come up to my room? It’s tiny but we both can fit in there if we sit really really close.”

“You’re cute.”

“Oh, well.” Changkyun let out a theatrical sigh of resignation before saying, “Text me when you get home?”

“Maybe I’ll call you when I do.”

“Yeah, do that.”

“Or Facetime you.”

“Even better,” Changkyun said and, after giving Hyungwon a quick peck on the cheek before he even saw it coming, got out of the car. He didn’t go anywhere, though - he turned right back around and leaned on the open window. “You know what, I’ll buy you coffee tomorrow morning. Iced latte again?”

“Mhm, that sounds good,” Hyungwon said, a little smile playing on his lips as he watched Changkyun. “Will it be like last time? You’ll order for me and I’ll go in to get it?”

“It won’t be like that at all,” Changkyun said, that conviction Hyungwon had always picked up on through his messages obvious in his voice, leaving him with no room to doubt that he meant every word. “This time, I’ll be there.”

⊷⊷⋄⊶⊶

**_Dumbass Intervention Squad_ **

**_The Superior Roommate_** **💅** _has changed this group chat’s name to_ ** _Dumbass Squad™_**

**_chae turtle 🐢_ ** _ has been added to this group chat _

**_kkukkung_ ** _ has been added to this group chat _ _   
  
_

> **The Superior Roommate** **💅  
> ** _Good morning my loves_ 😍 _  
> _ _And yoo kihyun  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki**   
>  🖕   
>  _ I knew you’d take over the chat at the first opportunity, what was I thinking when I gave you admin privileges  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** **  
> **Shut up it was the best decision you ever made and you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> 
> 
> **kkukkung  
> ** _??????? tf is this  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯  
>  _mornin  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** **  
>  ** _ Hello!!  _ 😊  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** **  
>  ** _ Good morning, everyone.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** **  
>  ** _ Uhm… hi?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Oh shit chae sleepy is awake before 8:30?????????_ _  
> _ _THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END CALL THE PRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!_ 😱😱😱😱😱  
>   
> 
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ If the world was really ending, are you sure the press is the first place you’d want to call?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ he’s up early because we wanted to grab coffee before class  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Oh 👏_ _  
> _ _My 👏_ _  
> _ _God 👏_ _  
> _ _ARE YOU TWO ON A COFFEE DATE?????????????????  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ what if we are _ _   
>  _ _ mind ya business  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR ELDERS?????????????????_ _  
> _ _YOU SHOULD BE THANKING US FOR GETTING INVOLVED IN THE FIRST PLACE_ _  
> _ _YOU’RE ONLY ON A COFFEE DATE WITH YUOR CRUSH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE WE CAME THROUGH FOR YOU_ _  
> _ _BECAUSE WE’RE GREAT FRIENDS AND YOU’RE LUKCY TO HAVE US  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ k _ _   
>  _ _ thanks for the help, hyung _ _   
>  _ _ now mind ya business  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _BICTH  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ He’s right, Minhyuk _ _   
>  _ _ We helped them figure things out last night, but now they’re on their own _ _   
>  _ _ Stop being a nosy bitch _
> 
> **  
> The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _YOU’RE A NOSY BOTCH HOW DARE YOU  
> _ _BTICH******  
> _ _BITCH**********************  
> _ _FUCK  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _babe its 2 early 4 this………  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🥺 _Sorry honey  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ wait are you guys really on a coffee date??  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ We are, yeah  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 _ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER NOW??????????  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Not yet  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i’m working on it _ _   
>  _ _ or trying to… a lil hard to woo a guy when my phone keeps going off  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Fuck you  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ i didn’t mean to interrupt!!  _ 😭 _   
>  _ _ i was just happy for you guys  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Thanks, Seokie  _ ❤️  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _tbh im surprised hyungwon is not wooed enough already_ _  
> _ _since kkung made him a song n all  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _!!!!!!!!!! wonnie, he made you a song???????  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _AW SHIT I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT_ _  
> _ _THE SONG WAS FOR WONNIE?????????  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _yea he didnt even let us listen to it  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Right, he was all like iT’s nOt FoR yOuR EaRs MeH mEh meH  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ My ears have enjoyed it very much  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ <3  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE OMG_ 😍😍😍😍😍  
>   
> 
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Can we enjoy our coffee date now? _ _   
>  _ _ We have classes soon and we’re wasting all our time on our phones _
> 
> _  
> _**The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WELCOME TO THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> _ _I keep thinking about that day i introduced kkukkung to wonnie and he looked scared af_ _  
> _ _It’s so funny now that i think about it  
> _ _Wait  
> _ _THAT’S WHY KIHYUN WAS LAUGHING IN THE BACK OMG  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _speaking of ki-hyung hes been p quiet  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ nunu-hyung too…  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _GASP THEY’RE BANGING  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ i think Nunu-hyung is at work, actually  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Oh  
> _ _That’s kinda boring  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _y would they b bangin………  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Why wouldn’t they????????/  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ I was driving, what do you want?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _You weren’t banging big bear????????  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ No? _ _   
>  _ _ We’re not even at the same place?  
>  _ _ And we’re not together either  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Pfft as if that ever stopped you two before_ 🙄  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ oh?? _
> 
> _   
>  _ **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ knew it  
>   
>  _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ … _ _   
>  _ _ No comment  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _aw shit  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ You were talking about that day they met and I was laughing? _ _   
>  _ _ Yes, I already knew everything and that was the most hilarious thing ever _ _   
>    
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Smooth kiki real smooth changing subjects there_ _  
> _ _I will allow it_ 🧐 _  
> _ _Can’t believe i thought kkukkung was just spooked with wonnie’s height  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i wasn’t _ _   
>  _ _ and actually tbqfh he’s not THAT tall  
>  _ _ he looks taller because his proportions are so great _ _   
>  _ _ legs for fucking miles  
>  _ _ i love my giraffe bf  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ I’m not your boyfriend yet  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ heard that, everyone? he said ‘yet’ _ _   
>  _ _ i got this in the bag  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Maybe you do, but I reserve myself the right to make you work for it a little _ _   
>  _ _ I deserve some compensation, I think  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ and you’re absolutely right, cookie  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯  
>  _if hyungwon is cookie does tht make kkung the cookie monster?_ 😜  
>   
> 
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ 😏  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _OMG YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _  
> _ _They will prob roleplay this in bed_ 👅  
>   
> 
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Don’t give him ideas, it’ll be very awkward to break up with him if both our dicks are out  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ you’d really break up with me in the middle of sex??  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ You’re on thin ice already, I absolutely would  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ :(  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Don’t sad emoji me  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ fiiiiine _ _   
>  _ _ i don’t want to be cookie monster anyway he destroys those cookies _ _   
>  _ _ MY cookie is precious and must be handled gently  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ You’re so full of shit  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ love you too <3  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ ❤️  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _You guys are soooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!_ 😍😍😍😍😍 _Just kiss already!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Who said we haven’t?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🙄🙄🙄 _That lil peck from last night doesn’t count  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ We know  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _👀👀👀👀👀 _Ooooooh did you kiss during that ride home???????  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ No  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _OH SHIT ZLKDJALKDJALKDSJAL ARE YOU GUYS MAKING OUT RIGHT NOW??  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ nah _ _   
>  _ _ we don’t do pda like SOME people in this chat  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _@ me next time bro  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _😤 _Then when did you do it  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Maybe we didn’t _ _   
>  _ _ Maybe we’re messing with your head  
>  _ _ Maybe it amuses us  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _I SEE SO THATS HOW ITS GONNA BE  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ You know, I was a little skeptical about how they’d work as a couple since they’re so different _ _   
>  _ _ But I see now that they work pretty well together  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ We’re a lot more alike than you think  
>  _ _ And we have the advantage to be sitting right next to each other, which means we can plot and scheme the best way to drive Minhyuk crazy  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _FUCK YOU TOO WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU_ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭  
>   
> 
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Minhyuk is the only person I know who manages to be loud through text, it’s amazing  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🖕 _SIT ON IT AND SPIN, YOO  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Whatever  _ 🙄 _   
>  _ _ Ah, by the way, Hyungwon  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Since we’re already here, I have this project for class _ _   
>  _ _ Can you help me out? I need a model  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Yeah, just let me know when you need me  
>   
>  _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Thanks, I’ll text you the details later _ _   
>  _ _ I actually wasn’t going to ask you, I know you don’t like modeling  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ it’s not that he doesn’t like modeling _ _   
>  _ _ he doesn’t like being REDUCED to modeling  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ this ^^^^^^^^  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Daaamn kkukkung really does know wonnie  
> _ _IT’S MEANT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ 😍😍😍😍  
>   
> 
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ I’m back, what did I miss?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _BIG BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ hey nunu-hyung  _ 😊  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _min thought u n ki-hyung were fuckin  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ But I’m at work.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ That’s what I told them _ _   
>  _ _ And that we’re not together  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _And then i said that not being together never stopped you before_ 💅  
>  _Kiki’s reaction was suspicious af  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ …  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WE ALREADY KNOW IT YOU TWO ARE BANGIN AND NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ It only happened a couple of times.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _OH SHIT  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Son Hyunwoo, don’t say another word.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ Haha okay. _ _   
>  _ _ I have to get back to work anyway.  
>  _ _ I’ll talk to you guys later.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Have a good day at work  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _GO MAKE THOSE COINS BIG BEAR_ _  
> _ _WE’LL BE HERE GRILLING KIKI  
> _ _Sooooo when did it happen?? WERE YOU TWO DRUNK????_ 👀👀👀👀👀  
>   
> 
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ No, we weren’t drunk _ _   
>  _ _ And it’s none of your business, I’m not answering a single question more  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _FINE, THEN I’LL LET MY IMAGINATION ANSWER THE QUESTIONS FOR YOU  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ Your imagination is always wrong anyway, I don’t care  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _L I E S_ _  
> _ _I was right when i said kkukkung and wonnie fell in love like characters in a drama_ _  
> _ _MY IMAGINATION WAS RIGHT  
> _ _And now that i noticed_ _  
> _ _Those two have been pretty quiet for a while now  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _prob suckin face  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ but they said they don’t do pda?? aren’t they in a coffee shop?????  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _JAHSDJAHDKJASHAK THEY’RE MAKING OUT IN THE COFFEE SHOP’S BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ they are??  _ 😮  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _LOL idk probably???? BUT MY IMAGINATION SAID THEY ARE AND MY IMAGINATION IS ALWAYS RIGHT  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ It’s not always right, you lucked out the last time  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _I DID NOT  
>   
> _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _let it go babe its not tht deep  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _But honey_ 🥺  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ ** _@kkukkung_** _u gonna b late 4 class where r u  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ sorry i was distracted  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WHAT WERE YOU DOING??????_ 👀👀👀👀👀  
>   
> 
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i was doing to him what spring does to cherry trees  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _sounds kinky  
>   
> _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Is that a sex thing_ 🤔  
>  _Nvm WHAT WERE YOU ACTUALLY DOING  
> _ _WERE YOU MAKING OUT IN THE COFFEE SHOP’S BATHROOM  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Ew  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ nah we were in his car  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _AW SHIT  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ 😅  
>   
> 
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i guess that thing i said about him not liking being reduced to modeling worked in my favor  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ It really did  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i can’t feel my lips  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ LOL I guess I got a bit carried away _ _   
>  _ _ I’m sorry, Kkungie  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ don’t be _
> 
> _  
> _**The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _SO ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER *NOW*???????  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i don’t know _ _   
>  _ _ are we?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Unofficially  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN  
>   
> _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ it means he’s playing hard to get while already being gotten  
>  _ _ i ain’t even mad tho  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ you guys are really cute together  _ 🥰  
>   
> 
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Not as cute as you, Seokie  _ ❤️  
>   
> 
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ We should all get together later for lunch _ _   
>  _ _ Depending on the time we can meet up somewhere close to Nunu’s work so he can come too _ _   
>  _ _ @ _ **Hyunwoo ♡** _ what do you think?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Hyunwoo ♡** _   
>  _ _ I’d like that, Ki, thank you.  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Yeah, that sounds like a good idea  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ yea i’m in  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _same  
>   
> _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ alright!!  _ 😊  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _Yeeessssssssssss_ _  
> _ _AND KKUKKUNG AND WONNIE SHOULD HAVE A DOUBLE DATE WITH HONEY AND ME TONIGHT_ 🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ No  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ pass  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 _But but but  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Maybe once we make it official  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ yeah, we kinda want to figure things out on our own for now _ _   
>  _ _ once we do then sure, we can have a double date  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _🥺 _fine whatever  
> _ _Are you two still hanging out?????  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ No, we had to get to our classes  
>   
>  _
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ i miss him already  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Pff shut up  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _C U T E  
>   
> _
> 
> **yoo kiki** _   
>  _ _ My class is about to start, see everyone later for lunch!  
>   
>  _
> 
> **Hoseokie ♡** _   
>  _ _ mine too, bye everyone!!  _ 🤗  
>   
> 
> 
> **Joohoney** 🐝🍯 _  
> _ _see ya_ 👋  
>   
> 
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _WE SHOULD ALL GET DINNER TOO  
>   
> _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Why are you so needy?  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _SHUT IT_ _  
> _ _MY DREAM OF GETTING OUR FRIEND GROUPS TO MERGE IS COMING TRUE  
> _ _WELCOME TO THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BITCHES_ 🤩🤩🤩  
>   
> 
> 
> **kkukkung** _   
>  _ _ guess we gotta get used to being a big group  
>   
>  _
> 
> **chae turtle 🐢** _   
>  _ _ Oh well _ _   
>  _ _ They do say seven is a lucky number  
>   
>  _
> 
> **The Superior Roommate** **💅** _  
> _ _OH SHIT YOU RIGHT_

**_The Superior Roommate_** **💅** _has changed this group chat’s name to_ ** _Lucky Seven_** ** _  
  
_**

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End (tho not really, there's an epilogue lol)
> 
> it's not really a requirement since the story is technically over, but if you want to get that last hurrah, i should post the epilogue either wednesday or thursday! stay tuned. 🤠👉👉
> 
> thank you for reading!💕


	13. Epilogue

⊷⋄⊶

Changkyun took the two mugs of coffee he’d just prepared and padded out of the kitchen as fast as he could without spilling, the wind chilly against his legs. Maybe he should have put on pants - he didn’t think it would take so long to make them coffee, though the cold might have warped his perception of time. At least he’d kept his - actually, Hyungwon’s - fuzzy sweater on.

It had taken a few dates, a thousand apologies, and a healthy amount of groveling, but he and Hyungwon had finally made their relationship official. It had been six months since then - almost seven, really. Christmas was right around the corner, the first he would spend with Hyungwon. Actually, the first one he’d spend with a boyfriend and, he hoped, the first of many. The weather outside was dark and freezing cold. It wasn’t snowing yet but, judging from the heavy clouds in the sky, that could change at any moment.

He made it back to the bedroom in record time, considering he was carrying two mugs of piping hot coffee, and found Hyungwon still in bed reclined on his pillows, reading a book. An instant smile spread on Changkyun’s face upon seeing his boyfriend with his glasses on, his hair sticking up everywhere, looking comfortable and relaxed.

Noticing his return, Hyungwon raised his eyes to meet his gaze and gave him a sleepy smile as Changkyun handed him one of the mugs - the one with a lid, which had been originally meant to be a gag gift, but that had spared Hyungwon’s electronics more than once since. “Here you go, cookie.”

“Thanks, Kkungie,” said Hyungwon, taking the mug with one hand while he held his book with the other, his thumb jammed between the pages so he wouldn’t lose the place where he’d stopped reading. “Come back to bed before you catch a cold.”

He didn’t have to ask twice. Changkyun left his own mug on the nightstand to give the coffee time to cool off a bit and crawled under the covers with Hyungwon, rejoicing at the warmth. Hyungwon jolted a bit when he felt Changkyun’s cold skin against his, but he took it in stride; after taking a sip of his coffee, he left it on the desk by the bed, then marked his book properly with a random piece of paper and put it aside before wrapping both arms around Changkyun. Changkyun snuggled deeper in his embrace, letting out a happy little sigh.

“Sometimes I think you’re allergic to pants just as Hoseok is allergic to shirts,” Hyungwon said, pulling the blankets higher over the both of them.

“I’m allergic to underwear too, I just kept it on today to protect the goods,” Changkyun replied, making Hyungwon laugh.

“Smart move. Ah, by the way, your phone beeped just now.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” 

Changkyun reluctantly disentangled himself from his boyfriend only so he could reach for his phone on the nightstand, fast as lighting, before getting comfy under the blankets again.

The noise Hyungwon heard had come from his email notification. Changkyun opened it and read the text he’d received, smiling to himself once he was done. Turning the phone so Hyungwon could see it, he said, “My application to minor in Computer Sciences was accepted.”

Hyungwon’s smile matched his own as he read some of the email. He then gave him a long kiss on the cheek and, still beaming, said, “You’re going to crush this course, Kkungie.”

“Damn right I will. And maybe now my mom will get off my back,” he said and, after tossing his phone back on the nightstand, turned around and shoved his cold hands under Hyungwon’s shirt.

Hyungwon let out a yelp of shock at the temperature. “Oh for— fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself, lazy ass,” Changkyun grumbled as he burrowed his face against the curve of Hyungwon’s neck. His nose was ice-cold too, and again Hyungwon jolted and cursed under his breath.

“It’s like hugging a popsicle,” Hyungwon said, but didn’t push Changkyun away. He counted that as a win.

Seven months ago, Changkyun would have never considered the possibility he’d find himself in a situation like this, cuddling with Hyungwon under the blankets early in the morning, after a whole night sleeping right next to him. In fact, he spent more time at Hyungwon’s little apartment than he did at his dorm room, many of his belongings having migrated from his dorm to Hyungwon’s place as time went by.

Being with Hyungwon was... easy. They understood each other and, as people who prized their space, they knew when the other needed some alone time, knew how to respect each other’s boundaries. While they had that in common, they were also very different; instead of seeing those differences as liabilities to their relationship, they were actually a good thing. Since he met Hyungwon, Changkyun had become better at processing his emotions, learned how to find his center and control his nerves a bit better. And he, in turn, was rubbing off on Hyungwon, too - Hyungwon was slowly breaking out of his shell, becoming more confident, taking more risks. He was more sure of himself, didn’t pay as much attention to others’ opinions of him, and that was doing wonders for his self-esteem.

They were both works-in-progress, had miles to go still, but they were getting there.

Although, Changkyun had learned, even if they never got there, it was fine - what matters is that they were trying and willing to grow.

And they weren’t the only ones: Minhyuk and Jooheon, too, had learned that they don’t have to break up every single time they have a disagreement - something Changkyun always assumed to be common sense, but that their friends had some trouble figuring out. They hadn’t broken up again, at least, and were going on a solid nine months of dating. Minhyuk was over the moon, too, since he finally made his dream of having double dates come true; they had plans to meet for lunch that same day, in fact.

Then there was Kihyun and his convoluted relationship with Hyunwoo. Changkyun wasn’t sure what was going on with them since they were both very private people, but he had a distinct impression they were getting back together. If they weren’t back together already, that is. He really had no idea.

On the flip side, Kihyun, Hyunwoo, and Hoseok were now roommates at a much nicer apartment, closer to where Hyunwoo was attending grad school. With Kihyun done with university and Hoseok starting grad school himself, the three of them had come to an arrangement that benefitted all of them equally. Good for them, really.

Kihyun and Hyungwon had been working together to help Hoseok with his creations - Hoseok made the clothes, Hyungwon modeled them, and Kihyun took the pictures. Their project had only just begun and nothing had come out of it just yet, but Changkyun had no doubt that Hoseok’s clothing line would be a hit; Hoseok was talented, so it was a given that he would be discovered by a big brand and hired as the amazing designer he was.

Spending time with his friends and his boyfriend, all of them a bit older than himself, Changkyun came to realize one very important thing - there would always be a struggle, no matter which phase of life he’s in. Whether it’s university or work or relationships, frustration and hardships were unavoidable, and… yeah, it would always suck. He knew better now, how to choose his battles, figure out his priorities, and, most of all, stay true to what would make him happy.

Though, fair enough, he had a better support system now.  _ Much _ better.

After a few minutes, now all warmed up and cozy, Changkyun noticed how quiet Hyungwon had been. Of course, Hyungwon was a quiet creature most of the time but, after spending so much time around him, Changkyun had learned to differentiate his many types of quiet. There was the ‘I’m sleepy’ quiet. The ‘I’m focused’ quiet. The ‘I’m spacing out’ quiet. The ‘I’m upset’ quiet. And there was the ‘There’s something on my mind’ quiet, which Changkyun figured was the one in question.

“Are you falling asleep, cookie?” Changkyun asked in a teasing tone, despite knowing that Hyungwon was wide awake.

“No,” Hyungwon said, his voice still a bit scratchy from sleep. “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

There was a moment of silence. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Whatever relaxation Changkyun had been feeling was deleted from his being almost instantly. He looked up at Hyungwon, a quizzical expression on his face that he hoped didn’t betray the extent of his dread. “O-oh? What is it?”

Hyungwon had a small hitch between his brows, obviously turning something around in his head. After a few seconds, he said, “I have only one more trimester before I graduate, right? You still have three semesters to go on your Music course, plus however long your minor will take. And the lease of this apartment ends in about a month.”

That sounded awfully familiar - he still remembered Kihyun telling him about his break up with Hyunwoo. Different schedules, no time to be together, the struggles to meet halfway and falling flat. This sounded too much like that, which meant— 

“Are you breaking up with me?” Changkyun blurted out as soon as the thought crossed his mind, to which Hyungwon stared at him at a complete loss.

“What? No, why would I break up with you?”

“Because you’ll move away and I have to stay here!” Changkyun said as it was obvious. From how Hyungwon rolled his eyes at him, a fond smile playing on his lips, he’d gotten it wrong. “Is— is that not it?”

“Not even close.”

“Oh. Okay. Cool.” He took a deep breath to calm himself, and asked, “So what is it?”

“It’s… the opposite, actually,” Hyungwon said, and he sounded unsure all out of sudden. “You know I have an internship lined up for next year at that publishing company, and I’ll still model, which means my income will be a lot better. And your job at the radio station pays pretty well too.”

Changkyun hummed to agree - a couple of months ago, Changkyun had quit his job at the ramyun shop to take a position at a radio station, which mostly consisted of uploading music to a database from five in the afternoon until eleven in the evening, from Monday to Friday. It was easy work, he got to deal with music, and the pay was much better than what he used to make at the ramyun shop; plus, he didn’t come home smelling like broth. Wins all around.

“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now,” Hyungwon continued. “And I mean, you spend most of your time here, so we sort of live together already. I thought—” he trailed off, chewed on his lips a bit, as if searching for the courage to finish his sentence. Changkyun waited for him to find the words. “Uhm, since the lease of this place is almost up, I was thinking that maybe— maybe we could get a place together? It’s fine if you say no!” Hyungwon quickly added, eyes wide, fearing he’d said something wrong. His ears were conspicuously red. “I just thought it was a practical choice, you know? And you hate your dorm, I know how much you want to move out of there, and together we’d have more than enough to afford a better place and— yeah. That’s what I’ve been thinking about. You can say no, I’ll understand. It’s too soon. Right? Yeah, probably too soon—”

“Cookie, baby, shut up,” Changkyun said, barely keeping himself from laughing - both from how adorable Hyungwon was when flustered, and how happy he felt right now. Of all the things he expected,  _ this _ didn’t even come close. He pressed his lips to Hyungwon’s one, two, three times, before saying, “Yes, I want to move in with you! Like, right now, immediately, I can be all packed and ready to go today, even.”

Hyungwon laughed, looking just as overjoyed as Changkyun was. “Easy, we have time. Though— I mean, if you want to bring your things here, you can.”

“I’m  _ so _ bringing my things here.”

“I get it, you want to move out of your dorm,” Hyungwon joked.

Changkyun shook his head and kissed Hyungwon one more time. “Fuck the dorm, what I want is to be with my boyfriend.”

Hyungwon broke into a silly grin and hid his face against Changkyun’s shoulder. “You’re such a sap.”

“Sometimes,” he granted, hugging Hyungwon tight and pressing a series of kisses to his cheek. “I’ll be the best roommate ever, I promise.”

“Mhm, we’ll be roomies with benefits.”

“Oh shit, you’re right.” He pulled away to be able to look at Hyungwon better, then asked, “Can we get a cat?”

Hyungwon made a show of scratching Changkyun under the chin as he said teasingly, “I already have a cat.”

Changkyun gave him a pleased grin and nuzzled his neck. “Meow.”

Hyungwon snorted, a fond look on his face. “You’re so cute.” After kissing him one last time, Hyungwon pushed himself up to sit on the bed and reached for his laptop on the desk. “I’ve actually been looking at some places and there’s one I think you’ll like.”

Changkyun sat up too, arms wrapped loosely around Hyungwon’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder to watch as he turned on the laptop to show him the place he’d found. He had the page bookmarked, a website for a realtor company, and from the moment the page loaded with the pictures of the apartment, Changkyun already knew this was the perfect place for them - it wasn’t too large, probably even a bit smaller than Minhyuk and Kihyun’s old place, but cozy and with nice lighting, just big enough for both of them.

“Is this it?” Changkyun asked, and Hyungwon hummed to confirm. “It looks great, is it a one-bedroom?”

“Two, actually,” Hyungwon said. When Changkyun gave him a puzzled look, he elaborated. “I thought you could use one of them as a studio.”

Changkyun’s heart melted like ice cream under the summer sun. “I love you.”

Hyungwon gave him a bright smile. “I know you do.” He kissed the tip of his nose. “It’s just a bit larger than this apartment, but I think it’s enough for us. We don’t really own that much. Plus, it’s halfway between campus and the radio station, and not far from where I’ll work as well.”

“And the price of rent is pretty reasonable too,” Changkyun added after reading some of the info provided on the website. “I like it, we should go check it out.”

“I can call the realtor and set up a viewing for tomorrow.”

“Perfect.” Changkyun thought for a moment while Hyungwon copied the contact information of the realtor on his phone, then asked, “Want me to hack the website?”

Hyungwon stopped everything he was doing to look at him. “What? Why?”

“I can take down this page so there’s less chance someone else will see it and get our apartment.”

Hyungwon gave him a long, hard look, gears turning behind his eyes. After about ten seconds pondering over the offer, Hyungwon let out a determined sigh and passed the laptop over to Changkyun.

“Do it.”

⊷⋄⊶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boyfriends who hack together, stay together. the end.
> 
> thank you so much everyone who followed this story as it updated!!💕 i'm still Shook at the response it got because i had a very real fear in the beginning that nobody would be interested, and y'all kept proving me wrong. thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting me through it and waiting every week for an update.💕
> 
> i hope you've enjoyed this story! if you have, please don't forget to leave me some sweet Kudos, if you haven't yet - i like knowing how many of you are out there jkhsdjakhdak (or don't, no pressure, you do you)
> 
> thank you again for reading this story, and hopefully i'll see you again soon in the next one 💕

**Author's Note:**

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